Muddy Hell
I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.
The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.
“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help her deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”
I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.
“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are already married? I thought you were. Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”
Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.
The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.
85 thoughts on “Muddy Hell”
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funny story. You have made me laugh babe
Indeed it is…
Until next time HG
Having no concern for others. It must be such a pure feeling. No complications. No pain.
But then I remember that you became the person you are today through your own private hell.
HG…your responses to us show us one side of you, appearing thoughtful, kind, giving…your descriptions of your malevolent narcassitic behaviour is so contrasting.
But I can’t help wondering…do you play your games with us? I read your reponses and sometimes think you are playing…Trianglating for instance…or dishing out a bit of the silent treatment…you must do…your kind never stop…do you?
Yes you are right it is a pure form of existence, always moving forward and unhindered.
You know what I am. I make no pretence of that. You will take from my writings and our engagement (and those of other posters) many things, enlightenment, stimulation, amusement, horror, disgust, insight, clarification and understanding amongst so much else. You will also form your own judgements of what I am. That is entirely a matter for you.
😏
Karaa I also give HG Early 50’s 😃
Wow!
Have you seriously…do you seriously do this?
Just…wow!
Hello Castiel, indeed I have done and indeed I do.
But surely this smearing and lying expends just too much energy? …and are you not concered that someone will see you for what you are doing and who you are? Is this just too risky?
No. Remember many of these people are already held in my thrall through my careful maintenance of the façade. Most people believe what they are told at face value. How many people listen to what someone says and thinks, “He is a narcissist, he is lying?” Next to none unless they happened to have been burned by one of our kind before and we usually sniff those people out for our own purposes. The risk is low.
Thanks MLA, I was thinking that age range up to 50…my last N was 46….I like older men. Mind you he seemed younger at times with his quirky humour and silly and playful ways.I like to recall the good in him. As he did have so much of it, real or not. Not like the others, he was the most best to me. Thusly, I loved him the most.
Academy award wining performances I’m sure.
Seen it done.
Understand your reasoning H G. Makes perfect sense to control as many aspects of your world as you can. The puppet master must maintain his control. Anything less is unfathomable.
I’m tired of witnessing so many of your kind. Granted. I’ll give you credit where it’s due. You achieve what you set out to. Such is your design.
I’m not sure I ever like that your writings resonate as truth within me so often. I can see both sides easily from a distance…it’s my inability at times to be a detached observer that fails to alert my “spidey senses”
Appreciate the reminder, as always H G.
You are welcome.
Well stated as always Crystal ❤️
Yes, Can’t Help Falling in love, is beautiful. Yet, also, my curse.
Oh, HG..I am rather insulted by that comparison, lyrically. Number one you clearly stated you do not like animals. What am I to think now?
“You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog
cryin’ all the time.
You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog
cryin’ all the time.
Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit
and you ain’t no friend of mine.
When they said you was high classed,
well, that was just a lie.
When they said you was high classed,
well, that was just a lie.
You ain’t never caught a rabbit
and you ain’t no friend of mine.” Hound Dog, Elvis Presley
Leiber and Stoller wrote the song and it was first a hit with Big Mama Thornton although of course most people associate it with Elvis it is not his song.
Btw way how old are you HG ?
Old enough to enjoy my vices, young enough to keep doing them.
Touché …so mote it be 😏
Karaa34 – I’m guessing H.G. is an 80’s child with some of the pop culture references he seems very well versed in and has used in his blogs (especially Depeche Mode). Plus the number of relationships he has written about that we know of (not counting ones we haven’t heard yet) those all take time to culminate. I say H.G. is prime middle aged 43-46-ish!
I spy an “ish” so you are not entirely sure are you? Anyway, I cannot stay I have to tidy the Anderson shelter, open up some spam and deal with the hordes of bobby soxers who keep turning up at my door.
Nice cover. 44-46. No “ish”!
She is feeling confident I see !
And like a bee to honey you hover!!
Hoover fuel is tastier that the sweetest honey, my dear Clarece.
Sigh****
You don’t like to be corrected do you? Go on, admit it, you are one of us.
I need to turn my alerts off now…..the sigh was a form of appreciation and adoration for your musical knowledge btw……I like being corrected, it helps me…I am not one of YOU..you should know better, I am far too emotional. So, off I go to cry upon that comment 😢
I do appreciate your reliability Kara. You get me. You are the only one.
Shall I aim between the eyes or the heart, your choice 😉
I do get you……do you get me though ? That is the question of the day, among a hundred others…happy writing HG.
I have no need to.
I will forge that into my mind HG for future references, that you deem me unworthy of knowing…..much thanks in that comment.
This one too, sums up love for me, in a most beautiful way. Sorry HG, I know this one will make you cringe.
http://youtu.be/awctdTtAVWg
I much prefer the King of Rock and Roll. Any song which rhymes “hot dog” with “jumping frog” gets my vote.
The music historian in you is most charming. Yes, Elvis is most notably associated with the song. which I despise btw.
My second favorite Elvis song ….and with Ns in all our lives , why wouldn’t we have this 😏
http://youtu.be/hdmIhCkp3p4
By the way HG. excellent writting as every day and everytime. Before going to bed I want to tell you.
Im looking forward for your post of tomorrow and the comments of the readers.
My evening plan of lying besides my kids and read your interesting blog is for me a very nice evening plan. 💋💋. Sleep well.
Very well explained HG!!! New theory.
I had smear campaign from same N#2 from whom I also had lovebombing.
He did not need to take any phones because since we both worked at the same place our friends were from there. So he had it in golden tray.
After I broke up from him. He did loose at least 10 kilos to get a skeletical look, got dark circled around his eyes and made a suffering face the whole day. I dont know what he did tell around because the people never told me. He was very careful not to say anything to my super close friends and supporters, but as he had introduced me to all his friends-mainly men-so afterwards in the beggining they were on his side.
So I never knew exactly what he told but I received comments like
What did you do to him?? He looks terrible.
Dont you see how he suffers? Doesnt it hurt you?
Ohhh poor him, he must have loved you alot to be so devastated….
… By the way I hope everybody read the previous posts and the story behind this smear campaing….
As he was the head of a group which grew in number shortly after the breakup. I could feel the eyes following me in the cafeteria, of the new women he had hired.
Not happy with what he did at work, he profited that my family ( cousins, aunts, mom, uncles) adored him and considered him my salvation to tell ( here I got to know what he said), them that he had only tried to make me a more serious person, more disciplined, become more feet to the ground but that I had no interest in that. That I had taken it like if he wanted to control me and become rebellious, but that I was all wrong in my interpretation. He never tried to control me. On the contrary he had offered me to live together so that I did not have to work so much and could reduce to a part time job and have more time for me and my daughter, but that I had all refused, and had left him broken hearted. All what he had done. He made videos of us in youtube with music from james blunt full of hearts and messages and sent this to everybody telling them this was the way to let go of his pain. 💔💔💔💔
And my family believed him. Except my dad of course ❤️. My aunts and my mother mainly who he had put this googles on to see him perfect were the ones who believed him and agreed with thim and called me to give me hours of lecture on how did I let go such a great man. They were totally blinded.
This went on for two years until he establisehed with the great wife he has today…
HG its a horrible and cruel way to gain fuel. 😩😣
This happened to me w N2. I really think he was a sociopath….we had mutual friends…and behind my back he smeared my character, mental stability, and my honesty. What really hurt is that my “friends” believed him…they thought I was a spurned lover that went off her rocker a bit… He and I had been friends for 15 years before we dated…I can’t explain the feeling of betrayal….soul crushing….
SOON AFTER THAT–he trashed another friend in our group. He betrayed and lied on her in the worst way(she and him had been great friends for YEARS! She refuses to forgive him for that to this day…it’s been about 8 years now…)….all of my friends REALIZED then I wasn’t the problem.
HG, why not just leave when you are done with a woman? How does smearing a woman that loves you benefit anyone? Her friends will worry about her, her employer won’t trust her work, and she will never forget this type of betrayal….is all this worth the small amount of fuel you’ll get from it?
Small amount of fuel? Not so. The smear campaign yields fuel in the following ways :-
1.Your reaction to be treating in this manner – upset, fear, anger and frustration to name a few;
2. The fuel from third parties as they agree with us, comment favourably about how hard it must be in dealing with a fruitcake like you;
3. Fuel from our new prospect as they admire how we have dealt with you the crazy ex
4. The prospective fuel when we Hoover you at a later juncture after smearing you into a discard.
1.BUT-these are lies…none of it’s true.
2. Involving an employer could jeopardize a person’s livelihood….and possibly leave them unemployed with a bad reference.
3. Friends and family would be sick with worry about this person.
4. There was no chance in Hell I gave that guy another chance! He Hoovered me 5 times since then…..I won’t block him (I like ignoring him/turning him down)
Seem’s to me the bad outweighs the good for your kind. You could have lots of positive “fuel” from this person for many years…AND secure a successful Hoover later on if you just exit her life leaving her with her dignity and self respect.
I don’t understand either T, I can see if a woman has created a situation where the N feels cornered into retaliation.. Then he responds with this tactic, perhaps. But, I did nothing to my ex N, but stop him from assaulting me and ensuring he couldn’t harm me or my child again. If he hadn’t attempted to harm to me, I would have just had him leave. But that was never his agenda, I got in the way of his agenda. I had to be taught a lesson of humiliation. This man only thrived on negative fuel. The cruelty of others, confounds me at the best of times😢
The abuser, mud slinger Persay, commonly attempts to isolate their victim from family, friends and social networks to encourage the victim on becoming dependent on them, the controlling partner. The abuser presents themselves as loving and dutiful in reassuring the victims circles that she is emotionally or physically unwell and unable to communicate with them for period of time.
The abuser does not make his victim aware of such tactics, so she the feels withdrawn from family and friends, as they are no longer contacting her. Causing her to feel judged, unsupported and misunderstood. And all the more connected to her abuser, who seems to be the only one who cares or understands her.
While reinstating that her family and friends, must not care about her, otherwise they would attempt to cal or visit her. If someone from her circle defies the abuser and attempts to make contact, the abuser then employs the tactic of infusing jealousy or petty rivalries to separate and conquer his victim and potential ally. Such as, you know she always liked me, flirted with me, why she even called me last week to go for coffee, knowing you were so ill, what kind of friend is that? The abuser employs doubt to his reasoning to make his susceptible victim distrust those closest to her. All the while, she continues to be grateful to him for his continued love and support.
The mud slinging and character assassination of the victim, is to further Enslave her under the abusers control. So she will continue to be manipulated by him and see him as her saviour.
Even, if at some point communication is breached through the abusers controlled barriers, the victim will be so endocrinated she will fail to see the truth and logic. Instead she will defend the abuser as looking out for her, loving her and tout him as the only one not to abandon her. Thusly bonded her even more to him. Making the truth and escape more impenetrable. If she tries to question his motives, he will simply call into question her emotional state, inability to reason and her paranoia. Which serves to push her further into anxiousness, self doubt and depression. The inability to know the truth pushes the victim into a confused state akin to being bonded by chains.
!!
A quasi inadvertent slip of the keyboard and such 😏
Karaa would you try it out with HG to see if he can be the exception of a thrilling and enjoyable story with a MN?
Me….I am not his type…..I am too emotional. My first N was malignant from all accounts. I got rid of him swiftly, well after he tried to death discard me and failed😏
This is the behavior that disturbs me the most about NPD and APD individuals. I can rationalize participating in this behavior to exact revenge on someone who has wronged you in some terrible way, but to do it for the mere goal of extracting fuel is beyond me. Luckily, I’ve never been the victim of a smear campaign but it does make me imagine how I would handle my tormentor in this situation…
Share your imagination NotQuite, how do you think you would react to such a scenario?
Well, I would like to believe that I would be one step ahead in the smear campaign. My closest friends are usually up to speed on the drama my N puts me through, as I like to complain and pretend that I don’t get any enjoyment from the merry go round. In the example you write, it wouldn’t be very believable in my case since I’m more on the stoic side and don’t care much for histrionics. I can usually identify N’s within our first conversation so I make it a point not to share any potentially damaging information about myself with them. Other than the activities we engage in with one another, there wouldn’t be much they could use against me unless of course they make up lies. Lies can usually be disproven and since I typically don’t care what people think of or about me I can easily brush off such nonsense with little to no further thought. After discovering said smear campaign, I would no doubt confront my N with a poker face and tell him nice try and game on. Since all of the N’s I’ve tangled with have little qualms about divulging intimate, sometimes embarrassing tid bits to me, I would have no choice but to betray their trust. Of course this would then cause my N to fly into a rage and since this would take place over the phone I would then hang up on him and not reply to his incessant texts for a few days. I would then send him a text asking him what’s up and ignoring any of the drama that is now in the past and should not be brought up again. It is important to remember that I would never have a N as my primary partner, I find the dance much too exhausting. As a secondary, part time partner he provides me with the right amount of excitement and sexual intoxication so it’s beneficial for me to preserve the relationship. I make sure I don’t catch feelings for the mirage he presents himself as, so I don’t consider myself a victim or target even though I do realize I’m a source of fuel. The psychology behind the game I choose to engage in is entertaining and fascinating to me. Now if I ever got entangled with a malign individual it may be an all together different experience, one I would assume would not be nearly as enjoyable.
Thanks Not Quite, that was interesting. Go on, give a MN a go, you are bound to like it!
Ahhh . The smear campaign . Ex narc did quite a spectacular job with his ts Face book friends, they all believe I REALLY am mad as a box of frogs!! He threw in a bit of triangulation with one of his minions for added effect & the word spread as fast as her internet speed would allow it to .
Did the same with the police . I’d call them after he’d hurt me, open the door an hysterical mess & Mr Charming would be sitting there as cool , calm & collected as you like .” What can I do to help you officer ? ” , she’s had too much to drink but I’m happy to leave if that’s what she wants . And he did , the police often saving him the cost of a taxi fare by dropping him off at home .
I know this is a tried & tested method . Narcs have to discredit their victims in order to retain their nice shiny Mr nice guy image , but to this day I can’t believe that ex narc was that devious . It was like being attacked form every direction . The I dotted & theT crossed, psychological warfare on massive scale & everyone believed him including his new target .
He’s continued his campaign all over the internet , including forums where i used to post stalking & harassing me . It seems HG that your sort really don’t have boundaries because it only ever is all about you, and yet you destroy every good person that comes in your direction . I can’t understand the logic behind that . One day I might .
Thanks for sharing. There is no logic when looked at through your world view but if you assess it from our stand point it makes perfect sense.
My pleasure HG . Cathartic as I mentioned .
It all just seems so cold & calculated because the narc carries on as ” normal ” When I say normal I mean it in the sense of throwing a line to the victim then back to the abuse. At the same time love bombing the new target. The extremes in behavior are just polar opposites.
HG thinking back before you first used the smear campaign what made you think of using using mental illness ? did you read it somewhere ? I ask because it’s such a common tactic narcs deploy .. You can’t all think the same or can you ? Nothing would surprise me .
You do not look at the world in the way we do, you do not look at the word in the way you should and you do not do as we want. There must be something wrong with your mind if this is the case. Hence we readily suggest that your mental faculties are impaired or your personality is flawed in some way. Of course there may just be some projection going on there too…..
Omg yes, So Sad, cruel and sick disturbing and sociopathic behaviour. If one was unaware of the ramifications of their behaviour they would not be able to turn off said behaviour at opportunity or appropriate to them at times. Hence when he then calmed himself to appear unharmful and direct the police to your behaviour as the cause. In feigning to be the victim, he is believed. The drive home. I bet he lapped that up as a bonus. It is in their ability to know right from wrong and purposely choose wrong as most advantageous. Is the key difference to reasoning of behaviour. What an a hole…sorry for language……my ex calmed down to when police arrived to cuff hi and cart him away….he was still in his robe at time, asked me for his jacket, I refused and shut door. I saw him laughing on way to police car, I am sure he tried to spin it to his advantage but too much evidence to do that.
Thanks Karaa .
His method of avoiding responsibility for his actions became a fine art . He had the police and his family wrapped around his little finger . The times when I called his parents rather than get the authorities involved they’d come & get him & never ask how I was . Once again he would shift the blame & I’d be left to clean up the mess . They saw the damage & the bruises many times . On one occasion just before he left he whispered in my ear ” if you give me a cigarette I’ll tell you a secret ” I told him I wasn’t interested only to find out that while he’d been getting his things together he’d left a burning cigarette in my bed & another on the stairs covering my escape route . Thankfully I found them before a fire started . Another time he told his dad he wanted the PC he’d given to me many months before , so his dad dutifully disconnected it and loaded it into his car. It was always the same , any ” gifts” he’d given me, no matter how long ago were never really mine to keep . As far as he was concerned they were still his property and he could take them back or destroy them any time he liked . And he did.
So sad that’s awful what a complete b#%^*rd he was.
Big hugs x
He was utterly evil, I wonder why he gave you that hint, I suppose it also se diabolical pleasure for him. Mine said that, once I gave him something it was no longer mine and then it was his to do with as he pleased. Keep it, give it away or destroy it. I suppose that meant me as well. 😕
Karaa for you 😗😗
Thanks Freedom & Karaa .
Freedom yes he was a complete B^^st@rd but would always follow up with another hoover very soon after. At that point any defences i had left were completely shattered. We both knew it . No one including the police & his own family believed me despite witnessing first hand the damage & the bruises . Such is the power of a smear campaign. From experience & I imagine you both know this , the worst thing for a victim is not being believed, he successfully achieved it, relished it in fact . That’s why the violence escalated , he was or thought he was above the law .
Karaa i very munch doubt he would’ve told me about the cigarettes . I’d dented his ego , let his parents see the damage & I was being made to pay for it . I knew that the last place he wanted to go was prison but it never stopped him .
xx
❤️ So Sad, yes, especially when your own family and friends thought he was such a wonderful man. Luckily, I had some people who saw through his facade and believed me. It is just horrific the things he out you through, it quite incenses me. I go through life help get others, yet I get hurt, I see others facing hurt and those who manipulate free of consequence. As time goes by, inside me I feel a burning desire to right many wrongs, not so much for myself, but for others. Why must someone in pain from another have to beg to believed. This world is upside down.
Karaa Thank you for your kind words .
I’m glad you have some support . I know how much it means when you’re vulnerable .Narcs just see it as another tool to manipulate their victims with , as long as they achieve their goal they think they win . What narc didn’t realise though, is that he could break my things , hurt me over & over , emotionally control me , but as long as I was still breathing he could never completely destroy me.
On a positive note I’m happier than I’ve been for a long time . 🙂
Did I read that you’re just two months free Karaa ? x
Two and half months almost now…..thank you So Sad. I am glad you feel joy again, yes they can’t come,elated destroy us as much as they try…..we can come back with the will xxx
We don’t want to destroy. Almost but not quite. There is always more fuel to extract from you so we keep you at death’s door but don’t push you through it.
Mine wanted me pushed into the next life, I was just stronger then he anticipated, I am agood kicker 😏
Only eight weeks Karaa , that’s no time at all ! yet you seem so positive , that can only be a good thing as long as you can manage emotionally ? Are you managing & being supported ? ( you don’t have to answer)
I was told & still believe that ending a relationship with an N is the same as a bereavement & you have to grieve the end of it . I grieved for most of last year & lost over three stone in weight . I still can’t eat properly & cry often . Not because I miss him or ever want him back , but because of the injustice of it all . You see such was his manipulation that he even fooled the police when I reported him for the final time . He never went to court and I don’t have closure . It still hurts me to the core still .
HG this is the devastation narcs leave behind with smear campaigns . Don’t you feel anything ?
When I will be taken to task for saying this for him, but I miss him….and it is difficult to not contact him, my saving grace is that he is angry at me for shutting things down on him and in his anger he will not contact me. hG thinks he will Hoover, but I do not. Unless I contact him, he will wait long time to do so. I want closure to move on. To get over him fully. The first N was evil and I was glad he was fine and nevr once missed him, he hoovers for almost a year tormenting me, till finally nothing ever again. It does feel like bereavement xxx that’s it, they don’t feel anything for us, we are their means to an end, fuel only. I know I was more then just fuel, I just know it inside. Yiru ex was like my first one, justice needs to served on these types.
Karaa that’s it . Of course you miss him & I will never take anyone to task for that . 🙂
We invest so much time & love in the relationship that we don’t want it to fail . Unlike the Narc who just looks for more fuel & keeps pushing our boundaries for it .
karaa I know you wont contact him . As much as you might be tempted . I made soo many excuses to break NC over the years .
Stay strong xx
Thank you So Sad xxx yes, I know three years isn’t long time I scheme of many other relationships, but I genuinely loved and supported him.
so sad sorry to hear all what has happened to you. Cry all what you need but if you feel you are stuck in grief and not having good moments but only stuck in bad seek for spiritual help.
It took me two years to end my marriage after I realized it was hurting me. I cried for two years and then finally could let go.
So in all this I learned that its like mourning somebody who died and also that after some time you know you are in the right way when you also start having good moments where you feel good about yourself. Hope it helps. Hugs. xx
Thank you nikita.
No on can ever understand unless thieve been though it .
I know that I’m slowly killing myself drinking to mask the pain . xx
Hi So Sad
I was never exposed to the knowledge of what smear campaign he waged against me. My ex narc just cut me off completely and never communicated with me again other than a few messages in the beginning and then nothing. So whatever he’s said about me he’s ensured he has full control as everything had its compartment so nothing got in his way.
Hope you are ok and pushing ever forward and away from him.
Xx
OMG Karaa mine said the same 😱😱😱
Your kind HG make your lives so difficult . You miss out on so many wonderful things whilst your mind is pre occupied with deceit and lies. Sounds like so much effort when there is a far easier option. If only you’d heal your inner child. I’m going to do that but for other reason.
Really hope your calls are free HG I know how some of you hate to part with money 😆
The cost of the calls Freedom was miniscule compared to the fuel gained. Do you suggest that the far easier option is this healing of the inner child?
Yes HG 😊
“He who slings mud generally loses ground.”
“It is not enemies who taunt me —I could bear that; it is not adversaries who deal insolently with me —I could hide from them. But it is you, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend, with who I kept pleasant company; we walked in the house of God with the throng… My companion laid hands on a friend and violated a covenant with me. With speech smoother than butter, but with a heart set on war; with words that were softer than oil, but in fact were drawn swords. ” (Psalm 55:12-14; Psalm 55:20)
I experienced this type of behaviour at the hands and mind of an abuser, but facts collected over time showed him to be the one in the wrong, not the others. He too went through my cell phone for names and numbers, while I slept. Usually giving himself away from Jealousy, when he found male names. Thinking I was cheating, yet they were all my male colleagues , which I blankly stated, go ahead call each of them and ask them how they know. It will be you who looks the fool, not me. I knew I had nothing to hide or fear from his irrationalness.
This, here’s mud In your eye, post, really get down to the dirty deeds of an abuser. Well written, as always HG. Bravo.
Only mud all over that face? I think cow manure would be more aptly appropriate after reading this. No words!
That’s harsh MLA,I was only looking out for somebody in the way I know best, you know that.
If that is true you would be open to the good doctors assisting in behavior modification so to not pre-meditate a smear campaign to kick off a discard to someone who loves you. Oh yes, I know the negative fuel this kind of twisted manipulation must bring, but it’s the same pattern again and again….no wonder you start to see a very weary man 1st thing in the mirror each morning that you want to hide before your phone starts blowing up with the day’s chaos you will create.
Made me laugh MLA 😊
Glad to start your day with a chuckle!
Yes, it quickly turned sour after. But all good again…..such is life.