Ten Conversational Narc Grenades
1. You never….
The precursor to a criticism of how you do not do something for me. It is a twin explosive assault against you because not only do I tell you that you are failing me by not doing something for me I also choose something that you actually do carry out. By suggesting that you no longer do a particular act or say a certain thing, when you actually do so, I intend to leave you speechless with exasperation and confused as to just how I can say such a thing. You will be stunned by such a blatant contradiction and this will result in your emotional response coming to the fore, rather than a reasoned one. All the better fuel for us.
2. You always….
The flipside of the above and likely to be tossed in your direction not long after the above narc grenade. The allegation of “you always” will be followed by some put-down and criticism highlighting a behavioural trait of yours which we deem unsatisfactory. Once again we will actually highlight something that you do not do in order to perplex you. You will defend yourself against this scandalous accusation and once again erupt in an emotional manner.
3. I’m sick of you controlling me.
Thrown at you in order to project our own rampant control of you. This is also used to deflect any criticism of us when you chastise us for our behaviour. Any attempt from you to point out the error of our ways or even to try to help us in some way will be met with this response. We do believe that you are trying to control us, by trying to break our own control of you and we cannot allow this to happen. It is through our control that we gain what we want from you and therefore any threat to this must be met with something that will knock you off balance. Accusing you of the very thing that we are doing will cause such astonishment and consternation that our aim is fulfilled.
4. My ex wouldn’t do this
A narc grenade of triangulation and who better to do it with than your predecessor. By implying that your predecessor has some form of superiority to you, after all the smearing of her name we did when we first ensnared you, not only will you be taken aback by this sudden volte face, you will also be mightily offended at being compared to someone who we hate so viciously. Drawing you down to her apparent level always brings forth a reaction from you.
5. My ex would do it
Another flipside whereby we are seeking to coerce you to do something for us, something which you are evidently reluctant to do. You have reservations and no doubt with good reason, but that does not matter to us. You are our extension and therefore you ought to be complying with our wishes without hesitation or refusal. By triangulating you again with she who went before you we are threatening that you are inferior to her and raising the prospect that you will be soon dispensed with if you do not do what we want.
6. I love you but I don’t like you right now
This carefully crafted narc grenade will shatter you as it appears as a compliment before ripping your heart out as you struggle to comprehend what we have just said.Surely if we love you, then we must also like you? What do we mean by saying this? It creates confusion and will have you trying to persuade us to both love and like you. What we mean when we lob this grenade towards you is “You say you love me but you will not do what I want.”
7. If you loved me….
We know that you are a love devotee. A passionate supporter and believer in the concept of love and we use this as grenade to about compliance. We know that you take pride in your integrity and decency and therefore you have standards to always uphold. By suggesting that your failure to act in the manner we want or that your disagreeing with us is somehow representative of you loving us less, we are challenging what you stand for. This will always force you to react by stating your case, reacting in an emotional fashion and ultimately doing what we want, in order to prove that you do indeed love us.
8. You are over reacting
A favourite to make you react even more. You take matters seriously and there are many things that we shall do which will cause you to respond in a serious and concerned fashion. By using this grenade, we belittle you and cause the issue to be about your reaction rather than what we have actually done.It acts as a brilliant way to deflect discussion and dissection of our behaviour and instead causes you to try to prove that you are not over-reacting, which will invariably actually heighten your response.
9 I can’t deal with this right now
Our grenade that is thrown in order to provide us with an escape route from any crisis or situation that requires us to be either accountable or supportive. We do neither and we want to keep it this way. We will invent some other reason which means that we have to depart or that you have to deal with this situation as we hurl the grenade, leaving you to catch it and deal with the subsequent explosion as we walk away, free from involvement, responsibility and culpability.
10 I don’t remember
The blast from this grenade is used to eradicate the problem that you are facing us with. Whether it is an accusation that we have failed to do something or evidence of misbehaviour, this grenade is a failsafe way of enabling us to escape the problem. Often it will be used even when it is blatantly clear that we can remember, making your flabbergasted reaction all the more satisfying. There may be irrefutable evidence that we know and can remember but this never stops us from hurling this grenade at you and making good our escape from your attempt to blame us.
15 thoughts on “Ten Conversational Narc Grenades”
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My favorite was always “You’re a psycho,” after acting crazy 4 billion times. Or being called a stalker by someone with no boundaries who still calls a decade later…
11. Quit playing games.
No. 8 Overreacting – leads to “over thinking”, leads to “making up my own conclusions”, leads to me being “delusional”, leads to if I could only “try to be a woman he’d want to be with….”. Ugh!
Recently inquired about OW by text….got no response. Called to follow up…was told “I don’t know what you accused me of because I didn’t listen to your message because you told me I didn’t have to worry about it because you were having a moment so I didn’t listen to it.”
“are you ok now?”
Mind you 2 months prior he was told to ignore a message. That was used as ammo in the most effective way.
Conveniently the question about OW was unanswered and forgotten.
Mind games combining 8 and 9. Gaslighting.
Oh, I’ve definitely gotten the “I didn’t listen to your message”. ” I don’t read messages more than 1 paragraph “. ” I tossed it.” “I threw it away”. Yeah, when you gather all these messages collectively, we really are just in one big appliance heap. Lol.
Exhausting
Yup…my mother often tells me how her friends’ kids would [whatever it is I don’t wanna do] but when she doesn’t want something from me, she thinks her friends are stupid & their kids are spoiled & lazy.
Whatever suits will always be used against you no matter if it is contradictory.
Ohhh number 2 and number I did hear alot. But all these sentences are adressed in comminicatiom books and Workshops as violent communication because they imply guilt. Its destructive.
But this is an example where an N can improve his bad patterns. Narcs and non narcs as this is used also by non N people unintentionally -there lies the difference-
There is a wa. Of having control with good communicatiom Or with some more covert from the tool kit.
Veeery good awareness on N ( bad ) communicatiom skills. For all of us to watch out for not talk putting the guilt on the other one.
Thanks HG 😘😘😘❤️
thevreaction from the MN when I try these lines in him are equally satisfying !! I think he hates being played at his own game more than anything else. And now you’ve given me a few more to try out HG – thank you 😉
Pleasure.
Hahahaha you are sometimes so funny. You really pretend to use these? On your husband? I think you said your are married to one?
Yer, it’s too much fun to resist using them on the MN !! He’s not my husband, no way – thank goodness !! I am married and have the most wonderful husband . But I can’t help but gain enjoyment from winding up the MN
Can you change your “EVIL” heading eventually. It just makes me laugh. Narcs are just brilliant enlightened beings living in the dark. Can you help the environment you came into when you were a child and what you were exposed to and what was witheld from you? It’s nobodies fault I am the empath of all time and you are the malign narc of all time and we are in this glorious dance together. We couldn’t exist without each other. The middle path is the point therefore Evil truly does not exist either. It’s just what we’ve manifested collectively from the mind. It’s why if you truly have fears you feel guess what i feel them but the point is not to be afraid of them. Your fuel is also mine. I get off giving to my narc the infinite and eternal life force energy that goes through me without any fear.