Sweet Caroline
I would like to tell you about an ex-girlfriend called Caroline. The song ‘Sweet Caroline’ was spot on. She was a positive delight. Nothing was too much trouble for her. She enjoyed helping people and when I met her all the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up. My nostrils twitched, my pupils dilated and as I took her dainty hand, I could feel the power I would gain from this paragon of virtue already coursing through my body. To describe her as an empath would do her a dis-service. She was an empath. If I was a vampire I had just been given the keys to the blood bank.
Caroline had a huge conscience. It was sufficient to represent several people such was its scope and reach. This was marvellous for me as it ensured that she was completely open to my manipulative behaviour. Not only did I know that her decency, her caring nature and her honesty would make her susceptible to my overtures I also knew that she would not stand up to me or fight back. Ever. This is because I knew that she felt that standing up for herself felt alien and wrong to her. It was not something she was ever wired to do because she had never needed to do it. Everybody liked her and she revelled so much in helping other people she completely failed to see when people took advantage of her generosity because she was so caught up in being a good person.
I took advantage the most and would subject her to the entire array of my tools from my Kit of Devaluation. She would stand there sobbing in front of me, frustration and bewilderment overloading her emotions as she would say,
“I would put my foot down with you, but it feels wrong doing that to someone who needs help.”
It was mana from heaven. She would even tell me why she would not fight back. It felt wrong to her. This really was a carte blanche for me to do anything I liked and I knew always that she would not stay away,or ignore me but she would try so hard to make everything alright and to try and understand me. She would be exhausted, eyes barely open as she tried to touch me and urged me just to tell her what was really wrong and she would help me.
I did wonder if she had been ensnared by one of my kind previously, but she had not. I thought this because her thinking seemed automatically aligned to do what I wanted as soon as I had met her. Usually that takes a bit of time to achieve that state of mind on the part of my victim. I have to hammer their conscience into a particular shape so that they start thinking in a manner which is calibrated to my wants and demands. Not with Caroline. This work had already been done but not by one of us, no, she came already programmed. She was the only one I found who was like that. She really was a keeper. It was a shame she had to be taken away in the end, but I suppose even someone with as large a conscience as Caroline can only stand so much. I haven’t found anybody on her scale yet, but of course, I am always searching.
33 thoughts on “Sweet Caroline”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Ok I relate with her so much. This made me cry☹
”It was a shame she had to be taken away in the end, but I suppose even someone with as large a conscience as Caroline can only stand so much.”
Taken away in the end?
I know you write because you have a plan, but do you enjoy writing?
I find it intellectually stimulating.
I don’t really buy it that she hadn’t been exposed to an N previously. The damage had to have been done somewhere. No healthy person allows themselves to be treated like that without some prior damage.
I’m in my mid 50’s and after my relationship from hell with N, have just come to the realization, after much soul searching, that my dear Queen Mother is a raging N. She was why I was primed to accept that nonsense. My self worth and identity was to ‘please’. I was no more than an object.
Caroline didn’t realize it then. Hopefully she has by now and that she finds that place in herself and heals it.
I have one quick question. Do you feel that you hate women? They are objects and vehicles for you but you do not respect, admire or otherwise appreciate women. Is it hate or is it that we are just inconsequential? Are you trying to replay what your mother did to you in order to have a different, more acceptable outcome? Okay. It was two questions. Sue me.
I hate certain behaviours namely ignoring me or criticising me, it does not matter where it comes from. If you are a woman and you give me what I need I will admire that. If you ignore me I will hate you. I find someone else and you become inconsequential. You matter to me when I require fuel from you and otherwise you do not.
Am I trying to replay what my mother did in order to have a different acceptable outcome? I am forging my own path in order to escape that rather long shadow.
The claim form has been prepared by the way, what’s your address for service?!
so criticism and ignorance. .. easy not to use it….what else? Feed me G…
Caroline sounds like a codependent. Her empathic nature and desires to help others. She could have developed these traits at any point in her life after being exposed to another person’s addiction. Or perhaps neglect or trauma from a primary caregiver. Codependents and Narcs are magnets to one another.
Indeed they are magnets DBDW,
Ok. Thanks. Will look forward to it. 👍🏻👍🏻
So if Caroline was so sweet and so perfect… Why did you devalue her?? In what terms did she fail and make you rage?? By not giving you enough attention ??? What was exactly her biggest “mistake”? I suppose she ended up by leaving you?
Hi Nikita, because it is the law of diminishing returns. She was sweet and perfect and tried but then all of that becomes less satisfying. The fuel she provides through positivity is not as potent as it used to be. I then have to turn to devaluing her in order to extract a different type of fuel, the negative variety which becomes more potent. Yes, she did leave me but I give her a nudge every so often for the purpose of gathering some more fuel from her. Nobody gets away completely.
would be very interesting to read a book on stories of how you extract negative fuel from your women. I remember only the one with an Histerical actresd where you made mistakes on purpose when helping her rehearse 😱😱
Yes she was rather demanding and it amused me no end fluffing my lines and ensuring she reacted with anger and frustration. There are many ways I have extracted negative fuel from my other halves and this provides the more potent fuel. I am working on a book which concerns the various ladies who I have entangled and as part of that it will show the various ways I have extracted negative fuel, so you will find your wish is granted in that book. I am not sure when it will be published though, but it will at some point, there are others ahead in the queue.
That’s me. Always nice and accommodating to him.
Time wasted.
Define “nudge” please, if you will and how does Caroline respond back?
A nudge in this instance is a text,a call or I just happen to appear where she works. She is always pleased to hear from me.
I was both of these in one I know I was damn good supply because he wanted to secure it and we were married within 9 months of meeting each other.. I was attached to a 15 year long abusive relationship of physical abuse when I met him..he saw my pic on Facebook from the church fan page and requested me. I was instantly scared because I was attracted immediately. I waited 2 weeks and did not accept his request. Then at church a large mega church a well respected pastor called him up on stage by first name and I saw him in person. I thought he was safe was relieved because leadership at church knew him. How naive and wrong omg. Something was highlighting him to me I was drawn to him he never see saw me in person. I accepted his friend request after that. Then the magnetism began . I had been at this 7000 person church same as him for a year before this occurred. I ended up in a big crowd right next to him and. Gave him a big smile saying hello ! He looked startled like who is she? Then shortly after, my then boyfriend sent me to grocery store being a jerk I went and exactly as I pulled into spot at grocery store he pulled on at same time side by side. I freaked out in the car. I said omg ! God what are you doing!? We were cordial and friendly but I was still nervous. I began to see his vehicle everywhere like a magnet drawn. I envisioned making love to him. Then I made a move and approached him asking him to take notes for me on something I was going to miss at church .. He enthusiastically accepted and rest us history. I was very drawn and pulled to him and the church also has narc leaders. He had a rule of not approaching women he said I was the only one bold enough who did.
That’s very interesting, thank you for sharing it. Do you think it was coincidence that he ended up next to you in the crowd or that he pulled up beside you at the grocery store? I don’t. You were targeted.
Yeah I think your right.I was there at church a year before I met him. He would sit in front area of church , I was always going up to front prayer teams my mom was dying if cancer. He said one time he remembered seeing me do that but quickly changed subject. I got a chill up my spine a few times I had that thought but there is a spiritual factor I cannot explain. Sometimes he would arrive somewhere before me. Stores, etc. I would see his car in motion going places I live in major city. I lived in gated secure community …but demons can do that ..they have advance knowledge of where your going and can beat you there … So I guess I answered my own question
You certainly did.
It is nice to see that you remember them in very positive ways with what probably drew your attention to them in the first place. Your answer could have gone either way. Your focus could have been on what you enjoyed most from either of their downfalls when you inflicted from your kit of devaluation tools. But, it appears, at first response, you speak complimentary of these two.
Indeed, I remember them more for what they gave to me in the initial stages of our relationships rather than later. I suppose this is because I take some pride in having defeated these strengths through my machinations.
How was Caroline different than your other favorite Karen? If you thought you could have one more go around with either, would you try to resurface?
Caroline was a very sweet person. She was kind, loving and a wholesome person, maybe a little naïve. Karen was harder in an independent way. She did not suffer fools but felt it was her mission to try and fix me and handle every challenge I sent her way. Both were fantastic sources of fuel. I would relish the opportunity to extract from them again but for reasons which I may reveal in due course, that won’t happen.
Are you proud of yourself ?
You write with utter arrogance & egomaniac overtones.
I don’t believe narcissism to be an ‘illness’ rather a notion of entitlement & complete lack of decency.
I am a proud person yes. You are correct. Narcissism isn’t an illness, it is a label attached to those of us who are superior. I do have a strong sense of entitlement but then you’d be entitled if you were like me.
Oh goodness not! The lesser narcs with poor hygiene are certainly inferior.. But do they even feel superior? Do they not realize they are disgusting?
Ok I have a strange question, but then again maybe it won’t sound as weard or strange to you.
Were you born or created?
Hello Bianca and thank you for your post. Naturally I was born. My mother told me about it and of course we are all born. In terms of what I am today I was very much created.This does lead to a rather interesting philosophical debate about what self is. I was created special and at times it is a burden.
Funny, I have been thinking about the concept of Self today. Ithas always seemed very vague to me. But today I was thinking about the idea that is something that may be in your DNA that needs to manifest, to express. Could be your talent. I know it is still vague but somehow I liked this idea and helped me to think of it in those terms.
HG, do you write to get in contact with your self (the “true” one, not the constructed one)?
No, I do not, Lou.