The Winner Takes it All
Winning is everything to me. I have to win. This applies to every facet of my life. You will be aware of not only my desire to win but the fact that I always come up smelling of roses. I know you find this particularly unfair as this is something that has been hurled in my direction on several occasions,
“You just walk away from the carnage you create without so much as a scratch.”
“You carry on as if nothing has happened without a care about what you have done.”
“How is it that someone as nasty as you just gets to sail through life untouched?”
“You cause so much misery yet you always land on your feet.”
I am able to fire the useless employee without worrying about how that will impact on his or her life. I do know that this will improve productivity. The weak link has been expunged and the ruthlessness by which it is executed causes those still in employment to work harder. Result? It’s a win. I renege on financial arrangements which leave your position in tatters and mine intact. I use my charm and plethora of excuses to always avoid having to pay for dinner, for an evening out or a holiday. Consequently you carry the burden of our entertainment whilst my bank balance grows. Amazingly, you are aware that I out earn you but the application of my manipulative techniques results in you happily forking out for that weekend away, again. You do it because I have been so loving and charming to you. You do it because I have been so brutal to you yet you still want to please me. Whichever stance I adopt, seduction or devaluation, I secure the desired result. The win.
My lack of conscience and legendary capacity to tell lies sees me grind you into submission during any discussion about financial settlements so that you are left exhausted and just wanting an end to it all. Accordingly, you agree to a far weaker position than that which you might be entitled to. I threaten unfounded complaints to ensure I gain an upgrade, free vouchers or a better outcome for me. I have no qualms about fabricating such a position in order to secure the result I want. It’s another win.
The skill by which I control friendships sees me lob the metaphorical hand grenade into a friendship group and I will stroll away as it detonates behind me causing carnage. I watch from the side lines as friend turns on friend, based on the whispered smear campaign I have created for my own amusement. This is another win as I marvel at my power over people. Nobody has the presence of mind to direct their anger towards me. Oh no, I am too clever to be sucked into that and I can stand and observe the bitter recriminations all stemming from my behaviour. I will always move on to a new relationship without a backwards glance, my smile radiating from every picture and posting that I can muster. I leave you in abject misery as you watch dumbfounded as I find someone new in a matter of days (or more often I already have them lined up). You are staggered as to how I can do this so easily after my proclamations of undying love towards you. How can it be right that you, the one who gave everything and always behaved so properly is left distraught, confused and bereft whilst I waltz around town without a care in the world? Why am I never upset or miserable? It seems unjust and unfair. Why do I always seem to win? Why do I get the cream, win the main prize and have the golden ticket? It is because of how I am designed. I am designed to win. That is my sole focus. By winning I gain admiration and power which gives me fuel. You know how I need that fuel and therefore to secure it I have to win. Unlike you, I have been created with the skill sets that allow me to behave without integrity, to function without a conscience and to sail through life untouched by moral concerns. Normal people are upset and troubled by my machinations, but I am not hampered by such concerns. They do not affect me. I have been fashioned to always secure the win because without it I cannot survive. That is why I have to win and that is why I always win. There is no hope for any other outcome. By the time you and others have worked out that I have been the architect of the chaos and destruction that surrounds you I am long gone. I have left town and ridden off into the sunset in search of my next victory, having conquered you before any consequences of defeat can come looking for me,
25 thoughts on “The Winner Takes it All”
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Alice
Thanks for all the recommended sites and nice words. I also think myself that Ill get out of the “rabbithole”. I had planned to make Melania’s free webinar exactly last week. I inscribed and have collected all the mails in a folder for when I have the time. The other links I did not know until now except for Claudia M so thanks very much. I specially need on learning how to let go.
I hope that you also one day reach the freedom and the healing -as promised by the healing leaders- to get the healthy and fullfilling relationship we all deserve 🙂
All the best
Nikita from Switzerland
Good to hear! 👍😃🍀
If you live in Switzerland, maybe you’d be interested to participate in the 1st CoDA European Convention which takes place from 13-15 November in Lindau (Bodensee)?
Look here:
http://coda.org/default/assets/File/Event%20Flyers/European%20CoDA%20meeting.pdf
Registrations are still possible and airbnb.com always offers good, affordable hosting opportunities!
I’ll be there with a handful of other great people from my local CoDA group and it would be GREAT to meet you there – while you take a good break from the narc madness! 😃
Ok, I removed all the direct links to other sites, hopefully this comment will display…
@Clarence & Nikita:
Thanks so much for your feedback, I’m glad my comment resonated with you!
I think it is all about the inner child healing and breaking free of unconscious or even conscious childhood patterns of a avoidance, addiction/self-medication such as escapismus into fantasy land, obsessing about food, weight, being ‘seen’ and ultimately the narc as a ‘saviour’ when he is, in fact, the messenger…
Melanie Tonia Evans has just posted a video on YouTube (Thriver TV Sessions) that describes it very well (entitled ‘Should You Warn Someone You Love?)
Another good resource in you tune is SpartanLifeCoach and yes, of course, Ross Rosenberg.
Nikita, I think that it is a GREAT start to participate in one of Rosenberg’s workshops. You have to be patient and kind with yourself, 10 years is a long long time. It will take time to un-hook and break the patterns – you’ll have to go through withdrawl and that’s painful, you ll have to go through all those stages of grief – shock, denial, anger, pain, regrets and then ultimately forgiveness (esp. forgiving yourself but also the narc: he was the messenger to help you confront and heal your inner wounds). If you start re-centering by focusing on yourself at least 1/3 of the day & night instead of focusing on him, you’re on a good path:-)).
What helped me best were Kaleah La Roche’s audios on Blogtalkradio, see here:
narcissismfree[dot]com
kaleahlaroche[dot]com
Click on “Radio Shows” in the right sidebar for a complete list and access.
All of them are free, and they are excellent and soothing. But above all, they truly helped me move out of denial and resistance.
I also worked with her audios “Letting Go”, “Psychic Chord Cutting Sessions” and “Soul Retrieval”. There are very affordable (between $9 – $15) and can be bought as packages with her excellent e-books.
Other resources I found very helpful are ‘Lucy Rising’ a very well-made and easy-to-follow free recovery programme for victims of narcissistic abuse (lucyrising[dot]com) and ‘It’s Narcissist Friday/Grace For My Heart’ (another helpful blog).
I have also been following Carrie Reimer’s blog ladywithatruck[dot].com because I like her personal and very honest approach to the issue, and Kim Saeed’s ‘Let Me Reach’.
If you look for an even more in-depth approach on narcopaths and a mental back-up for staying ‘no contact’, read Adelyn Birch’s blog ‘psychopathsandlove[dot]com or Claudia Moscovici’s blog ‘Psychopathyawareness[dot]com.
I know this is A LOT of stuff all at once Nikita, but I am convinced that once you have pulled back the curtains, opened the window and let the fresh air and light back, there is no way you can return to the narc’s ‘rabbit hole’ AND stay there for the rest of your life! This ain’t living Nikita, and there will be not sitting in a rainbow, only suffering im hell (not meant in a religious way, but metaphorically speaking;-)).
If you need a mantra, use this one: “People will treat me in exactly the same way I treat myself.”
Once you start respecting and treating yourself better, and taking care of those inner gaps and needs and wishes, and listenig to what your inner child screams at you (“I am sad and lonely, I want to be SEEN, loved and nurtured, I want to be cared for and respected, I want to live an interesting, authentic and exciting life! Help me out of here, I am in such pain!!!), once you start taking care of your inner child, it will ‘Click’ and you will walk away from that narc. There will be fall-backs, weak moments and many doubts but you will eventually break free and make it to the other site: where there is light and love and laughter.
It’s not a walk in the park, but it IS FEASABLE. We are with you in spirit and energetically to support you:-))
xx Alice from Germany
Thank you Alice! I identify very much with many of your feelings. I have also researched and read some of those websites, and am especially fond of Melanie Tonia Evans. I will check out your other recommendations over the coming days.
Dear Clarece and Nikita,
I tried to post an answer to you here but the comment won’t show up – maybe it’s too long, or it is ‘censored’ because it has too many links in it?
@malignarc: could you please check and fix that? Thank you:-)
I’ll also try again without the links…
Alice, the post with the various links was awaiting moderation and I have not been in a position to attend to all the posts. It has been approved now and will show with the various links you posted.
@Clarence & Nikita:
Thanks so much for your feedback, I’m glad my comment resonated with you!
I think it is all about the inner child healing and breaking free of unconscious or even conscious childhood patterns of a avoidance, addiction/self-medication such as escapismus into fantasy land, obsessing about food, weight, being ‘seen’ and ultimately the narc as a ‘saviour’ when he is, in fact, the messenger…
Melanie Tonia Evans has just posted a video on YouTube that describes it very well: http://youtu.be/w6jS5WIl2Pw
Another good resource in you tune is SpartanLifeCoach and yes, of course, Ross Rosenberg.
Nikita, I think that it is a GREAT start to participate in one of Rosenberg’s workshops. You have to be patient and kind with yourself, 10 years is a long long time. It will take time to un-hook and break the patterns – you’ll have to go through withdrawl and that’s painful, you ll have to go through all those stages of grief – shock, denial, anger, pain, regrets and then ultimately forgiveness (esp. forgiving yourself but also the narc: he was the messenger to help you confront and heal your inner wounds). If you start re-centering by focusing on yourself at least 1/3 of the day & night instead of focusing on him, you’re on a good path:-)).
What helped me best were Kaleah La Roche’s audios on Blogtalkradio, see here:
http://www.narcissismfree.com
http://www.kaleahlaroche.com
Click on “Radio Shows” in the right sidebar for a complete list and access.
All of them are free, and they are excellent and soothing. But above all, they truly helped me move out of denial and resistance.
I also worked with her audios “Letting Go”, “Psychic Chord Cutting Sessions” and “Soul Retrieval”. There are very affordable (between $9 – $15) and can be bought as packages with her excellent e-books.
Other resources I found very helpful were ‘Lucy Rising’ (www.lucyrising.com) a very well-made and easy-to-follow free recovery programme for victims of narcissistic abuse, and ‘It’s Narcissist Friday’ (another great blog).
https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/the-narcissists-world/#comment-9906
I have also been following Carrie Reimer’s blog (ladywithatruck.com) because I like her personal and very honest approach to the issue, and Kim Saeed’s ‘Let Me Reach’.
If you look for an even more in-depth approach on narcopaths and a mental back-up for staying ‘no contact’, read Adelyn Birch’s blog http://www.psychopathsandlove.com or Claudia Moscovici’s blog
https://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com
I know this is A LOT of stuff all at once Nikita, but I am convinced that once you have pulled back the curtains, opened the window and let the fresh air and light back, there is no way you can return to the narc’s ‘rabbit hole’ AND stay there for the rest of your life! This ain’t living Nikita, and there will be not sitting in a rainbow, only suffering im hell (not meant in a religious way, but metaphorically speaking;-)).
If you need a mantra, use this one: “People will treat me in exactly the same way I treat myself.”
Once you start respecting and treating yourself better, and taking care of those inner gaps and needs and wishes, and listenig to what your inner child screams at you (“I am sad and lonely, I want to be SEEN, loved and nurtured, I want to be cared for and respected, I want to live an interesting, authentic and exciting life! Help me out of here, I am in such pain!!!), once you start taking care of your inner child, it will ‘Click’ and you will walk away from that narc. There will be fall-backs, weak moments and many doubts but you will eventually break free and make it to the other site: where there is light and love and laughter.
It’s not a walk in the park, but it IS FEASABLE. We are with @Clarence & Nikita:
Thanks so much for your feedback, I’m glad my comment resonated with you!
I think it is all about the inner child healing and breaking free of unconscious or even conscious childhood patterns of a avoidance, addiction/self-medication such as escapismus into fantasy land, obsessing about food, weight, being ‘seen’ and ultimately the narc as a ‘saviour’ when he is, in fact, the messenger…
Melanie Tonia Evans has just posted a video on YouTube that describes it very well: http://youtu.be/w6jS5WIl2Pw
Another good resource in you tune is SpartanLifeCoach and yes, of course, Ross Rosenberg.
Nikita, I think that it is a GREAT start to participate in one of Rosenberg’s workshops. You have to be patient and kind with yourself, 10 years is a long long time. It will take time to un-hook and break the patterns – you’ll have to go through withdrawl and that’s painful, you ll have to go through all those stages of grief – shock, denial, anger, pain, regrets and then ultimately forgiveness (esp. forgiving yourself but also the narc: he was the messenger to help you confront and heal your inner wounds). If you start re-centering by focusing on yourself at least 1/3 of the day & night instead of focusing on him, you’re on a good path:-)).
What helped me best were Kaleah La Roche’s audios on Blogtalkradio, see here:
http://www.narcissismfree.com
http://www.kaleahlaroche.com
Click on “Radio Shows” in the right sidebar for a complete list and access.
All of them are free, and they are excellent and soothing. But above all, they truly helped me move out of denial and resistance.
I also worked with her audios “Letting Go”, “Psychic Chord Cutting Sessions” and “Soul Retrieval”. There are very affordable (between $9 – $15) and can be bought as packages with her excellent e-books.
Other resources I found very helpful were ‘Lucy Rising’ (www.lucyrising.com) a very well-made and easy-to-follow free recovery programme for victims of narcissistic abuse, and ‘It’s Narcissist Friday’ (another great blog).
https://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/the-narcissists-world/#comment-9906
I have also been following Carrie Reimer’s blog (ladywithatruck.com) because I like her personal and very honest approach to the issue, and Kim Saeed’s ‘Let Me Reach’.
Alice your comment is so soothing. Its like if it would be me speaking or like if you would be reading my mind. Even on the thoughts of this blog. The difference with you is that Im still with him. 10 times breakup and comeback in 10 months. When Im not with him the tears wont stop, the void feeling wont leave me, its like if the world would stop turning and nothing makes much sense.
I cant do it NC. Becoming a grey rock… Just by seeing him I feel life come back, the warmth in my chest, the rush in my body, the unexplicable unique sense of happiness coming back. I will probably never understand why it is like this because ive been in two other narc relationships but they were never was like this time where I feel this intense and umbreakable energy inbetween us. My everyday sense and happinesd depending on him.
Ive told him several times to leave me, to discard me, i think maybe it will be like Coming back from death but finally one day breaking free…
His answer is that we will sit one day together on the rainbow…
Were still together. I will wait tomorrow for his message like an astmatic waits for a blow of air….
I do want to unhook, heal the child and grow numb to this bonding… If this is ever possible….
its love and it will never dissapear but the obsession should one day leave me.
Im going in some weeks to Ross Rossemberg seminar on codependency… Lets see….
In the meantime Ill get my methadone shot with this blog wanting to understand more hoping that this will also to contribute to setting me one day free.
Nikita,
I hear you and I feel with you. But we CAN and WILL grow out of this addiction! Maybe this helps for a start:
http://youtu.be/w6jS5WIl2Pw
Xx
Why didn’t you post my reply to you malignnarc?
Hello So Sad, I am working through the various posts which have been waiting for moderation. For ease of keeping track I have been dealing with those that have been posted most recently (otherwise if I start with the older ones the way the format is set up posts can become lost amongst the number of them). I have been about other things but I am working my way through the posts and will get to your reply in due course. Thanks for your patience.
To me he is too real… To exact in describing… He seems to me a real narc.
That’s exactly the point: too real and self-reflective to be a true narc;-)
But after all, it doesn’t matter. What matters is what we make of IT: if we use this tool for insight, healing and moving on, WE WIN.
If we stay stuck or get sucked back into those ‘narc realities’, if this blog and what he posts and comments trigger us like ‘our’ personal narcs did, or even worse: re-light the longing, obsession and need with regard to ‘our’ narc, or narcs in general, then HE WINS.
I have personally come to the conclusion that co-dependents/ empaths (like myself) are naturally dependent on their daily ‘narc shot’ – acting out by thinking of, obsessing about, analysing, daydreaming or discussing about the narc. In a similar way, the narc is dependent on the constant flow of narcissistic supply (through all the ‘channels’ we are all familiar with) .
Reading and commenting on this blog here is like being on a methadon programme while withdrawing from e.g. heroine. It’s poor replacement but it kind of serves the purpose. It’s a poor replacement and much less dangerous, but it’s still a ‘shot’ somehow. At least that’s what it does to me. Since I visit this blog, I think of and long for the narc more often than I did two or three months ago. I try to rationalize and find excuses for his bad behaviour. When I read something that hits home, I so want to share it with him. I miss him badly and that’s physical. I hate the idea that we will never ever again make love to each other – my desire for him is back – if he would come up with a hoover, I’s actually be VERY vulnerable right now. Conclusion:
That’s regression, not progress. Or it’s ‘two steps forward, one step back.’ But it’s definitely hampering my ability to focus on myself.
And it is definitely not staying sober as aimed at in a 12-step CoDA programme .
The good thing for me is that it reflects back to me that I must continue working on myself (on my sub-conscious and my inner child) if I truly want to get rid of the trauma-bond and unhook 100%.
Hi Alice!
On point again comparing the addiction side and this serving as an “addiction program” during withdrawal. Couldn’t agree more. Not sure if I’m progressing or regressing or just in limbo. I do like that you seem to connect with working on the past hurts / traumas subconsciously of our inner child and what keeps us linked to the Narcs who crossed our path.
There’s one thing you can not and will never beat, and that’s the Black Hole inside of you. Or ‘The Creature’, according to your own words.
Result: no game, no win, nothing real. Or as Sam Vaknin phrased it: there is simply ‘nothing there.’
[Sidenote: I still believe that you are either a psychologist/expert who has studied narcissism thoroughly, or a former target of a narc with good writing skills who writes from the stand-point of a narc. But you are surely not a narcissist!😉]
Your input as ever is interesting and your theories about who I am make me smile. Yes, the creature is a problem and not something I want to have to contemplate often. Better it is shut away underneath my carefully constructed façade made from the shards, fragments and pieces of others.
Reading this ignites a fury inside of me that could drive a seemingly stable person like myself to do equally evil acts that normally I wouldn’t dream of. I’m not here to promote this type of behavior nor do I recommend it. However, I spent 6 long years w my narc. He would stalked and harrass me day and night until I caved in and went back to him. He would pull his usual Fri night stunt of starting a “pretend fight” so he could be free to cheat. When the wknd was over I guess I was good enough to be his Mon-Thurs gf. I felt like a caged animal who had no way out. Monday morning would come and I would walk right back into the lions den. I laid awake at night fantasizing about the revenge I would impose upon him. I would read OVER AND OVER how it is NOT recommend that you seek revenge on a narc because blah, blah, blah…..I have news for you….You piles of dog shit are nothing but pussys. You are predictable, one dimensional, weak, useless, burdens on society that need to learn a leason and I’m here to teach YOU. I will become YOUR MALIGNARC! What you don’t realize is your gig is old. You have only one bag of tricks and we already know what they are. You are predictable and simple. WE, your so called “victims” are MULTIdimensional. We are whole human beings that can outsmart worthless demon seeds like yourself. It’s like taking candy from a baby once you realize this. We can think outside the box. I decided, if your going hold me prisoner in this relationship I WILL MAKE YOU PAY. I will not lie down and let you torment me for the rest of my life. I became my narcs narc. I didnt realize that this was a “thing” that can happen to the partner of a narc. Over time the partner can develope “fleas.” I didnt care, I was desperate. One day as I laid in bed sobbing because this worthless drain on society commited the ultimate power over me by sneaking into my bedroom, raping me then believing that I actually enjoyed it as tears rolled down my cheeks. I took a rope and spun a 13 coil noose. I would make it, undo it, make it again, undo it. This went on for what seemed like hours. In a million years I could never actually do such a thing as comming suicide. But it felt good to make that noose. Maybe it was representing HIS death? But no I could never take my own life. Over what? This chipped tooth, limp dick hell no! Man, I bet that would be the ultimate life sustaining surge of supply.
If you’d like to know what I did to him lol, I would be happy to tell you. I do want to say that the comments made in ref to “you narcs” were solely directed at him and not at the author of this article. Although you are one of them, I have mad respect for your willingness to let us see into the minds of a mad man. I love your work and I dont care if it gives you supply. Right now, wow I feel this huge sense of relief having unloaded my anxiety that I built up reading this article. Little by littke it heals me. That sad sack is in jail, thanks to me and I’m finally able to piece my life back together. So thank you Malignarc for the work you do. Peace out.
Hello Elizabeth, thank you for sharing your observations in such a powerful fashion. Sorry I have not been able to reply sooner and thanks for your patience. Certainly the reaction you describe would provide a powerful bolt of supply. I understand the standpoint that you adopted and how that was your way of dealing with the situation, but what do you think to the point that by reacting in this way (even if it made you feel better) it would provide fuel to our kind? I am pleased that you find the writing of interest and that you are deriving some benefit from being able to unleash that thunderbolt! Your comments about our predictability are correct, our methods are strikingly similar because they work and since they work we use them. We do not want to waste our energy trying out other methods. The suicide of someone is contrary to what we desire because that represents the ultimate escape from us. You have shut off the supply forever and therefore we never want that to happen, so suicide is not a preferable outcome for us at all.
I would be interested to learn what you did do to him, perhaps you would share that too? Thanks for contributing.
I could be speechless. This sums up 3 years of observations in trying to gauge my Narc’s motives and behaviors, with the underlying theme always about winning. Coincidentally, he actually has a motto under his name on 2 social media sites reading “Blank (insert nickname) always wins”. On a third media site, his handle name includes calling himself “Almighty”. All he needs is a Broadway lit-up sign reading Narc resides here!
You say no one would ever have the presence of mind to direct their anger towards you. Not ever? I have seething anger towards him now that I began piecing this all together over the last 6 months. I unleash directly on to him. It keeps him away longer and longer. Better to dish it back to him, the source of the pain, than be miserable around the support group to me. Maybe you always do win, but once in awhile there can be a tie. I can see to it and leave my imprint on him too.
Hello Clarece and thanks for sharing that this post has resonance for you. Interesting but not surprising to read your comments about the name on the social media sites, I might have to look into that ! It is curious to read that your anger keeps him away. I would be lapping up that emotional fuel like a parched man in the desert. He must be finding some fuel elsewhere and decides that your wrath is not worth the while even if it does provide fuel. Maybe you are a pocket firebrand that is proving too much for him?! I may have to rescind his narc membership if that is the case! As I wrote, the skill I deploy in manipulating the situation means that the anger is not directed towards me, perhaps your narc is less skilled. Even if the anger came my way I would not be bothered but the power I feel at seeing others direct it in the wrong place is particularly gratifying. A tie? Heavens no. The only tie I tolerate is the one around my neck. Thanks for posting.
I could be speechless. This sums up 3 years of observations in trying to gauge my Narc’s motives and behaviors and the underlying theme has always been about winning. Coincidentally, he actually has a motto reading “Blank (insert nickname) always wins” on 2 social media sites under his name. On a third, his handle name includes calling himself “Almighty”. All he needs is a Broadway lit-up sign reading Narc resides here!
You say though no one would ever have the presence of mind to direct their anger towards you. Not ever? I have seething anger towards him that as I started piecing this together especially over the last 6 months that I unleash directly on to him. It keeps him away longer and longer. Better to dish it back to him, the source of the pain, than be miserable around my support group around me. Maybe you guys always win, but once in awhile there could be a tie. I can see to it.
That is the sickest thing I have ever heard of in my life.
Hello Stacey, thanks for your post. Why do you take that view? Is there something in particular that makes you think that way? Is it worse than calling dishes crockery?!
Well, there are some similarities. It is certainly a crock. 😉
The piece you’re missing — deliberately, of course! — is that you don’t always win; indeed, often you lose the ridiculously easy ones. You simply don’t let yourself know that you’ve lost, because you can’t stand the feelings that come with that knowledge.
For example, people who are capable of looking at the data as it is, without having to avoid any of it which might show us in a bad light, know that businesses which treat their employees reliably well actually do better than those which show ruthlessness and cruelty. An effective business must rely on employing the most talented people in their industry, at a price which will keep them there and working at their best, but no higher than that. Treating employees with respect and kindness is the least expensive, and often the only, way to get and keep the best. Skilled employees who can make your business competitive seldom accept offers from a company which has treated other employees badly; they find out about such things. If they are briefly fooled into accepting such an offer, they will leave quickly once it becomes clear what it’s really like there, or else retaining them will require an enormously higher salary than a more pleasant workplace would have to pay the same employee. Either the extra cost of higher salaries or the extra cost of repeatedly hiring to cover turnover will leave your business less successful that it otherwise would be. The absolute best employees, who can command both high salary and good treatment elsewhere, won’t work there at any price, which also harms the business… but a narcissist wouldn’t want to hire the best anyway. He needs to pretend he has the best, but also ensure he doesn’t really, because they would be more competent than he is and he can’t tolerate having people like that around.
For these reasons among others, a business run by a narcissist will be less successful than a similar business run by a healthy person. But the narcissist cannot allow himself to know that, and that weakness puts him in an impossible position, because as soon as you need to lie to yourself, you win less frequently still. The facts which the narcissist cannot allow himself to see are usually the ones that he must see in order to know what strategy will allow him the victory he desires. Without being able to understand that and how his actions are making him lose, he has no chance to correct them so that he can win.
Victory doesn’t require humility, but it does require the ability to look the facts in the face — including the facts about one’s own weaknesses and failures — without flinching. Narcs cannot tolerate that knowledge.