False Champion
“Some day my prince will come.”
“I need a knight in shining armour to come and rescue me.”
“Where is my Prince Charming?”
These are familiar comments and they all arise as a consequence of the myth that has been created and perpetuated. It is well established that my kind and me create an illusion (read Power of Illusion on this blog for more) . Have you considered the fact that we are just giving you what you expect? We are saying what you want to hear, doing what you want to see and complying with a pre-conceived notion of how relationships ought to be? How has this idea been formulated? Who created the concept of the happy ever after? Was it the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Andersen through the fairy tales that they wrote or were they just recording something which had existed orally for centuries before as they added a new gloss to the fairy tale? Maybe we should blame Hollywood for its depiction of how love conquers all and the hero saves the day by dashing to aid the stereotypical damsel in distress. The number of films in which that happens is numerous. Richard Gere appears in his limousine to woo Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, in Love Actually, Hugh Grant goes door to door in search of the tea lady Martine McCutcheon and in The Matrix Trilogy even the kick-ass feisty Trinity is masterfully caught by Neo to prevent her falling. In Rear Window,James Stewart rescues Grace Kelly, in the unusual Wild At Heart, Nicholas Cage (playing Nicholas Cage) comes to the assistance of Laura Dern at a metal gig and who can forget Shrek where an ogre goes hell for leather to beat Prince Charming of all people and gain the hand of Princess Fiona. I am sure you can think of many more examples. There are thousands of instances of this stylised concept of romance and love. Certain films dedicate the entirety of the production to it. Others have a different subject matter but still the concept remains. Luke Skywalker went to rescue the Princess trapped in the Death Star. Clint Eastwood helped the young lady in Pale Rider and she fell in love with him although he left her (was that a cowboy discard perhaps?) and even uber narcissist James Bond gives the Bond Girl her slice of heaven for a few screen minutes. Everywhere you look the idea of romance and the knight in shining armour is reinforced. Pop songs, advertisements (once upon a time a man would go to great lengths just to deliver a box of chocolates to his paramour in the Milk Tray ad) , greetings cards, magazines, newspapers, sitcoms, novels and so on and so forth. The airbrushed, photoshopped, sweeping soundtracked and every sense heightened message is driven at you each and every day. There is a dashing hero (or heroine) out there who will save you and treat you like a princess (or prince).
This is the message that is all around you. This is what you have been raised to expect. Someone will save the day and sweep you off your feet. Everything is going to be alright. You will have your happy ever after. It is hardly surprising that you have bought into this master illusion. Who would not? It is all pervading and virtually impossible to resist. It appeals to that deep-seated desire to be cared for and protected and this is done by maintaining a myth that someone should arrive on a white charger, armour gleaming to pull you from the clutches of the evil troll or moustachioed villain.
“I need a hero” sang Bonnie Tyler and then she laid down the criteria required for said hero to attain. I do not recall her mentioning a steady income, being handy with a paintbrush and making a nice cup of tea. Instead she, along with countless others, generate an ideal and you bought into it. You want the fairy tale. I understand it. Why would you not when all around you, you are being told that this is the way it should be. Who would not want that sensation of being swept off their feet, romanced and made to feel wonderful. And who says we do not provide it? There is no denying that when our kind come along we invariably pick you up in a marvellous whirlwind of love, attention and affection as we suck you into an illusion. Where does the fault lie? Is it us that are to blame for creating this construct to draw you in? Is it your fault for falling for the myth and casting common sense aside for wanting the unattainable? Or does the blame lie elsewhere? Is it those that created and not maintain this illusion? If it is those in this latter category that have created this monster that you believe in and we merely comply with, then the question becomes this. Who are they? Are they your kind or our kind?
25 thoughts on “False Champion”
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I don’t know many women who believe this stupid myth or want to, but I live in an area of the world that has a very high incidence of educated, successful women. I do know many women who believe they can find a genuine, loving, empathetic man who keep tripping over narcissists and avoidants instead…
Cyborg…..The East Bay does have many truly independent women living there. I will give you that. However, I am from Bakersfield….lol! Enough said, right? lol
It does work Sheila 😃👍🏻👍🏻 and it exactly represents the strong woman you have become. 💝
I’m hoping this link works (cross your fingers Nikita! lol) I thought this was perfect to share here, it’s posted to my wall on FB today 🙂
http://dreamswoventogether.tumblr.com/post/130554489561
Yes you are to blame… but pathetic common depictions of heterosexual ‘romance’ that influence us to accept love as obsessive is also to blame. I told my narc after I dumped him that I would rather him be able to comfort me emotionally than receive his sh***y gifts any day of the week.
Tell me what those gifts were so I know what to buy you for your birthday D.
An island, secured with snipers paid 5 years in advance. Your Mother’s telephone number. And CUDDLES since I know how much you nutters love those.
Yes, indeed – the “toxic love template.” The princess always in need of rescuing! In a way, it’s refreshing that there are so many of those women out there…they keep the malignarcs away from my door, LOL
😉
Another thought-provoking piece, HG. And of course, beautifully written.
You are exactly right – this is the “dream” that is sold to little girls the world over before they’re even able to sit upright.
Although, to be fair, the real fairytales don’t have happy endings.
Little Red Riding Hood – In the original written by Charles Perrault there is no happy ending, as the wolf represents a sexual predator.
The Little Mermaid – She trades her tongue for legs, even though she experiences excruciating pain with every step she takes and will be turned to sea foam if the prince rejects her. The prince takes mild interest in her, but ends up marrying the princess he wrongly believes saved his life.
Sleeping Beauty – In the earlier version written by Giambattista Basile, the king doesn’t wake the sleeping princess, Talia, with a kiss. Instead he rapes her.
I could go on.
I always thought this dream was a crock and my parents didn’t raise a typical little girl, so I never had big fantasies of finding a man to save me or provide for me. I’ve always been committed to providing for myself, saving myself, etc. and if I happened to find a man worthy of sharing all my accomplishments with, then so be it. If not, no biggie.
I suppose, since “victims” need to have someone to blame, they could blame your kind, HG, for selling them this totally unattainable nightmare, because it does seem as though it was created by your kind to suit your nefarious purposes.
However, I take the likely unpopular stance that women are also to blame, for lapping up this ridiculousness like spilled milk. It’s an illusion, it doesn’t exist, it won’t happen and if you’re going to spend your life dreaming of making an illusion reality, you deserve the disappointment and heartache that results.
There was a point in time I would take offense to your stance on the victim being responsible for as much as the N, but your’e absolutely right B&T. We need to get to the place where we wake up and realize no one is responsible for us except ourselves.
Haven’t I always said it was all your fault?
Twisting words as always HG! lol I agree that it’s societies fault for brainwashing generations of women that they need to be ‘rescued’. It’s not entirely our fault, you need to share the blame for preying on those of us that fall for the programming we’ve been indoctrinated into.
I’m also becoming more inclined to think your good doctors are on the right trail with regards to sociopath tendencies in you. I do have my own junior sociopath to compare with and there are many similarities in behaviour, most glaringly the refusal to take blame or responsibility. And on that note, I’m off to prepare for her very first short visit at home today.
Good luck Sheila. All the best with your daughter.
A lot of people take offense when I say stuff like this, but it’s honestly how I feel.
I can see how difficult it is to see a narcissist for who and what they truly are because many are so good at what they do, even though I don’t have those experiences myself.
But the dream, as HG outlines it above, just sets us up for failure from the get-go. So the key is to steer absolutely clear of this illusion, understand it is a total fiction and unattainable and then maybe, just maybe, more people will be better equipped to see the forest for the trees, so to speak.
Sure its up to the woman.
Forgot to tick notify me
It is the second time I read this article and because of all the knowlege I hace acquired during this months concerning relationships, I see another depth and truth that I had not seen before.
Whoemever it was that invented this prince story to be applied in real relationshps messed it all up.
You can never expect from another person to give you more than what you give. This passive position of expecting the man to do to provide, to be this and that is already a common and major mistake and if its with a Narcissist even more of a mistake as in their mindset they dont do the work according to the black flag book.
At the same time it starts already as a mistake with the golden period because this is the story sold by be N in the beginning.
There will be then this destructive cycle of a womam expecting more and more and giving the message ” you are not enough, you are not delivering enough” and the man at the same time ” you are too much, you are always asking for more and more” feeling then not being enough, in case of a narcissist, heavily critisized, and so there it starts. Nobody likes to feel not enough.
Very good article to create awarenesd of a bad mindset that disables a good outcome in the difficult life journey of a relationship.
This blog contains so much truth, created so much awareness and gives slot enlightment concerning behaviour in real life.
Thanks for posting again. ☀️☀️🌔.
This is why you are the bright side 😃😃. Could not be another way.
Every little girl is raised to believe that the Knight on the white horse will show up and save her…she just has to sit there and look pretty and helpless….and MAYBE….if you’re prettier than the others….he might choose YOU! Maybe if you are agreeable enough….he’ll let you into his heart….if you are quiet enough on top of being pretty, agreeable, and of course you MUST smile everyday….all day….after all….he goes through a lot….he doesn’t need another problem….don’t be one….
Yes, young lady….be all of the above and he’ll save you AND love you forever….
I did all of those things….and I saved MYSELF….. Each and every
Time!
HG, how long does it take for a comment to appear? I left three on your last post: two showed but one still not up yet. Or maybe this is some gaslighting fun? 😉
It depends on what else I am doing Cody and whether I need to answer the post as well.
The Brothers Grimm & Hans Christian Andersen were male. Had a woman written the beloved children’s stories Hollywood turned into formulaic blockbusters, it would have been titled “My Knight in Shining Armor Turned Out to Be a Cunt in Tinfoil”, because women, when we talk about relationships, talk honestly.
Now there’s a starter for ten.
My N tried so hard to do this with me during the initial love bombing stage. Telling me to move in with him, quit my job, since he makes enough to support us, spoke of having a baby and what a good looking athlete it would be, described in detail how he would make “sweet, tender, love” to me. I’m sure these are the things that he thought most women wanted in life. He had to think quickly when I told him I had no intentions of leaving my home, quitting my job, having another child, and the term “making love” nauseates me and I have no interest in anything “tender.” He had to then create a new script which he followed well, but at that point I recognized him for what he is. I’m now in my fourth cycle of being love bombed by him but at least he now has it down to the correct formula specific to me. I can appreciate the effort.
… and then one day you wake up and realize there are no heroes. Just pretend knights in shiny tinfoil armor with cheesy pick-lines and false promises. Then eventually you learn to love yourself, learn to spot the fakes and value yourself enough to know you don’t need anyone to save you, you’ve saved yourself. Now you’re ready to find a real man who will treat you with respect and as an equal.