Escape : How to Beat the Narcissist


The inside track from the dark-hearted master

Includes techniques to counter the narcissist where No Contact is not an option

US   E-Book Here

UK   E-Book Here

AUS   E-Book Here

CAN   E-Book Here


Also available in paperback



  1. Thank you very much. You’ve helped me quite a lot. It’s really hard to leave a Manipulationship. I’m a helper and loyal to a fault. If I’m around like minded people, it works. If I’m around a user it’s good for them and no bueno for me. Long boring story but I was used and used until I had no capacity. Then I sought revenge. I got it but so not worth the price.

  2. Hi HG
    I love your work . THANK YOU! I’m fixing to buy a few books. I know they are all good. I’m at the point of divorce and wanting to stay out ,keep out for good. What is the BEST book for this option please? Because “once you know, you go”
    The ultimate goal is to never acknowledge him again but we have a child in common. What books do I need?

    1. Hello Carrie and I am pleased you love my work. You should read Fuel, Fury, Sex and the Narcissist, Manipulated, Devil’s Toolkit, Exorcism, Smeared and No Contact.

  3. Hi there HG,

    I have a question please, I had previously been in a relationship with a Narc – when I happened upon your site – I read nearly all your books and spent some time watching your videos… I was discarded by that guy but was quick to block and have had no contact in two years… I recently went on three dates with another narc – he arrived with his driver – a huge bunch of 2 dozen roses and brought me to an amazing restaurant (we had to take a boat to) – by date three he had told me he loved me and hoped our kids would have my colour eyes – eeeek. I use a few of the tricks you had recommended in one of your videos to out him… and it was pretty easy to make him jealous etc and quickly return to talking about himself – I am 100% certain this guy is a narc… so I pulled back my messages and enthusiasm – he even left me a messaging asking why my messages had become very friendly AND said my messages that were previously full of heart were his ‘fuel’ and I needed to send more like that… anyway long story short – I would really like to remove myself from this fast – I have zero feelings for him and can completely see what he was about (thanks to all the info I had previously devoured from you) I could potentially run into him again and maybe even in a work environment – so I don’t know if just blocking him is the best, over the past two days I have tried to just be a very very poor fuel source – polite in reply’s but that is it… I looked at more videos and think I could be described as a super empath based on what I have read/listened to… will he just lose interest in me if I am polite but show no further interest? Is there a way of making that happen?

    Any advice is greatly appreciated

    1. Hello Little M, this is a matter best suited to a consultation so I can gather more information and provide you with an accurate response.

      1. Just a note to say I appreciate your time and insights from our call this morning. I am much more confident in moving forward now following our chat. I genuinely believe that your work has saved my mental health, before speaking to you, reading your work and listening to your videos it was incomprehensible to me that people existed solely to hurt other individuals, it still baffles me that any anybody could spend time, money and effort building one up with the intention of tearing one down, manipulating and playing mind games… Thank goodness this time was nipped in the bud early enough that there will be no repercussions for me… my sincere appreciation Mr Tudor…

        1. You are most welcome and thank you for taking the time to express your gratitude. You are doing well and applying my work effectively. You are seizing the power.

        2. Little M
          I’m glad you experienced the benefit of having a consultation with HG, and early on. I wish that most would take advantage of that where possible before they become completely entangled, or to prevent them from further becoming so.

  4. 5 an a half years no car job license an had a child with him who is now 3. Im financially abised to the loint i have nothing an no where to go with my kids. Hes a grower an has plenty of money but never gives me any now were sleeping on the floor. We never married. He hides cash better than anyone i know. How do i start…

    1. Read the work here, read the comments, see an attorney to start the process of ensuring he contributes financially (you will need to get a court order to compel payment, but you will get one) and once you have some money organise a consultation with me and I shall be able to assist you further.

    2. Rachel,

      I was in really bad spot just before I started to extricate myself from my entanglement – and couldn’t forsee how I would ever begin to repair the situation. I hope you and your children can find somewhere safe (but separate) from him.

      And consult with HG when you can.

    3. That is my exact situation. Daughter that is 3 as well! I just want to NOT think about it all. I can’t do that if he is still in my life….. (Bc of our daughter, that he only sees on holidays or at his mother’s house. He only calls to say he wants to see her when it’s convenient for him… Probably bc he couldn’t find anyone to sleep with that night). And then the stress of having nothing. And living with my sister in a 2 bedroom apartment with her 3 kids on top of it. He won’t see her unless I’m with her bc he doesn’t know how to take care of her, what she likes and needs, etc. He also has 3 (boys)other children from his marriage that he gets every other weekend.

  5. I recently stumbled across the information you provide. I intend on reading a few of your books. The little I have read so far has activating so captivating as I have been involved with a Greater Narcissist for 10 years and have only recently opened my eyes and see him for who and what he really is. It is nothing short of draining…we have little ones together and it has been a battle. Thank you for the insight. It is greatly appreciated.

    1. You are welcome. If you want to ascertain whether you have been involved with a Greater Narcissist, I recommend that you organise a narc detector consultation.

  6. I was in my 3rd cycle of devaluation and I had enough, told my Lesser husband that I don’t want to be with him anymore. We are still living together while I find a place to move with the children because he refuses to leave, but he is very indifferent and acting like he doesn’t care at all and is never home, he spends most of his time with the woman he triangulated me with, It’s driving me crazy! Is this a tactic to “punish” me for ending it, or has he moved on? I know I shouldn’t care but the addiction is real. Your thoughts?

    1. He is primarily focused on his new IPPS (the new woman) and he refuses to leave because he regards the home as his and that he has done nothing wrong (because in his mind you have caused his infidelity and he is entitled to see someone else). You must impose no contact and expedite your finding somewhere else to live or consider taking legal steps to have him removed from the house and then have it secured so he cannot gain entry. I recommend you organise a consultation with me so I can assist you further.

      1. I have the same situation- only he wanted the divorce- as I didn’t- but ended up filing once I started therapy and realized that I had probably been living with a narcissist the past 16 years. He spends most all of his time with the other woman – my problem is I have asked him to leave as I am supposed to stay in the house once our divorce is settled- I can’t throw him out – as I have already checked with my attorney. He refuses to leave the house until we reach a settlement. So he comes home a few nights a week when it is convenient for him. I feel like I am never going to be able to heal with all this back and forth. Any suggestions?

        1. I have several suggestions that will assist you with this situation Cindy. I need more information from you and need to give you more information so I recommend you organise a consultation.

  7. What if it’s ur dad? U got it mum to leave but he’s now 76 slight dementia tramadol addiction and very vulnerable but still a narcissist

  8. Thanks HG, your blog has been interesting to read.

    My narc has bugged my phone and all my devices, so in this world of online and internet exchanges, he can tap in and see what he wants, when he wants.

    Any suggestions as to where to from here? I have gone NO contact but he still gets fuel if I look at your site, or if I talk about him on comment on text, etc (which I try not to do anymore). Help?

        1. You cannot guarantee an outcome from a narcissist and therefore where there is a third party machinery with teeth (such as the court) you are invariably going to have to utilise it to force an outcome. If you wish to discuss this in more detail I recommend you organise a consultation.

  9. Question for HG- are you really sure empaths exist per se? For the last 6 months I have been thinking about it and the more I think, the more it seems “empath” is just another fancy word for emotional, nice and naive people who let themselves dominated because they have no boundaries and don’t know how to be assertive. From all the testimonials and comments I’ve read here and on different other bloggs and forums, these empath-victims keep complaining and tell stories about how they let themselves abused. They all (still) seem to make their abusers their top priority. Even years after it happened. They keep complaining. I don’t see them asking how on earth they had accepted the abuse in the first place. They keep mentally returning at abusers. This is not empathy and kindness. This is no love for themselves. They seem unable to put themselves first and this is so very strange that I can’t grasp it. I don’t see them trying to get revenge (that would be understandable, that’s what I did, I wanted revenge, took the matter into my own hands and got my revenge, the way I wanted). All I see is people lamenting endlessly about their Narc and making themselves feel better because they’re “empaths”. At one point I have even questioned myself wondering if I am myself or not an empath, until the very notion of “empath” lost its relevance and my therapist diagnosed me as a high functioning individual with a mixture of HPD/NPD traits. Traits, not the full blown diagnostic.
    I am not trolling and not trying to get fuel with this comment, in case anyone wonders. I am really interested in your opinion, because it was my experience with a malignant narcissist that brought me to this blog and reading the posts and the comments really helped me a lot both with myself and my problem.
    So, to sum up- is my HPD/NPD load preventing me to understand the existance of “empaths” and do they really exist?!

    1. They do exist. The behaviour you are referring to is as a consequence of the innate addiction the victim has to the narcissist and the powerful impact of emotional thinking.

      1. Can you please answer the first part of my question, because in the last phrase I have merged 2 questions, one about the empaths and one about me. I am asking because I can very well understand the addiction part (I have experienced it myself) but during therapy I realised that while I was indeed addicted to him I couldn’t care less about him as a being. It was ALL about me and never about him, in a very egotistic and childish way. Not once I felt the need to care for him, help him, understand him or fix him. I have never asked myself if he was ok or happy, just felt huge sexual attraction and a feeling that deep inside we are both equally fucked up and share the same unhapiness, huge sensitivity and despair. I wanted him badly, felt he was stronger than me and this gave me the feeling I could somehow give up my inner walls of protection and be free. I do have huge intimacy issues and with him I felt I could get beyond them.

    2. I get your point entirely. I think the term “empath” gives a lot of us an excuse to be wishy washy and allow ourselves to be abused. I think some of us are more sensitive and foolishly romantic than others, but please let’s wake the fuck up. Also, I don’t think “empaths” are any more moral or honest than anyone else. H.G. paints us as saints. We are not saints, nor are we less selfish than “normals”. We are just hopeless romantics and dreamers, and although the world needs people like us, there is not much redemption in dreaming if you don’t bring it down to earth.

      1. No, you are not painted as saints at all. I always explain how you have a mix of empathic and narcissistic traits – how is the Dirty Empath a saint?

        1. You can’t cheat. an honest man. Just as a con-artist exploits greed and the desire to get something for nothing. The narcissist exploits the victim’s willingness to accept the flood of love. Their own narcissistic belief that they deserve to be worshipped. If you refuse to be put on a pedestal then you can not be knocked off of it later.

  10. Me gustaría saber si tienen la colección en español como audio, puedo escucharla mientras trabajo, pero no dispongo de tiempo para leer

      1. Mr. Tudor; What should be the order of your books?
        – Is there any precendent in which the person before work, during a relationship with a narcissist, has closed the circle that had started in the parents’ infantry and now has narcissistic features and detachment with normal emotions of an empathetic person? So the end of the relationship with a narcissist has not been more than an opportunistic ladder and now it is normal that I do not identify with your articles on, discard, vacuum, zero contact and others?

        1. It depends on where you are in terms of the dynamic and your recovery. E-mail me and I shall suggest applicable order of reading.

  11. I have almost been ruined by a Narcissist but I pulled up my big girl panties and left. He tries to tell me that things will change and blah blah blah and that’s basically what I hear is blah blah blah. Liar to the extreme, nothing gets past me so I always know what’s up. He hates that but still bullies me, threatening to throw my things out into street. Go ahead, I will get new stuff. It’s exhausting.

  12. After a disaster relationship, here i am. Searching, reading over and over again about Narcisists. I cant find any explanation, any reason to a person be like that.
    I was there to be everything for me and he used me like use a toillet paper.
    He tricked me, mande me live a life in my country and now i am alone in a country that i dont know

    I am tired of be a empath! I HATE! I want to be a Psico! I am tired of surfer that horrible pain. I feel and i feel a lot. Enought for me!

    I like that view. A view of a psico. It’s very honest from you do that. Thanks.

    I want to know if i am a Narcisist. How can i know if i am or not? Only you can answer me this. I feel very guilty about the end of my relationship. Was my fault?
    I never betrayl him, but he didnt thought twice to do that with me and desappear without any explanation ! I feel so horrible and in pain. ..I
    need to know if I am the hunt or the Hunter

    1. Narcissists make you feel like you’re the one with the problem by gaslighting you into believing that you’re the bad person. That’s part of the trauma. It’s hard to let go of the narcissist because of trauma bonding. The best thing you can do for yourself is:
      1- learn as much as possible about narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths.
      2- focus only on yourself and in making your life amazing.
      Overtime you’ll be back to yourself, happier a& stronger.
      Just make sure that you close the door on him and never reopen that door…ever!

  13. Good morning, HG. I started reading ESCAPE last night. It is the sixth book of yours that I’ve read. I’m 75% through and will finish it later today then move on to the next one. I have questions I’ve wondered about throughout all my reading, but every chapter in this particular book hits it home. As you are obviously quite brilliant, and also so enlightened and knowledgeable about your disorder, 1) if you’ve figured it all out, why haven’t other brilliant narcpsychopaths? Or have they? 2) because you obviously have figured out why you do these things (yes, I know, fuel) why can’t you be healed, normal, fixed, apply the true logic that you apparently do see to your own life?
    Your reasons for essentially helping those of us who are empaths and have been snared by one of your kind are, of course, none of my business, but I am curious, (yes, we need to understand everything) it’s been my understanding from all my previous research that your kind does not enter into therapy because, for one thing, you don’t see anything that needs fixing, so 3) why are you helping us? I thought your kind isn’t into helping others, doesn’t care about anyone but yourselves?

    Regardless, thank you for all your help. I won’t be truly free until I can expunge my exnarc from my head, but I do think it’s the only work (regarding him) that I have left to do. You have helped me immeasurably and I look forward to our consultation.

    1. Thank you for reading, please do leave reviews on Amazon.

      1. They are not as brilliant as me nor are they able to communicate in the method that I do.
      2. There is no need for me to do this as I function effectively as I am.
      3. I assist you because it benefits me and it amuses me to weaponise empaths to go into battle against narcissists, after all, I owe them no loyalty.

      You are welcome.

      1. “3. I assist you because it benefits me and it amuses me to weaponise empaths to go into battle against narcissists, after all, I owe them no loyalty”.

        No time like the present.!

      2. This reply is f*cking awesome! As an empath w narcissistic traits—you made me laugh hard! I love empath/narcissist mind games!

  14. “You never knew the true me.
    That part will be left for the ONE !

    I, as a reflexion…thrown at you the part of me of “people pleaser”!
    Sure you must have notice ?! as such a clever man you are !

    Thus…I will always remain a mystery for you.
    Sure you not think that I would give to you the juice of my inner beauty?!

    How could I?
    I was constantly being belittled.

    You were so soft in doing so.
    I could actually sense a sort of care.

    You don’t expect to get my own world given like that…to the hands of an abuser?!
    How could I ?

    I know your life must be so boring without me…
    I can see the extend of the confusion in your eyes every time I reacted differently,
    Such a challenge!

    Thus, that is who I am.
    Always changing, always in transformation…

    A being that is always shedding skin…keeping inside the juice for the ONE!

    *”the letters I will never send you”

    1. There is an error I would wish to correct if my post approved, a DO missing…
      “Thus…I will always remain a mystery for you.
      Sure you “do” not think that I would give to you the juice of my inner beauty?!”

  15. HG, Thank you for a extremely helpful site . Only reasontly found it, but read a lot. As well as ordered several of your books. Read this one in one sitting yesterday. Very good, basic . Things I have after 4 years being an empath in a relationship with a malignant high upper middrange but also coveted narrcesist. (Forgive me if I use the terms incorrectly, they are all new to me) finally figured out. But not begun to implement consistently. I do not want to take to much of your time as I know you are busy. I am considering a consultation but 2 of my 3 questions do not apply at all for one, but are specific to your body of work ,and maybe useful here on the blog.
    1. What is the recommended order to read your books in? I can’t find that answer . In the mean time I am going in order they were written.
    2. I have read all your blog work on the 3 schools, is there a specific test/ way to determine if a close to the edges edge narrcesist is one or the next level up? As in my case upper midrange or lowest greater I am uncertain.
    3. This is mabe more suited for consultation but I have not seen it mentioned here surprisingly. After the severe mental and emotional abuse I bern trough ( every word you ever written seem like taken out of each day for the last 4 years. Like you were tape recording 24/7 for years. Not 1 word doesn’t fit. Amazing, You truly offer emphats a mindblowing confirmation of their own insights as well as to a good extent answer the burning question in us Why? If We breath- we wonder why , To everything. As natural as breathing. You also show polite respect , not baby us or soothing nonsens. But as your readers / buyers of material you have a type of appreciation in a purely proffesional manner that is respectful & honest. To resive that from a narrcesist after the unbelievable insult to our intelligence, our compassion and our hearts done by our narrcesist abusers is stunningly mega therapeutic regardless of original intent. Thank you. I feel a scense of calm I have not experienced since the abuse started. ( Its not lost on me how polite, over admiring &over thankful I sound so it may be argued I am trading some co dependence to you in order to stay more unemotional & have better chance for a successful escape. ) My narcessist wants me to kill myself. It is his ultimate goal. He even says it straightforward. His last 2 girlfriends killed themself. That is how he is used to it end. He has a addiction to it. He gets off of the completion of total and utter destruction to death of a victim. The last girlfriend hanged herself on his frontpoch while me & him were inside. I was the one who found her, cut her down &repeatedly begged him to call 911(coincidently it was the first off endless times he took my phone so i had no phone to call). HE refused for over 10 minutes until I was screaming so loud he was afraid the neighbors would call. She was pronaced death in the ambulance but they did get the heart started again. 6 days on life support, complete brain dead. Pulled the plug. He has no remorse non. He blaims me for failing cpr. I now now he has no remorse for any of it. He has a sick fixation on her &the other one who od.when he left her for the one I now have talked about. Has kind of alters for them , obsessed with sex tapes/pictures of them. I think mostely just to hurt and belittle me, but not sure on that. So here is the final conclusion and question . I am stuck in the anger, bitterness fase, consumed by hate to a point where I contemplate almost homosidial outcomes. I dont think I even want out of this fase. I know how distorted the thinking is. I live by my clean consiounsnes,honesty and inner peace in more important than air to me. I am a deep animal emphat, i can not bear cruelty to anyone. Or even witness it. I would take a bullet in a hearhbeat for any animal, child, old person, sick person, most humans I know. I have never hurt innocence knowingly. He is different , I am at a point I want to become evil at any cost to myself to destroy him. I feel he taken everything from me (he has, death of my former animals the crulest) destroyed my life. My bringing him into my life has caused consequences on my counsieness I can hardly bare to live with. I been suesidal since I meet him, its a miracle I have not killed my self, exzept now I will NOT. Because my hate and need for vengeance have taken over completely. I will never give him that satisfaction now ever. I am at a dangerous point. I am in psycriatic care and counseling, but they do not take me seriously. I am always up to now the perfect, kind, caring, compassionate, polite subdue victim. But not any more, I feel like the worst abused animal “I see red. I need to stricke back, dont care if i die. I want revenge, I want to punish my abuser, I want him dead, I need the pain to end” please don’t be alarmed i see the distortion, i know he is not worth it. But I am at the end of my rope. I am to pushed in the corner .Can you recomend what to read for this extreme anger? I dont even want to let it go, it kept me alive this past year…. Thank you.

    1. Hello PRDS and welcome,

      Thank you for reading my books.

      1. In terms of order, doing so chronologically is one way, it depends on where you are in the dynamic. From what you have written you appear to be involved with the narcissist still and therefore you ought to read No Contact, Fury, Fuel, Manipulated, Getting Out, Sex and the Narcissist, Exorcism,
      2. Use the Narc Detector consultation.
      3. Yes an audio consultation is the appropriate forum for addressing this.

    2. Phoenix, I hope you can get an audio consultation ASAP! I’m so glad you found HGs work before it was too late.

    3. Hey PRDS. Welcome. I think it’s great that you understand the narc dyanmic now and that you understand how the narc drove his last two gfs to suicide.
      I think this can help you to plan your revenge. The best revenge to a narc is to ignore him. Be a gray rock. Don;t seek to kill him. He wins. He got negative fuel from you and managed to ruin your life. Understand that the best revenge is to ignore him.

      It really surpises me that his ex would kill herself in front of you guys. Suicide is usually private. I can only imagine the state of mind this person was in. :'(

      But you can win this. You can do it. You will win.

    4. Wow. Please please please get some help you have experienced severe trauma. You need someone to help you with this in person.

      You are in a very deep dark emotional and likely physical abuse situation. It’s fine to come here for answers but you need professional therapy.

      1. Lori is right. Maybe someone that really understands narcs. Praying helps a lot too. You will survive this. God is with you. How did u learn about narcs? that was a mircale.

    5. Please Phoenix don’t think of revenge. Just think of getting yourself as far away from this nut as possible and starting your life over.

  16. Hey HG!

    I was thinking about you today and about how much clarity your work has given me. I have been feeling existentially sad lately due to changes at work and just life getting in the way and when I do I think of the narcissist, I do so because he and I used to chat years ago and commiserate, etc. But all nostalgia for him has been abolished, thanks to you. I was also laughing over what a defective appliance I must have been for him.

    BTW I also was able to watch Gaslight on FilmStruck. I’d seen the British 1940 version on YT but the Ingrid Bergman version is much richer. A really wonderful film. (Of course I love old films.) I love Joseph Cotten, too (from Citizen Kane). Charles Boyer, who played the narcissist is excellent. What a cold stare he gives. And an 18 yr old Angela Lansbury–interesting to see how he manipulates all around him in the way he does. The ending is an absolute killer!

    Hope all is well with you, HG.

  17. H.G. I have a question! What if a narc man met narc woman and he got played by her and she treated him the same way. What then? Would this change him? Snap him out of it? ….kind of like getting a taste of his own medicine?

  18. Long post ahead! I’m in serious need of advice.

    What if you have a child with a narcissist? I don’t even know if he is one sometimes I wonder if I am. I don’t trust any of my thinking anymore. I really am so confused. But I’ve been told it’s from years of gaslighting. I know I was raised by a narcissist step mother who was absolutely insane. She went to great lengths to destroy all of our siblinings relationships with each other and tried to get my father to be alone. So after 10 years of my developmental years plus a 5 year relationship with a (I think narcissist) the amount of gas lighting I’ve experienced and people who have believed them after they’ve tried to isolate me has truly affected me. We have a 3 year old and I’ve left him (my ex nit my child ) and am in a new relationship now. But he might be one too! I don’t know . He tells me he believes ge is superior and that i should just thi k that too but it goes against mt whole being to put others in a less than category. He tries to get me to cut out toxic friends and tells me ti surround myself with good people and hes has a lot of wo derful friends who are so loyal so mayne he isnt one? I dont know. I can’t stop being overly giving. I’m a super empath I suppose. I can read what people need and I want to show them love and help them feel important. But because I am so good at reading people…does that mean I am one? And I can read people down to weirdly knowing what their general childhood was and what issues they have with it, and knowing how they feel at any given moment. It’s a lot to handle. It’s been proven again and again. So why if I’m that good can I not avoid the narcissist why do I end up seeking them out? Is it possible to be actually loved by a narcissist . Or do they only love what you do for them? Is it possible to fill the void they have and bring peace and an end to their cycle? Such a long post thanks for hopefully pulling through. Also it got a bit lost but how to co parent 50/50 with a narcissist? He loves our son I believe but know he resents being a younger dad and still is pretty immature and self centered.

    1. Being around his loyal friends aka his “followers” and expecting them to ever see your side is not good. If you have any positive friends, you have to keep them close. Do not allow yourself to be isolated. You need to try to figure out your wants and needs and set boundaries. If he is violating those boundaries, you might need to take a good hard look at the relationship you have. Read up on healthy and unhealthy relationships. Having a child with a narcissist can be challenging if they want to use your child to control you as well as the child and get in your head. My ex finally is fully committed to his gf and is being unbelievably nice to me. Maybe someone can correct me if I wrong, but I don’t think Nacissists can manipulate more than one person they truly want to control at a time. Anyway, I will take it. Unfortunately, I think I will be caught in a tough spot when he decides to torment her too. I was set to defend her when it happens, but we have kids. So not sure what I will do. I just hate that I will have to choose. He deserves to be in jail, on an island alone, or any other thing Karma can give full strength. Good luck to you! Please keep reading and if you can, reach out to a Domestic Violence Advocate to chat. They can provide so much help.

    2. Any time someone claims they’re different than other people – except for geniuses or people with a personality disorder, in which case it’s a fact – the warning bells go off for me.

      The narc ex also wanted me to stop spending time with my friends, claiming they were ‘beneath’ me and were holding me back. Loser. They are people who would get up in the middle of the night and drive 500 kms to come save my ass if I needed them and I would do the same for them. Beneath me? Haha.

    3. Start reading about codependency. Codepebdents are particularly adept and reading people. They do so instnctively They anticipate the needs of other and meet those needs. It’s how they derive their self worth. This sounds like classic Codepebdent behavior to me but it’s impossible to say over one forum comment. I suggest start reading up on that

  19. I have been through all the stages. I plan to move out. Hard to keep quiet about what I have learned. He is back in the golden phase and I love/hate him.
    Hard to believe someone can be so deceitful. I wish the new supply would have stayed around.

  20. Help!
    I’ve gone NC over 6 weeks ago after one too many ragefull outbursts by a narc/borderline/psychopath who I was involved with for over a year. The problem is that we are sort of neighbours who live 5 mins walk from each other and to make it worse, we have joint friends which is how we met…
    Not only did I have to break free from him but also from our mutual friends who are of course oblivious to the situation and regard this break up is a sad but normal event. Wrong!
    Losing partner and friends in one go is incredibly painful but the pressing issue is this- I need extra income so had to take a couple of shifts per week at a local shop and now he’s in the habit of passing by every time I work.
    Up until last night we just ignored each other but last night he showed up as I was closing all alone and stirred some shit again. He’s blocked everywhere, I no longer go to neighbourhood get together, but how do I stop him from trying to communicate with me when I’m kind of a captive audience?

    1. HG why would mine just quit having sex with me, we had the most intense sex life. My understanding is that isn’t normal for yall.

      1. Part of devaluation no doubt OR an early short test in the seduction. See the book Sex and the Narcissist for more.

  21. I have just recently stopped contact with a narcissist. I know that telling the narcissists that I am going to stop contact is ill-advised. But, I am joyfully and gleefully doing so, so that I will have the opportunity to torture him. He has so badly abused me, (I am an empath), that, now that I’m breaking contact and he is going to flip out at being ignored, I will take this opportunity to TORTURE THE HOLY EFF out of him. I’ll eventually take his calls or answer his emails with promises that I will not keep- like yes, I’ll come pick you up and take you to your (fill in the blank), or meet you for dinner or what ever and NEVER show up. I’ll answer his calls very late when he’s stymied by why I am not there, with calm and unemotional excuses like, Oh no gosh, I’m sorry honey- my car broke down and my cell stopped working and WHAT EVER sweet and empathetic excuses I can come up with. OH, THIS IS GOING TO BE SUCH FUN! Maybe I’m a bit of a narcissist myself. What ever. I am a kind, loving, generous, loyal, empathetic, sympathetic and nurturing person but eff with me like this and YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH. But it won’t be narcissistic supply. It will be the kind you hate the most- BEING IGNORED and then attended to with no emotion and careless disregard. I’ll let you all know how it goes. I have already ignored an email and 2 blocked cell phone calls- unfortunately my cell suppresses the calls but allows messages and beeps when a message is left. Need a new phone and a new phone number.

    1. Josephine,

      Was I ever in your shoes two yrs ago! My plans were nearly identical to yours. But, it didn’t last past a few weeks. My anger subsided with his push of a renewed golden period & there I was, weakened and back in his clutches once more.

      Please heed HG’s advice, your ET (emotional thinking) WILL eventually take over & you just can’t let that happen.

      ET is like hell to fight—of course it is, we’re Empaths. But you MUST think logically & go NO CONTACT. Yes, you are right, it will drive him mad. But you can’t stick around to watch the blood explode from his eyes. Enjoy your revenge knowing that it IS happening & you’ve dealt the final blow, whether you’re around to see it or not.

      Please trust me on this one. I’ve been NC for 69 days and his vice grip is finally loosening. And he’s hoovered twice now. But I had to use logical thinking as HG explained and it’s working. (Damn, a Narcissist giving ME advice. WTF)

      Pay backs are hell and Karma is a bitch. Revenge is yours—but only if you lay down the gauntlet and WALK AWAY…..forever.

      1. Hi 69Revolver, thank you for your reply. Yeah, I know you’re right. Would you please stop being so smart and logical, dangit?? 8-) He already hoovered me, surprise surprise! He is just sooo gorgeous and musically talented- he plays drums and I sing and play a little bit of guitar. We were in a band together about 25 years ago.

        I can’t believe what I’ve seen and heard with him, since I wrote my little revenge rant- the things he does and says- gob smacking! I get over my bouts of revenge ET, just as you said, very quickly but the truth is that these guys are DEADLY to our psyche and a DISASTER in our lives.

        There is a circumstance coming where I am going to have to see him repeatedly for a few days so I will have to fortify myself somehow, to make it through. There is unfortunately, no avoiding it.

        SO glad you have gone NC for such a long time. Congratulations! I hope to grow up and be a big girl like you someday.

        Thanks again, J

    2. Sounds like he’s going to get a refinery of negative fuel from you. Positive or negative…doesn’t matter, it’s all fuel.

    3. Hi Josephine
      My name is patty. I just left a toxic abusive narcissist spouse for good. April 7th I feel your pain totally. I know exactly what your going through. I too have ignored mine blocked my spouse from calling. I totally agree with you let’s eff them up and play the mind games with them. You know as well as I do. They don’t like being ignored. Lmao. Would love to stay in contact to support each other if your cool with that. I have done the same blocked phone calls emails. You name it and as recent as today email.

      1. Hi Patty, it’s very kind of you and yes. I would like to stay in touch, thank you. I might not be terribly consistent because I have lost my center and I’m very scattered. I did again, get involved with my Narc but this time it has been very different. Still painful at times but mostly, as a means of observing myself and him. I have been watching tons of videos on NPD and I am putting into practice, many of the techniques suggested by those with experience. It’s a really good arena for me to learn how not to react to what he does. (by the way, he is not violent, in any way). I’m getting better and better at it while slowly pulling away. I can’t quite leave him 100% because he is stranded with no car and little income, due to a nasty traffic situation in which he was insanely intoxicated and hit someone on a motorcycle. Luckily the victim was not badly hurt but my Narc’s life has been utterly destroyed. Because of some of the things he has done to me, I should absolutely have NO contact whatsoever but I am Codependent. I am using this time to watch my codependency and learn how to change it. AND, I AM effing with him and enjoying it. He has the upper hand because he is 7 years younger than me, looks 20 years younger, VERY good looking and has cut me off sexually but he is also very vulnerable and I am taking advantage of that in very subtle ways. I know I am playing with fire and that is the reason that I am slowly making my exit. I also made a commitment to his landlord that I cannot get out of, to take care of her dog for a few days, while she and her husband are away. I have no choice but to be in the same house with him, off and on for a few days and it scares the crp out of me because I don’t know what kind of tricks he will pull. I pray that he is decent or just flattened enough that he will not try something terribly painful like bringing some woman home or some other kind of mind Fkng. He is going to AA and trying to get his life in order but still does things to extract emotion from me. It’s very difficult to handle but I truly believe that it is very good practice for me in life, in general. My last very long term relationship was with a man who is on the Aspbergers spectrum and therefore also severely lacking in empathy. I have only been with this Narc for going on 9 months but I have NEVER experienced anything like this before. He DOES try to torture me, emotionally. I think he knows that he can’t get away with the same stuff he did in the past but I know he is very bright and will find small ways to do it. My goal is to see him for what he is and not allow him to make me react to it. I can give him accolades and other types of Narc supply but I have been successful, on the phone and in short periods with him, in not allowing him to make me react. It feels GREAT. I’m still going to go through horrible feelings of loss, eventually and in fact, I am now, because I know that he can never be what I want, but I’m trying to learn from this and benefit from it. Sorry to write so long!! How is YOUR battle going? Have you stayed No Contact? I HOPE SO! If not, you can start again. Thanks again, Josephine.

    4. I would love to stay in contact with you!!! I want to see how it goes. I am dealing with the same thing right now!!!

    5. I’m in the midst of an abusive relationship with a major narcissist myself, but please, try not to let yourself down. It’s so tempting to react and try to make them feel how they make you feel – I know it, I’ve been there and I’ve done it – but ultimately, doesn’t it make you feel guilty and worse off? I’m still trying to help mine. I’m also trying to govern my own behaviour, which is really bloody difficult when all I get is abuse and I never know what’s coming next. I keep my fingers crossed all the time. Thing is, if they can manipulate you into behaving like them, they’re winning. Please don’t let them win: make a conscious decision, based upon YOUR feelings and how YOU feel comfortable treating other people. For them, it’s just another means of control. Lots of love and I hope you, and I, can find some peace. Xxx

      And yes – being ignored resonates massively. You’re absolutely justified in being pissed off and angry, surely that’s normal and an expected response. I’m hoping that in pointing out that you can choose how you respond, it might make me aware that I can choose how to respond to my one, too. Look, I’m majorly strung out because of my relationship with said narcissist, but I hope I’m on the path to happiness. Thank you for posting this as it’s good to share feelings, experiences, and know that I’m probably not “the mental one.” Thank you. I wish you lots of luck xxx

      1. Just an update that hopefully you all can benefit from. I stopped all contact with the alien, (these people are NOT human, I’m sorry HG), by hanging up the phone during one of his ridiculous rages, over a week ago. I ignored all texts and calls after that.

        Unfortunately, he had some of my gig equipment so I needed to contact him to collect it. I made sure to tell him I would come in the morning and then didn’t even bother to text him until the afternoon, then took my sweet time getting there. I did it via text and he agreed to open the garage upon my arrival at which time, I grabbed my equipment, never looked up, never saw him and drove away. OH AND BY THE WAY- just before I got there, he texts me- “I know this is a lot to ask but could you return my DVD’s for me at Albertsons”? He has to use Uber to get around and I knew he had already been to Albertsons that day so I said, “you’ve already been there today so, no”.

        All the texts up to that point had been matter of fact until one night I got a bit drunk and felt the insane need to tell him, (via text), that I don’t think he’s a bad person, blah blah blah… mistake, GAG ME. But I moved ahead with no more texts.

        He saw me somewhere a few nights ago and texted me 1/2 hour after I left to say he saw me. I did not reply. He texted me again to explain that he didn’t bother me because he knew I didn’t want to see him but he wanted to introduce me to his friend visiting from Florida. REALLY? I did not reply. Then he called, I did not answer and he did not leave a message, then he texted Oh, I guess I’m blocked. I did not reply. So he sends me a FB Messenger. It shows up on the front of my phone screen so I can’t make a call or text anyone until I move it and when I do, voila, it opens the message. DRAT. So, I provide a short, matter of fact answer and then, he does it again. THIS TIME, I went to my computer where I can access Messenger without actually opening it. BUT, I decided to open it and not answer. THEN I unfriended him.

        The next day he texted, “Am I blocked”? Again I did not answer. I suddenly realized that I was SO OVER him!! I had had time to reflect on what he’d done and who he really was and my attraction has just plain gone away. I still feel the sting of being so badly manipulated and gaslighted and all the awful, covert and even overt torture he put me through but my basic problem in the past had been my desire for him AND the fact that he is without a car, money, etc, so I felt sorry for him. HOW SAD IS THAT?

        Well, he resorted to email. Sent me a sentimental and somewhat conciliatory email in which he apologized and said that because of AA, he’s “really starting to get it”.. and other stuff. I sent a simple reply of, “Best of Luck”! Now I shall block his emails. I just realized that I’m smiling. SO TAKE HEART GIRLS AND GUYS! I was absolutely head over heals for this guy for a long time but now, he just looks like a child- small and frankly pathetic. On to bigger and better things! And I highly recommend watching the Youtube videos out there just for long enough to get support and validation. Then, jump ship and MOVE ON with A GOOD LIFE!!

      2. Louise, I’m not sure if you were responding to me or someone else but thank you for sharing your story and struggle and for your wise and encouraging words. We’re all in this together and of late, I’m making great strides. I have the luxury of not being married to the beast so, painful as it was, (and still is at times), have disconnected and I’m getting better every day. He sent me a Youtube video song- with alternatively offensive and desirous lyrics- made sure that he sent me the version with the lyrics on the screen.. and while I contemplated responding, I DID NOT. I have him blocked but my phone stores blocked messages and because I am stupid as hell, I CHECK the blocked messages! For God’s sake.. but anyway, I did not respond AND I took GREAT GLEE in not responding. Still on a bit of a high from it, today, while moving forward with MY life, MY desires, MY need and MY goals! Hope you’re doing well.

    6. How did it go with your Narcissist?
      I’ve been with my N for almost 2 yrs. He was wonderful in the beginning and now I see his ugly side. Recently we made plans for me to go to his house after my son’s ballgame. I tried calling him before I was on my way because he had another Service call across town. He’s an electrician. He ignored my calls, ignored me texts. He finally answered at 11pm. He reply to not taking my calls was because he was “BUSY”! This caused me to FUME UP!!! He “decided” he wanted alone time with his bratty daughter. She’s 14 and now how positive issues with her father. I’m an empath and tries to think of fun family things for us to do while his daughter is with us. I do love him and we’re fine as long as I ignore his ill behavior. I told him I deserved better. We hung up angry… Meother one of us called back. I never heard from him all day yesterday or today. I want to call him to ask if if I really meant anything to him.. I won’t call today since his daughter is still there. I think she prefers him to be single and a hermit crab.

      So please tell me how things worked out for you.

  22. If I’m completely emotionless to him, positive or negative, will he just go away eventually? He’s dead to me. I forgive him, but I care less. I have nothing to say and no emotion left. It drives him insane and I just keep hoping he’ll just go find someone else because I feed him NO fuel. My tanks BONE DRY…….

    1. Adopting that position is certainly advantageous but it presupposes you having some interaction. You are far better served ensuring you never had any form of interaction with the relevant narcissist at all, because if you do have an interaction, not only is it very difficult for you to try not to provide an emotional reaction and thus fuel, but you are also risking feeding your emotional thinking further.

      1. Thank you, I appreciate your response. I will have to set up a consultation with you. Its all just real complicated. It’s just so unfair all of it….I really try not to fall into pity parties for myself but truly…. Pity on ya’ll too for having such evil hearts too and that whatever happened to you all to make you this way is eating you up so bad you have to ruin the lives of others…ill pray for you all….but I’m truly grateful you’re doing what you’re doing HG….ive found amazing amount of peace since finding your stuff and finally know it’s NOT me after all this time.

      2. Truth. I just experienced again . . . having a high IQ is no defense. Tis my own emotions that are my worst enemy.

      3. I personally find the concept of ‘fair’ very limiting and useless, in the sense that ‘it’s not fair, what I’m going through’. It is what it is. Life doesn’t owe us anything, even if we are good and honourable people.

        Pity parties are an expression of learned helplessness… And the idea that good will be rewarded and bad will be punished is no more than magical thinking – life simply doesn’t work that way, and there is no imperative for it to work that way either.

        Acceptance of this fact is incredibly liberating.

    2. Took the words right out of my mouth…..4 yrs with mine…no reply to him since Aug..but he still text…. I get satisfaction out of not replying

    3. Wow. That’s exactly how I feel. When I can think, I seem to think and view myself metaphorically: like a sculpture that has been chipped away at until there’s barely anything left. I can see what’s left in my head; a basic spinal structure, the bits left hanging are a mess. Do you think these perpetrators could ever acknowledge the immensity of feeling they conjure in others? And how much they put them through? Why are we all in this situation? We are not obligated. They aren’t our children, they’re supposed to provide mutual support, or, at very least, nothing at all. I have no idea why some people delight in other’s misery and create problems for sport. Utterly tragic.

      And yes, keep the tank dry. Thing is, he doesn’t care about you, as much as my version doesn’t care about me – he doesn’t respect or love me, and when I finally walk, I’ll be replaced within an instant. I’ll stay single for another eight years… lots of luck and love, it’s really good to share these thoughts with people who get it. Xxx

  23. I must have phrased my question incorrectly. Was there any difficulty in accepting NPD as who you are at a personality level or was it just a label for something you had always had a sense of. And Yes he has actually claimed a cure for NPD that centers around the principals You mentioned. Do You buy that?

  24. I left 9 months ago moved 4 hours away,he is on meth and homeless so stays away but although given an order of protection he has phone visitation with our 5 yr old and uses it to get to me. He picked up a new woman with 2 small babies 2 and 4 and they live in a tent and his Durango in the desert homeless. He tells my son he’s coming for soncho and is going to beat any guy up that I let around him, and has the two kids calling him daddy for my son who can’t see him or be around him to hear. I blocked his calls as of the 13th I don’t care if he has court ordered phone visits he’s strung out I doubt he will take me to court. Even though I’ve blocked him and removed all contact I still can’t get him out of my head what I could gave done to make it work . Even sober he treated me terrible but somehow I miss him somehow I want him back it’s sick I know but I can’t stop . I need help 😔

    1. Good start with blocking him and also adopting the stance regarding the phone visits, you need to look to your own defences (and those of your children) and you are correct, if he does not like it he can always return it to court but it may be unlikely he would do so for the reasons you have explained. In terms of tackling your addiction which is manifesting in wanting him back, this can be addressed. You should organise a consultation with me and I will set out what steps you can take to achieve this and move forward.

  25. I have been married for 12 years to him. I didn’t start to get bad until our house fire he blamed me for it that was 7 years ago. He had some controlling tendency before that but after the fire everything got worse. He took control over all the money took my name off of everything nothing was ever good enough still isn’t good enough house is never clean enough Foods never good enough. He would always tell me that he got the short end of the stick cuz I gain weight after kids nobody will ever want me nobody love me like he does and then was in the last probably two years things start getting really bad he started forcing me to have sex with him he start paying me for sex or at least trying to he would always say well how much do you need for money cuz I would ask him to help me out cuz I needed to pay some bills. And now lately I have found cameras all over house and just last week I found one it was they seen the couch that I sleep on cuz I stopped sleeping in the same bed as him and I asked him about it and he said it was so that he could watch me sleep I need to get out and I need help. I have no money and yes I work but it is part time and that pretty much pays for my car payment and whatever our two kids need.

    1. This might sound wrong but my thought is my thought and I would not only take his payment for services rendered but up it, possibly double it. Then when I’d have enough to leave, I’d be gone and laughing cause hed payed for my freedom and sanity. How bad he would feel when he realized that I had turned things around with his money.
      As I said , this is where I am in my life , my pain has gone. I Dont know if you can see the funny side. ….Love yourself and find freedom.

  26. HG, seriously, High five Sir. I am so grateful for your audio’s and writings. You came into my life just as I needed confirmation that I was in fact not off with fairies and I needed to remove myself and especially my children from the toxic environment we found ourselves in. 6 years of absolute belittling and mind games finally took it’s toll. So Thank you HG from Myself and my daughters. You might be a turd to others but to us I’d much rather read your writings than that of the bible – so keep preaching… I haven’t come across one thing I disagree with, you are all over it like a fat kid on a cupcake. So keep it coming cupcake.

    1. Turd? Fat kid? Cupcake? Good job the rest of your comment was so complimentary, a narcissist could be offended! You are welcome and do keep reading and listening and spread the word.

      1. Lol Sorry HG, was not meant to be offensive. Good ol’ Australian humour.
        May I please add to others reading this – after leaving, it doesn’t end, as HG states in a lot of his writings. Even if you go no contact – the after math of being “conditioned” for so long is the most hardest to “get over”. It’s the realisation that the whole marriage was an act/sham – that’s what hurts the most. Attempting to get your emotional thoughts and reactions to subside or under control at least and get back to logical thinking is what is the hardest. You literally need to retrain the wiring in your brain. Be kind to yourself. ❤️

    2. I think my reply was dumped into neverland.. (ERROR)… forgive me if it’s a duplicate!

      Just had to say: I loved your comment ❤ The ‘talking to the faeries’ bit was a line I used with my narc.
      Anyhoo… Welcome aboard! HG is great. The people here are wonderful. Lots of insight!

  27. I just ordered No Contact off Amazon. The book will arrive in 2 days. But once the order was finalized, Amazon offered the first chapter opened to me…to get me started reading right away.
    Very interesting. But after eagerly reading the first chapter…. my gut intuition is on fire! Why am I hurting and feeling nausea? I feel like reading this book will keep my abuser in the front of my mind, which how he wants it, and how he’s planned it all along. Could reading this book enable one narcissist to help another? Why do I get the feeling I just fed HG the exact thing HG wants?
    It is a vicious circle. I need the information, HG needs the attention, and all the while, my abuser is benefitting as well.
    It’s pure evil, another compliment to HG and my abuser. I thank you for your help, now thank me for my contribution of somehow feeding your ego, while feeding all narcissistic egos everywhere.

    1. No, the book does not enable one narcissist to help another. I have no interest in helping other narcissists, I owe them no loyalty. It is inevitable that you will think about your narcissist when reading my work (or anybody’s work) concerning this subject but you are going to think about your narcissist anyway, you are far better served having it happen when you are engaging with my work. The only way to move forward is to experience some pain and some consideration of the narcissist, that is linked to the subject matter but this information will prove far more effective than anything else and therefore it is a price worth paying. With chemotherapy, there are unpleasant side effects, but it is still necessary to endure them to conquer the cancer. This is similar. It is nothing to do with feeding my ego.

      1. HG,
        As someone who is intimate with the mind of a covert cerebral narcissist I have to ask: How is this not feeding your ego? You have no real motivation to want to actually help anyone, especially since narcissists are, by default of their disorder, lacking in empathy, emotionally shallow, and pathological liars.
        BTW, I’m not being disparaging or negative, as best I can tell you are absolutely correct in everything I have read thus far, and I actually applaud what you are doing, but as somebody who finds narcissists fascinating I am genuinely curious.

      2. “With chemotherapy, there are unpleasant side effects, but it is still necessary to endure them to conquer the cancer.” – HG Tudor

        Excellent analogy… response in general.

        The comments here are warming my heart, seeing how many people are being helped.

        (Aww… Even from afar, you know that’s fuel for an empath. 🍗🍉🍏🍨 ➡❤
        Feeds my hungry heart.)

      3. Ok I realize I’m a Codependent, but I don’t get it. HGsays he doesn’t really get supply from this, but even if he did I would have zero problem with that. At the end of the day, he has information we need. If supply is his currency, what’s wrong with that ? As long as he’s not abusive and he isn’t.

        I mean the guy hasn’t chosen to be this way. It was thrust upon him from early childhood trauma. He knows nothing different. As long as you aren’t in an intimate relationship with him, he’s likely to pleasant to be around. It’s his nearest and dearest he’s awful to.

        So if it were supply he was seeking from this what’s wrong with that ? He gets something he needs I get something I need.

        1. Lori

          Thats how I see it. I involuntarily fuelled others in my life with no benefit to me whatsoever and they were abusive. Why would I turn down the valuable information here that has given me answers if the cost is a few remote and watered down fumes? I believe doing this benefits him in many ways but that is not chief among them. I am most amused when someone charges him with that but is still engaged with a narcissist in their private life, or fawn all over celebrities who are likely narcissists and to whom they gladly fork over big dollars for movies and concert tickets to pad their wallets and fuel them for mere entertainment rather than possibly life changing information.

          I get both education and entertainment here.

      4. Narc Angel

        Boom! We are a lot alike. I find this mutually beneficial.

        I too crack up at people accusing him of this which may or may not be true yet continue to engage.

        We learn more about his kind. He learns about our kind. I got zero problem with him. I am well read on Narcissism and I learn something new here everyday. The perspective of a Narc is completely different from that of a therapist. Therapists tend to give you clinical information. HG gives you the lay terms and practical perspective as to how all of these clinical concepts play out in real situations

  28. Narc sees no wrong in himself and his behaviour .. so how can you anaylaze yourself to be one ?

    1. How do we fight the addiction? And how can we tell the difference between a narcissist or him just being a 23 year old asshole?

  29. We had another big fight. He had been lying. Again. So I told him he had to leave. He didn’t beg dramatically this time. By the end of the day he was living with another woman. I had no idea she even existed…and he knew her well enough to move in. I was floored. But then he went to jail. Prison. And I accepted his calls for awhile. One day I told him he could still call me but I needed him to back off a little because he was doing it way too much. I guess he was wounded because the calls stopped completely. I didn’t hear from him for 3 years. It was great. I healed. Met someone wonderful. Got married. Started a family. Then hoover attempts started. About a year before he was released he began trying to hunt me down through mutual acquaintances on social media. I politely declined these invitations. Now he’s out and sniffing around town asking about me. I have a whole new life and have blocked him from every aspect. He disgusts me and I wish he would just disappear for good.

  30. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years , the divorce was beyond hell , my lawyers actually told me he was trying to get me so slow mentally that I would kill myself so he could have the kids an me out of there lives. Who does that ? Both my daughters moved out but my son 22 is still living with him an is at times suicidal because he can’t handle my X . How do I encourage him to get out? My X has told him if he leaves or especially we’re to move in with me ( his mom) don’t ever come back . Need some advice on getting him out of this. Sincerely beach girl

  31. How do i get my 16yr old daughter away from from my ex-brother in law who she thinks the world of and he a gas lighting narcissist who is turning her against her family

  32. Seems all these people are men as a rule but let me ASSURE you all. There are women who are far worse. My entire 7+ year relationship was based on lies and hidden things. Now she’s going to counceling and claiming I’m ABUSIVE! Lies and excuses are all you’ll ever get from these manipulative sad people.

    1. GregK,

      Women can seem far worse. The only narc I know of that actually induced someone to commit suicide was a woman.

      There is also the gender bias that keeps them from being recognized as such. The ratio seems to put men in the majority. It may be that male children are more often treated in the way that causes narcissism to come to fruition. However, it does not lessen the fact that you were victimized by a narcissist, whether male or female.

      I would guess you are here because you searched specific behaviors, so you are fairly certain that you are involved with a narc.

      You may wish to get counseling yourself if you can find a professional that has experience with NPD or treating victims of Narcs. They may specialize in PTSD. Sharing you experiences on this board is also helpful. I’d like to point out that most of us are anonymized. You may also wish to do that in posting here, but it’s obviously not required. I suggest it, because it may help you be freer in sharing.

      You are not the only man here, if it helps you to feel like you have company.

      Personally I would like to hear more of a mans take on a relationship with a narc. But I hope you came here to help yourself. When you read or listen, just picture the narc you know as the narc being discussed.
      It is indeed going to be mind boggling, but read the articles here. This is an education on something you would never think you would or should have to learn.

      Are you No Contact now?

      The first important tools to pick up here and use are Get Out Stay Out, and No Contact.

      If you are married, have children, or otherwise obligated to have some contact with your N, this will be harder.

      If not, start immediately. All the information is here and searchable.

      Talk to ya later,

      1. How about incremental legal action and charges as a recourse? Is this breaking No Contact? The hunt and harrassment on us has not stopped for 4 years. I am at wits end. Isnt the law the only deterrent authority over these predators?

      2. what do you mean? Isn’t pursuing a legal battle an inevitable Contact? Let me be more specific. If I have maintained no contact for 4 years,