Ticking Over
A few days ago I was recounting my consultation with Dr E. He and I were discussing whether I could be sustained from the provision of solely positive fuel from just one source, namely an intimate partner. I pointed out that this could not work, leaving aside how practical this really was, because the source always goes stale and I am forced to look upon the greener grass around me. The consultation continued.
“So you think that your intimate partner will always let you down because the fuel they will supply drops off in terms of quantity and quality?”
“I don’t think it, I know it. It always happens.”
“Understood. Why do you think this happens?”
“Because they let it happen.”
“Do they let it happen or is it not the natural consequence of being with someone for a longer period of time.”
“Familiarity breeds contempt?”
“Perhaps at the very least it might be less dazzling and less exciting.”
“Well yes, that is what happens.”
“Indeed and if this keeps happening could it not be the fact that this is normal, this is what happens when you get to know somebody for a period of time. The honeymoon period when everything is fresh, new and exciting ends and matters become more deep-seated and solid. The razzle dazzle gives way to something more substantial and long lasting.”
“If that is the case then that is no good for me doctor.”
“Because it makes you feel weakened?”
“Yes. I need my fuel to be potent and fulsome. I understand what you are saying that it might be just the way a relationship goes but I don’t buy that. They do it on purpose. They have got what they want from me and believe me do I go overboard in making them happy and then once they are embedded they start to turn off the taps. I don’t know why, what on earth have I done to them to deserve this? They start it so I have to fight back and that means I have to punish and hurt them to get the new invigorating negative fuel.”
“I understand. Tell me, when you have a new car does it not become familiar over time. Does it feel less exciting to drive it?”
“Yes I agree with that.”
“So what do you do about that situation then?”
“Buy a new car.”
“Okay. What about your house then. How long have you lived there?”
“Which one, I have two.”
“The one here in this city.”
“Five years.”
“Does it feel new and exciting?”
“It’s a house doctor, houses aren’t exciting. Am I bored of it? If you are asking that then no, I am not.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, I like it. I like where I live and I like the house.”
“Okay why did you move house from your last property?”
“I wanted a larger one.”
“Why when you live alone?”
“I wanted to impress people with it.”
“Very well and are they impressed?”
“Of course they are,” I smiled.
“My point is this; whenever we get used to something over a period of time the heightened interest and excitement we had fades.It is a natural consequence of the effluxion of time. It always happens. It happens with everything and especially with relationships.”
“Well, I still think they do it on purpose but I am a reasonable man, so let’s say you are correct about this doctor and this is just the way it goes, it still is of no use to me. This is what you don’t seem to understand. Whether they turn off the taps or whether it just happens because that is what happens, that is no good to me. I cannot survive if the fuel is lessened in strength and quantity. I need the fresh, edifying fuel and that means change has to be effected. Change in supplier and change in the method of delivery. That is why I cannot be with one person forever, it just will not work. It may work for you but not for me because I am different. I am special.”
Dr E continued to write. I wonder if he is starting to understand what it is like now. They try and enforce their world onto me but they cannot. That will not work. They need to understand my world because that is where I reside. You need to as well.
15 thoughts on “Ticking Over”
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I can not believe how they refuse to entertain your worldview. You are giving them gold, truly impressive stuff for shrink times. This is so wasteful of them.
You are so interesting but I fully understand it noe. But assuming someone would constantly provide You with this fuel, will You stay as You were in a golden period? x
If they could do this then that is what we hope for.
What if someone could lift you up, opposed to letting you down. That they keep you exalted. Would you still require change due to constraints of boredom.
Let’s see shall we?
Now that is a positive and willing attitude
I just found your blog. It’s interesting. Are you really a narcissist, or a non-narc using a fictional narc POV to educate others? If you are a narcissist, what a scary, bleak world you live in.
I believe you that its impossible to change in that way, but I still believe that changing your way of communication when you dont feel at ease can make all more sustainable👍🏻😃 and mantain better interpersonal relations.
I believe we your minor supply benefit from your other supply. It just dawned on me reading this. I feel like an accomplice. I am not in any way generalizing this to others. Just my codependent idea.
I don’t think you are looking for happiness. You seem to want strength and power. Thank you in any event your insights are always enlightening to me.
You are welcome DD
Don’t you believe it is possible for people to change? And sometimes desirable, too, if the outcome is that they themselves have happier lives, a peace inside their soul… (and that the people in their lives are happier too). A well-meaning question. Cheers and take care.😊
Only the weak need to adapt, the strong do as they please.
Oh, I see.. Having read your blog for a while now, I am not too surprised by your answer… We will just have to agree to disagree on this one… 🙂 Cheers.
I’m not so convinced that “your world” is a happy place. I don’t feel that you exude a joyful tone. It’s a comfortable place, I’m sure. I know that you can keep it. I want no part of it. But I do like you…..
Indeed it is very frustrating for us to understand your world. Things that seem so logical and matter of course to us are not your ‘norm’ and no matter how we try to explain that things in our world are ‘this way’ and are for most people, it is not your way. We can argue until we’re blue in the face about why things are ‘this way’ for most normal people, but it’s an exercise in futility to argue why an N should follow this pattern. They’ve already established that their pattern is completely different and they have no interest in changing what they’ve decided works for them.