The Caretaker
I would like to tell you about one of my ex-girlfriends, Karen. Karen, this is directed to you out of recognition of how spectacular your supply of fuel was. It was one of, if not the best.
Using my legendary powers of empathy detection I was able to pick you out like a pig sniffing for truffles. Some might suggest that it quite an apt analogy. I identified that you are a caretaker. You are a passionate, caring and strong individual. How best might I harness the sweet, sweet fuel that you would be bound to supply to me? I decided that rather than love bomb you I would apply a different technique. Yes I was polite, complimentary and took an interest in you so you were drawn to me, but I did not bombard you in the way that I ordinarily might. No instead I decided that I needed to test you. I reasoned that you would see me as a challenge. Most of my victims apply their caretaking instincts when I start to devalue, demean and belittle them. They want to fix me in order to return to the golden period. I opted in your case to start testing you from near the beginning.
You were never allowed to contact me first. You had to wait until I made contact and then you had to respond within one minute. If you did not you clearly did not care about me. I would wait hours in the day before I made the approach to you. Was I denying myself fuel in this way? Yes and no. Of course I was not receiving the usual blitz of telephone calls and texts that I ordinarily would when I would love bomb. This way however I knew you were always thinking of me, wondering when I might call or send a text message. I knew you would be repeatedly checking your phone and be in a state of readiness to respond. Knowing that I was ever present gave me a different kind of fuel at a different stage of our relationship to how it usually would be. When that first reply came, the power that surged me from having you waiting and ready, was intense.
I would insist that you refrain from eating before me, even when we were apart, to ensure that your hunger pangs reminded you that you were doing this at my say so. You would agree because you wanted to prove to me how much you loved me, how passionate you felt about me and that you would not be beaten. You readily became a co-conspirator in this game. I devised knew and harder challenges, pushing you each time and always you rose to the challenge and indeed you would often surpass my expectations.
As ever, I was several steps ahead of you. When I grew tired of this and starting to demean you, the conditioning that I had subjected you to in our golden period was so strong that you went above and beyond to try and please me. No matter how fruitless this seemed you never gave in. You showed immense reserves of discipline and strength, your depth of character was startling and it was all being used up on me.
I may tell you how my relationship with Karen ended at some point.
81 thoughts on “The Caretaker”
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Vrrrr. Familiar vibes.
The relationship with N1 is: “Admire. Support. Comfort.”
The relationship with N2 is: “Wait.” Fuck wait.
The command system is well known to me.
It taught me a lot.
Are we going to be reading a tale about Dr O anytime soon?
I hope it didn’t end up like Dangerous Liaisons with John Malkovich and Michelle Pfeiffer. I really like that movie but it gives me a pain in my chest .. like a really tight feeling.. it’s like you can feel her pain because she loved him so much..
I cannot watch it unless I’m feeling strong in general and things are going fairly well otherwise I will end up in pieces.
But it is a very good film.
HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. I thought Doug might have not been a narcissist because I wasn’t loved bombed. In fact I was told over and over “You could never be a girl I could REALLY love…” I was hesitant to even invest any feelings for him, and he acted like a best friend for most of our relationship… HE DID THIS. He drew me in, to where it was my choice to enter into this relationship. He even told me “I’m a giant asshole” but then was in the midst of pining/breaking up with his soulmate… he was a sad, pathetic alcoholic who needed my help.
Dear lord in heaven, thank god I have a little evil and ruthlessness in me otherwise, I couldn’t have recovered from his bullshit this quickly. I’m not even sure he is one of your kind, in that, there has been little attempt at hoovering, and I do believe he might be a bit afraid of what I can do to him – public humiliation, financial trouble and legal revelation. I am not an ordinary victim, in that the only real wound I suffered is probably emotional – and that is turning into anger/hate – which I would hope dissapates with the NO CONTACT.
Oh my. I was a Karen. Everything was a test but I was patient. I was such a great caretaker. Stood by him for 2 months while he was in jail. His letters were so amazing but nothing but lies. When he got out unexpectedly I picked him up. Even broke up with the other guy I was seeing the entire 4 months I knew him. But I believed we were destined to be together. His words were so good. After 4 amazing days together and confessions of his love he disappeared. He hd no phone or social media. I could not get in touch with him. It ate at me. I realize I was discarded 3 months ago when this happened. Have not heard from him since. I am fearful he may return 1 day. I keep telling myself if he was going to it would have happened, so I am in the clear. Ugh.
Indiglowsky, I had the most elaborate escape a fantasy of writing in blood on the bathtub walls surrounding, you can’t have me now, a bath full of blood, it was in the bath and in the shower I cried and begged for God to take me, I would bring my martinis with Gin, I hate Vodka, and fantasize the most gruesome suicide, until I came to the realization I was dying every day, life or death? I committed to life and began to plot another escape…I’m a warrior fuck survivor here’s my sword!
Fascinating. I was not love bombed and if I were, it would have set me I to guarded mode. Worried for poor Karen. Curious of the ending. And, FYI, there are those that do commit suicide after being abused by a narcissist/sociopaths. Such as those with severe BPD and or depression. It’s very sad.
Did ALICE perhaps escape through the RABBIT HOLE …to WONDERLAND to be a PHOENIX??? Is she the one that got away to never look back😎😚
Happy New year and New souls to snatch blah blah… wont say a Happy New year as yet for me but I am still alive. I nearly did end it.. ended up in hospital. I actually enjoyed the time there. Awsome people. Was nice to be taken care of for a change. Not worry about my safety or food which you and your kind deny human basic needs. Feel much healthier. My narc went off Social media probably for the Grand finale. I really don’t give a rats ass. I ignored him trying to get a reaction from me. Wanting to see me again. How he missed me Christmas day… boy did he try few things that he knows will push me into a full blown bitch ….. So so boring . I did not fall for any of it… no reaction no nothing. Well I am so proud for ME. But I wonder will his big reveal be smearing me with going in for the last kill/win. Or will it just be his new happy life or keeping me from knowing who she is… which I really don’t care and wont even try to warn her.. not even close. Will he leave me alone now? Still feel something coming. Anyway.. its already new year and still no reveal. What is it with this post that so ME… and no revealing as yet… ??? why is this dragging on?
Survivor
I feel you’re pain. I to felt like ending it all and done days still feel like its the only option left. We have to keep string and not let them win.
When are you going to reveal how this ended? Why is my narc contacting me I have nothing left I have nothing to offer him. What is he up to. Why does he not stop torturing me. He has so many flying monkeys I cant talk to anyone anymore. He knows I know what he is now and I do not keep my mouth to what he has done to me. Does he want to me to commit suicide? Is that what he wants? Cause I really can not take this anymore.
I haven’t decided yet. He will never stop because you will always provide him with something, namely fuel. I very much doubt he wants you to hurt yourself as this will cut off the fuel. Have you read Escape? If not, I recommend you do and implement it fast.
Do you think your big reveal would be like next Christmas???
Still no reveal. I have thought about this one and it feels sometimes there are a hit on me. I am not going to say why I think this. It could be just in my head … true not true. So better safe than sorry hey so I have few things just in case. Still no reveal as yet??
So when are you revealing how this ended. This story might as well have been me.
All in good time survivor. How was your situation so similar? I am interested to know.
Oh really interested…. read your’re post again. Why is this such a secret is this still ongoing? Why can you not reveal it?
I also find it interesting that you say you were “forced” into treatment. Maybe it’s different there across the pond but, from what I know about psychotherapy, you can only be forced into treatment by either a judges order or by being institutionalized. Maybe you felt like it was the best option to get out of whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself in but, it was still your choice nonetheless. No judgement here…just curious engagement!
You are correct. The ultimate decision was mine (although I would not put it past my family to try and have me sectioned (that is the term in the UK for the state detaining you in a hospital) although I was forced into it as I did not have a choice, not really. I did not think it was the best option to get out of a mess, I am never in them, I just walk away from the carnage unscathed, but it was the best option to get something that I want. Oh and my brother laid it on a bit thick too.
I see. How many siblings do you have? Do they have narc tendencies or any other psychological-type issues? What is it about your brother that makes you compelled to heed his advice?
I have two brothers and a sister. I know of no psychological issues they have save for an overwhelming tendency to interfere in my life. I feel compelled to heed my brother’s advice because he owes me. I have done a lot for him and he has a considerable debt to me. His advice and observations are part of him paying that debt and I am content to accept that part payment.
Ive been thinking about that and I honestly am not sure. Im not confident in myself much anymore and have no family support. Plus he has all the money, if I leave I think I’d only leave w my 4 kids. Cars are in his name, everything is technically his. I know if we were to divorce I’d get some assets and child support but at what cost? I havent been alone for 14 years and I know I love him, in spite of everything. Its like I cant let go of the hope that things will get better…but I suspect u already know all this huh. Honestly I dont know. Sorry for the long post. Im obviously an empath and very sensitive, its a curse I’ve come to believe…I have read a post u did on divorce and I suspect my narc would come after me the same way. After years of living w him I just dont have it in me to fight like that. He might even try to take my kids, and if I did leave I’d have no immediate way to support them. Children need stability and they have a home and everything they need here. I dont think I could break up our family just bc I’m unhappy at times…Anyway, I do realize you’re being honest about yourself and no, I do not want things to be sugar coated. As u said, thats how I was reeled in. Ive searched for narcissism from the narc’s point of view and didnt have any luck until I found your blog and its like Pandora’s box, I cant stop reading. I love hearing your point of view, please keep the posts coming!! Thank you so much for your time and replies 🙂
Thank you for your candour. Not to take anything away from the situation your find yourself in, but I have read similar explanations on numerous occasions. I am not going to tell you about how much you will benefit from making the break because you are a typical, delightful empath who puts everyone before yourself and thus that is in part why you are in your current situation. What I will write to you is that you need to read Escape : How to Beat the Narcissist because it is written precisely for people in your situation. It will be available later this week and you will find it invaluable receiving my observations when I know my kind. I am delighted you find the blog of use, feel free to spread the word and do keep contributing.
I did that …fasted ate only what he ate , starved waited for him to tell me what scripture we were fasting on. Ugh since I left he said that we are to fast and pray for 30 days with no sex… And then come back around and see what we heard from God.. I know Bs.. because even after I left I was craving my drug (him the only ..way i felt connected and wanted was in sex) and i trying to use sex weapon against him too which I think he realized and stopped yo maintain control … Forget any of it I saw it was another tactic ,game and I’m not doing it. It will certainly end in divorce I knew it same day.
The use of sex as a weapon is well documented between couples and especially so between narcs and our victims. We use it to reel you in and we are very good at it. So many times I read “I don’t miss him but I miss the sex” or “she always wanted sex and was so into it”. It is intoxicating and as I have written we understand the way people behave so we know which sexual buttons to press (plus we have often had a lot of sexual partners so we have plenty of experience) and then we give you such an enticing and erotic time so it slays you when we withhold it. As you found out, we know full well when you are trying to use sex as a weapon. Don’t bother, you will not succeed with us.
I’m guessing that she killed herself. I also imagine that would be the ultimate compliment for a monster such as yourself. The only downside would be that she’s not around to torture anymore. I’m disturbingly fascinated by your blog. You’re sick and twisted, but I can’t stop reading. Do your docs think there is any way you can, for lack of a better word, recover? From my understanding, narcs usually don’t seek treatment because they feel there is nothing wrong with them. I’m curious as to what made you get treatment?
Hello Dilligaf and thank you for your patience in awaiting a reply. I am not going to reveal what happened,not just yet.I would not want someone to kill themselves as then they would be no use to me would they? I am pleased you find the blog fascinating and I am glad you are interacting with me, I hope it continues. Yes, I get called sick and twisted quite often, it does not bother me. I know people operate to a different value system to me and find my behaviour reprehensible, but that is the nature of the beast.
The doctors have not said that I can recover, as you put it. They are trying to get me to see the impact of my behaviour (which is pointless because I already know about the impact, but they want to earn their fees I suppose) before deciding how to address it.
You are right, I did not seek out any treatment as there is nothing wrong with me. I am this way and the world has to deal with it. Perhaps if people got on and did as I asked they would not get themselves so worked up.
I was forced in to treatment by my family who love to interfere in my life. I stand to lose a significant amount of money if I do not go through the treatment so I am going along with it. Plus I find it an interesting challenge since I want to make Dr O mine in due course. Oh and my brother pleaded with me to do it. I quite like him so I said I would just to see him smile. See, I can be rather pleasant if I want to.
I’m not a monster by the way,I am as human as you.
You did something just to see your brother smile. My husband uses that expression often, btw. According to him he does things just to see me smile. Anyway, my point is that u agreed to what your brother wanted bc you quite like him. Can u remember how u felt, in that moment? Im curious 🙂 Im also fascinated by your writing and your honesty. Ive been with a man for 4 years (on and off of course) and I just discovered Narcissism about 3 months ago, trying to figure out his behavior. The things you do and ways you interact w ppl is very similar to him. Manipulation, isolation, triangulation, almost every aspect of what you’ve described. My only judgment is I’m happy that u recognize the fact that u shouldnt have children, there is no room for them and you. I wish my husband would have realized this, or that I’d refused him children. In any case, I am learning a lot of valuable lessons from you and how I will apply them in my relationship. I wish u well in your treatment and hope u get the desired result.
How did I feel in the moment when my brother asked me to do it and I agreed because I quite like him? I, in my own peculiar way have looked after my brother and this was his way of trying to look after me. I did not want to do it but I felt in a perverse way he owed me for what I had done for him and him asking me to do this was his way of repaying me. Does that make sense? Thus I felt a sense of accomplishment in getting him to repay me.
Thank you also for your kind words about my treatment, we shall see what develops. I am pleased that you are finding my writing useful, I take it you have read Manipulated judging by your comments ?
Yes with regard to children as you will have read I did it purely to avoid the dilution of my fuel, there was no noble sentiment behind it. This has disappointed several girlfriends although funnily enough they usually throw it back in my face when it all burns to the ground ” Thank God you have no demonspawn to infect the world,” is one of the more colourful declarations.
You are right there is no room for us and them. Many narcs want children because they want them to be their extensions and/or they use it as a tool to bind the victim to them(she will never leave me if we have children together, but I can do as I please and keep going back to her). I made my decision early and it is not one that I regret. It is interesting that your write that you would have refused him children but that is an empty wish. You did not know what he was then did you? What do you intend to do now that you have discovered his narcissism?
All humans are monsters, in my opinion. We all have done terrible things in varying degrees of wickedness. Not one of us is without sin!
Hello magpie and thank you for your post. With that open minded approach do you think that I might be offered salvation?
We are all offered salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ if we are willing to give our lives to him & truly repent! I struggle with this daily because I have serious issues with submission & control so I can tell you from experience that it won’t be easy. I wonder something about narcs, though…I assume they would most likely be atheist, seeing that it would be hard to accept there is a force more powerful than themselves. If you’re open to discussing that, I would love to hear how your experience with God may or may not go along with my theory.
So, there was a time when HG used to answer with more than (yes, no and thank you).
Wow, you got a brother? Is he an empath? I would love to know more about him. Have you written about your siblings somewhere, HG?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Thank you. This sound like daniel bryan’s chants. (Yes, yes, yes).
Can you offer the name of the work?
Oh, because you can’t see what comment am referring to in your moderation. I mean, can you offer the name of the work where you wrote about your siblings?
https://narcsite.com/2018/05/30/the-doormat-8/
See the book Chained
See the book Fury
See the book Elated and Eroded
See the Confessions books
Many thanks, I will consider reading all of them.
Dear HG,
Re: “Plus I find it an interesting challenge since I want to make Dr O mine in due course”
Have you succeeded, in making a shielded psychiatrist yours?
Thank you!
She is mine in terms of added to the fuel matrix, but not mine in an intimate sense, but that is not necessary now.
HG, you were interested in seducing Dr O in the past. I guess you lost that interest when you found out she’s cooperating with your relatives.
You also said she had feelings for you but tried to control them. Do you still think she has feelings for you?
Hello Lou,
I lost interest when I saw no need to seek such seduction. That was occasioned by my interest elsewhere.
Yes, she still has feelings for me. They have taken a darker turn as of late.
Ooooh, interesting… Have you ignited her fury? What have you done this time HG? I can very well imagine you have done something that has upset her because you were not very happy with her.
Could you tell us a little more about this now? I guess no, but at least I tried. LOL.
Is Dr O in a relationship?
No.
HG
Does Dr O know about the Shieldmaiden?
Yes.
Do you think that is part of the reason her feelings for you have turned darker?
Partly.
Not very professional of Dr O. But I don’t know all the facts.
I thought the GD didn’t know about SM. You must have told them recently then.
what do they think then about your relationship with SM?
They regard it as most encouraging and they support it.
Well, the GD must know you well., so if they support your relationship with SM is because they must think there’s a good basis for you to try a different dynamic.
Have you ever spoken to them about how a healthy relationship should be like?
Yes and I have heard from others on the subject. Of course, it is ‘healthy’ from their perspective.
Is Dr O a lieutenant or friend to one of your relative’s who had a part in forcing your therapy?
No.
Interesting comments in regards to dr. O. She is the very example i posted about of a psychologist who is either a narcissist or has unresolved issues herself.
Shes probably angry bc she knows in a way she was duped by a client and fell for the seduction yet knew it was wrong. You have the fuel HG of knowing you scored in a seduction and much less your own psychologist what does that say of her as a professional…time for her to brush up on her education and get some therapy of her own.
In essence she was/is being used for ego boost and made herself part of your matrix willingly. Shes probably feels ashamed and angry at the fact that you really arent interested in her and have someone you are.
This will hopefully be a learning curve for her in future dealings with clients. She broke code of ethics by allowing flirtation and her feelings to become inappropriate in nature. This is the very type of psychologist id steer clear of!!
I have not read all of the GD posts, but plan to because I’m interested. I feel bad for Dr. O based on these comments, unless she is a narcissist, in which case… her problem, whatever.
But I would not see myself faring well in this situation, so good I’m not a psychologist. I think I’d be truly great at some aspects of it, but narcissist issues and my own are too much.
Hold up! Is Dr. O the Shieldmaiden?????
Never mind. I read further down and got my answer.
N-o.
Maybe a colleague of hers?
I couldn’t give a crap how it ended, you douche bag. Wouldn’t give you the satisfaction. It should’ve ended with a bullet in your head.
And that’s how I am I fed.
Are you ever concerned you may drive someone to such madness, you could end up the victim of a crime of passion? When you utilize triangulation, is that a final cutoff to discard 2 people for good? (Even though you say you will never leave them alone).
No, they would not dare do that. My targets are not going to cross that line. True, I will divest them of their sanity but I am confident that law breaking is not in their make-up. If they tried I would be able to handle them and actually would enjoy charming them into submission.
Triangulation is not a cut-off but is my way of having you try harder because of a perceived threat from the person (or device) I have brought into the relationship. Even better is where the other two parts of the triangle fight for supremacy over me. Maximum fuel.
so true, if others just understood that. my name is Karen your article freaked me out lol ….hopefully you are full now but we know that never happens….
Thank you for your comment and that is part of the purpose of sharing my acts and thoughts so more people do understand. I tend to forget you have real names as I just see the user name you have chosen instead. Yes, achieving a sated state is the driving aim but as you identify, it does not happen. Not that that deters us.
My initial gut reaction to reading this is that Karen’s fall to oblivion had a worse fate than your others if you are choosing to not share it. She was all consuming in her resolve to love you. This usually ends in tragedy for all or nothing people.
Your gut reaction is correct. I may share it in due course. Yes, those who give everything either win big or lose everything. I do tell people that in dealing with my kind and me you are often best served by your gut reaction.
Was Karen’s GUT reaction to you was to get far away from you and go NO CONTACT??? And did you put a HIT on her?
Her gut reaction was to try and help. The only hit I engage in is High Intensity Triangulation.
isn’t that the truth something your kind taught me well.
It did for me 😔
Looking back my ex was testing me from our first date😔😔
Clarece
I love your questions.
Usually something I want to ask and then you’ve already asked it.
Honestly your ex lost big time when he lost you.
You are so completely together so kind and caring and diligent.
Thanks Clarece for posing your questions throughout the archives that I have come across over time.
They really have helped in my learning aswell.
NarcAngel and Windstorm too..over time. Lots of smiles and giggles as well as the serious stuff. Absolutely Fabulous. Thank you all so much for the really great contributions that really have helped with learning. X
DebbieWolf
Thank you. The feeling is mutual.
Hi DebbieWolf! Oh my gosh, thank you! I’m so glad if I helped your situation indirectly. Something transpired earlier this week that I was down from and was feeling like my efforts are invisible. I think the Ex believes he came out on top where I am concerned. But it was sure nice hearing what you had to say and that is ending my week on a great note. I always asked HG questions straight on because I never knew how long he may be doing it and I had nothing to lose by being so direct with him.
DebbieWolf
❤️
I’m thinking she left you for a real man. One that does not act like a kid playing silly mind games who is NEEDY for attention . And also who does not use words like expensive CROCKERY.
You do make me laugh, thank you.
You are welcome . 😂😂