New and Improved
You messed up. I gave you the world, I really did. I truly gave you everything you ever wanted from someone. I know I did because this is what I always do. I always deliver. You did not though and you let me down. Despite everything I said, everything that I did you failed. Oh I hear you bleat on about how you loved me like nobody else. You protest about all the things you sacrificed for me, all the things you did for me and how you put me ahead of everything else in order to please me, to make me happy. Stop going on about yourself will you? It is not very becoming. This hysteria surrounding how you pulled out all the stops, gave your all and did everything that I ever asked of you, even doing some things you did not like is pathetic. Ah I see, you complain about it now, but you did not at the time did you, you charlatan? You disgust me.
I am well rid of you and in a way I suppose I must thank you because if you had not failed you would not have made me realise how we did not belong together. I did everything I could to make it work but you let me down. Thank goodness I woke up and saw it otherwise I would still be trapped by you. You at least enabled me to realise how flawed you actually are and I won’t be making that mistake again. Not a chance of that happening. In fact, as testament to just how wonderful I am and how brilliantly I treat you I have someone else. What do you mean I wasted no time in moving on? Why should I? I am not going to sit around and bemoan how you let me down. That will not serve any purpose and besides I cannot help it if people want to be with me, it is only natural.
Yes I am with Lauren now. She is wonderful. She is everything I have ever wanted and I am her soul mate. I know that we are going to be very happy together now. She is the one. I know I thought that of you, but you misled me. Lauren is not like that. I am moving in with her next week. It makes perfect sense. I want to be with her all of the time. She is beautiful, just look at her, perfectly put together. She is so shiny and new. I am head over heels in love with her, I cannot be apart from her. Take a look. If you had been more like her then I would not have had to punish you the way I did. That is not going to happen with Lauren. No way. I can only see a bright and beautiful future for us. I hope she falls pregnant soon as our child will be such a wonder to behold. Thank God I did not have a child with you. Imagine that? Good God that would have been terrible having to share a child with a monster like you. Lauren will be a first class mother, we have already talked about it and I can tell that she is keen. She adores me and always will. Not like you. You had your chance but you messed it up. You only have yourself to blame. Oh I know what you are like, you will try and make out that it was me that was the problem but I know it was you. So do all my friends and yours. Yes I have already spoken to them and they agree that I am better off without you and that Lauren and I are the perfect couple. She always knows what to say you see. She understands me like nobody else does. She gets me. She is the only one. I bought a new ‘phone with an increased megapixel camera because there will be so many photographs I have to take of Lauren and I. I want all those perfect moments captured so I can show the world how happy we are together. I know other relationships have not worked out but that is what happens when you get duped by harpies. Lauren is not like them. She is not like you. We have booked a holiday away already. Two weeks in the sunshine. We are going to have such a brilliant time being together in paradise. You can expect plenty of postings on Facebook so feel free to look in on them, I know you will. You can expect all my friends to be talking about us. We are the golden couple. Thank goodness I found her. This is it. This is the one for me. We just fit together. It is as if she knows what I am thinking. She listens and learns and then always knows the right thing to say and to do. It is marvellous and just shows why we belong together. I know you will need to know all of this because, well, I deserve to be happy after what you did to me. You should be happy for me, you should, that is if you really do love me. You tell me you do but that does not matter now. I have a perfect love with Lauren and this is the one that will last.I imagine we will be married by the summer. It will be a glorious ceremony and she will look absolutely stunning, polished and gleaming, stood just the way I want and looking at me with rapturous adoration.
I could not be happier, I really could not. I have my soul mate, I am her angel sent from heaven to make her happy and I will do that because I am so good at doing that for people. Everything is going to be just wonderful and you had your chance but you blew it. I get so excited when I find someone new and when I know they will be better than you. Someone who puts me first rather than themselves. Someone who deserves me. Someone who is not you. Someone who is new and improved.
46 thoughts on “New and Improved”
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You’re very good at this HG. Your doctors must be watching open mouthed as you fix minds – online! 😀
They regard my conduct here as progress in the right direction. I am enjoying the game of trying to spot who they are when they post on here.
HG – he left a bottle of his aftershave in a party bag our son was given. Is it safe to let the little one have it as a reminder of his dad? Will doing so allow my ex to control the little one more easily? Our son is almost 7.
This wasn’t for your son. It was for you.
Dear god… It’s not his usual scent, it’s called Paradisio or something like that and where he is always very good to himself, it smells quite cheap..
You were right about the aftershave too. I gave him it back and his reaction was nothing I was ready for! He started mumbling about being glad to have it back and he’d “been wondering where that went”. This went on sporadically throughout the 10 – 15 minutes he was here. And he was visibly disappointed. That’s a bit scary to know.
I had a long answer to this but lost it when the iPad logged out of Thagumath account. I’m afraid I only know the password for this one!
This is mostly from things my ex told me at the time.. In fact all of it is. Yes, he could easily have made it all up and played us against each other… That’s quite a bit of thinking I’ve got to do now!
HG, the answer seems obvious but I really don’t know – if I show him your blog, will he use it as a manual for abuse or is it possible he could gain some insight and empathy at all? He’s not going to start being considerate now, is he. The reason I’m not sure is that before his father started questioning his happiness, he was loving, considerate and thoughtful. At first, he only got angry about the things his dad had been saying to him in my absence.
He won’t use it as a manual of abuse. He will either reject it as applicable to him or if he recognises himself in what he reads he will already have a degree of understanding as to what he is and what he does so that he will not feel that he can learn anything additional from this blog.
When you write that he was loving, considerate and thoughtful how long did you know that he was those things for?
I’d known him for a year and a half when the abuse began, it started in conversations with his father about how rubbish women were, thinking he was bonding with his father, my ex changed almost overnight and dovetailed into gas lighting when I suspected his family were speaking to someone who was not me and wondered aloud to him, why. He denied it for a year or more. Then his father lent him the phone to which my ex had texted all his grievances about me (with his father’s encouragement) and I found it because we really did have no secrets. I would not be able to look at his phone today and I no longer trust him either, but until his father started meddling or ‘taking an interest’ in my ex, things were very good between us. This man left his own family when my ex was 7 and had very little to do with him or his mother after that. All he wanted to talk to his son about was the failings of ‘wimmin’ and my ex, apparently, accepted that crumb of attention. Although my ex was fairly controlling and liked to be the person to give me lifts, look after my schedule and carry my bags, I don’t know that he would have become abusive without this specific interference.
On what do you form this interference? Things your ex has told you or objectively observed evidence?
He definitely has very little insight. Although he did explain very well how I must have felt about life when he was shouting and blaming every day, which is why I suspect an illness. Or is he just doing what the blog says, narrating what he observes?
When you say an illness do you mean something which has happened recently or something which has been there for some time?
It’s still Thagumath here but for some reason the other account was logged off and I don’t remember the password.. I had a post written when I found out and it was so long! And I’ve lost it now I think. It was in answer to ‘how long was he loving for’ and the short answer is, for about a year and a half (although I did notice an impatience in him sometimes and an air of irritation which both seemed to appear randomly for no apparent reason). He changed when I was 6 months pregnant and his own father drew him into conversations specifically about being dissatisfied with their partner… My ex’s dad left that family when my ex was 7 and wasn’t around much so my ex saw it as he and his father bonding as adults. But he had to invent my flaws to please his dad because we got on very well.
The 18 months was the golden period and then the devaluation began. The conversation he had was told as pleasing his dad but that was just to throw you off the scent because he was smearing you to his father for what lay ahead.
I don’t know. He has an unhealthy relationship with his mother and his father and he knew that when we met. He wanted to be away from his mother as he felt she wanted him to be at home with her for the whole of her life and not have any commitments of his own. But he’s living there again now. And very angry with me for no reason but is able to convince himself there is a good reason. More than one person in his life told me he was prone to lying (I didn’t believe them..). He seems very obtuse I suppose and I can’t imagine anyone choosing to come across that way.
What does his mother say about what he said? Have you heard her side of the story? She is evidently not as bad as he portrayed if he has gone back there.
She’s not at all. She was dumped in the worst way I can imagine, with two kids and he tried to take the house! His mum just seems mostly worried about him to be honest. He got into a lot of trouble when he was a teen into his mid 20’s so she’s right to be concerned. I don’t think she does want him to stay a child, I think she’s resigned to the fact he will do.
HG – When you say your lover stopped providing ‘fuel’, do you think that you also stopped providing what she needed, making you equally responsible for the failing relationship? I might not find these posts again so it’s a bit of a rhetorical question! Great work btw, you are a very evocative writer 🙂
Thank you.
No, it is never our fault. It is always your fault. We don’t do anything different, you start it.
Except I didn’t. I was too sick with a bad pregnancy to talk, move or even eat when my abuser started shouting and blaming – I definitely didn’t change at all. His father ( a successful but immature man) took my abuser outside the flat and told him everything was wrong. Half an hour later, my abuser came in a totally different person. . He won’t accept that though. I think it must be a mental illness?
A lack of insight is often behind that.
This is the exact “energy” and similar wording I experienced when I finally left but foolishly called him for consolation a few weeks later. In many times past, he would have sucked me back in…this time he didn’t try…instead he was cold as ice while saying pretty much word for word these things you’ve written HG. Do your kind see the discrepancy in your love attestations and actual behavior which is anything but? Do you see it and just not care or is it just totally justified according to the very different way you’re wired?
HG, you had said before that it never fails how targets, once comfortable in the relationship, begin to slack off with the adulation/adoration once bestowed on you. My question to you is, hypothetically, if someone continued with the exact same amount of fuel thrown your way, would you still need the discard to occur on the grand scale that it usually does?
….or to occur at all, for that matter?
If they do not let me down then I would have no need to let them down.
Agree with Gloria! There is a positive change 😃… Continuos improvement 😃.
To be honest the first articles I read lets say the first month I came because it was interesting but now and already some two months ago, its such a pleasure.. Less of an evil touch.. Still powerful, dominant, superior in lnowledge, writting skills, ( fuel cant help it ) but less evil and this is important and positive 😃.
I only just stumbled on this site about 2 weeks ago, but admit, I’m fascinated. Have scrolled through all postings (evelyn wood style) and see a definite shift in your words HG, you are more “helpful” with your comments – perhaps therapy is working? We all hope so, but part of me is feeling like we are all “playing with matches”?
More like TNT GG.
My ex has his nice shiny new wife. He didn’t tell me about her be claimed there was no one else and he never wanted this to happen ( breaking up) but 5 weeks later he was engaged. I also know 2 days after my discard he was at a public function with the new one. So he didn’t rub her in my face as such he just didn’t want me around spoiling things. He thinks the grass is greener I’m not 100% she will though.
I am so happy I discovered who/what the ex is. This kind of stuff might have messed with my mind had I not have come out of the fog that he emits. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful for my freedom today.
I soooo needed to hear this right now. Although the I know it to be true from your books, I needed reminding and it was sent at exactly the right time. Thank you.
No problem Mandy, a shot in the arm is always useful medicine isn’t it?
Few I never had to suffer this. Mine took a downgrade!
Have you been reading my blog? LOL. The bottom line for me and my Loser narcissist is that I left him. It only took ten years for him to understand that I was never coming back, he was never going to touch me again and I couldn’t stand to be around him….enter WTC, who needed her taxes and tuition paid and is free with the fuel (as long as the checks keep coming.) Poor old, wash-up fool really thinks he’s still the cock-of-the-walk.
One day you are cock of the walk and the next you are a feather duster.
LOL. And, what satisfaction it is when you get to witness it first hand. The man who would be king lost his crown. The man who called himself God, was shoved off his self-erected marble statue! How sweet to see how far the mighty have fallen.
Never happens to me though.
Ah, but you have to remember “to everything, there is a season”…et cetera.
And the stage is set…let the games begin ❤
You have all the props in place to do what you do best, at whatever point in time you wish to play. Triangulation between the 2 ladies has officially begun.
What I want the answer to is how to make the Narc have zero interest in you. On Feb 1, 2016 7:27 AM, “Knowing the Narcissist” wrote:
> malignnarc posted: ” You messed up. I gave you the world, I really did. I > truly gave you everything you ever wanted from someone. I know I did > because this is what I always do. I always deliver. You did not though and > you let me down. Despite everything I said, everything th” >
Hello Annette, do you mean so they have no interest in you so they never approach you or do you mean they have zero further interest in you? Assuming it is the latter it is all about not giving us fuel. Stop that and after a while we will go elsewhere (although dependent on the type of narc we are we will try and squeeze that fuel out of you). Stop supplying fuel and we will look elsewhere. Have a read of Fuel and Escape which expand on this.
This is definitely my ex. He made it seems like I made the mistake. I observed his actions and realized he wasn’t “normal”. I’m glad I left. I think that hurt his ego more.
Your departure certainly would hurt.