The Bank of Me
When you first show up in my sights I open a bank account. The details look something like this
Bank of Me
Account Holder : A Victim
Sort Code : 666 666
Account Number : 0000 1455
You are now aware that I have opened such an account but everyone (and I mean everyone) I interact with has one. My friends, my family, my colleagues and most of all those that I enter into an intimate relationship with. This bank is well established and on secure foundations. In the beginning, when we begin our dance together, as you know, I will shower you with love, praise and affection. The love bombing commences and the extravaganza of giving and delight seems endless as the golden period begins. The gifts, the holidays, the parties and the special dates. The incessant and over-the-top communications all dazzle you and you lap it all up. Whilst this is happening you are creating a monumental overdraft at the Bank of Me. You are given no notification of this, you are not told about your limit (there is not one incidentally) nor are you advised of the punishing, excruciating interest rate. Receive that gift of some jewellery – kerching, that’s another hefty withdrawal. Accept the invitation to go on a long weekend break with me somewhere hot – ouch, that’s going to take some paying back. Withdrawal after withdrawal is made from your account and it seems like this can go on forever, but everyone pays in the end.
When I grow tired of you it is time for the account to be put on hold. You have taken far too much and this is when you start to pay. This bank will now only accept deposits and those must be deposits of your emotions. The problem you have is that this bank has massive demands because in order to lend to the new customer (victim) that has just been acquired we need you to make those deposits in a bid to balance the books. Not only that but the extortionate interest rate means that you can never pay back what has been taken out. Yes you will make some inroads into the amounts you have borrowed but guess what? When we see that you have made some progress we will allow you a short golden period again so your overdraft increases once more. You remain forever indebted to us, unable to escape this cycle of debt.
Like the spendaholic who is given an extension to his or her overdraft limit you immediately use it as you fill up with the brief foray back into the golden period. It will not last. A block is soon put in place again on your spending and we force you to repay us with anger, tears, frustration and pain. Good morning madam, is that a bag of misery you would like to deposit? Good, go right ahead. Hello sir, I see you have some agony to deposit with us today, thank you, be sure to being some more soon. You will be surprised just how flexible this bank is accepting a whole host of currencies by way of deposit – despair, rage, sadness, loss of sanity, loss of self-esteem, hopelessness, dejection, trauma and so much more.
Our ledgers are never prone to error. We detail and recall every withdrawal that you have made, all of it carefully committed to the bank’s memory so that the outrageous demands for repayment can be made over and over.
There is no financial regulator that can close this bank and it remains a popular bank with many customers on its books. Just keep in mind that you will never stop paying for its services.
14 thoughts on “The Bank of Me”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Hi MN
I would say yes… This story about caling this girl IT until she was on the verge of tears… Of all your stories this one is the one that most got to me.
malignarc, i escaped him by moving back to my hometown which was 6 hours away without telling him. He was a convicted felon for assault with a deadly weapon and had threatened that if i left him, no one else could have me. Once i was far from his sphere of influence, i told him exactly what i thought of him. I did not experience a smear campaign or anything of that sort because he did not know any of my friends. I refused to introduce him to my friends until i had met his friends and saw his place of residence.
You have clearly got the measure of him and by absenting yourself in such a way you will have cut off his fuel. What motivated you to tell him what you thought of him? Did you not think it would be better just to go and say nothing? How did he react to your final speech? Do you fear he might find you?
Obligation will never be fulfilled…
Correct. By the way, here are this month’s charges. Would you like to take up one of credit cards to ease the burden? It has a interest rate of zero. Sorry, that’s my interest rate in you. The interest rate you pay is defined as excruciating. Just sign here please Miss Evelyn.
I’ve already signed it with my husband thank you very much. I can only handle one at a lifetime, thanks for asking.
Fair enough, I don’t like sharing as you know.
I was under the impression you needed a different deposit each day.
Very much so.
Time to work on that then 😉
I am quite familiar with this bank of misery. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I bought gifts for him, it was not enough. He wanted everything I had. One memory comes to mind. It was after new years and I had bought him a gift for Christmas and a new years gift as well. He kept pushing me to buy him an iPad and some designer headphones. I reluctantly bought them, just so I could shut him up and appease his spirit. He never thanked me. Why would he; after all he was entitled to my money. He was happy for 2 days and on the 3rd day he woke up with a tantrum, yelling at me for no reason and putting me down. It was then I realized no matter how much I did for this man, he would never be satisfied. I told myself I had to let him go. I was unhappy, easily irritable, always tired and barely had time to sleep let alone talk to family and friends. This man had eroded my source of support.
An all too familiar scenario. Your post touches on the manipulative techniques of Boundary Violation, Blame Shifting and Isolation. How did you escape him?
Dear malignarc
Sam Vaknin in his book makes distinction in between classical narc, the one combined with ASPD and the one with sadistic traits. Can it be you belong in the last one?
Dear Nikita,
What do you think?
With fond regards
MN