Contrariwise
Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”
Makes perfect sense to me but I should imagine it will not to you. Welcome to the logic of my world. The penchant that our kind and me exhibit for telling you that black is white and when you eventually agree (and you will no matter how ridiculous this may appear) we will tell you that it was black all along. Or orange. Or azure.
Our ability to deploy contrariwise must rank amongst one of the most confusing, infuriating and draining manipulative techniques that we possess. Well, judging by your reactions when we wheel this out it is. In all honesty, it is used so often it may as well be a default setting. No matter what you say to us we will automatically adopt a contrary position even if that contrary position appears to you as untenable and that it flies in the face of logic. We will always find ways of undermining, denying and deflecting what you are saying to us, most particularly if you are trying to make us look bad, prove we are wrong or you are challenging us in some way. We cannot allow those things to happen. We have a number of standard phrases that we will use in furtherance of this ability.
“Why must you always exaggerate?”
“No, I have never done that.”
“You are over-reacting. Again.”
“I think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”
“You always look at it the wrong way.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Your memory is playing tricks on you.”
“You/he/she/the world is making things up.”
“If you say so but you have got it wrong.”
“I never do that.”
“You always have to make a scene don’t you?”
Do any of these sound familiar to you? Our capacity to be presented with evidence of something and then in the next breath deny the existence of that evidence is staggering. We will reject what you say, deny we ever said anything (even though we actually said it just ten minutes ago) and twist our position so many times we appear to turn into a corkscrew.
Why do we do this? It serves three purposes. The first is because we are never wrong then we must never be shown to be wrong. You seem to have a fascination for trying to demonstrate to us that we are wrong about the things we say and do. That is a nonsense. We cannot be wrong and you must accept that. Our use of contrariwise enables us to ensure that we remain right and you remain wrong. It is entirely logical to us. If it is not so to you then that is your problem. You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs. Do not try and deny that it is the case otherwise we will just have to provide you with some more contrariwise.
The second reason that we do this is that we have to have you in a state of confusion. This means that being a creature of order and logic you will try and make sense of our contrariwise which will merely serve to put your head in a spin. Furthermore, you cannot help yourself but want to show us that we are wrong. You cannot accept that we are unable to see the point that you are making. That is entirely the point. You are subjected to our rules now and logic, reason and sense rode out of town many moons ago. This confusion will leave you susceptible to our other manipulations and drain you of your resistance and resolve making it harder for you to escape our grip.
The third reason is down to our lifeblood, yes fuel. Your evident frustration, curses and desperation as you try to make us see that we are wrong provides us with delicious dollops of fuel. You tear your hair out, repeat yourself, raise your voice and collapse sobbing in frustration. It is all good fuel to us. No matter if you argued the point with the forensic precision of a top barrister we would twist the words so they achieve what we want and not what you want. To borrow from Lewis Carrol’s fantastic writing I leave you with the words of humpty dumpty, who was clearly a pioneer of our kind.
“When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean.”
30 thoughts on “Contrariwise”
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HG seems to focus on romantic abuse, but I want to highlight the abuse of a child because it seems to me from previous posts that people don’t realize that a child of a narc IS/WILL BE abused too and much more so with much more lasting damage than an adult.
HG wrote about the romantic victim, “ You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules”. This is true for the romantic victim. They did choose to enter the narc’s world. They did choose to ignore red flags. So in a sense, this is the bed they made for themselves. But this is not true for the child. It was decided by the narc and the narc’s mate to bring the child into the world without asking the child if he wanted to come into the world to be abused. They made the decision and forced it on the voiceless child. Or the non narc parent forced a narc step parent on the child. Legally the child had no right to stop the marriage or live on their own.
As for what Contrariwise looks like for a child, I can give an example with my mom. My mom knew I hated liver so she bought it, cooked it and told me with much sincerity in her voice that she made my favorite meal just for me as she sets it before me. She KNEW I hated liver. I was used to her doing things like this so I knew not to contradict her. I looked at my plate and gave no reaction, that didn’t please her. She now wanted to hear me say it was my favorite meal. So she said, you do LOVE liver don’t you? I looked at the disgusting liver and said “yes”. There was no other answer with my mom. Any other answer would have brought rage upon my head. She looked satisfied and sat next to me with her meal. She didn’t like liver so she fixed something else for herself that she knew I liked and ate it in front of me talking about how she couldn’t eat liver while sadistically watching and smiling at me as I choked down my liver leaving nothing of course.
Why she did that on that day, I don’t know. But she did stuff like that all the time sometimes just to show who was in control and other times it was her tactic to get me to do what she wanted me to do.
What is the difference between a romantic victim and a child? The romantic victim can argue back, refuse to eat the food, go get themselves something else to eat, or question why the narc is eating something else in front of you. An abused child can’t do any of that. A child of a narc was brought into the world voiceless and the narc parent does everything to keep them voiceless.
Ironically Contrariwise came up right after I made a post on Motorway questioning if HG was Magda and he basically said no. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and then got to thinking “it is a benefit of the doubt, not blindly believing if he said it, it has to be true”. I thought this because my mind went back to childhood and I started thinking exactly what HG is trying to convey here. My thoughts were almost identical in that I was thinking, “my mom could say black is white and blue is pink”. She could tell 10 people the same story but every time it was completely different, tailored to the individual. As a child this was confusing, but as I grew up I learned to be careful about grabbing every word as truth. So if I am ever skeptical or questioning HG, don’t take it personally, your kind taught me from birth that truth from a narcissist is fluid and sometimes completely fabricated. Fortunately, I had a truthful dad so I also saw truth can be solid; because of him I still can believe people, but because of my mom as soon as I identify a liar or a narc, I automatically question if something is true or not. In fact, my sister and I have a joke about one narc in our lives “if that woman’s mouth is moving, she is lying”, and that is the truth (my dad’s truth, not my narc mom’s)!
Frankly it made perfect sense to me too..
You think ….. if I can fool you into thinking I am anything like your kind just think what an awsome narc hunter I would be. But no thanks hell is waiting for your kind. I don’t play God over people lives. I have God by my side thats the only reason I have survived up to now and not taking my own life for the hell I have been through. I am gonna live my life from now on asshole free and that is freedom you will never have. All my love 😆😆😆😆
You haven’t fooled me into thinking you are like my kind and me, you exhibit several hallmarks of showing you belong.
Hallmarks of showing I belong , yes I know I belong ass hole free. But thank you and no thanks.
Survivor, I love your posts. They are all my thoughts exactly.😀
If you can see a human as an appliance or object to destroy which you and your kind do, then us humans can see you as a THING. Then I can see you as a toilet to do my discarding like you and your kind do to us as if we are pieces of shit. Beautiful now is that not just awsome stuff.
Seriously, you are one of us aren’t you?
You truly make me laugh now. Your circus. Your monkeys. Not mine. I am not one of your kind. I just truly had enough. Wow am I making you think I am like your kind. Well done to me I have learned pretty well for 39 years I would say. Catching up you know. I am a human being with a heart and soul and can love,feel love and give love. You are a bloodsucking rat. End of story.
I think you are in denial.
Seriously , no I am not but if I could have chosen I would rather be a narc hunter.
That just made me bust out laughing! People really take their anger out on you. It’s good that you see it as fuel.
Once you understand the reaction wanted. It becomes so damn easy to quash it and respond in a way which provides limited to no fuel. Mine used to use projection all the time, slightly different to the scenario presented. But he would say, ‘you’re so jealous of xxx’ for example and I would smile and say, ‘how could you not be jealous of xxx she is so beautiful’. But it does need to be said in a charismatic and flirty way to be effective.
I would also use ‘word salad’ on him too and keep him going round and round in circles.
It’s so much fun when you know how to take them to the edge.
What are you in treatment for and why is it part of it if you’re willing to share on that?
The consequences of my behaviour. It is because I enjoy writing and it is thought that it will assist me with gaining insight.
Yes it is, and a lot of people will probably be irritated by what I’m about to post but here it goes:
You are actually helping so many of us by writing all these books and blogs, which I find compassionate in itself, it may not be your goal to be compassionate and to help others, but you are doing it. I’m sure you are aware of that component, so I have to ask if you are so cold, unfeeling and desensitized……. Why are you interested in basically enlightening others?
It is part of my ongoing treatment to share the way I am. I also enjoy writing. I do not regard it as a compassionate act but you are entitled to your view. I like the interaction with people and by reading my books it will give them knowledge about which they can comment and respond. Of course knowing people are finding my books useful provides fuel too, although it is of a low variety as I do not know anybody who posts here. I don’t enlighten anybody, I am putting out there the way things are from my viewpoint, it is how people choose to use that information and knowledge as to whether it amounts to enlightenment. You are correct; it is not my aim to help others, but if I do then so be it, it garners a little more fuel for me.
V thank-you for your comment it is what I wanted to express. But because of the craziness from the games my husband played I am having trouble expressing myself. Sometimes I am not sure of anything after being told all the time I was wrong.
I understand totally.
Today I’m buying a kindle to order all your books. My ex left me over and over again over nothing and always returned as if NOTHING happened and would never discuss his absence or the pattern of it.
His main weapon was the silent treatment over and over and separations. Would you tell me if any of your books address this particular pattern and which one it is so I can start with it? Thx
Hi V, you know you don’t need a kindle to read the books. You can download the kindle app to your relevant device and read them that way. Yes, the silent treatment is a very effective weapon. You can read about it in Manipulated, Escape and Confessions. It is also a topic in my forthcoming book ‘Fury’. Remember, knowledge is power.
Because they are so inferior to you and deserve it?
They are inferior to me yes. I am not programmed to feel remorse or sadness. I know that they are from my observations but I do not have time for them, not when there is fuel to harvest.
You are not programmed that way because God didn’t make his children to be like Satan….You have made the Choice to be that way. One of these days you are going to reap what you have sown. What you have done to others is going to come back on you 100 fold. I know you don’t care about what I say and that is fine but I would try to change if I were you because you don’t know what the future holds for you. You may run into the wrong person one of these days and they may snap and do something crazy to you.
At the same time I am glad that I’m able to view your website because it has helped me to know about people like you in my life and how to deal with them.
Hi Profilelow, I didn’t choose to be this way initially but I accept I choose to maintain this because I have to. Thank you for the warning but I won’t run into the wrong person, I choose those who would not snap and do something crazy. Yes, it is all about telling it how it is from my point of view so people such as you can become informed and make decisions about your life from a better position. Thanks for posting.
HG,
Have you ever felt ANY remorse or been saddened by the part of you that does this to the one that loves you?
V, no.
So would I be correct in saying that If someone would commit suicide after being with a thing like YOU.. what would your reaction be?
I’m not a thing, I am a person just like you. Would you be correct in saying what? You asked a question. You did not make a statement that could be regarded as correct or otherwise.