Street Angel – House Devil
I have been called these names more than a few times and I won’t shirk from the label with you good readers. Naturally, when the appliance I am draining levels such an accusation at me then I deflect, reflect and deny – how dare they challenge me and seek to label me to make up for their own shortcomings. Once I cross that threshold and face the world then those white, feathered wings sprout from my back, the halo shines and I move with grace and great intentions. To my neighbours I provide a cheery hello and enquire as to their health. I comment how the male neighbour is welcome to borrow a few of my Blu-ray boxsets as I espouse the excellence of a particular series. He nods his thanks and explains how he will call around that evening to borrow a set. I tell him we will have a drink too. He smiles and I can see how pleased he is to have such a pleasant and accommodating neighbour. Of course this is all designed to get him onside and a firm believer in what a good chap I am. I have been working carefully on his wife, Fiona and will update you on that in due course. When I seduce her, her eventual protestations to her husband will fall on deaf ears as he will be unable to accept that his neighbour would do such a thing as pursue and seduce his wife. He will recall all the good things that I have said and done and it will be her who will be cast as the unfaithful harpy. I am always planning ahead.
I greet the passing postman warmly and then call Kim’s brother to exchange idle banter and invite him to play golf at the weekend. He has been angling to do this for some time now and he will regard this as admission to my inner circle. Let him think that as it is what I want. I know he regards me as a good egg and thus when the inevitable chaos and spite is unleashed on dear Kim he will at worst struggle to accept that I could treat her in this fashion. At best he will take my side and cut her adrift, tired of her slanderous accusations about someone he regards as a decent fellow and a good friend. All through my day I will portray the carefully honed image to colleagues (although not all – there are a couple who are currently viewing the devil as a consequence of their lack of loyalty to me), to service providers (the lady who serves in the coffee shop near work has told me how much she looks forward to our conversations). I walk amidst the horde, hurling my sparkling dust over them, causing them to smile and admire like children following a generous candyman.
I have walked this path on many occasions. Friend to many, benefactor to several and champion to others. A solid, dependable and brilliant man who takes an interest in everyone he speaks to. So many pedestals have been constructed as I go about my day. That friend is elevated to stand amidst all those in a similar position in my coterie as I smash down the pedestal of one particular so-called friend who has displeased me. They fall and as they do they reach out trying to grasp the hands of those in that coterie but they are all snatched away. Nobody is listening as you cast your stones at the devil that has flung you from your lofty position. All they see is the angelic smile and blazing eyes that make them feel good. I work my magic, bringing friend, neighbour, family member, stranger and acquaintance under my spell. Each of them bolsters my angelic appearance so that will be all that they see. The exiled individual will try to persuade them of the devil that has brought them low, but nobody is listening. Behind that closed door the real reign of the devil appears. It is there that I no longer need maintain the pretence and allow full vent to the venom that flows through me. You let me down and you must be punished. That is when you are trapped inside the house of satan with all the pain and misery that encompasses. I know you will try to escape and tell them all of the torment you are subjected to in these four walls but nobody will accept your warped and malicious slanders. You speak of my barbed tongue, forked tail and sharp horns but as soon as I step outside they all melt away to be replaced by the sweetest perfection as my charmed pretence masks the devil inside. I walk the path of the angel on the street beyond my door. It is inside that I trap the real angels and feed on them.
41 thoughts on “Street Angel – House Devil”
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This is what is going on behind closed doors, and in public. This and the victim’s smile, these are why no one knows the truth. Good article.
Hi Starr, I just came across this article and my heart stopped for a minute looking at the image that HG selected. And then I read the article and your comment and I felt sicker. That was the image my ex used also. She said the exact same thing and wanted a similar tattoo. I have one symbolizing both of us with the hearts entwined. A devil and an angel. She got one also…..Wow is right!!!!
HG is there something I missed about the significance of these two symbols with your kind? Is it because you think you can be both at different times or because we start out as the angel and then we end up the devil in your eyes, or both? I know it’s on the front cover of Horns and Halos also. This was a huge symbol in our relationship. It’s scary.
Some of our kind may use this symbol in the relationship. The stark contrast between our behaviours and the speed at which this contrast occurs is encapsulated in how we are an angel and then a devil the next moment and then back again.
P.s. I can now actually recall a few incidents where he would call me names ie: bitch and an idiot infront of my child and his own he would also slam doors and has actually shown violence towards me in front of his own child. This I kno is not acceptable. It’s a lot to take in but I can recall a lot of unpleasentness in front of my own and his. I hope this has a more clearer insight for you.
Howdy HG ☺ thank you for your response.. I can go into more information for you… the name calling was vile and he would normally call me very bad names most of the time in his own language knowing I couldn’t understand… he could go a few days after being nice providing I was doing as I was told basically and behaving. He would under no circumstances be asked a question as to where/what he was doing and going.. which resulted normally in an argument and him saying it’s none of your business I go/do exactly as I want. “I want my freedom”. His phone was a big problem to me as he was always on it which had a lock on it. I knew something wasn’t right and when I’ve questioned the phone in the past he would say here’s my phone check it if you don’t believe me but I think he knew deep down I wouldn’t check. That damn phone caused so many problems.. I started confronting him on occasions as he would b out nearly every night on his motorbike sometimes upto 3/4 hours at a time and when questioned I would get a mouthful and sometimes resulted in silent treatment.. I never felt like I was the only woman in his life but of course he would deny everything.. he was a good looking man and I think he knew that deepdown.he would constantly accuse me of cheating when I’m one of the most faithful people walking.. his out bursts could be bad at times he would say leave me alone when I was just asking normal questions and getting confused as to why he couldn’t answer Id wait for an answer or ask again then he could just flip and he never thought twice to use violence against me which mostly resulted in split lip bruising/redness to my face and pain in my neck where he would hold me down. He would smack me over the head pull hair spit in my face push me over etc. . Was awful.. yet always to the outside he seemed lovely and polite. He would constantly blame me saying you make me violent but I kno from his past girlfriends violence has been used!! I was very confused as to why someone could be raged so quick and never show remorse when I was left a crumpled mess on the floor in tears and blood on my face.. I hope this is more of an insight as to which category he comes under??? May I also say that most of the time sex was withdrew from me and if and when intimacy occurred it was mainly for his pleasure leaving me very upset as there was no consideration really for my needs. He would probably throw in an odd time for good measure but I always had a gut instinct something wasn’t right… this is why I turn to you for your advice… I hope this really helps HG ☺ I’m always happy for the help and advice you give….😆😆😆
Hello KitKat, thank you for expanding on the detail, there is a plethora of narcissistic behaviour in what you have written which causes me to reach the view that your narcissist is a Lesser Somatic Narcissist.
Thank u very much for your response… however I broke the no contact rule and the final blow came last night when I found him on a dating site just under 2 weeks of him leaving and he had rang me twice today last phone call ended with vile text messages after telling me to “f**k off” completely devastated again… but this has been an eye opener as I think this was proof I needed…thank u for helping me to determine what u think he is….
Hi..regarding this post I can say that I saw a very nasty side to my now ex-partner..outside he was a lovely person yet in home proved to be very diffrent as and when he decided. He could flip out over the slightest thing resulting in malicious words coming out his mouth repeatedly. Sometimes resulting in violence.. I’ve told him I think I know what he is, however he has denied this not knowing for sure if he understands the meaning of the words narcassist/sociapath as he is not from England but lived here a while. However would it be fair to say in your opinion that he is high end of one? He is always telling me “how much better he is than me and he is proud to be” it really does not take much to see his nasty side and then the silent treatments I’ve been subjected to.. he would be forever saying to me “you will pay for that” It could last upto 3 days… may I say I am addicted to your readings 🙂
All of our kind engage in this dual presentation, the Lesser however is more likely to expose his unpleasant side to those people other than the intimate partner, more often, owing to the lower control threshold. Those who can maintain the “good” public face, even when there is an ignition of fury, are invariably Greaters. I cannot state with considerable accuracy where he falls on the scale given the limited information you have provided but it suggests to me that he is probably a Lower Greater or an Upper Mid-Ranger.
positive fuel – let down – negative fuel… You call Yourself a satan? let me rethink my thoughts then…
Oohhh…that was a mean response HG!
The devil doesn’t come to your door dressed with horns and a forked tail…He comes as your door dressed as your most deepest desire…
And you should know….
Great article HG makes me think of so many people I know to a greater or lesser degree.
So where do you feel most comfortable ? When you’re out being charming, at home being cruel or on here when you can be yourself ?
HG,
What does the creature say to you when it’s activated? What do you feel or think that now makes you start a devalue or discard?
The creature tries to topple me from my rightful place at the top of the tree with its whispered lies of fabricated weaknesses. The devalue starts because someone has let me down. This will be because they are not providing the fuel that they ought to.
Can you give us an example of some of the internal dialogue?
“Think on your sins for they will weaken your hold on power.” That is a refrain it often hisses if given the chance.
And what might you say to yourself about the person who is now on their way out w you?
They deserve what is going to happen.
Some of your posts scare me so much… So Its a ticking bomb … And I have to tell you youre story in departure Imminent when this gymnastics girl did leave you.. Scared the hell out of me.., i thought Im never going to be able to do this… Not only because I do love him very much that it feels like a sword going through my heart .. But im scared of such a reaction., we dont live together so this makes it better but anyway Im scared…
Now its still nice but he has started to notice the chamge in the fuel… Something inside of me broke… 😓😓 I cant deliver the same anymore..
Your book is good but I could only extract a little piece for me as I already left my N husband 2 years ago .. But I guess according to your book he was not so malignant, and we can still more or less mantain a cordial relationship, although he broke my piano the other day and made such a perfect job of leavinh no traces 😡😡… Leaving him did not imply all what you mention in the book.. Im economically independent and he could not do much to stop me.
I bought your books because I have decided to leave again my N boyfriend….
I am fearful because when I read this post of the devil with angel wings… Seems to me he is one of this kind.. Adored By outsiders..but if I go back one year to the beg. Of our relationship before the first breakup… Its was similar to what you describe HG And to how you are…
Confusing
Uuuhm.. I would still like to see you deal with the creature/the beast, some more. Hey you are the great and courageous HG aren’t you? I could understand the creature is way too much work for any human being, even such a brave one as yourself HG. But, can you not bring it up with the good doctors, maybe they have some good advice on creatures since they work with this stuff all day. Hugs. ☺
This is a great picture of what I suspect typical narcs behave like. I even see on occasion that mine can be like this HOWEVER he has no friends and likes to only dabble with mine… I have very few because they are actually true friends and see through his garbage. He could not ever smear my reputation to anyone but strangers because I am just as charismatic, charming and kind as he BUT he lacks sincerity. I know not every one can see through his bs and definitely not the females he loves to flirt with in front of me… I do wonder though, since he can’t get anyone on his side, how will he punish me when I leave? Have you ever been in this situation or have you always been just cleaver enough?
I’ve been reading your posts for a time now and I must say your writing is excellent and the metaphors do seem spot on. I am, however, left wondering how much is metaphor and how much is truth. You do seen very like the devil sir. Polished charm and charisma on the outside but every move and word is measured. Every action planned in a manipulative way. It is purposeful but insincere and in-genuine. Clearly you’re the expert of this topic but I don’t believe most narcissistic people are intentionally aware of that behavior and move about with such intentions.
Hello mysecretme and thank you for the compliments. I have the advantage of a degree of natural awareness through the way I have been brought up and moreover the input of Dr E and Dr O who have given me further insight. They tell me there is much still to do, but they would say that, they enjoy my company.
Wow! I am starting to get a good picture of all this.
I am speechless. You are quite charming. This is a little frightening.
Oh my……
You know reading some of your articles malignnarc actually scares the shit out of me ! Every word is so damn true, you’ve just described ex narc to puuuuurfection . Note that I don’t use the word ” MY ” ex narc, if I use the word ” my” to me it feels like there’s still some connection with him .. I don’t want that .
My nice guy to everyone , could charm the birds off the trees especially the female kind , but the second the door was closed the charm offensive button was switched off .. and replaced with viper venom .. Nothing I did was ever right , it didn’t matter how hard I tried and trust me I kept on trying and trying and trying .. it was never enough . I gave him my everything , put up with the physical , emotional and to an extent the sexual abuse but he still tried to squeeze more and more out of me long after we both knew it was over .. Kept me prisoner right to the very end even when he’d secured his new source . It doesn’t bare thinking about that so much thought goes into this process & I’m saying this in the nicest possible way , but it’s pure EVIL . Do you ever feel any compassion at all for your victims ? How can someone be so cold and calculating to people who are complete polar opposites ? narc could’ve hit me a thousand times and broken every possession I had, the bruises heal and possessions can be replaced but the emotional scars that he’s left me with feel like they will never ever heal , no one deserves that . I know what your answers likely to be but asking the question any way .. Fascinating reading again . Ty .
Excellent metaphors and writings again. In One of the last email exchanges with my N ( after being caught cheating) he talked about what a good, kind, caring, likable man he was and nothing I said would ever change that. I responded I’m not saying your a bad man( I never got that personal w him, yet that’s where he went), I’m saying you’re a cheater and that’s wrong.
It’s funny, as you said, how good and wonderful he believes he is, and how he also believes people see him this way. He’s currently developed a whole new crowd on the last 2 years, they do seem to think he’s pretty great, they are also 15 years younger than he. He’s very accepted in that group. But there is the other crowd, the one we know together, and there are many people that knew him before I even did, that actually warned me about him, none of these people like him. Most of these people are his colleagues. It’s so true what you wrote, he just kisses everyone’s ass, I see him do image management everywhere, all the time.
Is it a correct assumption that an N always needs somebody in their private world to abuse? After being so sugary sweet to the world, don’t they need an outlet, especially if they can’t get away w abusing who ever they are currently seeing?
One other question, have you ever admitted you cheated or been caught?
There is always someone who is subjected to our abuse. All is well with the main target of my machinations at present so she is enjoying the charming seduction still. If she does not let me down this will continue. There are two who have gone before who are the objects of my savageness. So yes, there is always someone (sometimes more than one) who will be on the receiving end of some abuse. It is cyclical. Today’s admired is tomorrow’s despised. Today’s despised may be tomorrow’s desired if the Hoover comes out.
I never admit to cheating. I am never in the wrong am I? I have been accused many times but I create plausible deniability and with my Lieutenants, gas lighting and other manipulative ways, nothing is ever pinned on me.
Here’s something I’ve come to realize, is the Hoover ever sun consciously a way of payback? There’s been times where I felt he came back in strictly to throw me away again. I suspect after causing him so much embarrassment this time, that if he came back at a later date…. It would be payback time?
The Hoover is both payback and a device to gain fuel. We draw you in and make you feel wanted again even though we know you will be cast aside again (thus your punishment awaits) and the sweetest fuel is obtained from a Hoover.
Wow. I would love to put you against Loser. He, too has the gift of expressive writing. I wonder if he would be as honest and forthright about himself as you are. You people really love yourselves, don’t you? I’d like to borrow just a smidgen of that self-love. Good post.
Thanks laurel. Actually, I don’t love myself. I don’t do love. I just know what I am. Better. That generates self-respect, just so long as I get my fuel and keep the creature silent.
It dawned on me after reading your response here, that the N is probably ragingly mad that busted him and potentially made him look bad…. As he was introduced to this woman by friends.
Exactly and it was all someone else’s fault. There is no justice is there?
You lose in the end. It is mind baffling to me that people are scared of you. How sad people like this never get to feel the pure joy of even the smallest of moments of life. It is the saddest life I’ve ever seen.
From your perspective.
People are right to be scared of me, although most need not be.
I admire your honesty. I really don’t do love either….or should I say….I never will again.
That image is the same one my ex used as his profile picture when he created a fake account during one of his hoovers . I blocked him on Facebook and he created a new one and tried to suck me back in . He also said this picture represented us and he wanted to get it tattooed on him . Wow.
Wow! From like millions of years ago.! Just saw the date.
I do see a different sentiment in your responses as compared to now. Just different. I thoughtfully process what you say now and comparatively to what you have posted in the past. I am so thankful for all your most insightful help. Shit. It really does not help unless I can go no contact.
So hard. I need to consult with you. Stop the madness!
Yes you do, make it so!