HG Tudor : Who Am I?
I have been given a label by those have been charged with treating me. I am labelled a narcissist. A narc. That label is irrelevant. Why? Because I am your husband, your mother, your sister, your boyfriend, your best friend, your boss, your neighbour and your favourite film star. I am everywhere. You need to wake up and realise this.
206 thoughts on “HG Tudor : Who Am I?”
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Happy belated blog birthday, HG, and happy birthday month to you yourself.
Thank you for sharing you. Even just reading or listening helps.
💙 to my favorite Virgo narcissistic psychopath 🤍
Thank you CP.
Well, HG, it’s 8 years since your first KTN blog post. What a journey! What a success! From what I observe, 448,411 comments, 28,675,096 Logic Hits, 233,100 subscribers (to date).
Happy Anniversary to your creation. Thank you for continuing to contribute your time, expertise, knowledge, wisdom to empower those who need access to such an encyclopedia of information which continues to grow.
It has been a great privilege for me to find my way through my past, in order to manage in my present and prepare myself in the times ahead. Life was never easy, may never be entirely easy, however, it will be hell of a lot easier compared to had I not found ‘myself’ during my time here.
Eternally grateful to you and your work. Thank you, HG XXX
Thank you Asp Amp, I appreciate your comments.
Thank you HG 🙂
Hi mate,
You know I’m cool with you not publishing anything I post. This is your blog, your business and you need to be the centre of attention.
You are doing great work.
Take it easy.
Read the rules.
I know I go too far some times with my comments. Thank you for your calm moderation of this blog.
Hi HG,
I just realised that I think I have encountered you before.
You used to be active on the INTP complex forum. I remember that I started a thread where I tried to write a novel collaboratively and your talent for writing really shone through.
Utisz and his now girlfriend Madrigal are running the new forum.
What a small world!
Cheers,
Paul
Hello Paul,
You have not encountered me before. I have not been active at any time on that forum, whatever it is.
OK. It was a long time ago. My mistake.
Hi HG,
Here are some thoughts on your blog.
I am noticing that you are reposting a lot of past content these days. There is a limit to how much you can write about any one topic and you have been at it for a few years and have produced a huge volume of posts covering virtually every aspect of narcissism so maybe you are reaching the limit.
I used to have a gig writing an e-newletter for someone’s business website so I know how challenging it is to keep generating new content. I have three suggestions.
Firstly, I had a section in the e-newsletter called “in the news”. You could comment on things happening in the news. You do this with celebrities but there may be scope to do it other areas provided it doesn’t require you to get too controversial and risk turning people off.
Secondly, another thing you could do is start writing a soap opera based on the interactions between narcissists and empaths in a particular setting and post new episodes every few days on your blog. You have done some short stories, why not an ongoing soap opera? You have a talent for creative writing, people will love it and keep coming back for more.
Thirdly, when you repost something, you link to the previous versions. This alerts people to the fact that you are recycling content. Given the huge volume of content you have posted, if you don’t include these links then people may not realise that it is a repost. Just give it a new image and title and you should be good to go.
About posting past content and reposting the exact same content:
No, there is NOT a limit to how much HG can write about a subject, because no one can know everything about something, not even the most simple things.
I disagree with you about posting past content and about re-posting the same content. By saying this, you are limiting yourself & others to what you know based on your experience, all of us have limited experience, we DON’T know everything, and new ideas can be sparked in our minds, & new levels of understanding can be attained from reading the exact same blog post we read 5 years ago. It happens to us when we rewatch our favorite tv shows, we get different meanings from it each time we rewatch and discuss it. Discussions are different each time also.
To say that there is not more to know is saying that we are able to know EVERYTHING about something, but we do not, it’s impossible. Even IF HG knew everything there is to know about just one aspect of narcissism, would everyone else in the world know too, or see it the same way?
“I do not know is a tremendous possibility. When you destroy ‘I do not know’, you destroy ALL possibilities of KNOWING.” -Sadhguru
There’s good reason to repost articles & videos, and to post about the same topic.
People can read the same thing years later and get a different or deeper meaning from it, and the fact that not everyone reading HG’s blog today have read his blog from the beginning.
IF we knew everything there is to know
about human beings, mental health, narcissism – keep going & break it down into the smallest of subjects, and no matter how far you break it down, we do NOT know everything about even the most simplest aspects. IF we knew it all, narcissism would not exist or there would not be people seeking how to deal with it, because they’d already have learned it.
Manly P. Hall once said:
“When the human race learns to read the language of symbolism, a great veil will fall from the eyes of men.”
With this quote, I do not mean that what HG writes is actually symbolism, the point is the meaning of the quote.
HG Tudor’s writing and videos is full of meaning, representing so much more than just facts, and everyone gets something different from it at different times, and in different ways. HG’s writing is like what they say about Egyptian hieroglyphics:
“Each picture was worth a thousand words and represented that principle on all levels at once—from the most profane manifestation to its most profound. So this symbolic language represented a wealth of physical, psychological and spiritual wisdom. Working with hieroglyphics changed the nature of the observer.”
The “observer” or reader will get different & deeper meaning from HG Tudor’s words each time they read it or discuss it.
Hi HG,
I greatly enjoy reading your blog and, as I indicated, fully understand the internal turmoil narcs experience but I am going to dispute your claim that you ARE a narcissist and ARE incapable of empathy. I’d say that you developed narcissistic traits and that empathy is something that people develop rather than something they are born with, so it is more likely that you failed to develop empathy than you were born without the capacity for empathy. However, I get that making these claims is a useful way to market your business.
I am someone with a deep understanding of human nature and also very intuitive and perceptive so can easily see and understand what is going on internally with others. Let me offer my take on narcissism.
If we take it back to first principles, I’d say that people labelled as narcissists are very insecure by nature. They were born this way and will be this way for life. This insecurity gives rise to strong feelings of anxiety and what could be described as panic attacks. These feelings are incredibly intense but others don’t seem to notice, understand or care. The person experiencing these intense feelings can make a logic error – the intensity of their feelings often incorrectly leads them to believe that others around them are aware and should respond but when they don’t do so, the person incorrectly concludes that others don’t care for them in their time of great suffering and this is what causes them to develop all of the narcissistic behaviours and fail to develop empathy.
If a child was born with epilepsy, his parents would notice when he was having a seizure and would learn to recognise when a seizure is coming and would seek to understand the condition and take action to avoid the triggers, deal with the symptoms, make allowances and provide comfort. This is the response people who struggle with anxiety want, expect and deserve but usually don’t receive.
If empaths are so big on empathy, why are they so indifferent to the suffering of narcs? Firstly, I’d say that the anxiety is something that is experienced internally by the narc and not obvious to most people and therefore difficult for others to fully gauge. Secondly, most people become anxious occasionally in response to a major external event so struggle to understand someone becoming anxious without an external cause and don’t get how someone can be generally anxious as it is so far removed from their own experience.
I’d suggest using words to describe what it is like to the people around you. Use an analogy to a serious physical medical condition such as epilepsy where someone is in great distress and writhing around on the floor feeling like they might die and live in constant dread of the next attack but those around them simply ignore them or tell them that they are imagining things and need to get over it. Empaths could certainly understand such an analogy.
I suggest that you get people around you who understand and care about you and communicate your needs using words rather than manipulation. Imagine you were at a family gathering of the future Mrs. Tudor. She could be socialising with members of her family and you could be chatting away to people but then realise that you are beginning to feel anxious so you use a pre-arranged signal to your wife for her come back and give you the attention you need, step outside for a moment or even head off early if you need to. If you are ever feeling neglected by Mrs. Tudor, you could get out of your routine and go on a date or a holiday together. Sitting face-to-face in a restaurant away from distractions is a great way to receive attention. If the key people around you understand your needs, they can accommodate them if you communicate them without you having to manipulate people to get what you need.
Limiting your face-to-face interactions to a small group of people who know and understand you and are willing to accommodate your needs could good be a good approach. I have a school friend who is prone to melancholy. He was born this way and will be this way for life. Outside of wife and family, he rarely interacts with anyone so this seems to be the strategy he is using.
This is intended as some food for thought for your benefit. You don’t need to post it in full or reply to it if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.
Paul
This article is a very powerful beginning. Glad to have made it here, lots of information between this and where the blog is now.
HG
I am mentally slapping my forehead for not making it back this far until now. Notquiteanarc perfectly asked what I have been curious about. I truly apologise if I have pestered you in regards to this question. If you would be so kind as to direct me to the appropriate article I would much appreciate it. I’m dying to know the answer but would prefer to not irk you in any way.
Also I do not have the necessary technology to download your books. Which is why I haven’t done so as of yet.
Thank you so much for your time.
No need to apologise. What is it you want to address re the article? You can download the Kindle App (which is free) to any electronic device to read the books.
Ok I will definitely be doing that shortly. I was curious about sociopathic traits vs. narcisstic traits as they have many crossovers and information I have read is rather vague. Because of your label I was wondering if this was something addressed by the good Doctors as well as insight of your own.
I appreciate your response. I did not mean to take so long to respond.
Seems like it is a common thing for us Empath- Co-Dependant – readers- victims… Whatever the label to come back to the source after awhile and want to read the genesis of the blog.
This is who we are, we need to understand…Even you HG.. We need to understand you to make some sense of it.
I can only imagine, now, how much work behind all this and the repeated questions etc.
So thank you again for this and all the rest.
Now in 2018… Do you enjoy beating up other Narcs at their game through us?
Have you seen some progress directly made through your help that really made you happy ?
What do you really think of OUR kind ? 🙂
🙂
good evening, I write from Italy and I do not know English well so I apologize in advance if I will write in an understandable way, but I have a big problem in the family and I have to head to not lose my balance.
Mine is a dysfunctional family, I use this term because even if my father and my brother have many narcissistic traits I am not a psychologist and I can not say that it is but they are not balanced and they commit a lot to ruining life to others.
This is not the place to tell all my story, I think I will ask many questions here on the blog because I have a lot of order to do inside and outside of me but this is the question that most pressing me, the one that does not make me sleep night and only you, Mr. Tudor can answer, at least among the people I know.
How does a person understand that he is a narcissist? If I were, how could I become aware of it?
And in the case of a narcissistic brother, what can I do to make him aware of it?
My brother is doing the emptiness around him, not even the violent want him around anymore, he is destroying my parents but above all he is destroying himself at an impressive speed and he is seriously in danger I say it with full knowledge of the facts.
Thank you for your attention, I wish you with all my heart to feel good.
Lesser and Mid Range Narcissists do not know what they are. If you ascertain what they are, there is no point in telling them because their narcissism will not allow them to accept it.
Greater Narcissists know what we are, but we will not accept this in front of you (unless there is a very good reason to do so) because ordinarily this would result in ceding control to you and we must not allow that to happen.
The impact of your brother on you and your parents can be addressed by the imposition of no contact – there is no point trying to reason with him to try to stop him or change him, that will not work.
HG do you really enjoy being evil, are you working for Satan? because I swear your kind is like coming straight from hell and the only thing they are here for is to destroy and cause havoc and spiritually kill people which sometimes leads to physical death if you are not lucky. How can I apply the no contact principle between me and my husband if we have four kids together? This is torture, I’m not allowed to say this because of my faith but I wish he would just die and disappear from the face of the earth 😡
Please give me some tips on how to deal with this HG otherwise I’m gona go crazy, though we are divorced he still takes care of me and the kids and he moved out of the house so we are basically living in his house where he just comes as he please and uses the kids to have contact with me. When he comes I would just lick myself in my bedroom until he leaves but I just want him out of the picture, I don’t want him coming near me, he comes with confusion and turmoil and manipulation and mind games. I’m just so exhausted from all this.
Please help me HG😓
Hello Nonto, there is plenty I can provide you with to enable you to address the entanglement you currently have in a way which enable you to exert more control and minimise his manipulation of you. It is detailed and needs to be tailored to your specific situation and therefore the appropriate way to do this is through consultation.
Hi HG, thank you for your prompt response and yes the tailor made instructions would be great. How much will this one on one consultation cost?
Please see the options for audio consultation and e-mail consultation in the menu bar which will give you all of the relevant details.
Thank you HG I will do so 😊
I have made the payment HG…
I have e-mailed you.
Just as others before me, I have gone back to the beginning of your posts, to experience it from day one. What free exchange you enjoyed, right from the onset! With fewer people engaged with your posts, back then, you were able to devote much more time in answering their questions. My, how it has grown! I am enjoying the evolution of your writing, as well as the snippets of personal information that you have shared along the way. It is all helping me develop a fuller understanding of who you are and the source of your motivation to continue this interaction. Do your sessions with Dr. O and Dr. E remain mandated, or do you continue them willingly? You have said that your classification seems to teeter on the fulcrum between nature and nurture. Have you gained any further insight regarding this?
I can only imagine the effort you now expend in maintaining this website. So, thank you HG, for continuing to interact with people like me. Whatever your motivation or gain in continuing to do this, please know that your beautiful, thoughtful writing, your insight, your commitment to this endeavour, has saved me. For this, I am eternally in your debt.
HG, can I ask how did they diagnose you as a Narcissist? What process was used? And how long was that process?
Was it a psychiatric / psychological evaluation? Specifically to evaluate for NPD? Or a broad evaluation which brought this to light?
And what is treatment? Is it just talk therapy? Or some other more evolved treatments as well?
Here in South Africa NPD is not a well known disorder in the Psych Circles … mostly professionals and general ppl here think Narcissim just means the old thing of being vain and full of oneself. :(. Lots of education needed this side of the equator. We’re a bit behind in many things unfortunately.
Truly appreciate the insights you give us…
It was a psychological evaluation.
The treatment has centred around talk therapy with regard to my awareness of understanding of what I am and why I act as I do, the behaviours and drivers behind that and also CBT.
Thank you for your kind observations.
Hello HG! I must say that I can’t stop reading! I’ve purchased my first ebook and I already know that I won’t be disappointed! Question ..I’ve seen a reference to a “victim narcissist” somewhere in a discussion in re sex and the narcissist. Would this be the equivalent of histrionic or BPD? I believe I fell victim to a LGN, however I need to be enlightened further as far as what a “victim narcissist” is exactly..and where I may find more on this in your writings? Your teachings have been invaluable to me! 7 months no contact not to mention the dynamics of my entire life now makes sense!Thank you!
Hello Natalie, thank you for purchasing the book, you will find it most helpful. No, a Victim Narcissist is not taking to a histrionic or BPD. To learn more about the VN’s traits and what he or she looks for, this is part of ‘Sitting Target’ one of my other books. There will be dedicated books on the schools and cadres in the fullness of time.
Hi HopeTheLastToDie
Where in South Africa are you, I’m also in SA and was shocked to find out that my husband match everything they say about the narcissistic disorder, in fact the term was first introduced to me by my psychologist when I explained to him what was going on in my marriage. But I’m happy to say that indeed nothing is too hard for God, just but continuous prayer for my husband he is changing just like magic before my eyes. I want to give hope to the suffering people out there…there is a God who is in Heaven and He is powerful and nothing is too hard or impossible with Him, not even narcissism, when you trust Him and His power and ability to do anything, He really moves for you
Much Love HG❤️
Nonto,
If you read the material from H.G. You will learn that them pretending to change, is only a form of manipulation. Submission can be manipulation, and they will probably hate you even more, that you or anyone thought you could change him…because who would want to change something so magnificent? You aren’t supposed to fix what isn’t broken.
Just try to feel his energy during the promised time of change. In my personal narc situations when this happened, I wish I would’ve listened to my gut. I really felt a hatred and disgust from any Nex promising change, but they can hide this so good. If you feel even a flash of a second of this…apply a warning. If you ask, they will lie and tell you that you are overthinking. Remember, you can’t bounce opinions or feelings off a narc, because they want you to view and carry THEIR reality. Not your own.
This is from 33 Strategies of War by Robert Greene:
DOMINATE WHILE SEEMING TO SUBMIT: THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSION STRATEGY
In a world where political considerations are paramount, the most effective form of aggression is the best hidden one: aggression behind a compliant, even loving exterior. To follow the passive-aggression strategy you must seem to go along with people, offering no resistance. But actually you dominate the situation. Just make sure you have disguised your aggression enough that you can deny it exists.
I personally don’t think God has anything to do with Narcs. Praying can’t help them. I’m sorry if I come across as negative, that’s not my intention to do so. I told my Nex that he is the King of Opposites. Say one thing, yet do another.
What is your inner motivation for this exposure? The bottom line is – you are helping some people who were damaged by their loved ones with some kind of PD, and you are aware of that. You are even giving us tools and insights on how to move on and “win” the final battle. Yes, it is giving you “fuel”, but shouldn’t you be bored with it by now, after few years?
What are you running away from? And finally, have you ever looked the spiritual side of your state?
I’m confused. On an earlier post you said that you did believe in God?
Stacey
September 3, 2015 at 10:45 pm
Do you believe in God?
Like
malignnarc
September 3, 2015 at 10:51 pm
I do
Like
I do so where it suits my purposes to do so, as I have explained beforehand.
HG I have bought one book from your collection but the rest of the books are not available for purchase. Do you know when they’ll be available? This is just so amazing, I have been searching and reading about this for months now but yours is different because it’s from the horses mouth. Thanks so much HG we really appreciate this, God is using you in a mighty way to deliver His people…God bless you!
Which books are you referring to as not being available?
Hi HG I have managed to buy 4 other books so makes 5 books I have bought. Already finished the first one and I am so overwhelmed by the contents of the book. HG pardon me for asking you these questions but do you believe in God and are you not afraid of what might happen to you if you don’t repent and change from these ways. There are so many questions you have answered already from just reading your material, questions that I’ve been asking myself and also my ex narcissistic husband. If you are aware of your behavior surely that’s motivation enough to want to change because chsnge begins with first acknowledging that there is a problem. I believe in God’s power and that He is able to change you since He created you and your kind and I believe that with you sharing all this with us, you are just being used by God for us to gain understanding and clarity of what is happening to us. I challenge you to consider to change HG, love is the most beautiful thing in the planet and to be able to feel love it’s out of this world but in your situation you must a strong desire for it and it will happen. Just let go of yourself and experience this beautiful amazing feeling…God bless you HG I love you ❤️
Thank you for your kind words Nonto.
I do not believe in God unless I saw a reason to do so which would benefit my needs and by that I mean for example in terms of mirroring a victim.
I was brought up with parents who believed in God and attended a church school.
I am not concerned by what might happen to me if I do not repent.
I do not subscribe to the views that you do, but I recognise the good intention of what you have written.
As I have explained before, I am an effective unit, but I have not closed my mind to what might happen.
Hi H.G is it possible for someone like you to change to being a normal person and what is it that can motivate you to want to be a normal person?
No I am not normal and neither do I want to be normal. I am better than normal.
Mmmmh this is too sad HG, I am currently trying to come out of a marriage with a narc and we have four beautiful kids together (2 boys and 2 girls). I have always known that there is something wrong with him but couldn’t put a name behind it as I was made to be very confused and believe that I’m losing it. I stumbled upon your site because I’m desperately seeking answers after finding out about this condition by default through a psychologist. This hurts so much HG everything I have read here just describes my situation and my husband, the infidelity with everyone I know including my family members. He has now moved out to be with this young girl he’s been sleeping with for years and now they have a baby. He never took his stuff when he left and I know it’s because he’s planning on coming back to reinstate our relationship. The problem is that he made me quit my job and promised to pay my salary which he still does, he is a business man and has been using his money to manipulate me and to keep me in his web. I desperately want to escape this but I don’t know how, I have lived in torture for so many years and now I don’t want this life anymore but secretly I wish he would change, I wish someone would just tell me that I’m dreaming, that he is capable of loving and that someday he will realize what he’s done, even if we don’t get back together but for the sake of the kids…PS: I cannot stop reading your articles
You are not dreaming. He is not capable of loving. He will not realise.
Like this response 😉
HURT are you also narcissist?
Maybe 😉
HURT that’s too bad hey but God bless you😊
So am I better than normal but I’m an empath.
Dear HG, can you direct me to one of your articles or books that deals with being a daughter to narcissistic parents? I’m now convinced one if not both my parents were narcs. They never got along. My father married my mother because he impregnated her. Am I correct in my thinking 2 narcs not a good match??
This would help me greatly as I’m venturing back in time to try to figure out WTF happened to me. I am a super magnet empath. And I never wish to be ensnared again. My experience with my last narc was with a Greater. I progressed as years went by . . . . Lesser to miss, etc.
I am obsessed with narcs. I am always trying to figure them out. My major at university was abnormal psychology.
Perhaps going back to my inner child lol will help me? Please help me. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
🙂
HG what is your full medical diagnosis?
You can read the first one in Confessions of a Narcissist. The good doctors say narcissistic sociopath but an alternative good doctor says narcissistic psychopath.
I asked God last night and he said an enigma.
What happened to the “malign”?
Well, they need to make up their minds! It’s a big difference.
One way is the wiring pathology you were born with.
The other is a result of your social surroundings.
That is what I thought Clarece but there does appear to be a lot of interchangeable use of the two categories.
Yes, but the “malign” was dropped because it’s not in the official classification system, or why? ?
Dropped from what?
Yoiu said somewhere in the beginning of your posts that you were a malign narcissistic sociopath. Now it’s narcissistic sociopath or psychopath. Why is the “malign” not added anymore? Is this because of the “official standard diagnostics” or whatever? ??
Thank you for the clarification, it is in accordance with what has been relayed to me by those who have categorised me. I think they consider the malign superfluous given the rest of the label.
Thank you, I see. And what would you label yourself now? Or would you rather not label you anything?
I regard a label here as necessary for the purposes of communicating what I am. I understand this label accords with the observed and reported behaviours and the classification according to those who practise in the field of psychology et al, in the main. I would not wear this label elsewhere.
…wrapped in a riddle
You do have a GSOH HG
That’s true, thank you.
LOL @ asked last night
Hilarious
A lot of pastimes that lead to aggression I see.
Psychology & temperament systems, film, music, literature, history, nature, dancing, video games, philosophy, health, world cultures, social issues, debate, survival-ism, simple living, travel, food, politics and on it goes. Interesting that you ask.
What’s some of your hobbies and interests? And don’t tell me you have none cause you’re a perfect mirror yadda yadda…
Well it is only right to state that I would look to mirror those of the target but I like the following
Writing, history (especially 12-17th century English/British History), football, badminton, fencing, shooting, film, literature, fine dining, ballistics and weaponry, watching plays.
What about you The Pan?
Sabre, foil, or epee?
Sabre and epee.
Hello HG, I thought Clarece’s advice about going back and reading your older posts was a great idea. I am not great with technology and had no idea how a blog even worked. Your writing and knowledge keeps me coming back and now I want to know all the pieces of your puzzle. It helps me with mine. I have gone back and read some of them and find them fascinating. Just thought you should know you are still in our thoughts. I just keep reading more books until your return. You even have my boss and therapist asking about you every day. Lol.. I miss you daily.
Thank you for the shout out SW!! I took some heat for that recommendation so it’s nice to hear someone benefitted from it. Hugs!!
Good morning Clarece,
I definitely benefited. I have only been following for three months so I like to learn from the others who have been on this blog a long time. I can tell that you have learned a lot from HG and I have found him to be honest on this blog and extremely accurate. Hugs back to you and HG. Thanks again🍎
He is charging me for harrasment for sending him a bunch of emails on the day I was finding out about it all- yes there were quite a few emails 🙂 pleading emails- which he ignored to a point. He claimed he tried to put a clear end to the relationship 6 months prior when I have his messages from a week prior trying to start over?! And from the last 6 months proving contrary. I really don’t know what he’s thinking – won’t I just bring all this as evidence? Is he really believing his own lies? I feel like because he’s been exposed, This is his revenge- Even though i was approached, And didn’t contact him for 2 days after- I only did to try and organise to collect my things from him- and asked at that point- did he even love me for 1 day.. ( I knew very little about narcissists at that point) He has a child w the other woman too.
I am in shock- to say the least. It’s abit much isn’t it??
Yes it is excessive but not surprising. Do you want to fight it? Has there been any scope for you to provide an undertaking not to contact him etc rather than receive a court sanction? He will be delighting in your reaction to this process and the fuel he gets. Even if the case fails because of the evidence he will have extracted fuel during the process.
Yes I’m fighting as I could get a criminal record- and I just want him to be shut down and humiliated by the court for what he is- a liar at best, to them- He has an AVO taken out on me also so I’m not to contact him. Which was always fine by me..
Its fine that he is fuel-ling – So long as very soon he won’t affect me anymore and be in my life. I already feel so greatful and free. Court and stress of that aside.
Do you think he would actually try and creep back in even with what he’s trying to do?
Could he be that far gone? And would he actually believe all the lies he’s telling? Or does he know. Why go this far? Because now he’s lost 2 sources of consistent potent fuel from the last 2 years and he’s taking it out on me? I’ve exposed his lies so Punishing me further? Not the fact that he caught out for being a lying cheating…. Isn’t he worried he will look like a fool?
I wonder if you believe in Karma (does your mind go there? )or if it bothers you that you are all actually empty? (no offence- I’m curious)
Like robots..?
Do you not care- you just need fuel like a rat needs to scavenge on scraps of food to survive?
I’m thankful to have come across your books and blog as understanding how you tick has made me void of many questions to do with my time with him. It has also helped me disengage emotionally.
If you are confident that the evidence will result in the dismissal of the case then allowing the court to make its decision is the only realistic course available to you. If you were to ask him to drop it (even through your lawyer contacting his lawyer) he would regard that as weakness, gain fuel from it and continue with the case. The whole action is designed to try to control you and gain fuel.
He will believe he will succeed. If he does not then the judge is a fool, your somehow twisted the facts to favour you, his lawyer was incompetent – any number of reasons which will result in him blaming somebody else.
He will not be concerned about looking a fool. It will be everybody else’s fault, not his. He is right.
Karma? Never consider it and there is no such thing. It is a device invented by victims to give them hope that somebody will get their just desserts one day. How can that happen then we rules are always changed to suit us?
I am pleased you have found the blog and my books of use to you. Emotional disengagement from your tormentor is a fundamental step.
I hope you can help- I think I know the answer 😉
I’m in a legal battle with my ex- oh the imagination and lies he has told to get me here!
I know him better now than I ever did when I was with him!!
I found out about his cheating- as did “she”, and I know he is taking it out on me. I treated him as though he were “nothing” when I found out and it was like he knew he couldn’t affect me anymore-that I was “done”. He actually made me lose my sanity and dignity throughout our time..
I want him to drop the case- and want to know – do I need to appear to be distraught and susceptible to him so he feels as though I’m a source of fuel for him again?
Could this make him drop it? Or will he stop at nothing for finding out and proving his lies to the other woman.. I was approached by her. But he blamed me for it all.. Typically..;)
Hello Narcfree, what is the nature of the legal dispute? I assume he is bringing the case as you refer to him “dropping it” is that correct?
H.G.
You are getting so many questions and I know we will have a consult soon, but I have to ask in addition to Narcfree’s question:
Your book about Malice Campaigns, you mention being painted as black or white. This made me think to get painted white, then CRUSH and go for revenge…on all of them lol
I know it’s too soon for me, but since you are in it for life with a narc…
I don’t want them to think twice about messing with me, because their first thought will be “DON’T DO IT”
“I am not jealous of them. I know they are not of my calibre. I do become infuriated though. I can’t understand why, for example, a girlfriend would want to spend time with them and not me. I find that insulting and it annoys me considerably.” This perfectly encapsulates the way a non-narcissist feels, too, in the same boat.
OK – I am completely fascinated by the fact you have a marriage under your belt. What was different about her that you made you hope in til death do you part? Did you stay monogamous prior to the wedding? That could be a whole book in that story! Since you said it came about later on, the marriage and divorce can’t be one of the catalysts that you believe made you this way, right? Have the other 2 catalysts besides Amanda been written about? Although I think I’ve guessed before mother played a huge role and must be catalyst #2.
I am afraid the confidentiality agreement I signed as part of the divorce proceedings prevents me from divulging this information.
Just teasing you. She signed the confidentiality agreement, not me.
1. Fuel. She was beyond the usual and ticked most of the traits I required in a target.
2. No.
3. There may be a book about it, yes.
4. The marriage/divorce is not a catalyst, correct.
5. I have written about all three catalysts but not always directly.
Will that satisfy you Columbo?!
Very intrigued indeed on this one! What are you ready for another vacation after my interrogation today? Just giving you a big welcome back. You were missed!
Blimey, if that was a welcome back, I wonder what happens when you are displeased ?!
Oh, since you said her fuel was different, did that keep you monogamous for longer than usual or did you still keep the secondary lines going?
Secondary sources are always cultivated just in case but their necessity was much reduced.
Do you think you formed a bond with her unlike any one else for a period of time? I guess what I’m asking is did you experience real love towards a person that transcended the usual love of her fuel and she was only a prized appliance?
No.
She must be some sort of warrior queen, to go against the likes of you in court, H.G. Brave, to say the least.
Foolhardy rather than brave.
HG,
I’ve read most of your books but just recently found you’re blog, so I’m reading through and catching up. Regarding your treatment, have your doctors ever discussed the possibility that you may fall under anti social personality disorder? I know you describe yourself as a malignant narcissist but there is a very fine line between that and being labeled a sociopath. All sociopaths are narcissists but obviously not all narcissists are sociopaths. I’ve been told that the biggest way to differentiate the two is that narcissists spend most of their time talking about themselves and sociopaths want their targets to open up and speak about themselves so they can feign like mindedness. I also applaud you for accepting your diagnosis, most N’s will venemently deny that they have a “disorder” regardless of how many facts and examples are shown to them. Once again, you show you’re superiority by having such insight and self awareness😏
Oh your flattery will get you everywhere ! Still it is true, my awareness arising from my intellect has allowed this insight alongwith some assistance from the good doctors. I certainly resisted admitting what I had my suspicions about since to do so might have opened me up to further criticisms and restrictions but once it became apparent this was not the case I saw many advantages to showing the doctors that I knew what I am. I will expand on that in further blogposts. As to your question concerning ASPD, well I have two responses. The first is yes it has been mentioned and when it did I laughed and declared, “It cannot be so, I am very social. I am the very social narcissist.” The second is I will be writing more about this in articles as my engagement with the good doctors continues so I don’t want to spoil it by detailing it in my answer to you.
I look forward to reading that article. My daughter was diagnosed with Conduct Disorder, a precursor that often leads to ASPD. My daughter is also very social, but very clearly manipulates every one of her ‘friends’ behind the scenes to play the roles she wants them to play. She doesn’t think what she does is out of the ordinary, people must ‘simply do what she tells them to do, think, act or behave’ or else!
Presumably you have witnessed your daughter’s manipulation of her friends Sheila?
Yes, I have. I’ve even tried to explain to her why her actions were causing the discord and steer her in the right way to handle things. A mistake as it often led to discord and fights between the two of us. Several times it led to intervention by the police as well where she tried to play the role of victim and that it was the other person’s actions that led to her behaviour. Investigation uncovered her lies and manipulations.
If I wished you were never born? What would you think and say about that?
If you said it with tears of frustration welling in your eyes I would let you carry on and say something to provoke you further.
And down the rabbit hole I go….Having been in relationships with two of your kind, I have questions, many of them. However I shall lurk some more and see if you have already answered them, I’ve fuelled enough fires.
Hello Leigh, good idea and I appreciate that, it will save me asking Santa for some new fingers!
How can you live with yourself Malignnarc?
Hello Diva, how is the coast? I enjoy being by the sea, especially in winter. A forlorn wind whipping foam off those churning grey waves beneath the mantle of a leaden sky. It has its own charm as the sea spray lashes against your face. I live with myself quite readily for there is no other choice.
That was beautiful Mr. Tudor.
“I live with myself quite readily for there is no other choice.”
Have you ever wondered about these two separate people inside of you?…. the ‘I’ that is living with a ‘myself’
I’ve noticed you often refer to yourself as ‘we’ rather than ‘I’. Do you consider yourself to be made up of several different entities?
Eckhart Tolle started asking these kinds of questions right before he had his awakening, but he was on the verge of suicide, having reached the conclusion that he could no longer ‘Live with himself”
I don’t know if you respond to comments on older posts, but would be interested to know your thoughts about this.
Indeed I have Nia and that is what I have been learning about as my awareness has increased. I am made up of all the shards and fragments I garner from elsewhere.
Hi, I am responding to something much earlier, didnt ser your response and thank you. You were using initials so may I ask why N is special right now, whats different with N than the others? I sound pathetic but I’m intetested
N is wonderful because she is focussing all her attention on me because she loves me utterly. This feeds my craving for attention and admiration and eases the hunger.
Hi, wamted to know if you have more than 1 girlfriend, I believe you use to be married? When u said you love the idealization stage its about, being happy, making them happy, so much attraction, wanting to see them and feel all that, do u feel happy and excited? Knowing they’re are others does any one feel more important or special or are the just there to validate you, in otherwords, you refuse to leave one alone even though theyre had always been orhers in your life and still are
Hello Kelly, thank you for your question. Yes I used to be married. Yes I do have more than one current girlfriend. I do feel happy when I am seducing someone. I suppose the best way of describing it is that I “fizz” because my interaction with them fills me up with a sense of importance and knowing that they admire me, makes me feel that I matter. Do I regard one as more important or special than the others? That’s an interesting question – are you Dr E using a pseudonym?! I find N to be special at present over the other two. I don’t leave T and V out (I’ve used initials as they are current) because I need to keep them involved in the equation too. If N annoys me, I can just go and see T and it pleases me that I can do this and N does not know. That makes me feel powerful.
Do you take accountability for YOUR breaking the law, or do you blame someone else?
The laws I have apparently broken are stupid ones and don’t really matter. They are really for the proles. Technical breaches.
Did you pay a price for breaking the law?
Only my lawyer’s bills.
Just how long are you going to be doing this Q&A thing? Want to make sure I get all my questions in.
There is not set time period. According to Dr E it will take quite a while, whatever that means. I suspect you have plenty of time to ask as much as you like.
Thanks. As a child, were you spoiled rotten, neglected, or neither?
I was not spoiled, I had to earn everything by excelling. I was not neglected. If I achieved, I received.
Have you ever revealed who you were married to with a post on a past girlfriend? How long did your marriage last? Current girlfriends here, N, T, & V, gone now and replaced by Kim who write about currently? Are N, T or V still in the picture?
No. Less than a presidential term of office. There are two Ts, both in the picture.
Was your marriage earlier on post college graduation or in later years? Did the one you decided to take a chance on and marry have characteristics reminding you of Amanda? Was there something different about her that made you think the positive fuel would sustain?
Later. Yes she was different. Perhaps it was Amanda.
Oh to be the fizz! What a wonderful feeling. There’s nothing else like it. Magical.
Do you think treatment will work?
Hello Amber, it is not yet clear to me what they are trying to treat as there isn’t anything wrong with me. They talk about me needing to gain insight and have explained that writing down my thought and observations and interacting with people who are interested in me is part of that process. So here I am !
Talking a virtual walk down memory lane to see if your posts in the beginning resonate differently as I’m not in such a shocked fog anymore and feel more enlightened.
I know you don’t want Dr. E & Dr. O to read or plant themselves in your blog. But in your answer to Amber above part of your treatment is to report on your interactions with all of us and your observations.
I’m curious what have you learned from all of us? If anything? Has this proven to be a good experience for you with your treatment? Would you miss it if you suddenly stopped? Or be glad to be rid of us and all of our questions?
Part of narcissism is having misogynistic tendencies. I’ve caught in some blogs or books when you are referring to your frustration or rage rising with an intimate partner, you do refer to them at times, generally speaking as an “ungrateful bitch”. In Sex & the Narcissist, there were at times undertones of viewing women as whores or as a piece of meat. Does it get difficult at times on the blog dealing with many emotional women (hands down, me included) and their scenarios on a daily basis?
Like I said, I discovered you as if by fate, on your 1st blog, and it’s interesting to go back and see how your writing has evolved over several months. Nicely done H.G.
An interesting and may I say worthwhile exercise Clarece. What have I learned from all of you? You are to learn from me surely?! I have learned much about you which, in the majority of cases (with one or two notable exceptions) that those who interact with me fall into one of two camps. There are those who are still very much struggling with what has happened to them but they are willing to stomach the discomfort and put aside their understandable prejudices in order to gain understanding for their own benefit. The second camp are those who are more advanced and whilst the hurt remains it is not so raw and those in this group still wish to understand so they can move on and in a way use their interaction with me as a test of how far they have come. In both instances I find the posters intelligent, interesting and I read everything that is posted. I do not always comment but I am fascinated in reading about people’s experiences and observations on what I write. I also enjoy seeing you interact with one another, just as long as you don’t forget about me !
Has it proven to be a good experience with my treatment? It has added to my understanding of what I am and the effect of what I do (or my kind do) on people such as yourselves.
Would I miss what? The blog and the commenters? If you mean that, yes I would. I enjoy writing, I freely admit this provides me with fuel (both positive and negative) although not as great as if the interactions were in person and I enjoy the interaction. Your questions amount to attention so I would not be glad to be rid of them.
It does not get difficult dealing with the emotion because it is all fuel for me and I welcome people expressing themselves. Gratuitous insults are still fuel but they do not add anything to the discussion and as an intelligent man I do want people to discuss things. I understand why people vent and they are welcome to do so but I do like them to add something to the debate to discussion as well where possible. I appreciate it where people link their own experience in to something that I have written so there is an acknowledgement and resonance. The only time I find it irritating is when neediness is exhibited. It is fine at first as fuel but as time goes on I find it tiresome because it is not all about that person and this of course runs contrary to what I want. I am pleased to say though that the instances of neediness from commenters are very low, but if there is one think that will irk me, it is that. (Don’t you all start being needy by the way just to try and draw a rise from me!!) Thanks for your questions.
Very interesting to hear your perspective on that! I’m sure many of your readers are glad to hear if you had to stop the blog, you would miss it some and us! Have any of your readers posed a scenario or stumped you on something that has made you need to discuss with the doctors?
Not so far. Posts involving children sometimes pose a challenge because I do not have any.
Why are you even seeking treatment?
I haven’t sought treatment. I have been compelled to undergo it.
1. How do you feel about these people accusing you of breaking the law and forcing you to undergo treatment? 2. Did you seek revenge?
1. They are manipulative liars.
2. It is in progress.
Mr. Tudor, it is so nice to read your earlier comments. I would not call them a more innocent you but there was a ‘rawness’ about you then. Not as polished as you are today.
Wow you have reached your 2 year treatment anniversary. Did you imagine you would be here today? Are you ahead of your initial ‘game’ plan? I’m sure you have one.
I truly wish I met you sooner. I believe this treatment has mostly just sharpened your weapons further. It has made you much more dangerous.
What if that makes her sad, knowing that you don’t like it when she spends time with her child who does not have a father ? It seems as if mother and child are paying a huge price. I don’t understand that . Her underage child is her job to raise. That cannot be neglected.
She does not have a child. If you mean hypothetically, it is difficult for me to envisage her with children. I don’t see why she can feel sad as she would be happy spending time with me.
Do you want the treatment to work?
You are welcome. When you are in love with a partner, do you get jealous when your partner spends time with others? Example, her kids, parents, siblings, and friends? Just curious .
I am not jealous of them. I know they are not of my calibre. I do become infuriated though. I can’t understand why, for example, a girlfriend would want to spend time with them and not me. I find that insulting and it annoys me considerably.
So, how many?
None. I don’t lose.
Did any come close to winning ?
Is your treatment working?
Do you want the treatment to work?
I want to be free of the interference of these doctors so if that means going along with this supposed treatment I will do it. I suppose it will be interesting spending time with these intelligent people (although sometimes the things they ask do bring that intelligence into question). I toyed with becoming a doctor but I realised that I would have to touch people too often and I don’t like doing that. I am clever enough to be one but the tactile element sickens me.
Would you break the same law that you did before again in the future?
I haven’t broken any laws. The allegations are wrong. My lawyer agrees.
Do you believe in God?
I do
Interestingly they have not discussed any question of progress with me. I suspect that is incompetence on their part. It seems I am in some kind of evaluation phase that is the beginning of my treatment. They talk about “my treatment” but I am not yet aware of what they are actually seeking to treat.
So did you break the law or not?
I say no. They say yes.
Who is more knowledgeable in the breaking the law dept? You or them?
I know more than them. Obviously.
What compelled you to undergo treatment ?
The threat of losing a lot of money
Don’t understand your answer . Can you elaborate ?
By all means. I am at risk of losing an inheritance if I do not undergo treatment. In order to remain in the will, I have agreed to have the treatment.
Well I hope your treatment works for you. 😃
Thank you. I don’t need any treatment but I appreciate your kind intent.
Does your girlfriend think that you need treatment ?
Yes she does. She would benefit from treatment as she has a tendency to fantasise.
What does she fantasize about ?
She makes things up. For example she will accuse me of flirting with other women when I have been merely talking to them. She will read too much into comments that I make, eg she will import a negative connotation when none was intended. It can be tiring.
Wow. This sounds just like me and my soon to be ex-husband of 11 mths. Am I the only one pestering you with questions today? Lol
You aren’t pestering me. I like to establish a dialogue with people. I think everyone else must be feeling rather shy ! Why will your husband become your ex-husband?
Because he manipulated me and took advantage of me for his own personal gain (controlling my time) and I hate him and will NEVER forgive him. His loss, my gain. I deserve better and can no doubt do much better as his old ass is almost 60 and I’m only 44. My life is just starting.😃
I can feel the venom in your post from here !
Do you get pleasure out of causing people turmoil and heartache ?
I delight in the drama as this gives me attention which provides me with fuel. I don’t know about the heartache as I focus on what it does for me rather than how someone else feels about what I do.
Have you ever broke the law in any way?
Yes but I will take the fifth as to the details. Laws are for people who cannot govern themselves. I’m not one of those people.
But would you do it again in the future? It-meaning the allegations?
Yes.
Do you like to play cat and mouse games with people?
I am the player of games. See my post about that. Cat and mouse is one of my games, yes.
How many females have beat you at that game?
How many do you think have beat me?
One.😳
Have you ever felt empathy for someone?
I try to imagine being in someone else’s shoes but I just cannot do it. It makes me feel weak so I choose not to even try anymore. Besides, they don’t even polish their shoes for me to try them on !
Are you a Christian ?
Define Christian please.
Are you attracted to men?
No.
Are you 100 percent happy with your life right now? If yes, Awesome. If no, why not ?
How is your treatment going?
I have not had any meaningful feedback so far. I have been told that the sessions are about exploring my views to enable those working with me to ascertain them and reflect on them. Dr O explained that I needed to understand my behaviour and then to deconstruct it. She did mention that this would take time. I was not pleased to hear this as I want to get these sessions over and done with. I have been co-operative however. That much they have told me.
We can always be happier can’t we? Like we can always be stronger or thinner.
That seems like progress. How long have you been involved in this treatment so far?
About three months so far.
Are you WILLING to deconstruct your behavior ?
I am obliged to go along with the treatment and since this includes the deconstruction I will have to do it.
Have you noticed any change in yourself during the last 3 months of treatment ? If so , please elaborate .
Have you ever just felt peaceful ? If so, when ?
No, I find calm makes me restless. I like things to be happening.
Do you like what’s happening in your life right now?
What drove you to break the law? Being how smart you are, why not just find another way besides breaking the law? Did you perhaps just lose control?
The need to get things done the way I wanted them done. I didn’t lose control, but rather the means always justifies the end.
No, I am always striving for something better. That is our aim. To always do better, get better, be better.
Was it a male or female, that is responsible for busting you on your breaking the law dilemma ?
Do you mean what was the gender of the police officers I had to deal with?
No. I mean the person that figured you out and called the law.
Oh I see. One was male and one was female. They didn’t figure me out, they believed (wrongly) I had broken the law.
Are you getting better with the treatment plan?