One Is Not Enough
I will have told you that I only have eyes for you, that you are the one, that I am completely dedicated to you and that I only ever want to be with you. You make me say these things. It is your expectation of such faithfulness to you and you alone, indoctrinated into you by the world, that causes me to have to say these things. I need to fulfil your expectations in order to capture you and then keep you. It is a ridiculous state of affairs. Since when can a person be sustained on one thing alone? It is impossible. At its most basic, you are given only water to drink and nothing to eat. You will starve. Then if you are given just bread to eat your body will be malnourished as it is not getting the nutrients it needs from fruit, vegetables, meat and so on. One food stuff alone is not sufficient. Take your job. If you had to do the same thing over and over again, the absolute same task you will go out of your mind with boredom. Either that or you would lose your job to mechanisation. One thing is not enough.
Have you only ever had one relationship? Unlikely. How else would you know whether this is right if you have nothing to compare it against? Can one man win a football match? Of course not. He needs his team mates. Where does your stimulation come from? Are you confined to reading just one book repeatedly? No. One film seen countless times? No, you like and prefer a variety of silver-screened entertainment. Do you have just one person you interact with on a social level? Again the answer is no. You draw your social nourishment from different friends, family members, acquaintances and so forth. One is not enough.
I am no different. The thing that sustains me is fuel. I must draw this from several sources. Yet, my necessary actions in acquiring this fuel subject me to moral indignation and disapproval. How is that fair? I do not tell you that you must only eat one kind of breakfast cereal for the rest of your life, why should I be expected to gather my fuel from just one appliance? I need the variety. Not only is this necessary to ensure that I have fuel on tap at all times, it is necessary to provide the catalyst for the provision of fuel from my primary appliance. If I have nothing by which I can provoke a reaction from you, your free-flowing fuel will soon dry up.
The result is that you and I are never alone. There is no singularity despite all of my words asserting that this is the case. When I first ensnare you there will be another who is being subjected to my vitriol. You are most likely warned of this psychotic ex. What I am less likely to tell you about is my ongoing campaign of denigration in order to harvest further fuel from this harlot who has let me down. I may even be faithful at first. Yes faithful by your understanding of the concept, namely that I will not physically consort with another. I am not faithful however in just being solely committed to you. I will be reaching out to others in order to bring them into my sphere of influence, most likely whispering the very same things that I have said to you. My lips may not lock with these new opportunities but that is more by accident than design. I have certainly locked with them in order to draw fuel from them. As I walk through the day those invisible fuel lines reach out and attach to most who I interact with.I am sure, judged by your standards, you would not be overly concerned about the methods by which I draw fuel from some. In other instances you would be most concerned. Yet, you must understand that I am only doing what everyone does. I am seeking variety. In your instance you do it because you prefer it that way. It is interesting. Maintaining a variance keeps things fresh and stimulating. In my case I have to do it. There may not yet be any lipstick on my collar but there are scores of fuel lines attached and in ways that you are always going to find distasteful. That is of course if you ever find out.
24 thoughts on “One Is Not Enough”
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I repeatedly told him I could never be enough for him. he hated that.
Indeed, it was Challenge Fuel and threatened his control.
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Glad that is not a sexual rating…1 star 😏
I posted on another blog entry earlier, but I don’t think it went through either. Highly frustrating , when looking for answers to questions. I am ever so persistent 😊 I can’t find it here through WordPress. It is regarding sex and the Narcissist. So. I apologize, if this is in wrong place. Sex and Infidelity, close enough in relation to a narc.
I was having conversation with a friend about this the other day and wondered if you would answer some questions on the matter. So….
Let’s talk about sex, baby….
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be…
I am curious about sex and the narcissist. One would assume they perceive themselves as the ultimate lover, regardless of their partners take on it. But, as you said that the mechanism of sex is actually tedious to such types. That sex is just a means to secure fuel from the appliance during the the act. Such as the pleasure provided to your partner, opposed to the pleasure your partner provides you. That sex is little more then a necessary chore to be done, like hoovering 😏 or brushing your teeth.
Are you stating that the narcissist can not feel sexual pleasure in the sense that others can. Obviously orgasm cannot be faked from the male perspective or other tell tale signs of arousal. Or do you mean, that they choose not to become involved In Such sensations and focus on their partner responses to sexual pleasure instead? In a sense would that almost be considered selfless from an appliance perspective?
Would you say a narcisist has more or less sexual partners then other men?is more of less sexually deviant and prone to fetishes then a non narc? I ask because mine( I enjoy using the possessive tense here) has not been overly sexual with women, in the physical sense, a lot of his has been on line with women, focusing mostly in singular partners outside that. As I had previously mentioned he finds himself sexually unattractive and that is why I think he prefers to gather most of his fuel through covert tactics. I was very much sexually attracted to him and felt sad he felt that way about himself.
Some times people get lost in what actually drives sexual attraction, it is not always physical appearance. Mind you as long as I like someone’s nose, then physical attraction is good for me. He has a Fantastic nose.
Would you say the N actually prefers masturbation over the physical act of sex. he preferred oral sex over intercourse, as well. That during sex, I often felt like he was quoting from various porn films he watched and it actually turned me off when he said what seemed like scripted lines. It was always unnatural, like he was trying his best to please me. I never told him otherwise and just let him carry on. Plus, always ways to shut someone up during sex. Plus, he would say things that incensed me as they were so contrived, probably any other women would taken them as compliments, statements like, no one else makes me this hard, only you can make me orgasm this much and this hard, et cetera. My response was, why say only me, I didn’t need validation of the fact, almost like he felt it was a favour to me to make such statements. To assure me that I out do the other women. i couldn’t care less how I compare, I never compared him To anyone else. Plus, he almost seemed to force himself to go outside his personality sexually to be with me. I think I was too much for him sexually, of course he wouldn’t admit that, now would he.
But, one thing I am interested in, is that he was equally comfortable as a dominant or submissive during sex. Actually, preferring submissive role. Almost as if he preferred to be punished or used , instead of the reversal. Is this, unusual for a narcissist to take this role sexually, to forgo power sexually? When control is so important in other Areas of his life.
If I had to type a narcissist sexually, I would suggest he is a man who prefers oral sex, which would be similar to him sexually as masturbation. Maybe the idea of looking into the eyes of his appliance while she pleasures him that way, is where he attains the greatest source of sexual fuel. So, in defining yourself. Are you a DOM or a sub? If there is a preference. My N was a sexual pleaser, we both were, that always works well for both parties. I wouldn’t have thought mutuality was not high on the priority list for narcs, especially sexually.
A dom, naturally.
Can you elaborate? Clever reply. Dom’s are great,aren’t they? I couldn’t recall, what posts I commented on, almost forgot this one. Of course you would be one, it is all about maintaining control. I prefer maintaining and releasing it, variety is the spice of life. I had a joke, but it is a bit tasteless. So will omit it.
You are right and it helps to have validation Randy. The is so much destructive mind f******* that goes on in these situations.
HG the malign magic in my situation was indeed masterful-gaslighting and blaming in context of furious outburst and followed up with “but honey I love!!”.
Brain turned into mush on the spot. brutal.
You know, the one thing I learned from my relationship with the narcissist,is trust your gut.. if it’s telling you that there is something wrong,and he’s with another woman, he is. Period. Do not doubt that.
Yes Randy the gut instinct is invariably right but we manage to ensure too few people listen to it with our malign magic.
I think we women expect too much at times…absolute sexual monogamy is a high bar for many. I think one night stands happen and can be forgiven if remorse is real. Affairs indicate a troubled relationship. The infidelity of the Narcissist is still hard for us to fathom…done for the fuel. Like any form of attention seeking.
It was a heartbreak realizing the sex was simply a hook for him. He got much more fuel from the games he played to frustrate me. No one will ever compare it seems. I am imprinted on him. I hope that will change.
Are we expecting too much ?
The male of the species will copulate with a single female for prolonged periods attaining many ejaculations. With time (the actual time depending on he species) the rate of copulation decreases and actually ceases. If at the time, a new female is presented to the male, he may start copulating with this new female to a significantly greater extent than would have occurred has the original female been removed and re-introduced. Thus, the novelty of a new partner triggers further and greater sexual activity, overcoming any sexual fatigue or satiation that occurred with the original female. This is the ‘Coolidge effect’ – one day, President and Mrs Coolidge visited a government farm. Soon after arrival they were taken in separate tours. When passing chicken pens she asked if the rooster copulated more than once each day. ‘Dozens of times’ was the reply. ‘Please tell that to the President’ she requested. When the President was told about the rooster he asked, ‘same hen every time?’ ‘Oh no Mr President, a different one each time. ‘The president nodded slowly, ‘tell that to Mrs Coolidge.’
Journal of Sexual Medicine, 1988
Yes HG! And I would be willing to bet he still calls all of them from time to time. He calls me to talk about our son. It is a complete joke because he couldn’t care less about him. I have raised him on my own. He has always helped financially, but nothing else.
What I didn’t realize was that Ns want many different grades of fuel. I had no idea what I was dealing with back then. When I was cheated on, I thought he stopped loving me because he fell in love in with someone else. I also thought he was turned off by a pregnant woman. Fact of the matter is, he never loved any of us! It was all about him and reeling in another sucker to give him fuel.
Still to this day, when he talks to me on the phone he acts as if I am somehow still part of his life! He will ask, “Do you remember our trip to NYC?” or bring up someone we knew back when we were married. He wants to hear me say I recall these times we spent together. It is creepy. I can’t stand him or his incessant bragging.
There have been so many women he has caught in his trap. I’m sure he will be looking for an Asian woman for fuel when he goes to Korea! I wish I could warn her to run for her life!!!
He’s getting older. I haven’t seen him, but my mom has. She says he looks like 20 miles of muddy road. I’ve heard that Ns always think they look better than they actually do. He did tell me that he just spent $20,000 getting his teeth looking good.
There was a high profile murder case in California that involved a guy named Scott Peterson. He murdered his pregnant wife, Lacey. He dumped her body in the lake because he met another woman. I think that could have been me. I have no doubt that my ex-husband could have killed me if I had not gone peacefully and left him alone to enjoy his new fuel. He was so cruel to me when he was cheating. It was pure hell that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. He’s evil. I think he’s dangerous.
Yes, I’ve heard about the crazy ex from the latest N. The one that stole his possessions and stalked him relentlessly. There was more than one. There were also the ones that cheated on him. Truth be told, they probably got tired of his vanishing act and moved on. Smart move on their part.
“Let’s all admire how shiny my breast plate is shall we?” That made me laugh. You are very funny. This reminds me of my ex-husband.
My ex-husband called yesterday to talk about his visit with our son. He spent most of the conversation bragging about the huge bonus he will receive at his new job. I think he said it was $100,000. I’m sure the next time I talk to him it will be $200,000. He loves to drone on about how fabulous he is and how no project can run smoothly without his expertise. He is an engineer. He is going to Korea. I’m sure he will meet an Asian woman and wreck her life.
About 10 years ago, he was working in the UK. He was married at the time. This was after our divorce. He met a woman in the UK and they moved in together. He never bothered to tell her that he was married! I came home from work one day to find a message from this woman in the UK saying, “I’d like to speak with you. I have been living with XXXX. I know about your son and your divorce. He never told me that he was married.” My ex-mother-in-law had given her my phone number. I never did have a conversation with the woman from the UK. I’m sure that was a mess that left her hurt and confused. My ex-husband left a trail of chaos everywhere he went.
He started having an affair when I was 4 months pregnant with a woman he met at the local bar. They used to get drunk and call me on the phone and call me a fat bitch. I wasn’t fat! I was pregnant! He married her and cheated on her multiple times. The police were called to their home several times for domestic violence. He is EVIL.
It is a familiar tale and one which will happen time and time again. Do you see how many fuel sources he was cultivating and the different grades of fuel he was receiving.
Double standards at play . Narcs want their little harem of potential new targets In my case the second he got a whiff of anyone remotely interested in me he saw them off !!& took no prisoners , then , without a blink of any eye turned his attention straight back to his harem .. Literally .. But dare I look at another man , talk on social media to another man or even comment & I’d get the ST .. See what I mean ..
This issue mentioned by someone in a post to me once and the fact of not knowing anymore what is fake or real was the beggining of the end of s relationship that went from golden period to a very quick end…. 😱😱😩 and still looking for a definitive end.
It’s about us surely as you’re supposed to be my knight in shining armour 😜what’s god for the goose and all that 😊😊
Well of course I am your knight in shining armour. Let’s all admire how shiny my breast plate is shall we? Look at the gleam on those pauldrons. Have you ever seen such pristine gauntlets?
Very shiny Indeed, just like a mirror. I can see my reflection in it and I’m not the confident, independent woman I used to be. I can see my tear stained face and puffed up eyes and in the distance looks line another womans reflection that isnt mine. What I can also see is that behind the mirror is a very dark force indeed. To smash the mirror would give me lots of bad luck even though I want to.
Oh snap! You are almost becoming sort of a caricature. Is that part of the whole narcissistic thing? I know you’re capable of humor…so it that just another layer?
So this is the reasoning behing your minds infedelity. So my question is why if you say in your explanation man can’t live by bread alone you insist if not demand that we do ?
If variety is the spice if life then we need that to.
Since when has this ever been about you?