Ghosts
Whether you believe in ghosts or not, we certainly behave with certain similar attributes. We appear out of thin air. It is similar to how you can never remember the beginning of a dream can you? You cannot remember quite how we appeared. We just did. We seemed to coalesce into your life with the ease of a ghost walking through a wall. We arrive and ghost into your life. In the same way as seeing a ghost, when you experience us, it is not an event that you will forget in a hurry. We sidle up to you, insert ourselves into our lives and make connection after connection with you as we feed from you. Like some wraith we attach outselves to you and steadily begin to suck the life force from you as we gorge on the fuel that you provide.
Often we will vanish just as we arrived, without any warning or announcement and try as you might you cannot find us again. It is as if we have disappeared off the face of the earth. Naturally we chose the moment of our vanishing act without any concern for its effect on you. We slip away like a mist evaporating. Once we were everywhere, woven around you and captivating you. Much in the same way as one might be transfixed by the appearance of some spirit. You are entranced by our appearance, there is something ethereal and mysterious about us that causes you to be drawn to us and then we are gone.
We are that elusive spirit that can now not be found. You might go to the same place where we first manifested but there is no sign of us. We have left no footprint, no trace of our existence when you try and seek us out, just like our spectral cousins and then suddenly we have returned. We ghost back into your life and continuing our haunting of you. We are incessant and ever present, drifting about you as we resume our extraction of fuel. We resume our draining of your spirit, leeching it from you as our cold, dead hands take hold of you once again.
People have many theories as to what ghosts are if they indeed exist. Some suggest that where there has been a sudden explosion of emotion, a heightened experience, then an imprint has been made on the fabric of existence. This imprint appears to those who are attuned to seeing it. That imprint is seen doing the same thing over and over again. It walks the same route, passes through the same wall and then vanishes only to appear the next night in the same place. The spirit follows the same routine like a piece of video film stuck in an endless loop. Just like such a ghost we engage in the same behaviours over and over again. The same actions all designed to haunt you as we extract our fuel. The same gestures, the same actions all of which must be replayed. Some believe that a ghost is the soul of someone who has suffered eternal damnation. He or she has been denied entry to heaven or hell and instead has been consigned to walk the earth for eternity, stuck in an unceasing routine. Our endless quest for fuel finds us in such a similar position. We must make our way through life, restless and never finding peace. We move from place to place, unable to rest and be satisfied. Instead we are driven onwards, plagued by the curse of our need for fuel. Thus we must haunt others, our appearance bringing dread and fear in the same way as terror follows the appearance of a spectre.
Unable to quite fit in we are ghost at the feast. Even when we have vanished there is a lingering coldness that strikes you to your core. You still sense us, able to feel the effect of our chilling appearance. You are wary and anxious as you know we will appear once again. Quite when is a mystery but as we first arrived and as we first disappeared we will ghost into your life and continue our haunting of you. Better consult that exorcist.
61 thoughts on “Ghosts”
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why do You want so bad to be perceived as evil, ? is this a marketing trick? You know You aren’t evil… You different. … great and different. ..
Oh I am not evil Maddie, I am just misunderstood. You know that.
I know…and so am I…
Nikita there’s no reply button on your post, but I completely get what you’re explaining. For me when there’s a realization that I can’t ‘fix’ the problem and feel that there’s no effort or inclination on the part of the other person.. usually an N.. to want to or need to be fixed then yes, my feelings go away. It did take me several years to realize that I could give up, it wasn’t my job to fix a person. I can guide, I can offer assistance, but in the end it’s always up to the other person. I too still have friendly relationships with a few of my ex’s, but I don’t allow myself to get pulled back into the drama or jump in to help them in a crisis of their own making. I care for them and wish them well in life, but I refuse to allow them to create drama in my life.
Maybe it’s just me but I do not wish my ex well at all, I only wish his wife finds him out before she is hurt too much.
For me he deserves nothing other than the payback of pain he’s caused to me and others before me.
And this desire for revenge on your part keeps you connected to us. We know that and want that to be the case.
HG is right freedom.
It’s so important for your healing to not thing about wishing bad things to happen to him. Because, either they won’t happen or if they do, he’s that sick and twisted he will enjoy all the drama anyway.
I understand if it doesn’t come naturally to you, it must be hard to switch off.
But it’s important to stop being ‘stuck in the moment’. That’s all it was, a moment in time. You are here now with a lovely dog and an emotionally healthy life to look forward to.
It’s hard not to feel sympathy for his wife. I know I used to feel this hugely for my Ns wife. But it is their life, and if it’s not her, it will be someone else and someone else and someone else. It would be exhausting to keep worrying about someone you don’t know freedom.
I would only help anyone now if they wanted my help or asked for it and were also willing to help themselves.
So start thinking about you and having sympathy for yourself xxxx
You can get there, just Gotta let those negative feelings go as they serve no purpose only keep you stuck in the moment.
Alexis xx
Wise words Alexis but as Freedom knows it is very hard to get out of the situation we have created.
I know I have to key go and some days are better than others. Just feel lost and alone. I may have all these feelings and concerns. I may miss the person I thought he was but I would never let him in again. That’s why I’m sad as I know what we had has died and gone forever.
I have never let my ex husband back in again so I won’t let him in either.
It’s a huge loss and so confusing I know. Just wish I could help you move on from this xx
You do help Alexis more than you know. Ultimately only I can let go.
It’s madness really I just feel sad that I wasn’t enough to keep him happy ( filled with fuel) and that he had to move on and had to lie and cheat. The typical empath eh.
Very much so.
Best get these defences in place then before the sharks start circling.
No insurance would cover the damage caused by a narc.
Alexis you say it would be exhausting worrying about his wife or next prey. Selfish as at it sounds I think a part of me is just hoping she will leave him or him her but preferable her leaving him. So I know he will never hold a permanent relationship down and it wasn’t something lacking in me. I hate to let people down I only ever want people to be happy. That’s my fairytale land. Oh god I’m turning into one of them.
You want their relationship to end because you still want him back because he has conditioned you in this fashion because you still think the golden period can be recovered. It is entirely understandable Freedom as you are still embroiled in the aftermath. There is no shame in it. You feel this way because you are normal and it takes a long time to reduce our influence over you.
If only that were the case HG, no I don’t want the person back who he is, or the person who is a fake. I just want him to be alone and the creature inside him to consume him, that way everyone will be safe from him. Also I want the validation that he will continue to repeat his crimes and that he won’t treat her any different. I know that will mean there will be at least another few victims and I sorry for that but I need the validation so I can rest adhered I’m just not labelling him as a narc to make me feel better about being rejected.
Okay so ignore HG’s second comment, he’s just being annoying now! (Love you HG) but he is!
It may be tough, but you’re tougher !!
Love you too Alexis.
Thanks Alexis xx
He is a narc freedom otherwise you wouldn’t be here now. Don’t ever doubt it.
That it is a normal part of the healing process freedom.
But don’t ever have doubts xx
I can’t thank you all enough for your support during my bad days. Hopefully I’ll turn a corner soon. But I promise I will never let him back in. I’d rather stay on my own and happy than ever let him back in. I know it was all fake to him and would be fake again. My life doesn’t include him now.
Thanks for your answer Sheila. Specially that the moment comes where inner peace, physical and mental wellbeing start getting affected, its like a siren calling to walk another way…..
😂😂😂Nobody takes sleep away from me !!!! 😂😂😂😜
Have a nice day ☀️
Hi V my ex narc would never sit down and do the talking to put things right. I either just got ignored or got the, I’m not discussing this matter, it doesn’t warrant my time.
Charmer eh
That sounds so familiar! Mine had a daughter to a previous relationship, once when we were in a heated argument I said my God you have a daughter how would you feel if someone treated her the way you treat me? His reply; your sick you need help!! Smh
I’m so glad my ex narcs son is the complete opposite to his dad. He’s a lovely thoughtful and kind. Thank god he didn’t inherit his dads characteristics. He’s appalled how his dads treated me and says he will tell his wife if he ever sees her( dad & wife in India son in uk) his dad threatened to punch him in the face if he does. Why can’t people just be happy for him is what he keeps saying.
Treat people better and we might.
Thank you for this comment Freedom. When ever we did have relationship talks ( which was so rare ) it would make him so grumpy. His attitude was that of me trying to control him or boss him around. Or he would act like I was picking on him. Mainly he just wanted to sweep all his actions under the rug and tell me I was too emotional and needed psychiatric help. He never wanted his fantasy land messed with.
Same here V apart from he never said I needed psychiatric help.
One of the last times I was challenging over the discovery of two women he was involved with. I got they are just friends and for gods sakes one used to be a man. I didn’t buy that. He also said anyway if I did cheat they’d soon send me back. I said really that’s a shame as if I ever friend hard evidence if cheating else are over.
No wonder he discarded me shortly afterwards but he had hoovered me just before for max impact 😓😔
This article is excellent. EXCELLENT and so captivating.
I think time is the best exorcist. Once there are no feelings, the ghost can come and its the same as if the neighbor or the mailman or whomever has appeared at the door.
A useful point there Nikita but can you wonderful empaths ever not feel? I hope not.
You would understand this feeling if you are a codependant. Its this feeling of ” I have to be there for you, I wont let you fall, I will always be here” . This is the feeling, and this is what makes the empath go back and back and makes you try again and again and again until you start loosing the forces and the energy, and then somehow, maybe as a self defense or something unexplainable this feeling starts getting weaker and weaker and then its just not there anymore. Its replaced by normal feelings of friendship, friendship love, and other good feelings that you have for the rest of the beings around you.
Ive read this feeling in your blogs ” loose from our grip”..
Else of course the feelings never stop. Gratitude mainly stays because of course there were many nice and beautiful and happy moments…
I have a very good relationship with my ex’s. Im very forgiving is true but its okay. They are the ghosts but for the last two its no problem, the “feeling” is not anymore there. So I chat, joke, etc. like a friend and its okay. Maybe it can also be described of cutting loose from the control when you finally are able to get rid of “this feeling”.
This by the way is extremely painful for the empath to get rid of “this feeling”. At least for me as I never respond agressively or have created turmoil, but its forcing yourself to start like a mourning process.
Tell me please if I explained myself.
Maybe someone else can help me expand on “this feeling” ….
I have to start reading ” the human magnet syndrom ” and I thimk I maybe will be able to explain better.
Yup
This video which i copied once from somebody here on this blog and I posted already explains it.
Once you let go the ghost is not anymore a ghost…
But letting go is extremely painful.
In this blogg I have learned its done either through mourning or through anger.
http://youtu.be/bHprDgB3Wmg
I think I’ve finally exorcised mine! But…am still a little afraid he may come knocking on the door.. he prefers to write letters/e-mails, but if I do not ever respond to those, he has as a last resort in the past, come knocking on the door, cause he knows I am usually too polite not to open the door… If he does knock on my door, I will be even more scared than f it were a real ghost, I think!! So this is a great metaphor you had here, HG. Cheers. 🙂
Another incredible article by you HG, this was really something. You always captivate me.
Have you ever in any relationship sat down ( at her urging of course ) and talked about how to make things better between you two? Have you ever participated in talks about how to work things out?
Thank you V I am pleased you found it interesting. Yes I have done the sit down on several occasions but only as part of my designs to obtain fuel.
Thx HG,
I was just curious, mine would never participate in those discussions because he believed I was the sole problem and needed therapy badly.
When he would return from being a ghost, he would say,” have you been in therapy yet”.
Oh indeed you are the sole problem. You need treatment you always do, you should know that by now! We don’t do anything wrong.
HG,
I think my Amazon review on The Narcissits Codependant finally worked. That site was having problems FYI.
Thank you V, that is much appreciated.
I love this article HG. You always manage to keep me interested !!
So many of the other articles say the same thing repeatedly but you put such a great twist on it which makes it an interesting read.
Thanks Alexis.Do tell the world !
Haha maybe !! But keep writing HG, just keep writing x
So long as there are readers I shall keep writing because naturally I do it all for you.
Same here. You cant imagine all what I postpone in the evenings just to have time for the blog 😃😃😃
I know that will give him a little bit of fuel, but that’s the sacrifice I’ll make to completely exorcise the ghost from my home 😉
But will you ever really exorcise that ghost?
Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve picked up that skill from a long line of N’s. With his track record of employment I’ll even wager that I’ll still be working where we work together long after he’s moved on.
I daresay you will be right about the employment position.
sorry for gatecrashing your comments Sheila.
Well I thought I’d excorcised them.
I’m not sure why, but I’m starting to find all the Ns a bit cute ?
Even if they try and exert a bit of control over me in any small way that they can. I just find it funny and cute now. Like a dog that keeps trying to achieve something but just can’t.
Help me HG. I don’t want to like something I know is bad ? Haha
Alexis, be thankful you have seized the power and dealing with the lesser of our variety – a shark may just come swimming along disguised as a dolphin.
I am thankful. Yup mostly the lesser, but the one who woke me up was an MN proper !! I’m always looking out for sharks dressed as dolphins. But thank you. And I one shark is looking for payback !! For me not providing the fuel he so desired !
Is that the theme to Jaws I can hear?
yup, that’s exactly what you can hear HG !! Maybe it’s time for me to get out of the water !!
No come on in everyone, the water’s fine. Honest.
I’m biding my time… waiting for the right opportunity and time to return the last of his possessions he left at my house…. I’m thinking I’ll deliver them personally to his house and leave them on the lawn.. while his wife is at home? Sort of give her the ‘heads up’ that if he’s been using me to triangulate her that it’s a false belief that I’m even in the game.
Mine is a voiceless ghost at present… waiting and watching from the fringes… I see him there trying to figure out why I’m not sad and miserable at his absence.
Poor ghost consigned to a miserable existence and you are not empathising by being miserable too. You know what to do Sheila.
Yes! Out of nowhere! There he is.
It’s as if he’s thinking, “Going on with your life? Not so fast!”
One time, he showed up at my door in the middle of a snow storm. Snow is rare in Texas. Who would think he would show up at that time?
At some point, he will vanish again. Ghosted again.
I ought to have used that in the piece ” we will turn up when you least expect it, just like snow in Texas” !
Time to call upon the Archangels. They’ll know what to do!
What a wonderful writer you are!! You hit this one spot on!!
Thank you foolme1.