By the Fading Light
When we commence our devaluation of you it always comes out of nowhere. By now you should be acquainted with the fact that our modus operandi is that we strike from out of the blue. We arrive full of noise, colour and light although you never saw us coming. We turn on our manipulative abuse from out of nothing and then we open the door to the golden period seemingly at a moment’s notice. Our devaluation just appears and of course it has to be this way to keep you spinning around and unsettled. We unleash our array of dizzying and destructive words and actions in order to throw you from that pedestal and have you sprawling in the dirt. It is rare for our victims to submit immediately. It takes a period of time to get them where we want them and that does not cause us concern because plenty of fuel will be spilled towards us in the meanwhile. Initially you are bewildered, puzzled and confused. Yesterday we were so loving towards you and today so cold. It really is the archetypal Jekyll and Hyde behaviour. The shutters have been lowered, the drawbridge raised and the door slammed shut. It leaves you perplexed. You have a few days of asking us what is wrong, asking us to talk to you and explain, you rack your brains trying to work out was is going on. You may ask your friends and receive supportive yet ultimately unhelpful responses as they do not know either what you are dealing with. You move to try and resurrect the golden period. You make our favourite meals, suggest trips out, buy us gifts, lavish us with attention and offer your body as you dress up to entice us. This all worked before and as you sit frowning and worrying, you wonder who took away that person you loved and replaced him with this doppelganger. He looks the same but it is not him. You double your efforts to try to return to our golden period, you beg and plead, you ask and cajole but it seems as if we have been cast from stone. Your optimistic entreaties give way to anger and frustration as you demand that we tell you what has changed, you rant and shout as your capacity for understanding becomes overloaded. You feel at your wits’ end as your boil over with frustration. You begin to suggest there is something wrong with us and this ignites our fury. We may allow a short return to the golden period just to confuse you further and raise your hopes. Back and forth we will vacillate as we engage in this push and pull. Round and round we go, dragging you along as we take you back through puzzlement then to endeavour once again. Anger and frustration are familiar stops once again on this circular journey and you begin to feel dizzy. Confusion, charisma, consternation and anger. Each day brings a different emotion and all the while you are being ground down, drained and leeched from. This incessant dance we force you to endure seems never-ending even though the tempo and steps alter. All through this you are haemorrhaging emotion which we gladly drink as our fuel. It is all intentional. It is all deliberate. We will look into your eyes and see the confusion that reigns. Good. Time to make you work for the golden period again. We see that flicker of optimism and hope as you try to win us back, you try to bring us back from wherever it is we have gone. We never went anywhere of course. We have been in the same place all along, but you never noticed because of the illusion we created. Now we want to see your frustration. Now we want to see your anger. Push, pull, prod and twist. We stare into your eyes drinking deep of the emotion that we find there. Over and over we do this, making you run the gauntlet of differing emotions as you pour fuel in our direction We use your eyes as a gauge to see how our treatment is affecting you. There in your eyes we see the fuel. We keep watching until eventually, after everything you have endured we see the light in your eyes begin to fade. It is then we know that we are gods.
16 thoughts on “By the Fading Light”
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I don’t want any of that…devaluation. ..
Stick to maintaining your limits T. Love is a two way street, and with a N, it can only ever be a dead end. Be grateful as I am to have found out.
Heed HGs advice through this blog and his books, it empowered me to ensure My N is gone for good.
Stick a fork in me….I’m so done with all of these childish games….
Before I knew all of it was fake…we had a perfect relationship…he ruined it ALL! Can’t he see all that he lost? An awesome girlfriend that loved him to pieces and had his back?! He’d rather downgrade and burn bridges…*shm*. I just don’t understand…and I am done trying to understand…Love is stronger than pride–BUT THERE IS A LIMIT!
While enduring a two week abusive silent treatment, I have observed my Narc reconnected with someone from 3 years ago (during the golden period of my meeting him). I always guessed they had some kind of unpleasant ending as she abruptly stopped commenting on his social media and unfriended him. At the time I kept her on my radar since he never made it exclusive with me at that time. 3 years though! I’m dealing with a pretty big medical issue and reached out to him. Absolutely no response. I am clearly being devalued and he is clearly hoovering someone from his past at the onset of ours. I continue to be in shock and awe how his actions jump right out of your words in your blogs, literally from a playbook.
Is he expecting me to beg to hear from him at this point? He knows if a major medical scare fell upon him, I’d be there in a heartbeat. Empaths Rule! Narcs Drool!
My fury is rising full throttle at him. But I will refrain. If / when the time comes and he reaches out, I will unleash in the one way that I know scares him that his precious mask can get ripped apart professionally to his colleagues.
It’s as if this blog today was a personal shout-out to me. Thanks H.G.! Happy V-Day!
Yes, this sounds all too familiar.
HG You write everything the way I experienced it & yet I still find it so difficult to believe that some people can be so calculating & cruel . The light faded from my eyes maybe he could see it , but it didn’t stop him trying to control me months after I cut his supply . He didn’t see the sparkle in them then when I knew I was god & he was dust .
😭 this is so cruel. Im still not able to grip who somebody that can show so much love can Construct such hell around somebody else😓😢. Its true.. This can totally diminish somebody to give up and feel like nothing. Thanks . Excellent post.
So much to say. Simply exhausted just thinking about it.
All truly pointless (on our part of course). Other than to learn self love and worth quickly! And more importantly to enforce it by fleeing forever….
He never got to look into my eyes, he was too far away.
I got the drama of him saying please just let me go. Lets please try and be friends.
I think lets not !
No fading light, but full blown deepest night. Blooming bruises inducing slow movement today and a very weary week ahead. Living with an N-child is a scary, twisted and sometimes a physically dangerous road. Sometimes it takes the law to put a barrier in place when things go beyond manipulation and devaluation.
Yes
Hells Gate Untutored
I like that Flower and Rock
Hey, HG, this is an exact description and one that I recognize word for word from my own life… unfortunately. Congrats on writing it so well! 🙂 The question I have for you is: What about the narcissists who are unaware of what they are? My narcissist was unaware of it, until I told him what he is… then he agreed (at least twice), that perhaps he indeed is a narcissist. But he does not seem interested in finding out what it means, etc. Whereas you have full insight into how it all works…
I just find it strange I guess, that a person wouldn’t want to know “who they are”. Life seems easier if you know who you are, and how you function, etc. Do you think this is because he may not be in the higher end of intelligence? Oh, by the way, I received another hoover, and I haven’t replied! And also, I have fortified my defense by installing 2 mobile phone apps that blocks calls and texts from the narc… I have to thank you a little bit, for reminding me with these posts, of what he truly is. Take care! 🙂
I do think it is linked to intellect. I am an intelligent man and with that comes a greater awareness. Glad you are using the posts to look to your defences, you can never let them down.
Two in one day, oh the generosity of it…merci pour tant de sagesse, bénédictions.
Hmmm, burn the witch and suffer her curse.
What if it isn’t the golden period we seek, what if it is something else. Is there nothing attainable…when fuel has become unattractive to you. When taking excludes giving.