Dr O, who is now clearly flirting with me (her skirt was two inches shorter than at the previous session) asked me the following question.

“Your neighbour has bought a new car. It is clearly better and more expensive than yours. How do you feel?”

I frowned as I didn’t understand what she meant but I recalled seeing one of my colleagues react when he said he had bought a new suit and then I showed him the label on mine and told him the price tag. He was angry and another colleague told me that he was jealous. Gotcha Doc O, you want me to feel jealous, but I’m no epsilon semi-moron, so I’m not going to say that. Instead I retorted with.

“That would not happen.”

“Why not?” she asked. I also saw her shift her legs to reveal more thigh. The sly fox.

“He cannot afford a car better than mine.”

“How do you know?”

“He just can’t.His job is not as good as mine.”

“It might be,” she countered.

“It’s not.”

“Okay. Let’s say you are right.”

“I am right.”

She paused and made a note in her hardback note pad. Her pen looks elegant. A fountain pen. Most likely Mont Blanc. She has taste.

“Yes. For the sake of this question, let us assume he can afford a better car than yours.”

“It still would not happen.”

“Why?”

“He has not got the style sense to select anything better than my vehicle.”

“Right. Again, for the sake of the question, assume he has both the money and the er style sense.”

“Okay. It still won’t happen.”

“Why not?” She uncrossed her legs and shifted in her seat. She was getting irritated. I could read her that way.

“I would call every prestige car dealer in the city and ensure they would not sell to him.”

“Really?”

I nodded.

“Okay, but again for the sake of the question and I would be grateful if you would just answer it, assume he buys one from another city or a dealer reneges on your agreement and he purchases a better and more expensive car. How would you feel?”

“It’s still not going to happen.”

“Oh come on, how on earth not?”

“No dealer will dare cross me.”

“And if he goes outside of the city?” She leant forward sensing she might have bettered me now.

“How’s he going to get there when I have firebombed his inferior and less expensive motor vehicle?”

Dr O shook her head, scribbled something in her notepad for a moment and then left the room.

Denial. It gets them every single time.

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At the outset I want you to love me. I want that so so much. It is all I want. I am so taken with you I want you with me all the time. I want to see you laugh, smile and gaze at me with nothing but admiration in your beautiful eyes. I am utterly encapsulated by you and I want you to feel the same about me. Desperately. I know that you won’t want to leave someone marvellous like me, but even despite this I have this nagging doubt that you might not want to stay. Thus I redouble my efforts to keep you beside me. I will do anything for you and I love you. I truly do. I cannot help it but I fall in love with you so quickly and so deeply that everything else in the world melts away. You are everything to me and I want to be everything to you. I want to do the things you do. I want to like the things you like. I want us to become one. I want it to be that you cannot see where I start and you end. Such is my overwhelming love for you that I cast everything else aside in my devout pursuit of you. It is with the best of intentions. We belong together. It is written in the stars above and I will utilise every resource that I have, every ounce of willing, every breath in my body to ensure you and I are one. That way you are happy and I am happy. That’s all I want. To be happy.

It is the beginning of September. Summer is over and now it is Autumn(or Fall to our transatlantic cousins). Keats summed up this wonderful season magnificently in his Ode to Autumn. This is my favourite season. Yes, I enjoy the heat of the sun during the Summer months but for me Autumn is the most beautiful month. The air smells different as a slight chill pervades it. Mist rises with elongated shafts of weakening sunlight percolating through it. The splendid canopy of leaves becomes a breath taking array of gold, russet and rust. This season marks change. A new school or school year, perhaps the beginning of university or a new job. For me it always brings out the need for change in me too. A need to change some of my admirers. I find this exciting as it is a project for me and one which will bring me such rewards in new, fresh and attentive admirers. I also get to watch with interest the behaviour of the old admirers as I push them away. I have certain categories of admirer. They are as follows; Lover, Best Friend, Colleague, Family and Wildcard. I find five works best. Like a pentacle. Of course, I have lots of admirers but I assign a particularly important admirer within these categories to ensure I receive the optimum amount of attention.

Changing Lover usually creates the most fireworks. My old one usually clings on and fights which amuses me no end and the pursuit of their replacement is tantalisingly sweet. I have not decided who this will be just yet although the new female neighbour is at the forefront of my thoughts. Best Friend is usually accomplished rather easily. I have four close lieutenants and they seem content to move the mantle of Best Friend between them. Colleague is also a simple operation as I am high up in the business’ hierarchy so to become my favourite is a privilege. Family sometimes takes a bit of effort as they curiously seem to resist me doing this, but whoever I select will succumb in the end. They always do. Finally the Wildcard. This is someone random I select who does not fall into the other categories. The role is currently held by the bartender at a bar in town which I frequent. It could become the postman, a bank clerk or one of the teachers. Then again, Dr O would fill this role magnificently.

Responsibility is the price of freedom. Dr E said this to me. I told him that Elbert Hubbard had said this. Dr E was suitably impressed. Hubbard was a writer, artists and philosopher. I told Dr E that as well. Dr E asked me if I agreed with this statement. I like it when he makes a statement and invites me to comment on it. He clearly values my opinion. I said I disagreed with the statement for two reasons. Firstly, freedom is the absence of responsibility. That is why I am free. I am not shackled by the conventions of responsibility, that would inhibit me too much. My excellence at my job cannot be constrained by such a notion, that is why the legwork must be done by others. I am the creator, the genesis of the big idea. I am not responsible for others, they must lead their own lives. Yes I try to ensure they follow the right path, I guide and direct but I am not responsible for the outcome. That lies with other people. I must be free to do as I want otherwise how can I function? I cannot be kept caged. My freedom is paramount, it is my right. Dr E asked me what the second reason was. I explained that one cannot accept such a statement made by a travelling soap salesman, what would he know about the subject?