What is Love?
The eternal question. Philosophers have cogitated about it, writers have espoused long works dedicated to answering this question, poets have waxed lyrical on this notion and pop stars regularly beseech us to consider it. I like things to the point so I went straight to the dictionary and it defines love as
“A strong feeling of affection”
I am often scathingly criticised that I don’t really love people or that I have no comprehension of love. What nonsense. I feel a massive sense of affection for you when we first meet. In fact, I would wager that the intensity of my feeling for you goes above and beyond what anyone else feels. Why else would I want to spend every moment of every day with you? Why else do I take you to delightful places, furnish you with expensive gifts and shower you with my well-chosen words of affection and desire? I feel an intense connection with you, often from the beginning and that is the catalyst for me burning with passion for you. Who is to castigate me for those feelings? How can it be said that I do not feel love when the way I feel conforms, no, exceeds the definition of love? Do you know what I attribute that to? Jealousy and envy. It is always those who look upon our perfect love and declare that it is false and unreal. What do they know? Nothing. They are just caught up in their own empty and bitter shells, envious that they do not have what we have. I know what I feel for you. I am in touch with myself to such a degree that I m able to express it to you through thought, word and deed. Indeed, many of my former girlfriends have remarked that the eloquence by which I conveyed my love for them was remarkable and unparalleled. So yes I do love. My form of love may not be the same as yours, but then whose is? My version is sweeter, greater and all encompassing.
Just because it does not last does not mean that it is not love. Its ephemeral nature is your fault, not mine.
22 thoughts on “What is Love?”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
It is not Love! Love is being able to still feel the same for that person even when they are not being lovable, Love is staying by their side through the bad times. Love is not gifts, words or money. Love is overcoming any obstacles together. Love does last! If he truly loved you that feeling would never leave him. His Love is fake and he will never experience or know the meaning of true Love. He is only able to ‘Love’ you when you are being perfect. True Love is far from perfect!
Fair observations.
Louise,
We are both love devotees and I agree with most of what you have written. However, I disagree with “if he truly loved you that feeling would never leave him.” I truly loved and was in love with my Nex-husband and recent Nex. Now I’m not sure if I even still love them. I don’t wish them ill… or do I?😉
It’s been said that to truly love another, you must first love yourself. Do you love yourself?
I have an excellent conceit of myself, I do not love however.
i agree with heather.
there is a difference between love and what narcs consider love. narcs’ sense of love is twisted somehow to a shallow definition that they seem incapable of seeing past to deeper understanding…you can understand something somewhat in your own perspectives but you cannot truly feel it as that seems broken or unused following the theory that perhaps empathy is a muscle that can be flexed and is in everyone where narcs for some odd twisted sense refuse to explore, use or acknowledge in themselves…or perhaps their empathy is just turned inwards and so there is so much black-hole-need there that they are unable to turn it outward…
and yes, if narcs figured out that returning respect and put away the abusive side, in at least most of their relationship with an empath, then there would never be need for hoovering or for new sources because the fuel would be there…in theory anyway. – In my mind THAT would truly be the ultimate narcissist: the one who learns to give in order to get fuel, the one that learns empathy in order to gain fuel… not the one that takes until there is nothing left of the used/slowly broken fuel source… just a thought… but then that would change the narc into something else…not certain what…would not be normal or empath but no longer a narc in the current sense either…-
i admit i have no issue boosting the ego and giving what you’ve described as fuel to someone who *does not treat me like less then dirt or uses me only to toss me sideways when he feels someone else might be a bigger fuel provider only to return to me as main source later*… i will gladly boost the ego/confidence of another empath for example. But i refuse to give anymore intentional fuel to a narc who cannot truly appreciate it as a gift freely given as opposed to something tricked or swindled out of me (and yes i do now understand that you have a warlord/God complex in considering yourself a higher form of narc that i did not possess earlier on since i had not heard the youtube podcasts), no matter what type or class of narc or how clever they think themselves. I do relish the chance of intellectual muscle flexing here, however.
i would have given my narc the moon until he made me a scapegoat and treated me like less then dirt. i guess i must have failed him even by bending over backwards to please him… which i did but it still was not enough to satisfy an ever growing list of impossible (for a mere human) demands… nor did i care to stroke his fake ego anymore once i realized he had never really loved me, as he lacks that ability. He can only attempt to mimic it off of “normal” people and empaths, just like every other narcissist. It is nothing but an act. It is the difference between wanting gold because it migt make you rich selling it vs wanting gold because you might turn it into a work of art or admire it’s facets, its composition, it’s beauty, it’s other potential. one makes you rich while the other gives you fulfilment and gives it purpose beyond the shallowness of “making you rich”…
real love is giving fully of yourself (not things, of yourself, that is very different – as i understand it narcs are incapable of giving of themselves as they are too twisted and broken to do so – as you said before…your kind simply does not care – which i find says it all… you cannot love unless you care about the well-being of your sources of fuel…but that would require empathy… something missing or unused in most narcs…i think i met one narc that was beginning to figure that out as he was not abusive during the relationship, even if the discard could be considered such (from boredom – if i understand that particular narc) – treat your main source well and you may get endless fuel… only it’s still never enough for your kind, thus you would still need a full harem, an unlimited one…to prevent boredom and to stroke your ego enough i suppose – which in itself is impossible to achieve as there is a very finite number of empaths/other people while there seems to be a growing number of narcs… but i digress…) for the other person’s happiness. them being happy is what fuels us empaths, what makes us happy and feel good. it’s deep as space itself and not twisted for our own ambitions. we do get something out of it (fuel of sorts) but it’s not the prime reason for us to enter a relationship. it does keep us energized enough not to get drained while giving constantly… then we do not run dry. something narcs *do not understand*. And then again the fact that we have needs too makes us need boundaries. Something you cannot be okay wth.
to you HG, i will call BS on the above article as simply hoovering… that is what i see there. the act of telling someone that you love them does not, in fact, make it true. the act of buying their affection does not equal love: it equals only buying their affection. nothing more, nothing less. what you fel is the prospect of an ego boost, of a fuel source, nothing more, nothing deeper and nothing connected to that perticular person as you have no issue moving to a new fuel source whenever.
in your other article “the best inventions” you are fairly insightful to the fact that narcs are essentially looking for themselves in someone else which will never happen… you have to find yourself, well… in yourself… not outside yourself…but i assure you it is yourself you seek… however you have no ability to stroke your own ego or your sense of self without that outer source…plus it wouldn’t be as much fun… thus you narcs seek yourselves outside yourselves… never to truly find what you seek/need…
besides, you would not derive that pleasing sense of control and power without an outside source…
love is based on a perticular person, their personality, their behaviors, not on whether they might make an adequate, and fun, fuel suply for any amount of time until you get bored or are proven wrong or until they wake up to what you are doing to them. Definitely not on whether they might make you look good or perfect or God-like.
i do not expect you will gain more then a very shallow spark of insight from these comments. i’m not questioning your intelligence in any way – you are a narc, incapable of real love and that is simply a fact, as logical as all you do – at least in your own mind. There are definitely a lot of narc logics that are skewed and twisted and completely illogical which is how my narc managed to confuse me for the time he did: he made no logical sense on many things and in many ways while still making sense and being logical in other ways.
As i mentioned before, i do not see you or most of your kind as my enemy and this is not a battle for me, as you are not the narc that hurt me.
Simply it may help enlighten/give insight to non-narcs. Similar but not the same as you giving insight.
Hence i do not care if my comments fuel you or not, though i prefer not to be a source of fuel of any type for you or your kind.
Love (n.): That state or condition in which the well-being of another is essential to one’s own.
Not the presence of another, or the admiration of another, or even the pleasure of another, but their well-being. It isn’t possible to anyone who must prioritize their own needs above all else because they cannot allow the well-being of another to become a competing force in their minds with their need for fuel. If you did allow that, you would be guaranteed to take terrible damage the first time those needs came into conflict: if you put your need for fuel first, your own well-being would be destroyed because theirs was, and if you put their well-being first, then your own would be destroyed by the lack of fuel.
Either way, genuine love would destroy any narcissist. No wonder they cannot allow themselves to experience it. It puts them not merely in danger but in nearly *inevitable* danger.
Very much like death, really. Except that one, you can’t avoid, of course.
I’m really glad to have found you! So very insightful! You are a gifted writer! I’m hurting pretty bad right now, and this is a great place for wounded people to ask questions and vent! Love is not selfish or self centered. It’s not just feelings. It’s a choice. It’s based in respect and honesty. It’s patient and kind. Love doesn’t insist on its own rights or its own way. Love believes the best of others and doesn’t cause lives to be ruined! It doesn’t objectify human beings and order them to obey or else. Your feeling are heightened in the beginning of a new person just like us. Those chemicals will always drop off. But that’s not love. Love endures long. It doesn’t cheat or prey on people. It doesn’t expect payment! Love really is unselfish. If your gifts in the beginning were love, then there would be no price tag. Love has substance. It’s not empty, shallow or a game. And it is certainly not grounds for abuse and punishment. Lust is what you feel. Lust for fuel. You have no idea what love is or its value. No one even has a chance to truly love YOU if your whole bit is based on lies and pretenses!! And I bet when anyone came close you beat them off! Because of your kind, I have never known what it’s like to be actually loved for who I am either. Too busy getting my identity pummeled! So, I guess neither of us knows what it’s like to be loved for who we are.
Thank you for your kind words Heather, they are appreciated and there is considerable force in what you have written.
Superb words heather – very emotional . Im so glsd i found HG , reading his knowledge and knowing their are others who understand my pain .
Do you openly explain the transient nature of your love when you fall for a new victim? You blame it on the other that your love doesn’t last but if love is not open & honest it will always fail. It is you kills it before it even starts. You truly damaged & I actually feel sorry for you.
I’m with Leslie here, I’ve written something similar on this very idea. I to would have given him everything for mutual respect. Maybe the quality of fuel wouldn’t diminish if we didn’t get the subtle devaluing comments are suspicions when we feel there is something going on. This is when we withdraw our fuel.
So following in with the science of chemical attraction and feeling intense affection to be with another person, let’s say you are capable of real love. You have said you never forget about any of the people you have been with. However, where we feel that release of dopamine when being intimate with someone we are feeling in love with bringing that elevated high of happiness, your subconscious is trained to release that and feel happiness when you finallt get to hurt the other person. It’s almost your form of truly opening up and being vulnerable at that point. What does your subconscious need to release and let go? Unlock that and maybe your behavior could be retrained?
I am capable of real love. My love is genuine, it is everyone else who chooses to label it as something else.
You make an interesting point that your feeling of love arises from a release of dopamine occasioned by X event (which is regarded as a benign event) whereas my feeling of love arises from a release of dopamine occasioned by Y event (which is regarded as malign event). Makes sense to me, my best friend loves mint choc chip ice cream whereas blackcurrant cheesecake hits the spot for me.
I don’t get happiness from hurting you, I get power from doing so because you are giving me attention by your reaction. I am not concerned with happiness, I prefer power. I guess you would suggest that I need to obtain my power from some source other than one which has people hurt. I do. I get it from seducing you and that makes me feel powerful, unfortunately you always mess it up so I get bored and have to resort to other ways of gaining my fuel to make me feel powerful.
“I don’t get happiness from hurting you, I get power from doing so because you are giving me attention by your reaction. I am not concerned with happiness, I prefer power.”
Why not compromise? You can be a God to your woman if you treat her like your queen. I don’t understand why that is so difficult. I would have given almost anything, bowed down and worshiped the ground he walked if he had only treated me respectfully. When I say respectfully I mean without the verbal, financial and physical abuse. I would have allowed myself to get lost in him because I was happy.
There are other means to obtaining power from your lover other than causing hurt….you know this and you are capable of knowing what is hurtful.
If the quality of the fuel was maintained then perhaps I would not need to hurt people but they always let me down you see and thus the pain and misery has to be unleashed. There is no hope for anything else.
I guess when that “love” goes hand in hand with all the lies, cheating, betrayal and manipulation it’s hard for us even comprehend that what you are professing 100x a day is real. It just feels like another one of your lies. Insurmountable pain does not = love If you loved me, you wouldn’t hurt me
Hello Miss taken, apologies for my tardiness in replying. I appreciate your comment. I hurt you because I love you. If you loved me back the way I needed to be loved, I wouldn’t have to do what I do that hurts you. I have your best interests at heart.
You said “if I loved you back the way I needed to be loved”. How do you want to be loved? This has been a missing price of the puzzle for me.
By giving me all your attention and admiration and submitting to everything that I require.
which way You want us to love You back?
Unfailingly.