Will I Be Left Alone?
This is a frequent and plaintive cry from those who have been caught in my web. There are those that never realise what they have become involved in when they are targeted by my kind. They never leave and we never leave you alone. You are always there and available for us to extract some fuel from. We of course discard you but it is never a true parting of the ways. We only cast you aside in order to bring you back again. We do not really want to get rid of you. It is purely a device to ensure that we put you through the ringer again and extract some extra droplets of fuel from your battered and withered self. If you make no attempt to leave we will attach that metaphoric piece of elastic and bounce you back and forth. How long will that pushing and pulling go on for? Until you die. You will always serve some function to me. You will hang around and be used and abused until either you expire or I do and I never contemplate the latter for long.
What if you try to escape me? Well, the lesser narcissist also known as the oxymoronic benign narcissist will try to rope you back in but if you demonstrate sufficient resolve he or she will seek out a far easier target. The reality is there are so many people walking around oozing empathy, that they may as well have a target painted on their backs. We always find fresh fuel and without too much effort. Sometimes I do think that we attract you without having to anything. I know how we are able to sniff you lovely empaths out, but I have started to wonder whether the super empaths that exist have some function for finding us. Their desire to fix and repair enabling them to home in our broken and warped ways and inadvertently they are drawn into our sights. The lesser narcissist will try to hook you back in, but eventually he or she will leave you alone. It may take a few months but you can avoid their clutches. Beware however, should you fly too close in the future we will shoot out a tendril and ensnare you again. Do not make the mistake of thinking that we ever forget how useful you are to us. We do not forget and should you attend an event where we are or decide out of some misguided sympathy to send a text asking how we are, we will come straight back after you.
That is the approach of the lesser narcissist but what of my breed, the malign narcissist. Will we ever leave you alone?
Never.
96 thoughts on “Will I Be Left Alone?”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
I know how we are able to sniff you lovely empaths out, but I have started to wonder whether the super empaths that exist have some function for finding us.《hell yes!!! opposite attraction?》 Their desire to fix and repair 《I don’t and never did want to fix or repair anyone》 enabling them to home in our broken and warped ways and inadvertently they are drawn into our sights….
♥♥♥♥
Thank you, HG
You are welcome.
Dully noted
Videos?
Could you elaborate?
Sure HG. What are the videos you and Susan reference above, and are they publicly available still? I’m interested.
I follow. You can find them here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCge1h5fEmC4sU1fN6TgevIA
hahaha…You have a point. 15 yrs after divorce my father went straight to my mother as if nothing ever happened. I apologize for saying it in this way, and not to offend you at all but considering I have been around all 3 Higher, Mid, Lesser – one thing seems VERY universal – you have an odd concept of time.
I always called it ‘dog years’. My Father is a High Level. Ex Was mid or low although he hated me for all 6 yrs, so IDK maybe he is more Socio…..My therapist said hed come back and I didnt believe it as the discard was dreadful…but as you are textbook. he did
HOWEVER I THINK (LOL) this time…seriously…I will finally be left at peace. as a helpful FYI to you (why am I help you secure supply) it takes 60 days to ‘detox’ depending on the years, and level of torment and anxiety you cause your target.
30 days No contact is NOT ENOUGH mine always came in 30 bc his theory was that I didnt care for him, but only a warm body next to me (projection much?)
60 days is a great way to detox your brain chemistry back to normal
90 days you should physically be back to self
Mentally and emotionally is another story – but at least victims become at peace (especially if they find you they need you)
Love the videos. I hope you do more. Its been a while as I was ill this month, however Im going to Amazon to see if I find a gift of you in a new ebook lol
I love you. but then again dont we all? lol Ciao!
Hello Susan, thanks for your message and I am pleased you like the videos, there are more to come. I think you are right about the concept of time, when we return after many years we often treat as if it was only yesterday that we last interacted with you.
HG I love your honesty and I truly believe this is MOSTLY true. BUT unless you have called him out, there is a HUGE chance you will be left alone. He MAY stalk, watch, wonder….But I really believe if he KNOWS that YOU know about him….he will finally disappear..there is no more excitement…unless they rely on empathic forgiveness. However empaths also become enlightened once completely broken
Possibly Susan where a mid-range N is concerned, a lesser won’t accept that you can see through him and the greater will want to punish you. The lesser of course is more likely though to be distracted by new playthings and unless there is a shot at an open goal is less likely to bother with you in the future. Now, as for us greaters….
Reblogged this on Your Journey Begins Today and commented:
HG Tudor WILL save you…Please Understand you arent dealing with Speciall but EVIL
Thank you Susan, that is appreciated.
😂
I knew you were going to have a tantrum!
I can’t! It’s too funny
I have another question!
I watched a documentary on narcissism and there are apparently 9 questions that confirm if you’re a narc, if you answer yes to 5 or more.
Do know of these questions and are you 9/9?
I don’t know these questions D, although I have been subjected to an expanded version of them I suspect in my doctor dealings where I was asked fifty questions and I scored 48 out of 50 which confirmed the view of what I am. The questions were probably rigged however. What are the nine questions? I may answer them if you like.
The questions were rigged?
Don’t gimme joke 😂
48/50 though.. WELL!
1. Do people often fail to appreciate your very special talents or accomplishments?
2. Have people told you, you have too high an opinion of yourself?
3. Do you think a lot about the power, fame or recognition that will be yours some day?
4. When you have a problem do you almost always insist on seeing the top person?
5. Is it very important to you that people pay attention to you or admire you in some way?
6. Do you feel you deserve special treatment?
7. Do you often expect people to do what you ask of them without question because of who you are?
8. Do you find it necessary to step on a few toes to get what you want?
9. Would you say you’re not interested in other people’s problems or feelings?
10. Are you often envious of others?
11. Do you find there are very few people who are worth your time and attention?
OK so it was more than 9.
Do you see what I mean D, no wonder we get so annoyed. You said nine and then made it eleven. Do you know how busy I am?! Do you want me to answer them or are they rhetorical?
Hi T,
I’m not sure if that’s letting my narc win or not.
But the fact remains that now I’m increasing finding men physically unattractive and boring. I still have a bit of a thing for effeminate looking types but I’d struggle to hold down a conversation.
I want a wife but that’s a smaller dating pool, plus because of my socio-political views an even smaller dating pool.
Maybe if I ever start feeling desperate I’d date men again. But I just find them to be arrogant, entitled (especially sexually entitled) and insecure in an entitled way, as in the want all your emotional labour without being able to reciprocate to the same level. Some men are very highly emotionally intelligent but I find them to be rare and even them we clash on a lot of socio-political views. So it’s not just the narc thing. I told my narc that if we didn’t work out I’d try female separatism. So it’s always been a consideration for me.
HG in your expert opinion after 24 hour room, do I need to put the kettle on or arm myself with gun?
Ha ha brilliant, I would suggest you put the kettle on as you find that your socio-political outlook will be mirrored by an emotionally intelligent man who is willing and able to reciprocate and has no sense of entitlement. (The gun comes later).
So witness protection it is then!
Ha ha.
Be careful, Ladies….never let a man lay hands on you! I WISH a man would go there with me….I have 5 uncles that would have NO problem defending me…..
Nikitia don’t worry. I should learn not to get emotionally involved in these situations. It’s the reason my narc chose me right?
Everyone deals with things differently and I need to learn to be more accepting of that instead of dishing out desperate “touch love” every 5 minutes.
Everyone else ‘s problems don’t have to be mine.
O😃😃 i am so glad to hear! I was getting worried.
Thanks for letting me know
D j can 100% assure you that you will reach a stage where you feel nothing for them at all. I don’t hate mine, don’t like him either. But I pretend I do to his face.
Just by reading and seeing them for exactly what they are almost turns them to nothing.
They and all other toxics if you an work it right literally become our appliances.
Because they aren’t real, just a fake. Nothing there. During the early stages of recovery, it’s still so hard to accept and there are many different stages you have to go through. But once you’ve been through them all, you can spot them so easily, a few interactions is all it takeS. And the one/s you once loved – literally do become nothing and lose all their power .
As always, love you HG xxx
Hey nikkita,
Except narcs idea of happiness is controlling your emotional reactions and making you compete with others for their affections. They take pleasure in seeing others unhappy by their own doing.
The last part sounds really bad…. I did not have that impression with mine..
Sure triangulation and control… According to todays posting triangulation seems to be very important.
They are all different. For example I never in my life got hit nor pushed not even shoved… Never physical abuse.
Mine never physically assaulted me either..so?
Emotional abuse is valid.
Please know that by downplaying your own experiences, you are also saying others experiences are not that bad. And to be honest I find a lot of your comments triggering.
Triggering ? Why that?
I am not putting anybodies experience down. I am just telling mine which explain the mindset I have… Which differs alot from the majority of the other readers but this never means I downplay. I also suffered from emotional abuse or I would have not landed in this blog. I read the other peoples situation an I can get in their shoes but nevertheless not able to understand the whole dynamics of deep and extensive toxic relationships… and therefor cant comment much.
Sorry if you felt I downplayed your situation or anyone elses. If it came across like that It was never my intention. I come here to read and learn and give support if I can like the others do. mine maybe are more logical and rational than the others but because First it is my way of processing information and second I believe in such situations lived with Ns, you have to apply logic for a best result.
Hope my comments dont trigger you anymore.
Please tell me what part of my comments triggered an unwanted feeling in you so that I can clarify because I can assure you it was a misunderstanding then.
Hi T,
Sorry I misunderstood you.
I see what you’re saying now. One of my narcs female friends liked me a lot so I imagine it would have been challenging for him to have to explain to her why we aren’t together anymore and his contradictory behaviour.
It took him a while to find a new primary (me) after his last gf and I imagine he will only find another primary again when HE feels she is better than me.
Unlike our HG my narc never went through loads of women. He had flings here and there but I was the 3rd woman he had intercourse with.
I only believe my narcs compliments of me from a narcs perspective not my own. In the sense that they are true because he noticed they got me attention in the way HE would want. Not because he actually valued those qualities beyond how mimicking them could get him fuel.
Hi D.!
No worries….it sounds like our most recent exes were similar. N3 didn’t date a lot of women either….a few flings in between solidly monogamous (so he says) relationships……N3 was a card carrying misogynist….and didn’t even really care to even work with women and have too many of us around….women served only a few purposes to him. Supply, feeding him, arm candy when he went out, and a steady sex partner….after the honeymoon period….if I wanted to venture out of these little boxes he put me in…I would pay for it…
He is the type that likes the best of everything….so he would be humiliated (in his mind) to his friends and family to downgrade girlfriends……especially after talking me up to everyone…….. he would have to feel the next woman is smarter, kinder, more honest, larger bust, more loyal, prettier…..all of the things he loved (and others saw)in me…. It’s not impossible around here…but it would be tough. We live in a family town where 70-80% of the population is married or divorced with children….a woman with kids wouldn’t be able to give him all of the attention he needs like I did….(I have no kids). Finding a woman with whom he can hold a coversation with and be proud to show off and that he could trust isn’t going to be a walk in the park…..and I hear he is feeling the mistake he made breaking up with me….as well he should….
I have been dating again from the same website….and all of the men I meet say the same thing….they’ve had rotten luck so far….and what a pleasure it is to finally meet someone that was honest on their profile and pictures…
I just wish I was in a better place right now myself to pursue something more substantial….it might take me a while to be exclusive with anyone…..
*hugs*
I’ve completely gone off men after my narc!
I’m still attracted to them but I no longer feel genuinely interested in them.
My narc wasn’t even attractive in the conventional sense. He was average looking, broke, couldn’t dress to save his life, a terrible dancer…and I was besotted with him, thought he was the bestest! 😂
Like I was honestly obsessed with him!!! I had mercy.
Even now because of psychological and physiological bonding I will always feel a certain “way” about him I guess and at the same time if I could, I would totally lock him in a room for 24 hours with no human contact but camera’s so I can watch him suffer (along with HG)
Or any narcissist – all of them!
I am up for the challenge but understand once the 24 hours is up I will be coming for you. Deal ?
….Our narcs are different in some ways then….N3 was everything I was looking for…..financially stable….great manners, polite, well groomed…
I can never give up men…..I want to get to the point to where I can trust them again…..
Don’t let the N win, D.!
Nikitia to answer your question, the point I was trying to make is I wouldn’t. I would try not to compare myself to her and I would actually be concerned for her.
I find it interesting that you say “a black person” along side less looks, less money and less education though.
Hi D
Was just brainstorming what could be… Yesterday I watched a video of somebody who posts here in this blog and in this video the fact that a narcissist from another video, had chosen an inmigrant as a new partner, i understood it like he had downgraded himself… An asiatic illegal inmigrant… This is why I made attention to race. Asiatic, black, hispanic … All typical inmigrants.. Im hispanic by the way 😃. Very proud to be.
Your comment just inmediatly made me recall this video.
Ah I see,
Well I’m multi-ethnic and wouldn’t take my narc dating another woman of colour as a downgrade.
However my narc has standards regarding values, so he’s looking for some sort of social justice warrior-that’s his type.
So if she’s a CEO of a non-profit and looks like a model that would be an upgrade in his eyes, because than everyone else will tell him he did better than me which will give him fuel.
Hahaha me and him would fit then. I also like the social warrior 😂😂.
I think nobody upgrades or degrades by changing partner. People just have to look for hapiness and security even if its with an asiatic inmigrant. There is no degrade there. The person must have inmigrated for a reason which does not put her under other people if she has the same human values.
Nikita them not being monsters is besides the point!
Yes they are human beings, not that they recognise your humanity!
I turned fiery because you basically said you like our abusers a lot.
“I run and cry”
That’s not healthy! It may be your way of doing things but it’s OK to grow and develop, you don’t have to have a fix way that is clearly an addiction to trauma.
Please don’t promote your way to others, a way that gets 2 women a week killed!
Hmm maybe you like narcs a lot because you contradict yourself like one?
What is the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath?
This question arose just recently on another thread, I think it is under the “Ask the Narcissist” thread. You will find some observations and opinions there which will save my fingers which are now tired after sending text messages for an hour.
Nikita you can dream about what you like, but there isn’t any way to be happy/content with a narc. Why would you even want to be?
I like them .. Alot ❤️
What is there to like?
You like them a lot? I’ll be the first to admit that I lack full empathy and have narcissistic/sociopathic traits but I don’t meet diagnostic criteria for either PD. I’ve had a lot of contact with a number of N’s throughout my professional and personal life and I admire some of the traits. Who doesn’t love charismatic, well spoken, intellectuals? Observing and studying their behaviors can be fascinating and intriguing as well. But to say that you “like them a lot” is disturbing. Why would you want to engage with and invite someone into your world who could potentially set out to destroy your very being? Perhaps you haven’t encountered the malignant type?
Hi notQN
Maybe I have not encountered a really malignant one, if I compare my experiences to what some others describe.
In general I also know many Ns and altghough they are difficult people, who demand more efforts than others, I dont think they are monsters like some people want to make it appear.
Its a spectrum and all different. I think I have the capacity to identify when someone intends to destroy me and I also have the mental and emotional capacity to walk away before big damages are produced.
If somebody is screaming constantly at me, being physically violent, taking away my money, stop speakikg to me without a reason, I would soon notice this and walk away. I would not stay until this person destroys me and then complain I have been a victim. Of course it is different if I would be in my 20s which I am not. So at this point in time I dont have to run away from somebody just because he is a narcissist. I have to get to know the person. But its true they have the capacity to create lots of pain.
Funny enough I dont do online dating as ai would be terrified to meet one .
NQN
lets put like this. The narcissits in my life up to today are part of my life and I apply all the knowledge I have to have the best relationship with them. The opportunity for new members is pretty closed now. And yes the key to find happiness with a narcissit is taking into account the ones that are part of my life at the moment.
Niki…there isn’t one woman on this blog that would ever be rude to or ignore someone without good reason. I don’t have any permanent connections to these N’s…so I have no reason to be in the line of fire…because they just lie in wait to abuse….
I do have an aunt that I think is an N…I do love her…but I know exactly what to expect from her. I always invite her over for holidays because I promised my dying grandparents I would keep the family together…but she usually won’t show up because she thinks that hurts us more….we are actually glad she doesn’t come…but I will always invite her…because I gave my word that I would.
The men in my lives put on a mask and they become what I want and need….I don’t even know I’ve been hit until it’s over….but my nature requires that I marry someone kind and caring…those are deal breakers…..when I their masks falls….I have to let go….although next time…..I will look out for the red flags….it’s easy to turn a blind eye when in love….
These men are not blood….so I don’t have to keep them in my life…
Hi T
You are thinking very far away from me… Marriage… Those are other leagues… I guess you have to think further when thinking about marriage. I am thinking about my current life and increasing my knowledge on codependency and narcissism to do as best as I can with all the people in my life not only narcs.
I also have an uncle I adore ❤️❤️ And he is a narcissist. By the way the guy is super handsome, single and owns a resort in the caribeans… Could be something for you as I heard you are on a dating site… 😝😜
But T he is super Narc. Cross him and he will RAGE completely and is super perfectionist and this praise, devalue cycle… I dont know about discard but I suppose… He does…
Let me know 😜.
Civility is most important in all relationships, Nikita…..you are right…but there is a time to your needs first out of self preservation. Therefore….my ex N’s will only ever get the basics of civility when I see them around…..they’ve ruined any chances of a phone call…or meeting for dinner or coffee…
Thanks but no thanks to your offer with your uncle….I’ve reached my limit with N’s. I had an online date last night and he’s ok so far….I’m just out looking to have fun at the present moment….I do wish to marry, but I need to heal up first….God bless you, Sweetie!
Agree civility is the most important. I dont know if not for the kids, I would still have contact with N. Maybe yes , maybe not.. But not vecause he is an N but because when somebody makes you go through so much pain you dont have much in common anymore…
You are right about my uncle!! And if you would have said yes them I would have told you NO!!! He is really a N and not aware so imagine…
Have fun and good luck finding the guy to marry… Xx
Nikita….you have kids with an N? You have a lifetime connection, friend…. Read HG’s books…”No Contact” and “Departure Imminent”…..and my favorite “Escape”…there are several great tips on limiting contact when kids are involved.
I’m in no HUGE hurry to marry…but I only date guys that are ready for marriage…so I don’t waste my time or theirs…. I have a full life…and it would be nice to find someone to share it with….*hugs*
Hi T
Yes I have kids with N but I dont need to limit contact. It goes very well. Sometimes when we have differences then of course as Ns to be able to get over me then either a lie, or hide, or whatever N trick… I keep on my objective logical basis… But its okay the next day we talk normao again… I mean I dont talk everyday so better said the next time we talk.
I have to say the relationship is very good.
Take Care T. I like your approach of only meeting men than look forward to getting married. You are so sure of it 😃.
N3 often bragged that once he was done with people (friends,co workers,former lovers, tenants), he was DONE! I think it’s the other way around…he was still hoppin’ mad at his ex fiance after 3 years when I met him….I think he was mad that she didn’t respond to any hoovers from him….he expects others to beg him back…..not sure why…when he ruins things in the first place..*smh*
I’m ready for his next hoover! Thanks to HG and this blog!!! I fell for the previous hoovers….I didn’t realize he was an N…even though he was N #3 for me….until I found HG’s books! “Escape” was my first purchase….and my favorite….it came along when I needed it…a real lifesaver……
I hope he finally realizes what he lost when he discarded me…and his ex fiance….he was twice blessed with great women…that were smart, loving, beautiful…..and thought he was the cat’s pajamas…..when I hear he logs onto Match a few times a day looking for a replacement because no one comes close to what he’s lost…it does gives me some satisfaction!
I know it brings us comfort to think our narcs have come to some realisation about our worth and regret what they have done and we compare ourselves to their new gfs and think “well he downgraded!”
But reality is they don’t care about us beyond their own needs.
I hope that whatever new woman my narc hurts I would have love for her and not view her as beneath me. There’s power in solidarity.
Hi again D 😃
This is interesting. What would make you consider another woman under you? Less looks? Less education? Less money?? A black person?
I think and think and cant find one reason why somebody would be under me or me over someone…. I look forward to hear from you.
D,
I don’t see myself as better than anyone….I’m only using the same words my last N used during the seducing stage with me….that I had everything he ever wanted….so he’d never leave….he finally met his wife….I had a heart of gold….blah blah blah….BS.
I feel I have every right to believe those words….after all…it took him a LONG time to find someone as special as his ex fiance….and I was her…..so…..if I were to believe his words….everyone else SHOULD be a downgrade in his eyes…..these were all his words…not mine….so yes…because he realized he’s thrown out 2 great women because of his horrible behavior does bring me a great deal of satisfaction…he knows we are not “replaceable” objects….he’s going to have to explain to everybody why he downgraded TWICE!
It is taking me great restraint not to take out a full page ad in the local newspaper warning all women about my last N.
Whatever satisfaction I would get from the fact I could save others some heartbreak…..wouldn’t be worth the revenge he’d lash out against me….so let me enjoy any regret he MIGHT have over being an ass!
Strong people are anathema to malignarcs – and strong empaths frighten the malignarc away pretty quickly!
Two weeks (or less) is all it takes for me to neuter a malignarc. I find it just as ‘fun’ and ‘amusing’ as the malignarc does when they suck in an empath who isn’t / hasn’t evolved…
😉
Your name tells it all. You must be pretty strong.
I’ve made mistakes, for sure – not heeding the inner voice and the red flags taught me valuable lessons. That’s where the strength comes from…surviving many ordeals!
Wow! You are strong, Sepultura! In my 20’s and 30’s N’s got a few years out of me….these days they only get less than a year before I start seeing signs….my problem is that I ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt in the beginning! That is my downfall……
I get suspicious and trust my gut – the times I didn’t were the times I got suckered the worst! Those red flags and inner voice are there for a reason…and I heed them!
yes…He had major flags waving by date #2…but he was just so darn handsome….in a totally innocent boy scout way….l0ved his mother, Jesus, and had been heartbroken….he deserved better…he deserved ME! *smh*….
Welcome to the blog, Sepultura!!
Thanks – it’s definitely informative! Seeing the past patterns is eye-opening.
🙂
Please feel free to post more!
I like what you said and absolutely feel the same way and have worn him down……if he comes back for more I will be here to give it to him. Although I believe he is now very sick and perhaps close to passing. He is now the “victim” of this crazy evil wicked woman. boo hoo! What a low life
Cheers!
Thanks for the reply- helpful, depressing, and appreciated.
You are welcome.
What you say is true and in Ross Rossembergs book, the narcissist attracts the empath without doing anything, its givem on their inmer energies to attract each other automatically and intensively.
Like an unbreakable connection dictated by the universe making a magnetic field and it remains like this forever providing fuel to the narcissist feelings to the empaths.
The trap is that only this connection provide such intense feelings not felt ever otherwise…
Ahhhh I hate it when people refer to it as an addiction, because it sounds so bad against the wonderful feeling of being near the narcissist.
But yes when it starts destroying the empath it becomes an addiction that has to be overcome.
I dream about a relationship where the empath and the narcissist would learn how to manage the pitfalls of this magneticconnection 😃😃😃.
Maybe in the middle of the spectrum that is possible…. Givem the fact that the two persons would have to have lots in common. It Would take a huge amount of work to learn how to interpret when something is cheating, not cheating, patience to accept the ST, the pouting….
A relationship whith hard work involved but for which nobody gives a dime that it can work.
How nice it would be to proove it wrong 😃❤️.
According to HG the relationship never stops no matter the nature of it.
I do have a good relationship to my exes but even where there is no push and pull but just neutral administrative contact it still does take pretty much of an effort to mantain peace and calm . I achieve most of the time 😃😃.
The key to happiness in between empaths and narcissists must be hidden somewhere in this universe 😃…. ❤️
“The key to happiness in between empaths and narcissists must be hidden somewhere in this universe”
Nikita…
Please love yourself!
The nature of the narc means there can’t be love and happiness between us. Trauma bonding is a disgusting addiction, come back to truth.
Ohhh D
You are killing my fantasy 😢. Of course love as defined love will never be because narcissists cant love, this is clear.
I meant live the connection ( HMS) as “love” in a happy way. There must be the key to that!!! 😃😃. Let me dream about it..
Niki, you’re smarter than that….NEVER give an N the B of the D (benefit of the doubt). They are masters at “topping” their last disgusting act….I say this with all due respect…don’t be a fool, Niki.
I know it’s hard to accept the fact that you were duped…we all were MORE THAN ONCE!
“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
— Shannon L. Alder
T
Thanks. Like I said to NQN. The ones that are part of my life are part of my life and they are many….and not because now I know they are Ns I will make them apart.
They have also very good sides. They are not monsters. I have said this since October.
But its true Ross R and HG school now since OCT 2015 has made me aware and I dont look forward to meeting new Ns although at work you never know and so again I will use my knowledge.
Monica
I have great civil relationships with most of my non N exes, Niki. There were a couple of run of the mill “jerks” in my past….but their post breakup behavior doesn’t come close to the cruelty of a breakup with any N….
Niki, personally….I won’t put out any effort with an N to maintain civility. It’s just not worth it….they will burn you every time!!!
With N3, I accepted the breakup (although I didn’t understand it)…left him alone…remained civil….and moved on with my life…and he still burned me in the end! WHEN I WAS MOURNING THE DEATH OF MY DAD AND STEPMOM!!! N’s just can’t help themselves….that callous act earned N3 a permanent discard from my life….I forgive him for it…but I will NEVER forget it….he’s just not that special….with that disgusting act alone…… he proved to me that he never deserved me…..
Hi T
Thanks for your message and sorry to hear about the treatment to you after your loss. I guess he did not feel the loss according to what we read in todays blog so its good that you forgive.
I am ok with keeping up the good relationships. It does not demand much… Sometimes it does because I feel really stepped over and then it does not work but I am ALWAYS respectful with everybody, nobody if I am being stepped over. I dont swear, i dont scream, I speak with the facts and when it doesnt work I go calm myself alone withh meditation, or call a friend, or run or cry…. So it works. Its my way and I cant see another way of doing it…
Have a nice day. For you is just starting.
I have read enough of your work to be 1000% sure my N is of your upper escheleon kind. He too is intelligent, good looking, wealthy, full head of hair, and very tall. As if he didn’t have enough to boost his ego, he is also a well endowed somatic. I have been trying to leave… I utilize the silent treatments (every other month) to heal, garner strength and support. In his absences… He is quite busy doing the things you describe. My questions are… He has children. One grown, one not. He triangulates them and me. When we “get back together” I (we) work hard to win them back over. Once I do, he stages fabricated arguments and leaves again. Leaving them to hate me once more. Why do this? Even children provide fuel against a new wife? I’ve read you don’t have children, however, everything else represents your twin of sorts. At this point, I no longer care that his children hate, blame me. They are too reliant on his gravy train. Last 2 questions- why did he marry me? And seriously, he will never leave me alone?
He will gain fuel from knowing they hate you and your reaction to it.
He married you to bind you to him and no doubt give you what you wanted so you would in turn fuel him.
No he won’t leave you alone.
Never is right…. after a weekend of swimming in Narc infested waters, I suddenly had a message from one I hadn’t heard form in 13 years…blown away!
Sheila…they do smell blood in the water….stay strong, my friend….
I’m extremely suspicious that the timing wasn’t a fluke. I think he could be on the dating site I was trolling through for my little ‘narc finding’ expedition, but I am definitely not going to verify that by looking for his profile.
Someone has raised her game.
Older and wiser, HG 😉 He was my ‘rescuer’ when I left my ex-husband… I didn’t know then that I had been snatched up by a bigger predator, but I figured it out within a year of hooking up with him, I severed contact with him then
How does ‘never leave you alone’ work if the victim has no desire to reconnect in any way. Of course it would be easy if you are contacted, but if that is not the case, would you initiate contact, even if, say several months have passed, without a word and moved onto new victims
After reading many of your, dare I say, brilliant articles, it’s blatantly obvious I was dealing with a malign, malignant N, whatever (such appropriate words) as your good self, and thankfully had the good sense to realise this. There is absolutely nothing that would ever induce me to initiate any further contact, one of the only things we ever agreed on (after the golden period lies) is that we could easily exclude people from our lives if the need arose. The thing is I mean it, and intend to stick to it, I’m truly hoping it might just be the one truth he ever uttered? If there is no mutual event, or text, email, phone call or anything from us, what then?
If you moved to a desert island with no communications you would stand a very good chance of being left alone because you are out of reach, but that would not stop him from trying for a time to track you down until it became clear you had vanished. He would need to seek fuel from elsewhere and give up the pursuit. If you then found a phone and created a FB profile asking to be rescued from said desert island and he saw it, he would try and contact you through FB. By creating the FB profile you have sailed close to his sphere of influence and thus he will try and ensnare you again.
If you are able to initiate no contact and stay off our radar we will struggle to contact you. We will try and track you down, try and contact you for a period of time until it is necessary to find fuel elsewhere. This period of time depends on the type of N you are dealing with. Thereafter, if you do anything to raise your head above the parapet – walk past our house so you are seen, ask about us through a third party, create an online presence again and so forth we will use this to try to contact you and hoover you. The slightest sniff of a chance of hoover fuel and we will return. Thus in that sense we will never leave you alone. We may have new victims but the chance to hoover is never passed up.
If there is no possible way of contacting you then it cannot happen, the problem is that some method often presents itself and often it is down to the victim thinking it is “safe to go back in the water again.”
Thank you for the detailed reply, so basically, unless the desert island scenario presents itself, which is highly unlikely, there is no escape.
I was told by someone this past week he’s driven past my house, not sure how many times, why do that if we parted on let’s say not so friendly terms, due to a thorough and not so complimentary dressing down from me.
Correct.
For the purpose of gaining more fuel by you seeing him or as you write, someone else seeing him and telling you.He is establishing contact to hoover.
F!!! was scrolling thru my ‘matches’ online…clicked on a cute guy skiing- it was HIM!… Feel sick that he will see that I clicked on his profile, he’ll get fuel…
F!! F!!!!
HG: thoughts on this?
Agreed, he will get fuel from it. A hoover may be in the offing as you have just moved into his sphere of influence. Did you not recognise him? Maybe you wanted to click on him?
He had a ski hat and sunglasses so no I didn’t recognize… His second pic was taken at my bar… ( he’s banned from ever being served there again )
I almost took my profile down but decided not to… If he contacts me on this site I’ll ignore. He’s still blocked on all other avenues.
You are doing well maintaining those defences.
So glad I have been gifted with endless empathy and an amazing bs sensor lol. Keeps the narcs away 🙂