Like A Motorway
When I come along in my luxurious and expensive motor vehicle it is too difficult to resist that open passenger door and you hop in without hesitation. I won’t be taking you for a gentle drive through undulating countryside nor for a meandering excursion along the coast. No. It is straight to the motorway. You are pinned back in your seat by the sudden acceleration as we speed away. You let out a laugh, delighted by the surge of excitement as I move straight into the fast lane and the speedometer needle climbs as we go faster and faster. It is exhilarating to be driven along by such a confident and masterful driver.
The motorway I take you on has been purpose built for me. It cuts through the landscape, not going around or under or over but straight through. There are no obstacles for my motorway. It is direct and effective. Its construction bludgeoned everything else out of the way as it made its mark on everything around it. Nothing could stop it as mile after mile it stretched across the land. Nothing gets in the way of my motorway.
You marvel at how quickly it takes you to so many different places. You smile as you press your nose to the glass and watch the signs flash past ‘Desire’,’Heaven’,’Excitement’ and ‘Delight’ are all signposted. My motorway takes you to these places in a matter of moments and no sooner have we visited one place then we are back on my motorway, speeding through the night to the next location. The motorway takes us direct to the best restaurants, the most exotic destinations, the concerts where it enables us to drive right up to the front of the stage and the hitherto exclusive and difficult places you always tried to reach are suddenly in front of you, all courtesy of this expansive motorway network.
My motorway never has traffic jams, is free of roadworks and always takes the most direct route to the destination. It is breath-taking how fast we travel along it, yet you always feel safe, content in the knowledge that I am taking care of you on this modern and well-maintained transport route.
Occasionally you see people that you recognise stood on the hard shoulder. Some of your family who watch as we speed by. You see your friends who are parked to one side as we race along. You raise a hand to wave to them but it is too late. We have already rushed by them leaving them far behind, just a passing blur. You are not concerned however as you see the next sign detailing our destination and the anticipation rises as you await your arrival at this glamorous place. All thoughts of family, friends and supporters have been left behind, as quickly as we drove past them.
Sometimes you think you see a warning sign flash on one of the overhead gantries but I am driving so fast along this wide motorway that you cannot be sure.
“Did that say danger ahead?” you ask as we zip underneath another illuminated sign.
“Oh it just a routine test, you do not need to worry about that,” I smile and you are instantly reassured. You settle back in your seat as the world and your life flashes by but you are too focussed on what lies ahead at the next destination to worry about what is passing you by. This is the ride of your life and you never want it to stop.
The car suddenly brakes to a halt. Tyres squeal and smoke drifts past as the vehicle violently stops. You lurch forward in your seat and almost bang your head on the dashboard. Disorientated you right yourself as the passenger door opens.
“Out you get,” I instruct. The smile is gone and is now replaced by a face you barely recognise as I stare ahead.
“Sorry? What?” you splutter in confusion.
“Time to go. You need to go that way,” I state aggressively and point behind you.
“What do you mean? Why have we stopped? I don’t understand,” you protest.
“Out!Out! Out! ” I bark and suddenly frightened you scramble out of the car and stand trembling on the tarmac.
“Your life is back that way,” I add as the passenger door slams shut and you watch as I roar off up a slip road next to a large sign saying “Fuel this way”.
You watch me disappear from view and then turn to face the silent and empty motorway which stretches away into the far distance. You start walking, confused and upset.
The walk back to your life is just like my motorway.
Dark grey and long.
45 thoughts on “Like A Motorway”
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It is interesting seeing the spectrum of commenters from Magda who seems to love narc abuse “ I wouldn’t mind that walk” (I will have to keep reading to see where she went. I sometimes suspect she is really just HG toying with the viewers), to Kat who is one step ahead of the narc and will do her own shameless narc play on him, to Survivor, who is calm in this comment section, but this “empath” is usually coming out with fists flying and her tongue lashing at Kat and HG. I will keep reading to see if Kat and Survivor ran each other off. These 3 are an interesting lot that HG attracted! Then there is Nikita that admits to hopping in the car multiple times due to addiction. Then there is me who never would have got in that car to begin with. I would be standing on the side of the road in disgust that people were actually getting in a car that clearly said on the bumper “I am going to dump you on the side of the road”. A few people I would warn and they would get in anyway, and others I would just look at in disgust or pity depending on the person. After they were dumped, I would soften and say “I’ll pick you up, but stay away from that jerk”.
I only post under my name which was malignnarc and then HG Tudor.
Thank you for clarifying that. I only wondered because she so outrageously threw herself at you time and again. I wondered if anyone could really be that crazy over a narcissist, but I guess they can. Lucky for you!!!! You don’t need a harpoon with her kind, she is already signed up and willing to be abused at your pleasure. If you had given her your address, she would have been at your doorstep the next day!!!!
ST,
I think your HG toying with the viewers. 🤣 Guess we will never know.
Incorrect. I never post under any other name, there is no point.
HG, okay you have said it twice. I get it. Magda is Magda!
Toying? If you are referring to the people I mentioned, from what I can tell they are long gone which is why I said I would have to continue reading to see what happened to them. This blog post was in 2015. If they are not around, how could I toy with them? It would be like toying with air while pretending the air was an actual person. Besides I don’t like playing games. I don’t toy with people.
I see it as just a bit of teasing and a small flirtation with danger. Not too much tho as – Kat points out several times she is married. I take that as a signal that she is not quite as willing to jump into the frying pan as she says. Perhaps a slight testing of boundaries.
The most important thing is = all – including HG, seemed to have fun with the banter.
Wow just seen how old this posts are lol
Enthralled, I went back to the “Ghost Town” of 2015 to read. I didn’t really expect others to join me when there is so much activity with the newest blogs, but welcome aboard!!!
Do you think a narc can have fun as others would define fun? I think HG probably got a dollop of fuel from the banter, and good for him, but I don’t think he had fun like the women had fun. To tell you the truth, I think some women develop little crushes on HG based on the comments.
Personally, I don’t think these crushes are healthy for women who are trying to break away from narc abuse. Magda may be an exception. On the one hand she says she has PTSD and OCD from narc abuse which indicates to me she came here to find answers and healing. On the other hand, she continually offered herself to HG and said she didn’t mind the abuse. So either she liked the abuse and was strongly attracted to it or she was mentally confused. If she sincerely liked it, then that’s her cup of tea. Some people like abuse. I don’t understand that but to each his own.
But for the others, I don’t know if they realized what they were doing really. They clearly are attracted to narcs. Therefore, as I see it, their problem is more within themselves than the narc. Getting rid of one narc isn’t going to help them if they don’t identify they are the problem because they will only find another narc. It’s like the women who are attracted to alcoholics; they say they are not but their actions prove otherwise as they go from one alcoholic to another but can’t figure out why. The problem isn’t the alcoholic but their own attraction.
Well, that isn’t my problem, and I probably would be better off not commenting on it if people are going to come back to 2015 with me, but it is just something I began noticing that bothered me.
I was born to a narc so I have gone through the parental side which is much different from the romance side so I have never been ensnared by a narc relationally, thank God! However, I have seen many people take that car ride and every single time it has been obvious to me from the start that he/she is about to be used. I have warned a few before they got in the car only to be told to stay out of it, and they got burned.
This is what I have observed:
They get kicked out of the car, the narc drives off, and the other person stands on the curb in disbelief then calls or runs after the narc trying to get them to come back. The narc ignores them because they take pleasure in making the person beg and they know they will beg. After they let them beg they come back, the person gets back in the car grateful to be let back in and off they go for another wild ride and dump. After several dumps then the person acts upset and demands the narc to come back and “warns” them this is their last chance. The narc knows it isn’t the last chance just like the child knows when mom says “I mean it”, she doesn’t mean it. He has about 5 more “means it” before she really means it for the night and she has about 6-7 “means it” every night. The narc understands how many “means it” he/she has got too. So he silently waits them out then comes back and tells her it was his/her fault and makes him/her feel like they must apologize which they do. This cycle will go on and on and on until the other person really does walk away for good.
When I see this happen, my first feeling is sort of disgust that a person could fall for such an obvious facade and put themselves in this position, but after they are in it deep, I feel sorry for them and want to help them get out. I want to grab them by the shoulders, give them a good shake and say “STOP IT! Don’t you see what you are doing! You are allowing yourself to be treated this way and even calling for more mistreatment.” But from my experience grabbing them by the shoulders doesn’t work. They only stop getting into the car when they get tired and see it for themselves. It is like a drug addict, you can grab the addict by the shoulders and tell them how the drug is destroying them but they will keep going back to the drug until they hit rock bottom, die, or the drug leaves them so disabled they can’t get it anymore.
I know someone who has been in this cycle for years and I have told her bluntly what is going on, I have rescued her before for her only to go into another dysfunctional relationship, but she doesn’t want to hear it and keeps getting in that car. It is frustrating to say the least.
I wouldn’t mind that walk … after all it was exciting yet exhausting ride. ..
Absolutely the case.
Hi kat
Sounds like you have a good relationship with your husband. I did think that was what my ex and I had. I knew he was different and would call him out on things. But recently it appears he had other women unbeknownst to me. He was a very good liar it seems. He did know a lot of interesting things GS but now I’m not convinced it was his knowledge totally but what he’d harvested from other victims.
Really hope you two last, can’t wish the same for my ex and his wife though !
Kat
You say you’re happily married at the min. Do I take it you will at some point leave ? As you all keep telling me that my ex narc will do to her as he’s done to me presumably that will Include a painful discard ?
Que sera, sera…whatever will be, will be 😉
Yes, I am happily married and will quite possibly continue this way till death doth us part.
Whilst I am narcissistic, I am a slightly different species to your ex and HG, in that I am far more self serving than addicted to fuel.
My husband is also an extraordinary creature, unlike any I have ever met.
He is strong. Not just physically, but mentally. Stands up for himself and calls me on my antics. Knows how to calm me, or at least redirect my rage and sadism more constructively.
He is a man of integrity. Not hypocritical, never threatens anything he won’t do. He holds himself to a very high standard, is fiercely loyal and leads by example.
He suffered in life, but learns from it and grows as a person. Retained a great sense of humour, compassion and determination to help others.
It makes me respect him.
He never gets overly emotional or throws tantrums. As much fuel as hissy fits give us, it is IMPOSSIBLE to respect someone who does that. If I can’t respect someone, then they are not really human to me. As HG so beautifully put it, they are an “appliance”, at best. Many people love to ramble on about and demand respect, but mine has to be earned.
He is very highly intelligent and interesting. Can not only discuss many topics and ideas, in depth, but generate original ideas and discuss them logically and thoroughly. I learn a lot from him.
In contrast, my New Age Guru ex used to love talking about his own brilliance and original, revolutionary ideas. Problem was, he was incapable of anything but shallow sound-bites. Just like a parrot. He could memorize some catchphrases that might sound profound enough, but scratch the surface even a little and all you get is his outraged juvenile tantrums for failing to appreciate his genius, daring to question him and trying to argue with him.
In so many ways he was like that. All superficial words, no integrity, no substance. Parroting and lying to make himself feel like less of a failure. Believing his own lies and shying from any glimmer of truth. It was woefully pathetic and I loved using it against him…
My husband is empathetic, but does not judge me, project his wants and feelings onto me, or place unrealistic expectations upon me. He seeks to UNDERSTAND and find ways to grow as a couple, not change me to suit his needs.
It makes me admire him.
It also makes me trust him enough to be honest with him. He is my confidante.
Most people say they are like that too, but they are fooling themselves. One glimpse behind the mask and they either recoil in horror how someone could be such a monster, or they project, condescend and try to change us. For our own good of course…
My husband is an exceptional lover. He pays attention to what makes me purr, encourages intimacy and is affectionate without being overbearing. As much as I hate to be touched, I love being touched by him.
I could go on and on here.
He continues to earn my love, trust, admiration and respect. Having come very close to losing each other in the past, I learned that to me, he is irreplaceable.
Now we are much stronger and better together than we ever could be apart.
Why would I discard him?
That said though…que sera, sera.
Que sera Kat
Can I ask you what for example are your sadistic impulses?? Negative fuel??
Very nice relationship you have with your husband.. I hope I can build up something like that with my current bf a N but i have decided to give it a try with all the knowledge I have, never try to change him.. And because I see and trust that its true that he also tries to reduce his bad N habits… At least towards me … By changing his fuel matrix…. Veremos 😃
😂😂😂 you 3 are funny… And HG dont underestimate KAT… she is as aware and smart as you!
Yeah, yeah,yeah !
Thank you very much, Nikita 🙂
Reminds me of a joke:
Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest. She looks vulnerable and a little scared.
The Big Bad Wolf can’t believe his luck.
He jumps out and growls
“Well, well, Red… I’m going to tear you apart slowly, so even your deaf granny can hear you scream”
Red looks ready to cry as she puts down her basket.
Suddenly, she pulls a gun out and smiles sweetly at him, as she starts hiking up her skirt with her free hand.
“No, you silly wolf, you are going to do just what the fairy tale says… eat me.”
That song came to mind when reading this. ROAD TO HELL !! Still sometimes cannot grip that this is real.
I am quite grateful that the Narc in my life was a low functioning one.I am glad I got off that ride willingly and with no scratch. I saw signs and he made comments that he wanted me to take care of him. “Some women work two jobs while their men stay at home and play video games. I want that.” Or ” how much are you going to make when you finish your nurse practitioner program? …”good, I will live off you once you are done with that program” … “Dont buy a house now, wait till we are married” “can you consign a car for me. I will pay it off in six months. ” (If you will pay it off in 6 months why do you need a cosigner?) “it will be an honor for you to be the mother of my children” (forgetting he already has 4 kids with 4 different women) .
He was so keen on us getting married. He wanted me to have his baby even though I had told him I did not want kids. Boundary pushing ,huh. He wanted me to let him move into my place. I refused. He wanted me to obtain a business loan for him to start a trucking business. The list is endless.
I just wish the ride had been in the decent vehicle he rented to look presentable and believable that he was an engineer. not the beat up 1989 Chevy Silverado with 250k miles on it, chipped paint, a deflated airbag , a makeshift radio and no air conditioner and rims that cost more than the car itself. Ass clown still swore he was an engineer with 6yrs experience, made 140k a year and had 1.6 million in his retirement account at 29. (He was 41 and dead broke). I am not making this up.
Ah the perils of the low functioning, low achieving narc. Parasitic in terms of emotion and finance. Fortunately for you,you were alert, others find themselves salami-sliced into a financial hell. Thanks for sharing that experience.
I hope so, looking forward to it
I like walking 😉
Hey me too, let’s go for a walk sometime, I know this delightful garden path to lead you up…..
Id come for the ride HG enjoy all the thrill then get off and leave you hanging 😉
Ha ha you wish Alexis ! Enjoy that long walk back !
Lol!
You two are fun 😀
HG, you didn’t think it would be that easy to make one of us walk, now did you?
We’d be cruising down the motorway, laughing, wind in our hair and hand in your lap.
Then…
“Oh! Darling, what was that noise?”
“I didn’t hear any noise” you’d say.
A little later:
“Sweetheart, you’re such a wonderful driver. I can’t believe how much the car skidded on that last turn. I think there may be something wrong with it.”
“What are you talking about? There was no skidding.” Now you are a little confused.
“I’m worried there might be something wrong. First those noises, now the skidding… I couldn’t bare it if something happened. Please, it would make me so happy if we could get a mechanic to look at it. Oh look, there’s a garage now. What perfect timing. Please, darling.”
Things are going so well between us, you roll your eyes, mutter something about paranoid women… and pull into the garage.
I kiss you lightly, wink and whisper how I will show you my appreciation later. You can’t help but melt a little.
The mechanic comes out. Whilst he is tinkering with the engine, I hold your hand and coo.
Finally, he stands up. “Your transmission is blown, your fuel tank is cracked and you’re going to need a lot of work done on this car to make it road worthy.” He quotes you an astronomically high number and tells you it will take a week.
You are furious “What?! You’re trying to cheat me? Do you know who I am?”
He calmly tells you “You are free to get a tow truck and take it to another mechanic. Nearest one is 150 km away”.
Then he grins at me. You finally notice that he is bigger, stronger, younger than you.
One thought forms…”you fucking bitch”… as I blow you a kiss, get in the mechanic’s car and we drive away.
Now you are stuck in the middle of nowhere. Furious and wondering how much damage he actually did.
Or if he was really a mechanic at all.
Enjoy your walk 😉
Ha ha, nice try Kat. Your game playing might work with a lesser narc (and it entertained me reading your post) but it would not get past the master player of games. If you had the audacity to suggest there was something wrong with my car (as if that would ever happen) then it would be driven to one of my Lieutenants who just happens to run a garage and whilst it was being checked by somebody who would do as I wanted I would send you inside to buy a drink whilst the seatbelt was ahem adjusted on the passenger side. Thanks for posting.
Lol!
That’s all part of the fun of playing with our own kind. You never know if we are scheming and plotting against you…and with whom 😉
As I said, my most recent ex was only a man of your calibre in his own highly delusional mind. So yes, lesser narc indeed. But still fun.
You narcissistic men are so assured of victory, you underestimate your opponent. And some of us women know just how to play into that.
And anyway, the game is most fun, the fuel is by far the best, when there is a risk of losing big.
I’m married and absolutely adore my husband. He manages to keep me purring well enough that my sadism is channelled constructively and most destructive urges are kept at bay, but sometimes it is still so tempting to get myself another dose of jet fuel.
We really can’t help ourselves, can we?
If it would only end there, with us walking back, I wouldn’t mind it so much. It’s when we’ve started walking, and suddenly hear the sound of an approaching car behind us.. and you pull up next to us and say; “Hey, I’m sorry, please hop in, I can’t go on without you”. We hesitate and then get in, after you’ve promised not to pull a stunt like that ever again. The next time we’re thrown out of the car, is the real killer. Bah. (Am never getting into the car again, no matter what!).
Great writing btw. Cheers//Survived
Thanks for the compliment. You have just read the follow-up to this piece. Who would have thought you could guess what a narc would do next eh?
You’re welcome☺ Yes, isn’t it a bit scary that I could foresee your future moves😉 It’s probably only cause of my hard lessons learned with a narc. The good thing is, I must be almost completely narc immune by now! Immune against the tricks. That is what I hope at least. Your blog helps keeping my head in reality and not float away on pink clouds of the narcissist’s Monet-like fantasy paintings that he’ll undoubtedly try to sell me again! Keep up the good work in spreading the knowledge. ☺
Thanks survivednarc and try not to give away too many of my moves before I have been able to execute them!
Ha ha hmm, ok I will try to play nice. 😉
Im stillin that addictive ride and when I read you seem so real… That I hope then it would stop and I could go back home… Its still not so late and Ive prepared the way back home… As its been me jumping of the car in several ocassions…
Its a strange feeling of emjoying the ride but wanting sometimes somehow to get out because since I joined this blog .. It all seems so real…. Youre a very good writter indeed.
Thanks Nikita, we tend to strap you into your seat so even if you do try and leave you cannot.
I’ve recently reached the end of the motorway and my narc has driven off and married another woman after 14 weeks, even though when he left it was him discussing our marriage. I’ve since discovered even in my house on his home leave he was trying to hook up with another woman for sex.
I’ll give him his due he was a master liar.
you are absolutely accurate with how my husband operated. Keep writing, and validating what we experience but sometimes have trouble understanding.
Thankyou joicelizsabeth. I know it is not comfortable reading but it is a fact and this is what enables people to try and grasp why things happen when it is explained by someone on the other side of the fence.
I really do appreciate what you do.
You are a fabulous writer and because of that the visual you create is easy to see. Your blogs are so helpful because the metaphors you use describe things so perfectly.
This blog was such a sad reminder to me of the many, many discards I received usually after closeness and talks about vacationing. He would dump me and do the vacation without me, or leave right before that glorious ride was to happen. In the beginning it was as you wrote, an all consuming ride. Slowly he started cutting me out of events, plans, parties, socializing etc, all the while proffessing his love and bond to me. Then as you said, there would be the big shove out the door and the very lonely walk home alone.
Thx again for a great blog
Thank you. Yes it is a fact that the higher, faster and further we take you, the harder the fall. Thanks for contributing.
A very good analogy of the trip with a narcissist but I’d have ended it more with the car breaking and the poor used up fuel source going through the windscreen as that’s more how it feels.
The endi g would be much better I’d the narcissists ploughed through the screen.
I am sure you would freedom but as you well know we just drive off after the next fuel source and we leave you spent and with a long journey ahead.