I’m Too Sexy
I am an accomplished lover. I know I am.I have been told so on many occasions. Plus the noise, the pupil dilations, spasming and orgasmic flush all tell the same story. I know what I am doing and I do it to great effect. My sexual performance is a matter of great pride to me. I look after myself so I have plenty of stamina. I am an expert in studying body language (how do you think I got hold of you in the first place?) and what it conveys. I want to be the best so I will work damn hard to ensure that you enjoy it to the full when we go to bed. I don’t actually enjoy love-making that much. I actually prefer knowing how much what I do thrills you. Not because I want you to feel good, but because knowing I have that power over your reaction to my mouth, to my tongue, my fingers and so on, is intoxicating to me. I strive for perfection and that translates into me giving you the time of your life between the sheets. It also serves the purpose of making you want me with an unrivalled passion. You love how I make you feel, so you want more and thus you attach yourself to me all the more. In fact, so powerful is my sexual allure and performance you will often dismiss other things as inconsequential, just to ensure you get your fix.
Of course, causing you to be addicted to me in this way only serves to empower me so that I will deny you love-making when I want to punish you and upset you. As with all my forms of withdrawal and belittlement, this acts as fuel for me. I have to say however that pushing you away when you reach across the bed or try to unbutton my trousers when I am sat in the living room really is a crushing blow to you. You cannot understand how such a passionate, accomplished lover can now show no interest in you. You try all your tricks to lure me into bed but they will not work. I am the one who ensnares, not you. Remember, it does not matter to me that we don’t make love. I find it a maintenance chore after a time, I would much rather deny it to you and watch you crumble.
26 thoughts on “I’m Too Sexy”
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I played a large role in his early sexual education. many firsts. and oh, how he studied my every reaction. I was both his playground and his school.
FAINT!! FAINT!! otherwise you are “deceiving by a mock action”
Um………I’m what you would call an empath (I suppose if you MUST affix a label to me) all of my relationships have been with narcissists. But regarding sex, i actually think that I am the one who is too sexy and I am tired of being oggled and drooled over and pawed and worshipped by lesser men. I find it fantastically brutish and unsophisticated and boorish and revolting. This is why I find the narcissist so enticing. Because he really, deep down, underneath the theatrics, doesn’t care that much about sex. I find the detachment and coldness very alluring. As if I’m being seduced by a different species and I find it erotic as all get out. This removed, beautiful creature who maintains his elegance and grace while in my presence. He doesn’t become a bumbling idiot or so overwhelmed by this disgusting animal. He is not testosterone driven. He is above that. And THAT IS PRESICELY WHAT I FIND EROTIC. IT ELEVATES THE SEX ACT ABOVE HUMAN BOORISHNESS. that is why I fear I will always be involved with you bloody bastards HG!! I cannot face the thought of sex on any other level. It is repugnant to me.
Most interesting, thank you for articulating that.
I also enjoy the art of war I suppose. It is mentally stimulating and since I’m an aspiring sociopath, its good practice to get down and dirty with the experts. Haha
Lol Super, what do you do to one day become a sociopath?
Don’t be silly HG. Of course this cannot be. I suppose its hard to guage if someone’s being sarcastic, or if they are indeed stupid, on these blog thingys. But I really do believe that my emotions have and still do wreak havoc. I would adore to be rid of them. They are intensely invasive and distort reality in a profound way. In many ways they are incapacitating. Its sort of like trying to tame a dozen wild, rabies infested monkeys every bloody day. Exhausting to say the least. Not for the feint of heart.
So it is a mutual agreement and you both gather fuel. How does this give you fuel?
the praise for my performance, their desire for more, the admiration and so forth. I doubt the other person gathers fuel, they are not of my kind.
Do you ever have a mutual physical partner? In other words, it is not about insnaring them but just a sexual satisfaction?
I have done so many times. They are a source of fuel too.
OH, my dear WATSON, your numbers are high. MANY TIMES?
I like numbers and words.
There’s a typo end of the first paragraph (your).
Thanking you.
You are so damn right about Yourself😗💭
My husband denies feeling these things. But this is my life. Every article. It explains what im living with. A monster. Lying ,cheating ,manipulation, justification ,entitlement ,abuse. Blameshifting triangulation, gaslighting. Rage storms. Blatent disregard for me as a human being, I’m an empty shell. I keep letting him. Come back in. Isn’t that testament to my own mental instability. Not his ? What he is works for him. Why would he ever admit it or seek to change it. I can’t function. I can’t break free. I lay in bed trying to reconcile it. To understand it. I pour over articles books. I go to therapists. Trying to cope with his Illness. Private eye. It does nothing to change the hell I subject myself to. For what? It’s ludicrous. I’m glad your writing these. It’s a little insight into the truth. Which I gave searched for and tried to drag out if him to no avail for 32 yrs. thank you. Your disgusting and a waste of space and air on this earth. Your a monster. And I hate you
Let’s talk about sex, baby….
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be…
I am curious about sex and the narcissist. One would assume they perceive themselves as the ultimate lover, regardless of their partners take on it. But, as you said that the mechanism of sex is actually tedious to such types. That sex is just a means to secure fuel from the appliance during the the act. Such as the pleasure provided to your partner, opposed to the pleasure your partner provides you. That sex is little more then a necessary chore to be done, like hoovering 😏 or brushing your teeth.
Are you stating that the narcissist can not feel sexual pleasure in the sense that others can. Obviously orgasm cannot be faked from the male perspective or other tell tale signs of arousal. Or do you mean, that they choose not to become involved In Such sensations and focus on their partner responses to sexual pleasure instead? In a sense would that almost be considered selfless from an appliance perspective?
Would you say a narcisist has more or less sexual partners then other men?is more of less sexually deviant and prone to fetishes then a non narc? I ask because mine( I enjoy using the possessive tense here) has not been overly sexual with women, in the physical sense, a lot of his has been on line with women, focusing mostly in singular partners outside that. As I had previously mentioned he finds himself sexually unattractive and that is why I think he prefers to gather most of his fuel through covert tactics. I was very much sexually attracted to him and felt sad he felt that way about himself.
Some times people get lost in what actually drives sexual attraction, it is not always physical appearance. Mind you as long as I like someone’s nose, then physical attraction is good for me. He has a Fantastic nose.
Would you say the N actually prefers masturbation over the physical act of sex. It was observed he preferred oral sex over intercourse, as well. That during sex, I often felt like he was quoting from various porn films he watched and it actually turned me off when he said what seemed like scripted lines. It was always unnatural, like he was trying his best to please me. I never told him otherwise and just let him carry on. Plus, always ways to shut someone up during sex. Plus, he would say things that incensed me as they were so contrived, probably any other women would taken them as compliments, statements like, no one else makes me this hard, only you can make me orgasm this much and this hard, et cetera. My response was, why say only me, I didn’t need validation of the fact, almost like he felt it was a favour to me to make such statements. To assure me that I out do the other women. i couldn’t care less how I compare, I never compared him To anyone else. Plus, he almost seemed to force himself to go outside his personality sexually to be with me. I think I was too much for him sexually, of course he wouldn’t admit that, now would he.
But, one thing I am interested in, is that he was equally comfortable as a dominant or submissive during sex. Actually, preferring submissive role. Almost as if he preferred to be punished or used , instead of the reversal. Is this, unusual for a narcissist to take this role sexually, to forgo power sexually? When control is so important in other Areas of his life.
If I had to type a narcissist sexually, I would suggest he is a man who prefers oral sex, which would be similar to him sexually as masturbation. Maybe the idea of looking into the eyes of his appliance while she pleasures him that way, is where he attains the greatest source of sexual fuel. So, in defining yourself. Are you a DOM or a sub? If there is a preference. My N was a sexual pleaser, we both were, that always works well for both parties. I wouldn’t have thought mutuality was not high on the priority list for narcs, especially sexually.
I saw this pop up in comments yesterday when I was reading comments on blog entries. Thought I would try to post today for some answers to my curious questions.
Luckily, the N i was with had nothing on me in that arena. i’m an AVN award winner. My first and last film…winner winner chicken dinner.
LOL, very good post – and very familiar to me, only that we both played that sick type of tease & denial on each other.
The narc I dated was a very accomplished lover as well. Also very verbal (sometimes even too verbal; he was offended when I sometimes told him to please shut up for a moment, hihi). He was 15 years older than me (I’m in my early forties) but still very red-blooded and alive in that sense. However, not quite as sensual as I am and I guess some sexual situations I required from him did challenge or shock him – despite of his much biggest sexual experience. That being said, I am French and he is German, maybe that’s the reason:-)
There were a couple of things he (surprisingly to me) hadn’t experienced before… situations in which he handed himself/control over to me, although I was still playing/staying in the submissive role (as agreed between us, and as we both liked it). The strange thing is: everytime we had sex in this very special/intense/’intimate’ way, that is: in a way that suprised him and that he lost control over, he was like a puppet in my body and hands (and mouth, for that matter) and he laughed like an innocent school-boy when he came and then kissed, caressed and held me for hours afterwards. And the strangest thing of all is that he (verbally) thanked me every time the sex was especially good: he truly said “Thank you” or “thank you for being so sweet and patient”… as if it was a chore or a duty I had accomplished. Another strange thing was: I knew he had had hundreds of lovers before me, but he still fantasized about threesomes and oral sex a lot. However, he obviously had a lot of problems to actually let himself go in these situations… he SO wanted to but couldn’t, maybe because he had ‘scripted’ them in his head, on paper and online and in thousands of chats so many times that he had become unable to enjoy the real thing? But the ‘closer’ I got to him and the more I was able to look behind his mask(s), the better the sex became and the more he let his guards down and let himself go with the flow, as opposed to directing it. Once, his exact words were “Oh God, what are you doing with me!?” – note the word “with me”, instead of “to me”. He never ever used the term “oh God” before or afterwards.
Believe it or not: He only came in my mouth twice. It took him a long time to ‘let go’, to ‘allow it’, and it totally drew him wild the first time it finally happens. No problem whatsoever for me, since I am the oral type and love to give head to the man I love. But it was strange and touching experience with him because I knew from his countless sexual fantasies (he loved to share them with me in oral and written form) that passive oral sex was his second most obsessive scenario but one he could not really live due to an unknown blocade inside of his mind, heart or soul or whatsoever? What touched me was that after it finally happened between us, he cried and trembled and shook for about an hour. He thanked me at least three times (no kidding) and ‘forced’ me to sleep entangled in his arms all night, which I don’t like to do. I need space afterwards. All this was so unbelievable for me as he was a very skilled, experienced and even artful lover with a decadent mind and hundreds of women plus a wife ‘behind’ him… but you never know until you KNOW!
The next day, we repeated the experience and it was much ‘easier’ for him and I guess more relaxed in a way, although he still thanked me tenderly and excessfully and laughed and cried. But then, something horrible happened: he refused to reciprocate in any way. I mean he purposefully and cruelly ‘left me hanging’ in may lust, arousal and longing for satisfaction. “I can’t be sexual with you when I am not aroused any more. I’m tired now. But I don’t mind if you please yourself. Just go ahead and do as you please.” He really said this!
The day after, I left his appartment and town and country (he lived in Belgium and I lived in another country at that time so we spent the weekends together). I knew, or rather: I FELT that he had switched a button… something had changed. It was the beginning of the devaluation phase. Thank God (yeah, and I truly mean GOD here) that I instantly wirhdrew myself from him and this scenario when I felt ‘it’ coming (the devaluation phase).
We never had sex again. I allowed him to kiss me on two occasions last year (2 and 3 months into the break up) because I wanted to ‘Test’ my sexual power over him – it was intact, he was instantly aroused and kissing me deeply, passionately, trying to sleep with me. I rejected him twice, although I so wished I didn’t have to.
Even today, I miss the sex we had and the conversations we shared before, alongside, in-between and after the sex. It might remain the only thing I will miss forever, even though my current relationship is sexually satisfying.
I could have it back again any time, I know. But the way he reacted that night in order to humiliate and subjugate me made it forever impossible for me. It is one of the three reasons why I left him a couple of weeks later, after a year of passionate, sick struggles and make-ups.
He was on sick-leave for 6 months after I left him. The other woman (back-up supply/his ex) left him at the same time. I guess that sealed the deal.
Hello Alice, thank you for that very interesting post. Do you think that when he handed control over to you on those handful of occasions and that he thanked you as if it was a chore for you, he was showing how in reality when he was in control he found sex a chore? Was he giving you a glimpse into the way he felt and behaved by this occasional role reversal? It is interesting to see his reaction to coming in your mouth. I know I enjoy it as I regard it as a particularly submissive act by the person carrying it out especially if they are knelt beneath me. Might it have been that his reaction to when you did this arose from him feeling that he was actually giving up control rather than exerting it and that he had a different mind set to others when this scenario is being played out ? Did he ever engage in any BDSM activity with you and if so, did he ever take on the role of the sub? I know from my own experiences that those taking the sub role do not engage in it necessarily for sexual gratification but because they want to be free of responsibility for a while. In fact, I find that empathic individuals primarily enjoy taking the sub role not for sexual gratification (although that can play a part) nor because they are perhaps naturally submissive, but because they feel responsible a lot of the time for people, they care and look after and look out for them and on this occasion they want to be divested of this responsibility. Happily, this need also coincides with pleasing me, so they get a double empathic hit as well as pleasing me.
With regard to his reaction on the second occasion he came in your mouth. Did he reciprocate sexually on the first occasion? If he did not, it is often the case that a man will feel spent after his orgasm and his ardour is so greatly diminished that he has no further interest in continuing to pleasure his partner even if she has not felt satisfied. Might it have been that? If not, what convinced you that it was the devaluation rearing its head.
You had a fascinating sexual dynamic and I am curious, which language did you both use during your relationship? My compliments on your English and thanks again for sharing.
Malignarc,
Thanks for your thoughtful answers – and thought-provoking questions! Let me travel back in time, dig into that ‘dark spot’ for a while and reflect before I try to answer you, ok?
Oh, and…. I feel I might be able to *learn* something from you sooner or later:-)
Very interesting so it is often empathic people who prefer to be sub as it relinquishes them of responsibility for a while. You allude to the fact that Ns can be although less common HG, which particular school/cadre would be more likely to be submissive?
Is it narcassitic if he starts everything, wants to please, teases a little by saying no more for u but she begs only a little plaufully and so of course he finishes, i think its just fun sexual teasing but has mAny other traits!
That seems to me to be a mutual exchange culminating in gratification for each party.
I dont get this at all? You want to please, you act as if its everything thats going on, you are excited yourself, it seems to show, your not enjoying this and the attention and pleasing you get is not enjoyable? It seems so important its all that there is and it seems like neither 1 can her enough, u always start it to
Lmao. Reminds me of my husband. He thought the same exact thing, bless his heart, but he was WRONG. I would have to pleasure myself when he went to work. Lol. He couldn’t keep up with me sexually, because he is an OLD man and I’m still young. Or maybe his GAMES finally backfired on him. 😄😄