Be My Valentine
Valentine’s Day. Another artifice which amounts to another day that falls prey to our manipulative wiles based on your expectations. Those expectations raised by a society that expects conformity to these commercial festivals yet does nothing when those same festivals contribute to your pain and misery. Much like Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day and so on, society has deigned for you to behave in a certain way and for you to expect certain behaviours on those particular days. Who are we to disappoint when such a gift horse is dropped into our lap?
Should you be fortunate enough to be firmly ensconced in the seductive golden period when Valentine’s Day arrives then you can expect a day beyond all days. In keeping with our penchant for the grand gesture a large bouquet of beautiful white roses will arrive. Preferably the day falls on a week day so that the arrival of this extravagant display of flora will be at your place of work. Let the world of your office see how marvellous I am to you. Let them gather around you and coo and bleat about what a massive bouquet that is and he must really love you. The flora bomb is merely the start. More gifts will arrive during the day, from jewellery, to confectionary, through to sleek glossy technological items and clothing. All of it is done to draw a reaction of admiration and envy from those around you and to reinforce to you just how fortunate you are to be with me. Valentine’s Day merely provides me with a stage by which I am able to demonstrate how truly wonderful I am and how lucky you are to be with me. My façade of affection and love is reinforced by those observing these multiple gestures. I will take you away for the weekend and ensure that everyone knows what I am doing by insisting you tell all your friends and by repeated postings and photographs on social media. If a weekend away is not practical then it will be a favourite show of yours and dinner at a prestigious restaurant and again I will ensure that this news is broadcast far. Through out the day I will send you thoughtful and delightful messages, whispered voicemail messages and texts declaring my love for you. I shall borrow repeatedly of the choicest phrases from the romantic masters as I maintain this maelstrom of desire on this most special day. My efforts will dwarf yours but that does not matter because today is all about you (so it becomes all about me) and the admiring and loving fuel you yield is delicious and edifying. I will have swept you off your feet during my seduction of you but Valentine’s Day enables me to open up a complete new front of romance, love and seduction.
You should only ever expect one wonderful Valentine’s Day with me and in some instances, dependent on when our relationship has stared, you may not even get that. You can of course be assured to receive at least one day of misery when this supposedly special day becomes just another tool by which I will devalue you. You of course will comply with the obligation to be romantic and do your best to fuss over me, handing me a carefully chosen gift and card which I will barely look at at best and will criticise as being wrong and not something I wanted at worst. Your heightened expectations will be the catalyst for me rolling our malice and disappointment throughout the day. You expect a card. No card will be provided. You will look hopefully each time someone comes to the door hoping it to be a delivery from the florist only for you to feel crestfallen as nobody appears. I may even arrange for a lieutenant to appear with a bouquet in his hands only to have got the wrong house and ask for someone else when you answer the door. The brave face you attempt to maintain despite your obvious misery is a joy to behold. Society has caused you to believe that you should receive special treatment today and of course you will, but not of the variety that you will expect. Do not blame me. Blame yourself and society for causing you to think that on this random day you should be loved, venerated and idealised. I know you expect me to comply with these pre-conceived notions and towards the end of the day, after the lack of gifts, the absence of doing anything special and the third argument of the day, your sobbing in the bedroom provides me with the fuel that I always know I can obtain on this day. I know there are some cynics who do not hold with Valentine’s Day. Like many festivals, they baulk at the crass commercialisation that has taken a grip on what is meant to be a day of romance and love. I am a big believer in Valentine’s Day and U do so from the stance of a traditionalist. Early Christian martyrs in Rome were often called Valentine and thus the day became synonymous with the concept of sacrifice and martyrdom. I am a firm advocate of continuing that tradition as you martyr yourself at the altar of me. Happy Valentine’s Day!
23 thoughts on “Be My Valentine”
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When I was a teenager, I dated a boy who, on Valentine’s Day, borrowed the money from his ex-girlfriend to buy me a present !
Triangulation at its finest haha
Ah yes, I would say sorry for doing that, but as you know, I don’t mean it.
Excellent example that Alexis, succinct and demonstrative.
,Hello Everybody
♫ !Happy Valentine’s Day
.May you all accept the love you think you deserve
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😍🎈💖🎁🌹
Bravo, that’s rather good.
You are so skilled! <3
I hate Valentines Day the most. Always have…
I read this like 4 times. I think its worth sharing… Not because today is valentines but for all of us who spend weekends in solitude or ” special” days like this one. ❤️
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/02/what-i-learned-from-not-being-loved-back/
Unrequited or star crossed love, Narcisisitic “love” is far beyond that point. I still believe in soul mates and destiny …to be with someone who is of yourself. I did enjoy the writing style And the sentiment of trying to find positives through all the mental torture. Looking On the bright side deflects some of the anguish intended to harm us.
Thank you for posting this Nikita.
Hi Karaa. Glad you liked it. Every N is different and every relationship with them also different. As I broke mine in the golden period I was not subject to devaluation and other cruelties which are so obvious but now that I have had time to read alot I saw things in my relationship that I never saw before and therefor the article applies although I agree with you. A relationship with an N is more than that.
I saw now after the breakup and tons of reading how perfectly coverted mine was. by reading HGs tool kit I saw he was very strong in manipulation using mainly one of the tools listed there, the most coverted one.
And the day I stopped providing the quality fuel he was used to receive from me. He used a sentence to devalue me where he knew it would hurt the most, what he had been doing all along.. ” I dont know if I am that much in love with you” this sentece opened the door to breaking up with him.
So today I realize that it was a totally coverted push any pull Coming close and going away… Everything perfect and then instead of not calling which would have been very obvious he would tell me things like ” lets not speak tonight because i want to be on my own. we spend alot of time together” and then hours after it he would just write and write.. and then suddenly stop and the next day the most beautiful messages.
I realized this cycle only after breaking up … And I still have to read manipulated… I think when I read it I will regret not having read it before.
I am pleased you left him early on, yes, I think, I may be wrong but it seems that when they know we feel deeply for them, to deflect back to us that we made them fall out of love with us, or they do to love as as we wish them to, or I never really loved you, will wound us deeply as well. Mind you in those statements they are being factual, as they never did love us as we did them or at all, other then what we provided their ego.
Mine used, silent treatment far too much and blame. He was gone so much I thought I was with someone In the military again, plus with the covert operations 😉
Have you kept his messages or have you destroyed letters, emails, texts and phone messages? To be honest, I have kept most of them. Especially the blaming and nasty ones to serve as reminders of what he really is like. I am sure all of mine have long been discarded.
Perhaps you needed to read books, in the order you have to understand best for your self xx
Well stated Crystal, I had never liked Valentines day, he was the only man who actually made it special the whole time we were together. I enjoyed doing things for him, whether he enjoyed it or not, he did things for me.
I am sorry about your aunty, but happy you can find celebration elsewhere. That speaks to your fortitude.
I celebrate Valentine’s for my daughter, she is still young enough to still have exuberance in such times.
Some times we see what we want to see In People, what we need to see at times. Love is some times only surface deep, easily brushed away.
Heart breaking (esp if you ever experienced the fairy tale valentine’s day), but I guess not especially unlike any other special occasion, especially with a long term narc. I never expected it though as I had never seen this growing up with others. It’s long been a day I won’t bother with my partner; despite their many varied efforts over the years (that ship has sailed due to other destroyed events/memories).
I lost my dearest aunty on this day. She was married to an alcoholic narc, but strangely had a few years of absolute marital heaven (as he had not yet been introduced to alcohol) until he drank daily for the next 40 odd years and transformed completely. I choose to celebrate it yearly with my girlfriends, sisters and mum. Despite my partners efforts…i will not let him ruin what has become a day to cherish her memory. I think it’s “her” that’s given me the strength to choose guaranteed love and sisterhood that day each year. The consequences are irrelevant to me. It’s always such a day of joy for me and a day I turn my phone off so I am not disturbed. I am never home before 3am on valentine’s. Has never made for a happy household, but such is life.
I’m sure this article will help many new to a world with your kind. For others perhaps simply resonation/validation. All of which bring understanding.
Agree karaa34. Im also full into it . Self love ❤️.
Very nice poem!
Thank you Nikita x I am pleased that you do not lose your love of self through all theses struggles.
His poems are still as lovely to me as they were three years ago. He wrote them consistently and long past the love bombing phase. The last one was just less then two months ago.
My poems got increasingly darker through time, especially in the past year. Writing is a wonderful forum to exact ones feelings in a safe and Unharmful manner. Or if a N, otherwise 😏
He only posted his poems though, none of mine. Mine are still awaiting moderation 😊
For some reason part of the first pome deleted. This is it in its entirety..I wanted to included this poem as it was written to match his first poem to me, relating relationship and season.
For a N, what do these words say to you, HG? Addiction, desperation or genuine affection?
I agree his …words were weapons wielded wisely.
The Seasons unto Love
I dreamed a dream of you
through a face obscured.
Yet, I could feel and knew
That it could only be that of yours.
Though you vanished without a trace
One day the dream would be true.
In dreams of cold cruel winter
Proof how life slowly cracks and fades
Yet, brings me back to center
I am buried where you are laid
A new life to enter.
I dreamed a dream of you
Alone you sit upon the furthest shore
Yet, the fact of you is true.
Awakening to life once more
As I drift toward what is new.
Rebirth comes full in Spring
A time of abundant elusive joy
Yet, dreamers full hearts will sing
Of simple kisses and looks so coy
Lovers voices will revel and ring.
I dreamed a dream of you
All roads eventually will end
Yet, turns along the path renew
The dream is mapped and bends
Love’s journey from old to new.
Passion full in Summer’s sun
The lovers hand in hand
The heat and lather will run
Mixed together, woman and man
Hot is such a fire when passion does come.
I dreamed another dream of you
I pray this time the dream comes true.
My mind is a whirl today, Cupids aim has gone astray.
Since it is Valentine’s Day, I wish to reminisce, is that not what all N’s desire, that the songs the poems, the words resonate loudly past any time spent together. For me it is more an appreciation of all things beautiful. I can still see the beauty in his words, the falseness does not negate the effort.
I presented you with a poem of love he wrote me, well two poems.
Now, in Contrast two poems I wrote for him. It is easy to see a change had occurred. Life is cyclical, a change has occurred again.
Thank you HG for showing me through your words and work that only one of us has the capability of change.
Thank you as well for allowing me to Express my thoughts and emotions.
As in film…La fin.
The Seasons unto Love
I dreamed a dream of you
through a face obscured.
Yet, I could feel and knew
That it could only be that of yours.
Though you vanished without a trace
One day the dream would be true.
In dreams of cold cruel winter
Proof how life slowly cracks and fades
Yet, brings me back to center
I am buried where you are laid
A new life to enter.
I dreamed a dream of you
Alone you sit upon the furthest shore
Yet, the fact of you is true.
Awakening to life once more
As I drift toward what is new.
Rebirth comes full in Spring
A time of abundant elusive joy
Yet, dreamers full hearts will sing
Of simple kisses and looks so coy
Lovers voices will revel and ring.
———————–
As I lay in constant dream,
awake.
I see all that those who claim love of me,
did willingly forsake.
Their words which they professed as true.
Their desires, I supposedly rekindled in them anew.
Of Visions and promises made untrue.
Lay me now to sleep,
To rest.
Not In Peace,
but in eternal duress.
From falseness given in guise of love
From hopes driven from hapless prophets devoid of trust.
Lay me on ground unturned.
Place down in such buried lessons,
Never to be learned.
Assailed by roses long in stem
Covered in petals,
wrought with tears of the emotionally overwhelmed.
Abscond the memories as simply blur
Glimpse,
if you may the crow that sits upon the towering stone above
That sits unquiet in caws of love.
He harks and beckons through the ground
An unbeating heart,
A heavy mound.
He sees that which none of you ever shall see
The lasting memory of a hope deceased.
This made me laugh. Freedom and her plastic rose 😂😂😂 and the happy valentines day of HG at the end of his post after such a horrific description of what valentines day could be 😂😂😂. Its a joke.
A valentines poem for my sweet ❤️
When I first saw you I swam into your blue bright bay
Your music sparkled in the sky hanging sweetly on the air
My heart was open and receptive
Yours was too
The music spread between us
I brought my songs to your bay
and our sweet harmonic notes intertwined
A complex pattern of natural joy and hope was set in motion
A dance that radiated promise and desire, kindness and a warming sweetly welcoming fire.
Like two inquisitive birds that have regarded each other from a distance, enjoying each others presence and movement and life
We moved closer
And every time we connected a little more,
our hearts opened a little more,
and we hurt a little more
became vulnerable a little more
and connected a little more.
There is no closeness without vulnerability
No openness without defence
No love without fear
But we scaled each inevitable wall with honesty and sacrifice
Moving on through the tangled feelings with purpose and grace
till we stood close to each other,
face to face.
Would anyone like to wrestle with those words and meaning.
Did I believe them when written in February 2013, whole heartedly. What of February 2016……now, merely letters, formed into words without meaning. All emotions are vacant and absent and banished.
Harsh are the echoes that ring silence through my mind.
But in fairness, I still love and appreciate every poem he wrote me when the sentiments were expressed.
He was always good with words.
happy Valentine’s Day HG and all readers…the greatest love, is self love ❤️
Attachment
Words are our weapons. You can use them to save.
Thank you HG. But, to save whom or what? I can use them for both. I more often choose them to save, then to slay.
To quote, Nazereth..
Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And mars, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain….
I was never showered with romantic gifts straight from the start. As soon as the first valentines day arrived I got ‘ I’m not entering into this commercial crap of money making, I should treat you like my special lady and shower you with love everyday not just one day depicted by others to conform to’
The year before he left for India he gave me a single red (plastic) Rose. He said I should give you a rose for every year we are together. I only got the one, but that should have been enough as that too was fake just like him.
A plastic rose eh? How loud were the klaxons and how large the red flags on that day?
Hi HG
Those klaxons were deadening and those flags were flying oh so very high they could touch the sky.
He also added the gem of the 1/2 dozen plastic roses he had in a cut glass vase had been his grandmothers and he wanted me to have them. BANG !!! Another shot.
However this is where I became suspicious and his going to India and the catalogue of events brought me to the point of questioning and me being discarded.
I’m sure you’ve had lots of cards today HG 😊