Commanding Attention
I don’t just love attention, I need it in order for me to survive. What you must understand that is someone of my talents needs to have those attributes recognised by all and sundry on a regular and repeated basis. It is not enough for me to know how special I am. There is nothing to be gained by my brilliance only being admired by me. That is self-defeating. You may not be used to adulation but once you have tasted it, you need it again and again and again. Ask anyone who has basked in the heady limelight of fame. It is addictive. You know it to be true, whether it is from having your video viewed many times on Facebook to having a starring role in the local amateur dramatics production. That is why so many of these stars, many from yesteryear, embark on comeback tours or release a further book. Do U2 or the Rolling Stones need any more money? Of course they do not, but they are hooked on the admiration of a millions through the attendances at concerts, the repeated Youtube viewings and the praise from the numerous reviews that are written. Why do fading stars make appearances on celebrity versions of reality television shows? Simple. They want the admiration of their audience again. They cannot survive without it. Are those celebrities and starts narcissists? More than likely. As I explained in Reach the Top, in order to climb the peak of excellence you need the focus and drive afforded to my kind and me. We channel our energies into gaining recognition and the pay-off is the provision of admiration. It is only correct and fair.
Of course our demand for attention is such that we must have it all the time. We cannot allow anyone else to have some of that attention. You might think that even if we receive some massive recognition and praise that we would be content to allow someone a look in, even for a short period of time. Not a chance. We cannot help ourselves but scheme to commandeer the attention again. This will be done by demeaning you or doing something outrageously outlandish so all eyes come back to us and away from you. Our behaviour in this regard is brazen and brash. We will do whatever it takes to ensure we get the attention again. Yes, we know that at times our conduct is entirely preposterous. For example, on our birthday we will revel in the fact that you will festoon us with presents in the morning and enjoy everybody handing them to us wishing us well for the day. We bask in the attention you have laden on us by choosing the exactly correct piece of latest technology that we had been hankering for. By the afternoon, as the attention has waned, we will want to stoke it up again and we will criticise your gift choice, finding some minor point to complain about in the expectation (not hope) that you will turn on the attention again. You may have to do this by placating our irritation or even going so far as purchase something else for us. We know you will do it as we have you conditioned to react in this fashion in order to service our unreasonable demands for attention. It is your role to keep that spotlight shining on us and ensure the bulb never blows nor is there an electricity cut. It is exhausting work but we need it in order to survive and you would not want us fade away would you? Not if you know what is good for you, you won’t.
11 thoughts on “Commanding Attention”
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I think that for a narcissist a worse punishment would be a year in solitary confinement than 20 years with other prisoners.
I am reading your blog from start to finish in order to understand what I have been dealing with. I am confused concerning my husbands behavior.
For his birthday, I sent a gift to him at work every hour, on the hour. I set up a surprise birthday party for him with all of his favorite foods, drinks, more expensive gifts and all of his friends and family. He was instantly angry with me.
He said that I had embarrassed him at work with the gifts and now I was humiliating him at home. He ignored the guests and locked himself in the bathroom, soaking in the tub until everyone finally gave up and left.
I was so embarrassed!
After everyone had gone, he went straight to bed. Not another word for days.
How would you classify that behavior?
Hello Rebecca, welcome on board and reading through it will provide you with a mine of information and understanding.
With regard to your husband’s behaviour:-
1. That is typical of our kind in terms of throwing in your face what you did. This was to undermine you, assert control and ensure that he drew fuel from your reaction. This control element arises by confusing you as yo how somebody could be upset about doing something which is so thoughtful. Him soaking in the tub was all about drawing fuel from you and all assembled.
2. Read the blog post Unhappy Birthday which will explain more for you.
This explains it. One time Satan called me at work. I was in the break room with some work colleagues so I put him on hold while I laughed with my work friends. He got upset and hung up. Next thing I know he was accusing me of cheating on him with my boss. He called me after work crying saying I hurt his feelings. Wrong. I hurt him by ignoring him. He yelled at me for an entire hour. I had muted the phone and watched my fab show instead. He called me when I woke up again yelling at me and I just hung up the phone.
Yes, that will be the reaction when you ignore us. You should not ignore our brilliance, it is such bad manners!
lol
brilliant! muted the phone and watched your show.
that is so funny
What if you had two birthdays? How would you expect the attention bestowed upon you?
Do you mean on different days, like the Queen? Your question is well-timed actually. See tomorrow’s post about birthdays.
Different calendars, for example my husband has one on the Gregorian calendar and one on the lunar calendar. It infuriates him if I forget them.
Ah, I see your point. He is correct to be infuriated. You should remember them both if you truly love us.
I never did and I never will. Too much as happened for me to forgive and forget.