The Perfect Ten
The Perfect Ten Sentences of Seduction
What is really meant when we say these words.
1. I love you and I always have
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side. I love the fact you fuel me, allow me to steal traits of your for my own use and you give me shelter, meals and money.
2. We are soulmates
I know you are a big believer in emotional concepts such as love, spirituality and the soul. I need to tap into that and I need to do so quickly. I want to suggest that our love goes beyond this earthly plane on which we stand and it is something all the more ethereal and noble. That ought to impress you and cause you to become bound to me. I am not your soul mate, I am here to steal your soul because I do not have one.
3. I have not loved anyone like this before
There will be half a dozen willing witnesses who will testify to the contrary. In my world however I have deleted them from my mind (except when I fancy hoovering them and triangulating them with you for some extra fuel) and there was nothing like what I feel for you now. They are defunct and redundant, an unfortunate reminder of an abuser who trapped me. They do not matter now, you are all that matters to me now, your fuel, to be accurate, is all that matters to me now.
4. I want us to be together forever
There is no want about it. We are already locked together forever. You may not think this and indeed somewhere along the line you will want to escape me, although quite why that is when you are the problem, is beyond me. Anyway, that is for later. Right now you have agreed (although you will never recall having said such words to that effect) to remain my property for the rest of your life. This means that everything you own, have and are now belongs to me and I will deal with it in whatever fashion I see fit. I will use and abuse you over and over again as this is my right. Just when you think I have disappeared I will be back more. This is a life-long covenant.
5. We have so much in common
What a wonderful occurrence, such serendipity that everything you like I like as well. Even better, all the things that you do not like, I do not like either. It as if we are two halves of one perfect person. That is exactly what I see because all I will do is mirror you. I have spent time watching you, observing you, finding out about you from friends and scouring your internet footprint in order to learn as much as I can about you so that I can present myself as mirror image. I actually cannot stand listening to Coldplay but that isn’t going to stand in the way of my replication so I seduce you with incredible speed and ease.
6. I hate it when we are apart
A rare nugget of truth here. I do hate it when we are apart but for the reasons I have made you think. You think it is because I miss the wonderful, kind, humorous and delightful you. I actually miss all that positive fuel you supply me with when we are together as you are taken in by this illusion that I have created. Moreover I hate the fact that when I am not with you I cannot control your environment and I am concerned that with space to think and breathe you may just see through what I am doing or even worse, you may listen to one of your so-called friends who will be whispering in your ear and briefing against me. I don’t want your head turned elsewhere. I want it looking at me. Always.
7. Nobody can love you the way I do.
Amazingly another piece of truth. Nobody else can love you in this way because none of it is real. This is all made-up in order to attract you and bind you to me because if you saw what I was really like (not that I would ever allow that to happen) you would run screaming and never return. Accordingly, I will love you in a way that you are unlikely to have experienced before by deluging you with desire and then nearly destroying you through malice and vitriolic hatred. Told you I was special.
8. I can’t believe we have only just met. I feel like I’ve known you forever. Let’s live together.
It feels familiar to me because you are giving me positive fuel just like your predecessor and the one before her and the one before her as well. I do not distinguish between you, not really, because you are all appliances to me which I want to ensnare and then drain as you pump out delicious fuel for me to consume. I say this though to make you feel special and because I am obviously so wonderful and brilliant you will be thrilled that someone like me wants to live with you. This will make you grab this marvellous opportunity before you lose it and then I have ensnared you.
9. I need you. I want you. I love you.
Sounds dramatic and romantic doesn’t it? Makes you feel as if everything is focussed on you and I could not live without you. Notice how many times I used the word “I”? That’s because this is all about me and nothing to do with you save for what you can do for me. I really mean that I need your fuel, I want your fuel and I love your fuel.
10. You have saved me.
Yet more drama straight from the romantic handbook. I know your type. That is why I chose you. You like to fix, heal and save. You will have plenty to do in that regard, believe me, but that will come later. For now what I really mean is that you have saved me having to look anywhere else for fuel. Time to feed.
44 thoughts on “The Perfect Ten”
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I heard all but #6 and remember feeling weary and put off by them.
He kept urging me to find a home for us which I kept putting off and gave various excuses and deadlines for months ahead of time.
The soul mate comment he made on Facebook I found odd especially since I didon’t feel the same way.
This shit is scripted?..verbatim what he said
It’s sad to know these things are true. False reality is a big mind fuck and heart break
1. I love you and I always have
I think I loved you? Did I? Or was it that perhaps I used you as much as you used me? Yes loved that attention and the gifts and the holidays and the weekends away all of it and you paid for it all, did I love you? Looking back, no, not the way I should have, my ex was always on my mind you never matched up to him.
2. We are soulmates
So you don’t have a soul, yes I knew that early on and you hated that. You tried so hard to impress but you can’t impress someone that doesn’t care about superficial crap and lies and it made you try all the harder; that amused me. You can’t impress someone who is better than you, has more than you, in every way. Yes I might be more emotional than you but that doesn’t equate to idiocy, so no, not impressive.
3. I have not loved anyone like this before
Yes you told me many times you worshipped the ground I walked on, the others were crazy, didn’t understand you, ‘get you’ the way I did. OK, it might have been flattering, for a while, but then it gets boring, you can absolutely have too much of a ‘good thing’. Please go and love someone else the way you’ve never loved anyone else before.
4. I want us to be together forever
Too bad, we won’t be. I have a choice and that is to never have anything to do with you ever again. If you want to waste your time spying, gathering information or whatever sick games you play, be my guest. You will never again have a claim on me, my time, my properties (as much as you tried) , my energy, nothing. You are nothing to me.
5. We have so much in common
No we don’t because everything was a lie. You might get away with it for a short while but liars always give themselves away and if you’re as perceptive as me, it doesn’t take long. I feel sorry for you, that you expend so much time and energy on so many, it’s pitiful… and pathetic, that’s how I see you. Yes we had so much in common but the reality is you’re a fraud and I knew it told you still tried to convince me. I enjoyed listeing to all the justifications, thank you for the amusement.
6. I hate it when we are apart
No, it felt good. Why else do you think I cancelled dates and weekends? On the occasions I made the effort, but was ‘fashionably late’ you hated that and never let me forget it. Did you ever notice the little grin on my face, maybe you did, maybe you didn’t but I didn’t care, if you had the pleasure of my company it had to be on my terms, didn’t it?
7. Nobody can love you the way I do.
A refreshing piece of news. I don’t want anyone else to love me the way you did(n’t).
I saw and know what you are, exactly why I will never return. You didn’t destroy me, such arrogance is unmerited. You sound like a silly, spoilt brat. Spew your vitriol and hatred if it makes you feel good, I’ll watch and laugh at you.
8. I can’t believe we have only just met. I feel like I’ve known you forever. Let’s live together.
Live together? Not a chance in hell. No thanks, I’m happy to keep you at arm’s length and make excuses, delays. Yes I promised we would but had no intention of doing so. Let’s just have the great nights out, the wonderful trips and lavish gifts, all paid for by your good self. Do you think I want you in my space? No, I never wanted you to live with me, why would I? I’ve seen your home, it’s not to my standards and I don’t want mine lowered with you in it. You stay in your mess and grime and leave me in my clean, cosy comfortable home. I’ll just see you when I feel like it, suits me better that way.
9. I need you. I want you. I love you.
Maybe this one works both ways? Maybe I felt the same, maybe it was your fuel that I needed, not you. Maybe reading your words and making sense of your writing has made me realise I am more like you than I realised.
10. You have saved me.
You definitely saved the best till last. I heard this one countless times, and every time I felt pity and contempt. I pretended and said the right things of course but it didn’t ‘move me’ or have the desired effect. On the one hand you portray yourself as a confident, successful, and affluent business man and on the other a sad, pathetic, needy figure. Not appealing. I heard the words ‘ You saved my life’ more times than I can remember. If something sounds like a lie then it usually is. More often than not it was every time you spoke to me. I don’t miss you, I don’t care what you’re doing, or who you’re doing it with, I am indifferent, zero feeling, neither good or bad, it’s as though you never existed.
This one was brilliant HG, I’m speaking to the other not you here although if some applies to you its a coincidence, and whether or not you chose to admit it, it more than likely does.
Such confessions can prevent the further “hoovers”, but initiate the revenge. Question is what do you prefer to deal with? Hoover or Revenge?
Like your directness, Me.
I found out my mother was sexually abused by her father (my grandfather) when I told her he raped me.
Has he been held culpable for his actions?
My mother never told “the authorities”, and he was dead before I told anyone. So, unless the afterlife has a prison,
😥😢
#5 is the one that blows me away the most. I thought my ex and I had so much in common, that we loved so many of the same things. I see now how different he really is from me. And now I hear from my oldest daughter how much he and his new wife have in common and I just smile and tell her that’s wonderful while secretly being thankful I wasn’t the only one he could pull the wool over. The new one is falling for all the same old tricks, just like I did.
omg HG the above is so true when said by a narcissist because the concept of romantic love does not exist, so the content can just be emoty when they refer to something connected with that type of love. But also in the real love book I read some of the sentences above are said also not to be love. So in any of the cases When you hear them we have to know now its not love.
I have read about the soulmate alot lately and it would also fit to what I have read because soulmates are supposed to show you where your weaknesses and flaws are.
I think thae ones thaf are narc club exclusive are 7 and 4 becaus even the most strong connection can turn into the most strong hatred 😭😭 when let down.
And we know from you that you are never completely washed away. These two last ones are a little bit worrying to me 🤔
If he’s happy….I’m happy…:)!!
No 8 !!!
I’ve heard that one so many times from so many diff people !! And they would always say – you’re so easy to talk to ! Guys / girls whoever ! I thought it was just me that I was now I realise I was just attracting the wrong people hahahahahha
HG….YOU are N3..N2…N1….lol!
I heard #10 from a young man with Asperger’s syndrome. He was 20 years my junior…and was a friend of a friend. He needed a friend…and I was nice to him. Next thing I know, he joined my church, was always where I was, and followed me around like a lost puppy. I hated to break his heart…but I believe anything greater than a 10 year age difference…is ridiculous…(I am not judging), but musically….we had ZERO in common. Although, he tried to mirror me in every way. I heard Asperger’s is often mistaken for NPD….however, Aspies (I hope that term is PC) do feel empathy.
Your thoughts, HG?
I have a friend who has Asperger’s. I can see why people may think there is narcissistic traits there – he can be aloof, short-tempered, angered by things which are not apparent, a perfectionist, does not like to be touched – but he demonstrates empathy, he is talented and has no need to brag about his achievements (and indeed does not), he is not grandiose nor does he use people to get what he wants or have a sense of entitlement. I can see why some people might make mistake Asperger’s for narcissistic traits but I believe on examination there are significant differences. My friend is also excellent company for our discussions and laughs at all my jokes.
HG, I agree totally!! This young man was the same way! He was so sweet and had excellent writing skills…he was a natural poet! He was a great friend….and I miss him. I really wished that friendship would have been enough for him.
I heard he has met a nice young lady, and that he is happy. I won’t look him up….he deserves to be happy with someone that loves him. He so deserves that!
Stated as the empath you are T.
I think many narcissists have also asperger hence the relation and confusion and I think that makes them different from other narcissists because they also have the autistic world which is a special one. When you understand the world of autism, asperger people are a beautiful mind.
Wow. Great, and delighted to read this comment, HG 🙂
“My equisite and eternal love.” , ” My soul.” Said to me two years after abusing, degrading, and demoralizing…
Indeed Evan, they can be trotted out as part of a hoover as well.
Nobody can love me like you. Also known as “Who else would do for you like I do? Are those people you call your friends going to do for you like I do? No, they’ll treat you like shit, THEY DON’T LOVE YOU. They’re just using you.”
OMG, Cara!!! I have heard those EXACT words that you put in quotes! These guys all take the same N classes…lol
What guy, I’m referring to my own mother…and she probably teaches the class
They usually do Cara.
wow! My aunt is an N….and she is a terrible mother…
*hugs*
My mother is an N & also a BP (borderline personality)
at least you know….some people got through life thinking it’s all their fault….
As a child I didn’t know. I mean, I knew the other kids at school didn’t live in TERROR of their mothers, so I kinda knew something wasn’t right. But that word, Narcissist, I was in college before I knew that.
Always the case Cara. We never knew any different.
She told me once how she had an argument with the teacher of her daughter and that at the end the teacher told her ” your daughter has panic of your reactions” .. And she was okay with this.
My mother WANTED me to have panic of her reactions. Parent/teacher conference at school was the day she made the teacher have panic at her reactions.
She’s been told many times she could benefit from therapy, counseling, anger management, ECT (electro convulsive therapy), but she’s quite pleased with herself as she is.
You remindend me of something that now seemed funny due all what she did the last years of our friendship ( i was not married anymore ) My exhusband totally disliked her and when she called home and my ex would take the phone he would bring it to me walking and mimic a person who is in a mental hospital struggling to get out of those white whole body suits used to immobilze psychiatrical violent Patents, or when I was on the phone with her he would walk by my side and do this mimic.
At that time the only experiences he had with her was when we were both families together she would sometimes loose it in public places. My ex would walk away, her children would cry, then mine would cry because hers cried, and we all had to watch the public humiliation of her husband. It was totally chaotic. She did that twice and I told her thats it Im not going out with you anymore and my kids they are afraid of you.
She knew she had to control herself around me and my family but it was like being on the edge…
I really did not do then so much many things the 2 families together. It was impossible as my kids and my ex husband had no flexibility for that behaviour.
My N aunt is my mom’s youngest sister. There are 9 kids (baby boomers). N aunt was spoiled because she had juvenile diabetes and wasn’t expected to live past age 20 (she’s pushing 60 now, ornery people live FOREVER)!)
She always caused problems in the family whenever she didn’t get her way. Her rages and tantrums are epic!! She had one son out of wedlock at age 13, and refused to let my parents adopt him or any of my other aunts and uncles. She was so cruel to him….she still gives him grief.
I soothe my aunt when she’s in her moods. I am the only one she’ll listen to…sometimes. Just to keep peace in the family, because I promised my grandma I would.
I do understand you pain, Cara….
I wouldn’t recommend anyone stay around for abuse…but I do understand family obligations.
This site is old…but it deals with the N family dynamic:
http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/
My mother is an only child. Her mother had generalized anxiety disorder (now called floating anxiety), while her father (possibly also a narcissist) sexually abused her for years. Rather than identify with her mother (weak, a victim) she identified with her father (strong, the abuser instead of the abused)
Quite the dynamic Cara, how did you learn about the various issues that exist between your parents? Did you witness certain behaviours or were you told about it after the event?
I had a friend with both those PD and I have never seen someone more destructive and autodestructive person in my life. Its really sad. She had at least 10 mental health professinals, nothing helped. There was the police coming frequently to their home, governmal organizations who protect the family, social workers, nothing helped. Once she got arrested for hitting her husbamd because im this country if you hit your spouse you go directly to prison no other chance… Long life probation is the only thing that stopped her from doing it again but else she destroys everything that comes near her. It hurts to tell 😭😭. Sorry to hear… 🙏🏻
Well my mother has zero mental health professionals. She hits her spouse (my father); she hits me, my sisters…the police came once when my sister hit her back, and mistakenly thought my father attacked her.
But this cant be somebody hitting the others!!!!! Cant you use law enforcement??
That was the ONLY thing thag stopped her!! The only thing after spending 2 days in a cell where she told me she threw the tray of food onto the wall.
My friend went to university and comes from a middle class social level.
Her mother an N ( i suspect) and her father a super intelligent alcoholic she told me.
My sister has children & said if mommy can’t control her temper around them, she can’t see them. She hasn’t touched them.
I heard this very tirade on a Hoover text today! I told him to pretend that I was dead..
Hmm, this gives me pause.
A lot of men have said things like this to me over the years and though I know now some were narcs, not all of them were.
I can absolutely see how those words would wrap themselves around the target and ensnare them in your false-love trap. It`s brilliant. Some have said they tire of the word interesting – in my case it`s the word brilliant, because so much of what you say and do absolutely is.
Honestly, at this point if my life, if a man were to say those things to me, I`d probably vomit, then run. Because I don`t want any of that from anyone right now.
And even in the past when those words were said to me, it made me feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic. And I`d most likely challenge those professions of love and devotion….”How can you say I’m your soul mate, you’ve only known me for a month.”
Granted I know you’d have more words to make me see exactly how it is that you find me so alluring, perfect and soul-matey (haha!), but still…..
Your tactics, though chilling, are nothing short of extraordinary, HG. You truly are a master.
b&t,
Are you sure those guys were not N’s? Those are some heavy words to lay on someone in the early stages…
Sincere, “normal” guys say these things but the difference is, it occurs after an appropriate amount of time and their actions match their words. The biggest red flag for me is when any of these things are said almost immediately after meeting someone. Nothing makes me stop all contact faster then the hint of love bombing.