Hair’s To You

I have always been a fan of red-headed women. Oh and blonde-haired ones too. Of course I love brunettes as well. From deep auburn to fiery titian, platinum blonde to ash blonde, chestnut to raven black I love them all. Show me red-gold, mahogany, black brown, highlights or lowlights they all work for me. Long hair, short hair, cropped, bobbed, straight or curly. I love them all. I recall on one occasion talking with a female friend who I had designs on. We were sat in the café of an art gallery and the topic moved onto hair. She asked me what was my favourite type of hair colour.

“Oh raven black,most definitely, I shot back without even pausing to think.”

She smiled and raised a hand to push it through her raven black locks. If the waitress had come over and asked the same question then I would have said blonde as I gazed at her short bobbed blonde hair. On other occasions I might get asked this by someone else and naturally I would tell them my favourite. Lo and behold it just happened to be the same as the one she had.

“You are just saying that because it is my colour,” she responded.

“No, it is my absolute favourite. All of my previous girlfriends had strawberry blonde hair.”

“Really? I thought the one before me was a brunette. I saw a picture of her.”

“Oh her? No, no, she was not my girlfriend. Goodness me no, she was just a friend. Admittedly we did lock lips a couple of times, but it was nothing, she was a tad obsessed if you really must know.”

“Was she? I am sure you referred to her as your girlfriend.”

“You must have her confused with an earlier one maybe. No, always been ladies with strawberry blonde hair, it is a particular weakness of mine.”

If she had green hair with blue dots in it I would have said the exact same thing. Sometimes these comments have been said so many times but with the appropriate alterations that I cannot help but say them. Occasionally, if my target has some awareness and has been listening, I might contradict myself but I have enough charm and evasiveness to get out of the situation.

Hair colours and hair styles are such a useful device for currying favour with a target or by contrast upsetting them. When all is well in the world and we are enjoying our golden period, then whatever you do to your hair I love it. You can colour it, put in extensions or even shave it all off. I will always tell you how beautiful you look because that is what you want to hear. With every visit to the hairdresser’s a lady wants that compliment. I have seen you sashaying back from a visit to the salon and parading before me. I will be effusive in my praise, espousing how natural it looks, how the colour sets off your eyes and the shape frames your face magnificently. I have a whole list of suitably complimentary comments to churn out when you return with your new ‘do’.

The stock that a lady places in the power of a new hair style or hair cut is such that it really makes it too easy to gather some negative fuel. I can tell you are really happy with this new style and you are just waiting for the compliments. Not today. Why should it be all about you and your new hairstyle? What about me? I look after my hair too and have it cut every twelve days so it always looks smart, but do you say anything? No. You regard a man and his hair as purely something of function. You on the other hand regard the colour and style as an opportunity to express yourself. Feel free because I am only too happy to rain on your parade and make that sleek do go frizzy. I will frown and peer at your new hairstyle.

“What’s wrong?” you ask as your triumphant smile vanishes.

“It does not suit you.”

“Why? How? Roger at the salon said it was very me.”

“Well he would when you spend that ridiculous sum of money there. It does not suit you. It makes your face look too….severe.”

“Are you serious?”

Damn right I am serious. This is about getting some lovely fuel from you and this is too good an opportunity to pass up. Whereas once I rolled out the barrage of compliments, I now issue my damning verdict on how wrong the colour is, it is too short, too long, too voluminous. I will pick fault and soon have you running from the room to the bedroom to cry and try and alter it. You bring it on yourselves you know, you really do.



  1. So I have gat seems to me to be a crazy question. I am shelf ipss painted black for quite some time. I have been blocked and unblocked from his phone more times than I can count (I assume corrective devals) anyway he does not speak to me whatsoever and I really don’t don’t contact him much anymore but I let him think that I had completely changed my hair color. He once told me long ago not to change it, anyway I didn’t really change but sent a pic with a wig on and said that I doubted I was his type anymore. I was joking but wham just like that I was blocked again. Which is fine he doesn’t speak to me anyway but my question is did that or would thar ignite fury even when you are painted black on the shelf? I think I had seen a meme that hair change is an igniter of fury but even if you are painted black on the shelf ?

    1. You may not have been painted black whilst on the shelf.
      Your picture and accompanying comment will have been Challenge Fuel.
      Why are you continuing to engage with somebody you know to be a narcissist?

      1. That’s a damn good question. I know he is and I cognitively and intellectually know that he cannot and will not change but I am also a diagnosed Codependent and have all the struggles and behaviors that accompany that. I think I’m honest somewhere deep or not so deep in my psyche I think I’m going to change or conquer him. I obviously get some sort of pay off from it. Much like you I understand my own disorder completey and while I’m able to identify my behavior and can alter it for periods of time, it never leaves me completely This is why I understand the plight of the Narcissist and when I see people ask why don’t you just stop being a Narcissist and be normal ? I fully understand that you cannot. It’s who you are. I get this because of Codeoendent behavior is much of who I am as well.

        Hope I’ve explained so it’s understandable. But yes HG your point is most valid and every time you ask that question it helps to examine my own behavior more

        I just thought it so strange that it would be challenge fuel being that he doesn’t speak to me anyway. Does challenge fuel cause corrective devaluations ?

    2. Why would that have been challenge fuel if they have pretty much disengaged from you ?

      Also do I have this labeled correctly ?

      Hair change = challenge fuel
      Followed by blocking = corrective devaluation

        1. Changing my hair color. I mean long ago I said something about once and he said no do not do that. It only came up once s long time ago. I happened to be in a wig shop so I tried one on completely different color and wham I was blocked. I just was surprise that doing that would be challenge fuel after all how does he know I even remember that comment about changing my hair color ? But something about it pissed him off enough to block me

          Also regarding you mentioning I may not be be painted black and on the shelf, I thought I read that if you do not receive any comfort crumbs and you still have sn open channel of communication that you are on the shelf painted black ancf If you receive comfort crumbs you are painted white

  2. -my hair don’t suit me? That must be true. at least Yours look amazing x

    find one fault…You’ll get a response

  3. That’s not what I mean and you know it! Have you not ever just laughed and laughed with someone until you cryed? Aren’t you lonely? Wouldn’t you just one time like to be yourself with someone (not necessarily a partner?) I think it’s ironic that the only people that know you and like you ( yes most of your harem truly do like you) are women who have been hurt and torn apart by your kind. I didn’t write this to make you angry! I’m just really trying to understand and learn. Thank you handsome man for all your wonderful books and articles! Xo ;)

    1. I am not lonely as I am connected to lots of people who like and admire me. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep I am in some form of contact with someone either electronically or physically. There will be moments when I am on my own and I can deal with that if my fuel gauge is high, I do not have to be connected constantly but I do have to be connected frequently. Yes I laugh as I am sure you have witnessed I have a sense of humour. I enjoy black humour especially but I will laugh heartily in certain situations, at films, shows and books. I am not devoid of humour unless I want to be for the purpose of gaining fuel. Thank you for the kind compliment.

      1. Thank you sir for answering my questions. Have a wonderful day handsome, beautiful, wonderful man!! 😘

  4. Do you ever wake up and think, ‘I can’t be bothered today’ and just so your own thing ?

    I found it exhausting enough replying to texts during the lovebombing – and that’s just one person.

  5. You had me at the first sentence, but then you had to ruin it by including every hair colour… I should have known! (and did)

      1. Oh handsome HG! I am so happy to see the other ladies have been fuelling your desires since I have been busy working. Have to make money so that I can purchase your wonderful books! :) I was wondering though, do you ever have any fun? Or is your whole life spent on fuel?

  6. A friend of mine, told me her N used to complain about her hair getting everywhere and on his clothes etc.

    He used to say it was women marking their territory

  7. Hmmm. I have never been to a hair salon in my life. My hair was always naturally blonde and down to my waist (for the most part.) Losers’ hair? I was his barber for thirty years (although I’m not a beautician.) He just liked the way I cut his hair. Go figure.

      1. You got it! I did a good job and other people tried to get me to cut their hair but the bottom line is….yes, he was cheap. When I put the scissors down and told him I was never cutting his hair again (after thirty years of ungrateful abuse) it meant he had to spend money at the barber. Boohoo.

          1. Well….I tell everybody it means “woman that counts”….but you can certainly use your imagination…and, you’re right….water seeks its own level and those two are perfect for each other….immoral, narcissists who have no honor….one’s a user and the other one’s an abuser.

          2. Well, yeah. That WTC depends on him to pay her bills and in return, she offers an old, broken-down, failure…companionship. He’ll pay anybody anything to not be alone.

          3. I actually did a post one day…a woman who trades sex and companionship for money is called a whore….what do you call a man who trades money for sex and companionship….a man-whore? LOL

          4. Oh, but he pays the same woman to keep from being lonely. He even pays her tuition and moved her in with him. I think the right name for a man like that is “pathetic.”

          5. LOL Freedom you are so funny…
            I would say/agree he has a sad existance the moment you have to pay for company and love 😟
            I dont think its the same type of fuel when you know its paid.. I suppose.

          6. But how about engaging someone who expects to be paid, taking the service and then not paying them. That will provoke a fuel filled response.

          7. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 this had to come from you HG. you make me laugh. I think this had not crossed anybodies mind. Yes I suppose for people who look for fuel, its good fuel what you propose… But this guy pays tuition so his fuel is low quality.. Paid and feeling exploited or profited from…

          8. But JG he is paying though he’s not as bright as you so I’m standing by sad git and Loser 😆😆

  8. HG .. I ‘m about to post a link to you blog on DV UK , its pretty BIG , be kind * charming & as always x

  9. I didn’t realise hair was your chat up line HG. I thought it was more something like, ‘does anyone know you’re here’.

    Oh god !! I’m just too funny hahah

  10. Well that’s a problem for Miss Kim, not me. You’ll want to have discarded both of them if you want any of my attention!

  11. You just blogged your way out of using that as an ice breaker now! Duly noted! I just added to my dating profile checklist not to speak to men who compliment my hair too soon. Stranger Danger!

  12. i also did always noticed and always complement as I love to pas my hand through the hair of who is my partner 😃.
    When in love, im alwsys hugging, kissing, touching 💞💞And concerning my hair… here I pair up with you HG. its never been critized 😂😂. I mean it.

  13. Oh HG! You really are a very bad boy! But you are right again! We may not admit it, but do want to look good for are men! Although I did notice whenever my ex would get his hair cut and I would always tell him how wonderful he looked! It always seemed to surprise him that I actually noticed. Another fuel supply I know, I know. ;) xo

Leave a Reply to MLA-Clarece Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.