Always Telling Lies
You breathe. I lie. Both come to us naturally. To you, an empathic and caring person who is imbued with the traits of decency, honesty and integrity the act of lying is anathema to you. Even the use of a little white lie as it spills from your lips has you feeling uneasy. You conduct yourself in a way that involves avoiding lying and you would rather stay silent than let an untruth escape your mouth. Not only will you not lie,you detest being lied to. The lie shatters trust. Trust is a fundamental ingredient,in your world, to any relationship, whether it is between spouses, colleagues, parent and child or service provider. Without trust nothing would be achieved and the world would be a darker place. Breaching that trust is a terrible act and where your trust has been broken by the issuing of a lie then you react with horror, anger, upset and dismay. I can think of no better device for drawing an emotional reaction from your kind than the issuing of a lie. Those three letters create a small word but one which has all manner of repercussions. From the lies that accompany infidelity which strikes at the core of the relationship, to the lies told by those in power to remain a demagogue and achieve political expediency, the effect of not telling the truth is substantial and enormous. Lying results in damage. Lie to your friends and you lose their respect, lie in a court and you commit perjury, lie about your circumstances and you commit fraud,lie to your children and you begin to warp their world, lie to your other half and you destroy a part of them. A small word which packs a thermonuclear punch. So easy to say, so simple to use and the effects can be devastating. No wonder my kind and me relish its use. Economical and effective, no other tool comes close to the power of telling lies and this is why we use them repeatedly,often and extensively.
The advantage of their use is by telling you a Long Involved Explanation we lead you up the garden path and around the houses causing you to become confused and bewildered. The advantage to us is that the terrible truth of what we do becomes Lost In Explaining what we have done by use of our convoluted and twisted diatribes. We tell untruths from the moment that we seduce you as we detail to you our Lovely Ideas Embellished with falsehood about how we will achieve a promotion in under six months, climb Mount Everest and interior design our new impressive home. The fact is that we are fantasists who exaggerate our achievements and our plans so that the Lucid Ideas Expand beyond reality. The use of lies assists us in evading the finger of blame. You will try and catch us our but there is never a Lapse In Exposition as we weave an ever more complex web in which we wish to ensnare you, leaving us untarnished. You look on in astonishment as Laughing I’m Escaping accountability yet again. No matter what I have done, no matter how heinous the activity I will allow untruths to spill from my lips with consummate ease so that I remain in control, superior and blame-free. Often it will be a short and bare-faced lie, designed to have you speechless with incredulity as I walk away Laughing Inside Energetically at your shocked face. On other occasions, I will engage in the shaggy dog story, going round and round, adding more and more to the tale so that I Lovingly Insinuate Eventually that you are the one to blame and this makes you react all the more. How can we have the audacity to say such things and turn the blame onto you? Look It’s Easy, we have no sense of remorse or guilt for the things that we say. You are burdened with a conscience and a moral compass that causes you to steer a path so you always stick to the road of truth. We have no such compass. We do not have a conscience and this allows us to weave and twist, taking our explanations into the realms of the fantastic. Whether we are boasting and bragging about what we are or seeking to escape culpability we will lie incessantly. You will plead with me to tell the truth. You will promise that there will be no upshot, no comeback and no consequence you just, for once want to hear us speak the truth. You know the truth but you want me to tell you, so you can hear it for once. Like I’m Ever going to do that. Why should I give you something that you want? Why should I cede control to you ? Most of all, why should I give up the opportunity of gathering fuel from you? This is why we lie extensively, even when the truth might actually serve us better (better when judged from your viewpoint of course – not ours) we will gain fuel. Our twisted lies always cause you to react and provide us with fuel. If a situation is Lacking In Emotion we know that all it takes is for us to tell you a lie, the bolder the better, the more brazen and ridiculous it is the greater your reaction will be because you hate lies and you hate being lied to. As you stand before me frustrated and upset, I am Laughing I’m Escaping yet again any responsibility for my actions. I will smother you in untruths, layer lie upon lie, Literally It’s Engulfing you in falsehood so that you no longer even recognise the truth, such is the level of distortion. We lie to everyone. The man in the corner shop about how many goals we scored at football, lies at work to cover our backs and to plunge knives into the backs of others. Lies to a friend about how much we like him just to keep the Little Idiot Entertained. Repeatedly we will lie to you to ensure you remain Locked In Entanglement with us and cannot escape. We use lies to express our false sorrow, our faux remorse and our promises to change just so you will not Leave In Earnest. We show-off with lies in a crowd to bring the spotlight back on to us as we talk over other people because we Like Interrupting Everyone. The lie is a Limitless Invigorating Example of what we really are. A fraudster, a charlatan, a con-man and a pathological liar. We know no other way and we have no desire to embrace any other way. I will always lie, I am Loving It Everyday because it furthers my schemes, underpins my ambitions, avoids accountability and brings me fuel again and again.
I am always telling lies.
And that’s the only truth.
32 thoughts on “Always Telling Lies”
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Hi HG, I’ve recently been trying to help a friend and fellow submissive who has been in a relationship for several months. The guy is a complete scumbag and looks to tick the boxes for narc behavior. We were at a community event recently and she was confronted by a few other girls who pointed out one of his other subs, and that he had been out with her publicly while he broke plans with my friend under pretense of an emergency. She had already confronted him about that lie, since she saw him out that day, but she thought he was alone and he was able to sweet talk his way back into her favor.
Once she found out about the other girl, they got to talking, comparing experiences, comparing texts, my friend was just being bombarded with the realization of one lie after another. They kept wondering aloud why he was lying when everyone was open, and wouldn’t have cared to know about each other. He could have had all the sex he wanted but he had to lie about it. It was then that I spoke up and suggested that it wasn’t about the sex at all.
The other girl seemed open to listening to me, but she’s much less invested. I believe my friend is the primary. He has keys to her place and also a number of items belonging to her. She wanted to confront him then, but I suggested to her to wait, don’t tip him off more than he already is, get the locks changed and then have some of the many large, dominant, protective men from the community go to retrieve her stuff. I told her that the best thing she could do would be to cut off contact and not allow him access to her. She seemed agreeable at the time, but on the drive home, she seemed to falter and her anger switched to sadness.
She’s not interested in reading any sites or info. And I’m worried that I’m too blunt or clinical or something in trying to help. I don’t know how to tactfully tell her that I know she’s in the sea of emotions and dissonance and it’s not actually over for her yet, the worst is just beginning. I know that the prospect of no contact is daunting and painful, especially for a sub. A number of things that the narc relationship tries to establish are more or less default in d/s, easily exploited, amplified, and twisted to suit the narc and their needs rather than being the beautiful yin and yang of power exchange that it’s meant to be. It would hurt him to go no contact but it would hurt her deeply as well. He also has three others besides those two, so he would have other supplies to lean on.
I don’t know what else I can do to help.
Hello Lilly, you analysis of the situation strikes me as accurate and I do not disagree with the manner in which you have approached it. I take the view that the blunt, brutal truth is needed to shake people out of their brainwashing. As I advocate when you are trying to deal with a smear campaign, you have to provide independent evidence (which you have done), you need to approach it in a rationale and calm manner (which you have done) and allow the person to reach the conclusion themselves. This latter point is where you are now. She need to be left to process it. It may take her some time and she may suffer further in the meanwhile. Some people “get it” and do nothing, others “get it” and take action, and others take some time to get it. I suspect she is wavering between getting it and not at present.
I sense you want to try again and I think there is merit in you doing so. Put it to her straight, you know what you are talking about, use my work where need be (I appreciate she won’t read anything in depth so you will have to use excerpts) and then let her digest it. It will click at some point and then be available to help her. It may be some way down the line yet.
You cannot make her see, she has to see herself.
Thank you for your reply and advice, I’ll gather some excerpts in preparation for another opportunity.
You are welcome.
HG
Is there hope for a successful life for a sub/inter. narc and their dominant; If you serve a major source of fuel to the elder narc? Now that I know what is being done to me- it does not change how much I am questioning or want this person/whether there is a way to make it work. While I am more of a sociopath and want to love so badly; or to do it without conditions… I do not. Yet, with my dominant I feel he is my greatest achievement in this. Which, I know fuels him, in itself, correct? As it also fuels me in my needs?
Just got home from my trip. To my relief, my cat is safe and home, he Laid It Effortlessly, saying he kidnapped the cat when he didn’t. He is Languishing In Excessive self pity as he sends message after message, LIE after LIE. Hallow echoes of scripts he repeats. Only my SILENCE is TRUTH. So glad I haven’t responded at all and reward his bad stalking behavior. It was all method to get a rise out of me.
For some reason, this makes me feel sorry for the Lazy Ignorant Arrogant Reprobate…
Hahahha and then to top it all off they accuse you of lying !!
That’s a lie Alexis.
One of your best writings embedding L.I.E. into this blog with the play on words showing how it truly is mixed in with everything you say.
If I am to take you literal and at face value, how do any of us know you haven’t lied to us here, in your answers to us sometimes. Maybe spinning an answer so that the reader stays hooked and it keeps us buying your books and spreading the word? If you lie as easy as breathing, how can one really know?
The simple answer is you don’t, however I have no need to lie here. I do not know anybody who posts here and therefore to tell them lies would garner so little fuel that it is not worth the effort.I am far better served telling you the truth of what happens, how I think and behave and then reaping the fuel from the thanks and the praise. Telling lies here will not advance my position so I do not do it.
You know I want to believe that wholeheartedly!
Well you should.
Curious, HG. What gives you better fuel – praise from your readers who find your blog useful, fascinating and helpful (like I, & most of us who comment do) – or the occasional commenter who comes on here to blatantly criticize you, furious at you because you are a Narcissist?
Hello Hope, the amount of fuel that I garner through this is limited because everyone is a remote stranger and therefore the fuel provision is low. The cumulative effect of the praise from the vast majority of commenters outweighs the occasional dollop that comes from an angry commenter. Of course if they criticise me without fuel provision then I am wounded.
Oh yes, you lie like normal people breathe, Mother. And I’m infuriated when you lie and then get mad at me FOR LYING TO YOU. Where d’you think I learned to convincingly say the sky is orange when it’s blue…or that I came in after midnight because I was studying with Claire when I was really making out with Paul. I learned from YOU. And I can DO IT AS WELL (if not better).
And I believe for the victim or for the other party (ourselves), this thinking can be summed up as another one of the may ways we fuel them. Our anger and contempt for the behaviour causes hurt vengeful people, react upon their lies whether it be to be unfaithful or to try to just leave. Allot this files them in different ways. You can not win unless you leave. With this person, in your heart all you can do is survive. And their is no real living in that. I am not judging. I am only surviving, myself.
For me: I ask what do you do when you are an introvert narc and WANT YOUR dominant to love you as much as they could ever love another? What if you are fueled just as much by the behavior, at some point? In other words, how can I keep my dominant narc, as I am a courteous dependant narc, myself.?
Lucifer Is Evident. This is my life right now.
Like it DDD.
Love it. Encore!
Very clever, HG.
Tell me, at what stage do you WANT your target to know you’re lying?
The first go-around, I only found out about G’s lies in retrospect. Even during devaluation phase, everything he told me was very believable. And sometimes even true. (He had a lot of business trips for work. Some of them I could even look up online. So it became a convenient excuse for why we couldn’t get together. Whether it was true or not.)
Is it only after she’s in deep and you want to test her loyalty by telling her “obvious” lies, to see how much you can push her?
Very good Cody, I like it.
We do not want you knowing about our lies during seduction and not in the first throes of devaluation, it is only later during devaluation when you are confused and exhausted are we content for our lies to be blatant.
In the mouth of madness …. goodness it is so bad!
Wow, this. Awesome. It’s like you are a little video camera inside my husband’s brain.
Thank you. I am everywhere.
You are! I had no idea, but I know now.
HG do you ever worry you have gone too far with the lies? Have you ever had someone draw the line and say if you lie again it’s done?
This is the exact reason it ended with N2. I said I knew he was lying once again and if he didn’t admit it we were done. He decided to ignore me instead. His constant little lies are what made me make this decision. I would have dealt with all of the other things longer….but never lying.
It does not concern me. I may, if threatened with a loss of fuel, switch to a different form of manipulation to lessen the lying for a period. I have been delivered the ultimatum on several occasions but I manage to talk them around.
This would be the difference between a lesser/mid level N and you I assume.
I am interested in the differences of the levels and types as I can’t quite place either N even after reading Sitting Target. I feel they were both combination of victim and somatic. N2 was so obsessed with himself I would tell him he checked out himself more than he did me! He was also helpless at life in general.
Is there a book that had more details about this? Maybe I’ve already grasped it…with the realization that whatever you would do, they would always do on a lesser level, and possibly without understanding the need.
You may find someone who is on the cusp of the categories. Thus he is somatic in terms of keeping himself looking good, grooming and hygiene, but intellectually he may be a victim narcissist too. This does not mean that he is necessarily stupid but that he is rubbish at organising himself, hopeless with money, often late, gets ill, looks to someone else to take care of all the other things so he has longer in the mirror.
Yes the first part is true. Lies hurt and lies 💔😢.
Its amazing how lies are told like truth, without blinking nothing….
My daughter complains that one of her best friend lies and lies and lies about everything like if it was true and it seems she seeks attention… Could be only Traits I hope, but contrary to me, my daughter and other classmates get very angry. I get 💔.
I know nikitalondon. That lying capcity always amazed me, how naturally and endlessy lies came out, the imagination involved, the goal (fuel) always eluded me. It is so bad. I cannot know the reality of my father childhood because nothing made sense and my ex husband perpetually blurred everything to a point where just looking at him, being next to him or having to talk with him gave me nausea, it even came up to a serious vertigo crisis where I had to be hospitalized. Now same thing, if I feel or find I am in the company of a liar, the disgust arising is so strong that I have to leave right away.
Hi BR
i can understand to a certain degree depending on the circumstances when somebody lies to me. i certainly tolerate it better than you.
I had a classmate in uni that lied all the time, but really harmless things like the color of his car or a movie he watched, or whatever. Some people knew and got angry I just listened and acknowledged. It depends on the lie but of course I fully prefer no lies like I do.