Enjoy the Silence
Enjoy the Silence is a magnificent song and I hope that Depeche Mode won’t mind me using a picture of their cover. I remember when I first heard this song in February 1990 (yes it is over 25 years old) and not only did I think it was a superb song it epitomised my view of silence. I wrote about how I use silence as a weapon, it is my silent assassin. I enjoy using it because my first deployment of it indoctrinates you to a way of thinking. There are, however, other reasons why I enjoy it.
Firstly, I don’t have to do anything. Yes that’s right. I don’t have to say or do a thing. I just walk away and stay away from you. I love anything that saves me energy whilst provoking a reaction in you and that is why the silent treatment is one of my favourite, if not my favourite method of getting to you. I also know that you won’t just shrug your shoulders and think “Oh well, he will get in touch when he is ready to, I will just get on with my life.” I know this because your type just do not do that. You care about other people so if you think something is wrong (and especially if you then begin to think that you are the cause) you will do anything you can to try and ascertain what has happened and then repair it. That means that you will not stay away. You see, I have it all worked out.
Secondly, once I have given you a concentrated and potent dose of the silent treatment you will be ever anxious to avoid a repeat. You hated it so much you will always be alert to it happening again. This puts you in a state of hypervigilance. You cannot settle. You are anxious. You are always looking to see if there is a trigger for it happening again. You start to try and second guess me to ensure what you are about to say or what you are about to do won’t result in you being consigned to silence again. Thus you become compliant and will do what I want in order to keep silence at bay. Very effective wouldn’t you say? With a couple of ex-girlfriends and a work colleague who I had subjected to the silent treatment, when I was about to do it again, I left them a copy of the Depeche Mode CD and then walked away. The power surge I experienced when I did that was immense.
13 thoughts on “Enjoy the Silence”
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Depeche Mode!! What is it with narcs and Depeche Mode?! You probably saw my comment on your more recent post about music, regarding how my ex narc introduced me to Depeche Mode. How he said “Walking In My Shoes” was all about him, and so on.
Do the lyrics scream narcissism or something? Is this just a go-to band for narcs?
I think I confused my narc on this one.
I actually enjoy silence. I know people who constantly need a tv going or music or something and are unable to be alone with themselves or their thoughts for ahh length of time.
My cell phone is often in silent mode, the radio rarely plays in my house, I don’t currently subscribe to tv channels and I’m often alone (with only a cat to talk to).
Silence does not bother me. He’d watch the morning news on tv, I’d turn the tv off after he left for work. He’d have music playing, I’d turn it down or off or go to another room.
When we were together, often watching his sports or his favorite shows on tv, I’d be comfortably laying on the other couch, not saying a word.
For people who deploy silence as a weapon, this comfortability with silence must be confusing, perhaps wounding because to them, when they are silent, they are looking to extract fuel. When I am silent, I am just zen…..all is right with my world!
Zero Impact and being stealth with revenge is how to wound a Narc… silent, yet deadly
My silence speaks so much more than my words.
I dont perceive you as being the silent type, quite the opposite…. all “talk”…. just my “humble” opinion….
Actually , the reaction it not always the same. I am an empath, but when I received the silent treatment for the first time, I didn’t react at all 🙂 Surprise 🙂 After that, he began to write me again with different methods, but it was the end for me. I think I succeed to escape, nevertheless that he doesn’t miss the opportunity for hoover. But the seduction was successful to a certain degree. I am married, so it was only in letters, without physical relation, maybe only several hugs. During this period he gave everything that he can to seduce me, everything. He was brilliant, but something in me was telling me that this is not genuine and in the moment when he receive what he wants, he will change. So, when I began to withdraw from him, he tried many manipulations and became furious, but with huge self-control. He is master of manipulation. After he understood that I will not be his (I rejected him countless time), he tried to humiliate me. It was painful, very painful, but I am a person of dignity and honor and if somebody wants to destroy me, playing with my dignity, I will fight back. I posted in a public publication that I am donating all his gifts – valuable, good books. I know he saw this and I hurt him. It is over for me. I cannot stand such behavior. Maybe it is not over for him, but this is not my problem.
When he understood that cannot take positive reaction anymore, he begin trying to extract negative. He tried to hoover me many times, but without success. Still trying to do things to hurt me (triangulation, jealousy), but I don’t react. Is it a devaluation or just a hate because he is not totally succeed?
Thank you for the site. It is very helpful.
I am moving forward without him. That’s it. I am not full with anger, hate. Everything has a reason. He also has probably many reasons to be such type of person. But we have choice. I wanted to understand and thanks to this site, I can.
Thank you one more time.
You are welcome.
Do you think that this is devaluation or just he hates me, because I manage to escape?
Hello Silence, can you explain to me what “this” is please and then I can answer you?
I am sorry, I wasn’t clear. I mean that after 6 months chasing and many love letters, I managed to escape and not give him everything that he wants. I mean, I didn’t leave my husband and everything remained in letters mainly. I was so much in love that I don’t know how I did that, I mean, how I resist. He also said many times that he is in love like never before (maybe it is not true at all) He is 27 years elder than me. But not only for this I wasn’t with him. Somehow I felt that he will change if he received me. So after my withdraw in the golden period, he tried many times to lure me back, but I had rejected him in different ways. Than he understood that I will not give up and began to behave not very well and to humiliate me. In my previous post, I wrote that after a very painful hurt from him, I donated all books that he gave me as presents and inform him for this. I wanted to hurt him. But even after this, he tried many times to get in touch. I don’t know what exactly he wants from me. I am sure he has other sources, but keep them in secret.
My question is: Is this (bad behavior) a devaluation and what he wants from me?
I know that he is watching my facebook profile…
Thank you very much in advance.
P.S. My English is not very good 🙂
“I know you did. I have to go now.” delivered as you identify sans emotion. Tell him as if you are reading the news and then move away. You will land a blow.
PERFECT – I love it! Thank you so very much!
What was the original message that produced this reply?
I know you did what?…