The Slops of My Delinquent Mind
If there is any subject or a particular topic you would like my delinquent mind to be applied to, please do say and I will provide you with my thoughts and observations. I enjoy the challenge of being given a subject and responding to it, so please do let me know if there is anything you would like me to write about. If not, I shall continue to dazzle with my scintillating output (not my words for once but those of another). I look forward to hearing from you.
44 thoughts on “The Slops of My Delinquent Mind”
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I agree. I saw the red flags all through the description of the fiance. Hey! Great teaching tool. Practice in safety.
The long rants by Nellie at the top of the comments do not strike me as the words of a victim. They sound like very typical projection and devaluing done by a narc. Or perhaps she is parroting the words of her fiance who is the narc. The report of the fiance saying he never loved his ex, the apparent badmouthing in social media of a daughter that he supposedly tried to shower with affection for 3 years (clearly not a loving father now!) as well as the over-the-top assertions of how wonderful the new relationship is all smell of a narc, not a victim.
You are right, Mountains.
Fiance is a pretty smart Narc. His epic smear campaign and triangulation (plus, he added his daughter to the equation) serves him perfectly. His choice of next victim is perfect. She submitted to him completely and now she sees the world in the “correct way”. He’s going to keep her constantly tense, using ex-wife and daughter against her.
All “mental issues” of his ex-wife (I think she has them) were aquired by her during her life with him due to constant expose to psychical abuse from him (maybe and physical one too). Plus, he modelled his behaviour to his daughter, abusing and disrespecting her mother in front of her and now she does exactly what he did to her.
Sad story for all of them.
Hi HG. I thought I saved all my comments and your responses, but I can’t find the one where I asked you your thoughts on the difference between a Narcissist and a Sociopath. You gave me the name of a post you had done in regard to that question and told me I could learn more from it. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the name of it. Can you please tell me the name again and what month and year I might find it in your archives? Thank you.
You can find it here Sharon
https://narcsite.wordpress.com/2016/06/11/narcissist-or-sociopath-out-of-the-frying-pan-and-into-the-fire/
I agree he probably has his attention elsewhere. Get those locks changed but you did the right thing in not asking for the key back (he probably would make a copy anyway I know I have)
I can see how that would darken your soul and, whether you care to hear it or not, I am sincerely sorry (just being the Empath I am) you had to endure that in your most formative years. You truly are doing amazing work in spite of it though and for that you deserve to feel very proud of yourself.
Thank you Sharon, your kind sentiments are appreciated.
Do you remember who crossed your boundaries, who caused you to feel out of control in the early years of your life? Do you remember who caused you to feel pain so deep that your soul had no choice but to flee. Or were you just spoiled endlessly? Were you extremely enabled and allowed to get away with everything to the point of losing your soul ?
I was revered but with that came significant expectation and harsh chastisement to ensure I lived up to expectations. That provided the background and three instances, like black, thick iron nails driven into my very core saw off any soul that remained.
Do Narcs actually know they are Narcs? I get that they actions are intentional, but do they know this is a disorder?
Once supply discovers (FINALLY!) that this is all a big game, if that’s divulged, is he/she discarded right away or still toyed with?
Is there any getting through to the traumatized child locked in there and having him accept your love?
The Lesser and the Mid-Range of our kind do not. The Greater will know through awareness, being told this and reviewing that declaration or a combination of the two.
If the victim sees through what we are it depends how they react. If this affects fuel and the provision of other benefits then there will be a discard but the hoovers will come thereafter.
If the victim continues to function then the game can continue.
Thank you for your post Sharon. You criticised him and you received a silent treatment in return for daring to do so. I am interested that he has not hovered you in 5 months so far. Has there been any contact at all or have you ensured that you are impossible to contact? Subject to your replies I suspect that he doled out a silent treatment to you but since you did not chase after him whilst he obtained fuel from his wife he has gone and found somebody else and this is what is keeping him occupied so he is not bothering with you.
What could possibly hurt you, is there anything ?
Can one exist without pain or Joy
Hello Andrea and thank you for your post. Your questions are answered in a forthcoming blog post which will be available in the next few days. Your questions are interesting ones and merit further elucidation so keep your eyes peeled for more details shortly.
What kind of illegal activity were you involved in? And was it worth it?
Are you with the feds ?! I wasn’t engaged in illegal activity, I was accused of breaking the law. I disagreed. The outcome was worth it yes.
What did you do to supposedly break the law. This is my 3rd time to ask . You are obviously ashamed of what you did being you won’t answer . Or embarrassed you got caught.😳
I didn’t break the law. I was accused of doing so. I am not ashamed of what I did. I was irritated that an attempt was made to try and have me subjected to the law when it was clearly incorrect. It relate to tax but nothing came of it as I had done nothing wrong. It was motivated by jealousy and compounded by incompetence.
I believe strongly my ex was a malignant narcissist. Before we were intimate he was very loving and attentive but very hesitant where kissing was concerned. When we first started being intimate (sex) with each other. He didn’t want to kiss or show any emotions during the act. He pretty much treated me like I was a prostitute no emotions, no I love you, no kissing etc. When I confronted him about it he said that type of display was for kids and we were grown adults and slowly he started to withdraw affection and eventually sex all together. Do you do this to your victims and is this what’s called the Madonna/ whore complex….I also find out he was cheating with many different women and also he liked prostitutes. Sorry for the long post but please enlighten me with your point of view. Thanks
Hello Jody and thank you for your post. You have touched on an excellent and interesting area which I will be writing about in greater detail in the next few days so keep an eye out for that which will no doubt be of interest to you. The Madonna/whore complex is essentially that a woman who is revered is not regarded as sexually attractive as she is beyond that. Those who attract a man in that way are regarded as whores as their attractiveness and sexual availability diminish them in the eyes of certain men. What you describe with your ex is someone who saw sex as a maintenance chore and who was horrified by intimacy. He was probably keener on extolling the virtues of his mind rather than being entranced by physical attractiveness.
Thank you for replying to my question and I’m very anxious to read what you post about this phenomenon in the future. The whole Madonna/whore complex is very interesting and I try to understand why he couldn’t see me as revered and sexually alluring at the same time. Sometimes I had to almost beg him to be intimate with me and Its almost like he got some kind of pleasure from rejecting me. It made me feel very unwanted, unattractive and unloved. But before we had sex, he practically was begging me for it. Weird and very confusing!!! Joanna S. LaBastide Motor Vehicle Operator Supervisor Social Security Administration jlabastide@yahoo.com Joanna.LaBastide@ssa.gov
Hello Joanna, you are very welcome. The article will be posted presently. With this complex the idea of reverence and sexual allure are diametrically opposed. They should not be, but with certain individuals you are. His rejection of you is the use of Withdrawal as a manipulative technique and is a very powerful one, especially where someone is craving intimacy. It is confusing for a healthy person as yourself but an entirely normal step for someone disordered to take.
We’re healthy?
i’m sure my fiance’s 17 year old daughter is a sadistic narcissist. how have you applied your narcissism to a loving parent/family member? when did your dangerous narcissistic behaviors really take flight?
I don’t have much to do with my family (other than my brother) as they are the ones who complain most about my behaviour and have had me subjected to the therapy with Doctors E and O. When did my behaviours take flight? I would say around about 18 although my sister would suggest earlier than that, but then she would as she has always been jealous of my academic success. How do you reach the conclusion about your fiancé’s daughter, I am interested to read more about that.
she got mad at him when she was 14 because he divorced her mother and she has refused to speak to or see him since then. he would call, text, go to every concert and game and sit in the stands, only to not be acknowledge. he would text from the audience and tell her how beautiful she looked and would she please meet for a few minutes after the show – only to always be ignored. he sent gifts and money, cards. all to receive no thanks or acknowledgement. he went to watch her get her 30,000 new car at age 16 (that he bought her), only to be ignored the entire time. he set up a blog where everyday he posted a sweet note to her about how much he loved her and was thinking about her. basically, he has intensely “courted” her affections for the past THREE years and has never once received a text, call, thank you, acknowledgement. NOTHING. and this is her father. the man that has raised her from birth. it’s just cold and quite honestly evil. only a monster could act like that.
I cannot argue with the conclusion that you have reached. She will be loving all of the attention that he lavishes on her and she knows that by not responding he will try even harder and thus lavish more attention on her, thus providing more fuel for her.
i also wanted to add (and didn’t have time yesterday) that since we have been together he’s realized how evil and manipulative she is and he has altogether stopped contacting her. it’s been nearly a year since she’s had a message or gift from him. he didn’t acknowledge her birthday, nor any other major event. and about a month or so ago, he wrote her mother and her an email to let them know that he closed her college fund and would not be spending a penny on her college (nor on anything else for the rest of her life ever, for that matter). her mother received a large sum of money in the divorce settlement, but she has significantly less than us, so i would expect that when their money runs out, she’ll come knocking. just my personal opinion as it sounds like the narcissistic thing to do.
He has taken the correct step. His provision of attention was giving her fuel. By halting the attention he has cut it off. She will come calling and apply a whole host of manipulative techniques to try and resurrect the provision of attention and therefore fuel. You can read all about these in Manipulation by HG Tudor. I envisage she will start off with an unhealthy dollop of Pity followed by Guilt with some Projection thrown in. She will come knocking, of that there is no doubt.
I will also say that she’s very prideful. I kind of wonder how she will go about crawling back to him (keep in mind, this is someone she’s treated like shit, ignored and not cared about at all) without losing her pride and looking like an idiot. What can we expect there?
She will be proud but that pride will become subservient to her desire to extract further fuel from him. It will also be allied to her sense of entitled. You are my father and therefore you are obliged to provide for me. If you do not, you are a bad person. Her own behaviour will not matter. She will not recall behaving like that and will deny any and all attempts to persuade that she has behaved despicably. She will deny and deflect and then play the victim and involve guilt. Do not be surprised if she attempts to rope you into the dynamic too by suggesting he lavishes attention on you rather than her and thus it is your fault too. She may decide to make you the prime problem and thus try and portray herself as a victim and cause her father to be her rescuer. Don’t be surprised if she starts behaving pleasantly towards him and horribly towards you.
Also, what do you think as far as money? Do you think she’s motivated solely by her need for fuel and attention, or do you think she will also be motivated to get money from him now that he’s retracted all financial help (or do you think she will wait until she’s run her mother into the ground financially)? I wonder how long she will wait before she comes knocking. It’s been 3 years of him begging to no avail. It’s been nearly 8 months of no contact (other than telling her she won’t be having her college paid for by us). She has found out about our relationship – which no doubt pisses her off. I wonder what she would think if she found out we are going to have a child. She’s his only child at this point. I would imagine it would anger her beyond comprehension to know that he’s really moved on from her and wants nothing to do with her ever again. And that he’ll be perfectly happy with our family and our new child.
She stalks my “hisevildaughter” account, because she knows we discuss her narcissism there. We speak very negatively of all of her sick manipulations tactics there, so hopefully it makes her feel exposed and stupid rather than fuels her. She’s an evil bitch. Miserable, bitter and lonely.
The money will be important and she will regard this as something she is entitled to. By requiring money she will also want to acquire supply otherwise there is no purpose in engaging. the need for money will be the trigger for her getting in contact.
Regarding your relationship and the issue of a new child, see my earlier observations. The new child will injure her as he or she will be the object of attention and not her.
Her stalking of the twitter account is purely fuel to her. She will disregard your negative comments as borne out of ignorance or venom and she will use them to support her false reality that you and her father (or one or the other) are the problem not her. She will relish the attention you provide from the twitter account. It will not make her feel exposed or stupid I am afraid.
You are so right. I can completely see her trying to tear us apart because she sees me as a threat. And I am to a certain extent because I’ve helped him realize how evil and manipulative she is. He has said that no matter what type of games and luring she attempts, he’s not going to have anything to do with her. Plus, since I’m on to all of her games and bullshit and she will have to get through me to get to him – she doesn’t have a chance in hell. It will be interesting to see how long it takes her to a) get in touch this initial time and, b) to give up once she realizes she will never get anything from us in the form of supply, financially nor emotionally. I could see her becoming crazy as it will be the first time in her life that she will not be able to control her sweet, loving, gentle father.
Your partner has his loyal Lieutenant in you and if she needs to get through you to him, she will try but I anticipate that she will soon give up. You will be subjected to a smear campaign and she will look to drive a wedge between you and your partner. She will not pull any punches in this and be prepared for some nasty behaviour. However, you seem a resolute type and I daresay her campaign will be savage yet brief. I imagine she may meet her in match in you. What you need to guard against is the melting of resolve by your partner.
Yah, we are both pretty resolute. We both think she’s evil and he wants nothing more to do with her ever. She’s been raised to be very spoiled by her mother – like I said her mother is the founder, president and sole member of the Stephanie fan club – and has also always gotten everything she’s ever wanted. She’s used to throwing temper tantrums for what she wants and her mother can’t argue with her, she just gives in. So, I would imagine that within the next decade or so, she will financially run her mother into the ground and will come knocking again at that point for money – because she won’t be able to tolerate not being able to spoil herself. Then my smear campaign will again ensue because I, on the other hand, will still be getting spoiled (along with our new baby). But, really, what goes around comes around. She can’t be that surprised that she’s cut out for good when she’s been so nasty for so long. No one, not even a father can put up with that. She has no male figures in her life. No grandfathers, (decent) uncles, no brothers, no father. It’s going to be interesting to watch her try to have a decent relationship with a man. She won’t be capable. She’s very emotionally abusive and well, narcissistic – so she’ll ruin any relationship with a man that she ever has and will end up very happy. She was trying to be mean and punishing to him by stonewalling and ignoring and it’s funny, because it just made him realize how much happier he is without her and made her realize how much she’s screwed up by treating him like that. It’s funny to watch karma do it’s job to people who are so cruel and evil.
Yep, she’s definitely met her match in me. There’s literally nothing she could say or do that could even slightly intimidate me, nor ruin our relationship. His resolve won’t melt. He’s had enough of her to last a lifetime and when she starts a smear campaign on me (the love of his life) he’ll have nothing to do with it.
It seems to me that you have her worked out very well and also in terms of how it is likely to play out. With her mother as an enabler (do you think she is a narcissist?) and the lack of positive male role models, the men (or women) she will ensnare in terms of an intimate relationship will be in for a hellish time. Does she have many friends? If she has I should imagine them to be weak individuals who she charms and bullies into remaining friends with her.
You are most resolute and your partner’s resolve should hold with you supporting him. It will be a rocky ride as I anticipate she will go berserk when she sees the idyllic life you both have.
I don’t think her mother is a narcissist. She’s too insecure and paranoid outright. She’s a socio-path though. Here’s some of the stuff she’s done:
Sit out in front of my fiance’s house crying and wouldn’t leave. She stalked him for months, putting an audio bug in his car and a GPS tracking device on it. She showed up and made a scene at a restaurant, running in screaming at yelling at him while he was eating. She kicked holes in the wall. Punched him in the face. She smashed his priceless Gordy Howe memorabilia. When he separated and moved out, she would sneak into his house and snoop around when he wasn’t there. He then had to have the locks changed. She had him come over on Stephanie’s 16th birthday to watch her get her car from across the street (of the house that he picked out and paid off nonetheless). She would take old pictures over to his house and smash/drive over them. She would pull up right behind him in the driveway as he was trying to leave for work and block him in so that he couldn’t leave. She tells so many lies to your child (yet vehemently deny doing so). All of his friends told him he needed to get away from her. She called begging him to come over or she would kill herself. She repeatedly threatened suicide due to borderline personality disorder that she refuses to treat. He had to call the cops to come check on her to make sure she didn’t kill herself, (because he sure as hell wasn’t going over there to deal with her himself – he couldn’t care less about her). One of the nights he left she (the night you punched him in the face), told Stephanie he was leaving her and you recruited her to cry and beg him at the door not to leave. Every time he came over to see Stephanie, she would come talk to him for Stephanie, while the words “it’s between you two” were literally coming out of her mouth. The point is that the magnitude of damage she has and will cause for her own benefit – at any cost -is well, scary. There are no lengths she won’t go to, to try to hurt someone. She’s definitely a sociopath.
As far as his daughter, no about the friends. She has barely any. She has recruited a few lieutenants that are really nerdy 14/15 year olds to support her (she’s nearly 18), but other than that she has no friends. She’s an internet troll and will respond to my stuff and DM us pretending that she’s her friends – but it’s really obviously her. Her dad says that she’s very immature for her age and the things the person on DM says sound more immature than my 11 year old – so it has to be her.
It’s not surprising that he wants nothing to do with either of them. Our life is really idyllic and romantic, which I’m sure kills both of them. We are head over heels in love and he’s told me this is the first time he’s ever actually loved a woman. (He never loved his ex-wife, he just felt pressured to get married.) He wants me to have his child and when I do, it’s going to be even more idyllic. He loves kids and will be such a great dad and will be so in love with our child. He will never look back on his past. It’s just a bunch of bad memories for him, thanks to their pathology. Stephanie is just a mini-Mary (sociopathic). Must be like a horror film over at their house. Lol 😉
Hello Nellie and thank you for sharing that information. It is interesting that you make mention of BPD. Has there been a diagnosis from a professional or is that the conclusion you and your fiancé have reached based on your detailed observations of her behaviour? From the snippets you have mentioned she certainly exhibits a difficulty in controlling her anger, suffers from paranoia and is controlling. I would be interested to know if she has any addiction issues, whether she is promiscuous, whether she has problems maintaining intimate relationships and what is she like at driving (apart from blocking in your fiancé when he is trying to get to work).
With regards to the daughter that entirely makes sense that she has no real friends. She has a coterie of easily impressed admirers. Her immaturity will stem from her emotional development having halted somewhere around the 7-12 years old mark.
You have done rather well to create your idyll against this backdrop of drama and hysteria. Your fiancé has the correct approach in not looking back and it appears he has much to look forward to in the future. The only danger remains the potential re-emergence of Mary and Stephanie at some juncture. It appears that your fiancé has removed himself emotionally from them, it is of course a different matter to be free of their own malign behaviours and any knowledge of your idyll is likely to provoke a furious reaction at some point.
Seriously wish I could edit my previous post. The typos are maddening. I was in a rush when I wrote it, obviously.
I’ll let is slide, just for now (see War on Error) !
Hello Nellie and thank you for sharing that information. It is interesting that you make mention of BPD. Has there been a diagnosis from a professional or is that the conclusion you and your fiancé have reached based on your detailed observations of her behaviour? From the snippets you have mentioned she certainly exhibits a difficulty in controlling her anger, suffers from paranoia and is controlling. I would be interested to know if she has any addiction issues, whether she is promiscuous, whether she has problems maintaining intimate relationships and what is she like at driving (apart from blocking in your fiancé when he is trying to get to work).
With regards to the daughter that entirely makes sense that she has no real friends. She has a coterie of easily impressed admirers. Her immaturity will stem from her emotional development having halted somewhere around the 7-12 years old mark.
You have done rather well to create your idyll against this backdrop of drama and hysteria. Your fiancé has the correct approach in not looking back and it appears he has much to look forward to in the future. The only danger remains the potential re-emergence of Mary and Stephanie at some juncture. It appears that your fiancé has removed himself emotionally from them, it is of course a different matter to be free of their own malign behaviours and any knowledge of your idyll is likely to provoke a furious reaction at some point.
Ever so rare that I will find a person that is as analytical as me, but I think I’ve found one. So as far as the BPD, I’ve self-diagnosed her. She’s the type that can tell everyone else what’s wrong with them, yet can’t in fact admit that she’s the one with the real problem. (Can’t admit Stephanie has onebut can’t admit there’s
Ever so rare that I will find a person that is as analytical as me, but I think I’ve found one. So as far as the BPD, I’ve self-diagnosed her. She’s the type that can tell everyone else what’s wrong with them, yet can’t in fact admit that she’s the one with the real problem. (Can’t admit Stephanie has one either.) So, she refuses counseling and when they tried marriage counseling to save their marriage, she said that everything the counselor said was wrong. He gave up and thought it was pointless to have anyone try with her because she would sit there and disagree with everything the therapist said. She couldn’t even listen and try to understand for a moment – she automatically snapped back right away that she disagreed. Same re: the sociopath diagnosis – but it fits so well with the mean things she does and allows her daughter to do to other people (because her daugther is so much better than others). Once as he was heading to a funeral for a best friend who had just committed suicide (very emotional time) she called right as he was walking in and screamed at him that she didn’t care at all, she was just disappointed it wasn’t him who had killed himself instead of his friend.
As far as driving, she’s been in some serious wrecks – and my fiancé said that every single time, she’s said it was the other person’s fault. I don’t know about road rage (I think she’s just actually an idiot). She definitely was the cause of the wrecks though (if you hear the stories you’d agree) – she just can’t ever admit fault or take blame for anything. He has said she’s the most insecure and defensive person he’s every met. He couldn’t even have a conversation with her about how to raise their daughter while they were married, because every time he said she was spoiling her, she would scream at him that he didn’t know what he was talking about and she wasn’t spoiled that she was perfect. It’s hard to listen to him talk about to his life with her. It’s incredibly hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he stayed with her for like 15 years. Like, wtf?!
She sits on a very high horse and looks down at everyone because of religion. She considers herself religious. And I specifically say religious (not spiritual) because she’s not a good (or deep) person – she’s quite shallow, socio-pathic and evil as I’ve already pointed out., so it’s all about maintaining that look of being religious – not actually doing the right thing or being a good person. Therefore, she doesn’t have an “addiction” to drugs or alcohol because that’s not “Christian” and she would be very judgy and snooty about that type of thing. As far as being promiscuous, same thing applies. She would never consider doing “such a thing”. She tries to look young and be cool, but my fiance said she’s just really socially awkward. The entire time they were married he only ever met TWO FRIENDS OF HERS FROM HER ENTIRE LIFE. There was no one from her past, like from high school that she ever mentioned or that he ever met, saw, etc. THAT IS SO CREEPY!! Anyway, not only would she have a problem maintaining an intimate relationship, she has a problem maintaining any kind of relationship. She literally has no friends. He said he was constantly embarrassed of her in social settings, because she was just so weird and boring – like, no personality. All of his friends (and he’s got tons of friends from work and his past, etc) met her and just think she’s dull and strange. She tries to stay fit – like she runs races and stuff like that – and she tries to look young with what she wears but her taste is so tacky (he said she’s from kind of a hicktown redneck town and she just doesn’t really know any better). She’s literally been to like 5 states in the entire US, so she’s really closed minded and hasn’t been exposed to much. My ex went to Yale. My fiance is a dr. I have a masters degree. So, we are all like highly educated, but she like never even went to college – she’s so small minded and uneducated. She refused to work during their marriage (which doesn’t surprise me, seeing her lack of social skills) so I bet it’s hard for her to get back to that. She’s a respiratory therapist making pennies. She’ll live off of what she stole in the divorce. Stephanie will run her into the ground financially thought. I’m sure she thinks she’s too good to go to blah blah blah college (and Mary being the dumbass that she is and not knowing anything about anything) will just spend however much it takes to send Stephanie to wherever she feels she “deserves” to go, despite the fact that she could get the same education elsewhere for like 1/3 the cost. Stephanie has an entitlement problem to the fullest, any Mary believes her daughter deserves the very best of everything, so I find it super hard to believe that her money will last her very long.
So, what’s your take on these two? Any official diagnoses or other predictions? Fiancé told me he doesn’t think that they will re-emerge in a fury over our idyllic life, but he’s naive and innocent and I think he underestimates their evil. And Stephanie needs lots of supply (she has gotten ample supply from him for the past 3 years, and since it’s stopped 8 months ago) I imagine she’s going to be needing supply soon. I’m sure mom gives lots of supply, but if she’s used to getting it from both, I would think maybe mom isn’t sufficient. Or, maybe for now she is – because she’s also getting whatever she and mom think she “deserves”.
I’m half tempted to post this type of exposing email to all of the people at her high school just to watch her have to deal with the fact that her facade is ruined. To know that people really know what her an mom are really up to. That’s what she “deserves”. Lol…