Promiscuous Boy
I remember the day, or more accurately that the floodgates were opened on my promiscuity. It was when I attended a particular university for the purposes of an admission interview. It was early December and this historic and beautiful university city was lit up by orange and yellow lamps as a little mist clung to the narrow alleyways and courtyards. I had concluded my two interviews (read Fury if you want to know more about how they progressed and how one interview impacted on me) and returned to the junior common room to meet up with two other candidates. They were applying to the same college but to read a different subject to me. They were both English literature students. He was from Greenock in Scotland and she was a bookbinder’s daughter from Cambridge in England. Beer was consumed, stories swapped and the fellow from Greenock retired to his room. The bookbinder’s daughter, she was called Sarah, came back to my room and we talked before we climbed into bed together. I had a girlfriend at the time and whilst there had been dalliances with other girls I had not slept with another. That changed that night. And in the morning too. Sarah wandered away across the quadrangle to her room and I rose from my bed to seek out the bathroom. She decided to stay another day at the college because she wanted to spend time with me. I was happy for her to do so as I waited around, as was customary, in case an interview arose at another college. The following day we both departed, she to the east and me to the west and once I alighted at the train station near to my girlfriend’s house I went straight round to see her. She was pleased to see me and embraced me with enthusiasm. I returned the enthusiasm. I had no sense of guilt at my infidelity. Nothing at all. Instead I revelled in the way I had taken Sarah to my bed and now strode into my then girlfriend’s bedroom with her asking with admiration how my interview had progressed and what the college was like.
Following that first time I never looked back. I cheated left, right and centre. With that girlfriend and with all subsequently. Why did I do it? Way back then I realised how good it made me feel but I had no understanding of why I actually did it. Something always drove me to do it. I realised that the relevant girlfriend would be upset if she knew what I had done but this never stopped me. I never gave it a second thought. Even as I was locked in an embrace with some relative stranger and an image of the girlfriend formed in my mind I felt no tug of conscience, remorse or guilt. All I knew was that I was able to seduce, pull, entice and ensnare everywhere I went. I would meet someone and always find something attractive about them – it might be the colour of their hair, the length of their legs, their accent, the way they rolled the letter r, the fact they drank with a straw or the size of their breasts. It might be their enthusiasm for a particular band, their recollections of travelling or the manicured nails. Each and everyone had some kind of attraction. I could not resist trying to ensnare someone in order to bring them under my spell. It was then that I realised what it was that really drew me to them, it was the promise of their attention. I realised I was able to get them hooked on me. I had convinced myself that I was drawn to them for some other reason but it dawned on me that I was just telling myself that as a reason. A reason that I required to explain this compelling desire to couple with someone. But that was not the real reason. The truth was that I wanted their attention on me and this was the way to get it.
Yes it was pleasant engaging in that first kiss and I enjoyed the sensations that arose when the embrace escalated but it was not what I actually I wanted. I wanted them to praise me. I wanted them to become transfixed by me and for them to shine their spotlight firmly on me. The promiscuity has always continued and it does not matter who with it is the fact that I am able to do seduce and by so doing gather that starry-eyed admiration, those pleasing words and the attention. This engagement does not end with behaving in a promiscuous fashion. I will engage in discussions with a stranger of my own sex,at a bar, a railway platform or in a lift. I have no desire to seduce them sexually for that is not my preference but I do cause them to like me and in so doing give me that fuel that I need.
Often I feel like admitting my repeated transgressions straight away to the relevant girlfriend of the time but I have no desire to puncture my primary source of fuel by doing this. I do find it interesting how they always react with such alarm and distress on the odd occasion I do make such a confession. If I tell them how well I got on with a random male in an exchange at a bar, someone with whom I have swapped views, thoughts and opinions, I receive a smile and a comment of,
“Always good to make new friends.”
Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar. Yes, one might yield greater fuel than the other but in terms of intimacy they are equally redundant. That is not why I do it. I do not do it because I want to savour the sensation of another’s mouth against me. I do it because I want them to give me fuel. I can understand how you may be aghast if in a normal relationship a partner behaves with infidelity but to our kind it just about the attention, the admiration, the fuel. You have such a great hang up because sex is involved. That is just the gateway device to me. If I could get the attention another way so that it provides such fuel then believe me I will do it. However, in your world, on the whole, the act of a sexual union accords a greater connection between two people which means you yield more fuel and are more inclined to keep providing it as you seek more from the liaison.
Our promiscuity arises to enable us to achieve fuel. From the new target who is seduced by us and from you should we alert you in some way (either in whole or in part) to our new interest. The condemnation that is attached to promiscuity when in a relationship means that your reaction just provides us with even more fuel. There is a risk of your supply being punctured by this revelation but it is a calculated risk and is often done when the quality of your supply generally has started to wane.
To us promiscuity when in a relationship is merely a means to an end. To you, well, you behave as if it is the end of the world. It really isn’t.
54 thoughts on “Promiscuous Boy”
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So if they have all these casual sex relationships and go from one to another, do they later hoover them or just keep moving on one after the other? My guess is one I was involved with is constantly searching for newer, fresher, even though recently married to 3rd wife. It seems some stay on their social media pages, even though one is the one I think he tried to hit with a car and he had harassment charge vs. her, not vice versa. And how his new wife isn’t suspicious of his Liked pages or arrests… I don’t know their situation or what’s going on. I thought I was only one. So he told me and it’d been years since he’d been involved with anyone. Internet and arrests prove otherwise. And while it seems he was long over me before I realized, I think I meant more to him than a fling. He knew I thought we had serious relationship. And while many may be flings, he must have others like me as his MO would be the same. He was an excellent writer (has made $ writing) so lovebombs through writing and is an amazing lover. So while I thought we were serious, maybe he just saw me as a fling. Do narcs hoover back to these relationships? I had much more to be disgusted/unhappy about – serious stuff, yet he was the one unhappy with me. I think meth, etc. also has part in skewing his thinking. And I did watch youtube interview of HG.
We will hoover in these situations as well based on whether there is a Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met. Often the criteria are not met so it is not worth the bother. Those two factors are the relevant ones to consider Question/Exclamation Mark.
The dweeb I was with was the type that was very non-sexual. No kissing, no touchy feely, no intimacy. Although he’d talk about sex all the time. I tried bringing other women into our bed to liven it up, but he wouldn’t have it. Probably because he was getting it from everywhere else. That was no big whoop because little did he know, so was I…big time. It’s weird to me now how I could ever be with someone who isn’t affectionate, because I very much am, but it happened. He hated kissing and would just give me pecks on the lips….no tongue. Sex was very robotic and impersonal. Usually porn had to be on. And he wouldn’t want it much. For the sheer fact that it was getting too intimate with me, he would get nervous and clumsy, and awkward. But yet he dubbed himself a “wrecking ball”..tearing up pussy (his words) left and right…
Hello.
Sounds not so nice no kissing 😖
I can see that my ex needed the adoration and attention of every woman he met. I actually spoke to him about it and I could tell when there were others on the scene by how he treated me at the time. I find it so very interesting to read things from the point of view of a narcissist.
Funnily enough I’m from that town Greenock in Scotland and so is the narcissist I once thought was my true love…
Thank you for your response. It must occur occasionally if a partner hears put downs and the “no one else will ever” lines enough times , and of course, once the discard phase starts. I guess not all supply can be controlled or manipulated forever.Some just can’t be broken and can be defiant. Is that good or bad? Good for them right? But not a good choice of supply….What to do then, find more submissive ones? Thank you for your insight, I feel I can understand now.
You are welcome. Of course, we look to choose the ones who will stay the course, hence why the co-dependent is on the wish list.
Chained (HG book) was very eye opening for me- probably because it hit way too close to home… But it has helped me to understand better than Vankin or anyone/anything else why I am treated more “special” than anyone else.
Sure, from the outside, I look like the chosen one. I’m the one he (very rarely) allows to tag on FB, I’m the one he takes on trips (work trips- yes, still bitter about that), I’m the one who gets to meet Mommy Dearest, heck- I was even allowed to friend her on fb!
But if you only knew the price he makes me pay, you would not trade places with me for anything.
Yes, I am the chosen one, and I hate it but I have not yet found the strength to get out.
Chained is indeed a very good book and the name is spot on as that is what is. Chained.
Feeling through this person, but I learned that for a more healthy feeling for the other it should be feel with.
So, what if the relevant gf, or supply, has an affair? Perhaps they feel some distance, and happen to be charmed by another….
How does this effect you?
Well unlikely as it is, for the purpose of providing an answer I would be furious. This is a huge criticism of me. They have chosen someone over me, how dare they? My ignited fury will cause me to lash out at her, at him and ensure I receive fuel in order to repair the huge wound that has been caused. In certain cases we might withdraw to recover and leave them to it, but we will seek retribution at some point.
HG, still waiting to hear about your using the promise of a “trip of a lifetime” to lure back a fuel source who dared to try to leave. Maybe you can write a post about it?
Thank you for the reminder Cody, I have added it to the article list. Keep your eyes peeled.
Nikita is your biggest fan here HG.. all that fuel you are getting from her..your strutting now like a male peacock lol. big tail and all ..
I am 💓💓
Bravo.
You may have competition…. lol
I spy with my roving eye, something beginning with T.
I know this ! And its ok.
Someone please call Nikita a doctor.😉
Thanks Bethany 👍🏻
Hmmm HG so that is the secret how you become such great lovers , also part of the equipment to gain more fuel. Can be dangerous for the health though such promiscuity and of course nobody liked their partner being promiscous..
So I imagine you as an expericed, great lover, thats knows the exact movement or touch to get the best output of pleasure…
That makes you all more attractive!!!
A real good lover 😃👍🏻, intelligent, funny, handsome. Wow!!! ❤️❤️.
I will daydream about you then 😘😘😘
Thanks for posting and have a nice day ⛽️☀️
HG Dear….
How would you feel if your girlfriend cheated on you?
As if that would ever happen.
……because you pick women that’d never stray….they wouldn’t even think about it…N3 picks his women the same way…..*smh*
Bingo and why would they ever want to, not when they know there is the promise of the golden period and a talented if lost soul that just needs to be healed.
Yada….yada….yada, HG……lol
Just telling you how it is my dear T!
You know how much I appreciate it when you “keep it real”, HG!
Naturally.
N3 also. He had a carefully designed category matrix for people.
Yes, Nikita….N3 actually waited until someone like me came along to have another relationship…..his ex fiancée left him 3 years prior….and he just dated casually until I came along….
I guess N’s can’t afford to to take a chance on the wrong woman. They need someone that they know is going to be strong enough to go the distance with them…..someone honest to a fault…
Heyyy are you ok. We have not heard from you lately… ??? Found Mr wonderful right?? 😃😃
Hi Nikita! I’m doing just fine! Enjoying life…😉
Cool! Good to hear from you. ☀️
By the way, Nikita….May is International Hoover Month! Lol! So, stay strong ladies!
I’ve been dodging Hoovers from N3 all last week via the telephone and drive-by’s. ….AND an ex boyfriend from 2 years ago keeps calling from his own number and does not leave messages?!!
I won’t return a call without a message….he is NOT an N, but he got offended when I laid down boundaries so we broke up….I’m NOT interested in seeing him again romantically…. I’ve totally friend zoned him….lol!
I’ve been working on ME lately! I’m running 2 miles most days again, buying myself a new dress every week (sometimes 2!), keeping regular beauty appointments, and making travel plans!
I’m getting my groove back….and my mojo too! By Summertime-I’ll be fit and fashionable just like I always am every summer!
My narcissist ex told me once that he used to have a habit, when he was younger, of charming people into liking him. He would target someone, reel them in with lots of calculated attention, then, when they finally started to reciprocate and indicated they wanted to be more than friends, he would suddenly pull back and become cold and distant. No more attention. Some of them, he said, became angry.
Reading this article explained perfectly why he wanted to trick people in this manner. Unlike yourself, he was able to obtain sufficient supply without having to actually get physical with these people. So thank you for writing this – it really helped me to understand this sort of behavior, which to a “normal” is just completely bizarre and cruel.
You are welcome Heather.
It is more disgusting how people behave sexually today. People even use the online dating portal to find sex if in a relationshio or not. This seem to be normal practice today.
It is cruel when people trick others into sex and promise something else, but this is not the impression I have from this posting but more conscented sex without engagement.
Betraying a partner is always cruel because nothing hurts more than a betrayal. Then I prefer to be left ( discarded) but not discover a betrayal.
I dont like anymore to speak about my past relationships but N3 was like Heather describes above. He was the most charming persom ever. He would charm every sales woman or man, waiter or waitress and according to him he did never trick women into having sex promising relationships, and swore to me about his fidelity to me or when in a relationship but he was also open that he had lots lots lots of sex like I think is what this post described. Meeting somebody to have sex with this person some hours later.
I dont think he washed my brain on that this is normal because I see very often this behaviour on single people rather below 40. What he did tell me all the time and I Would like to hear the opinion of you HG and maybe other readers was that at the end “everything is about sex”.
Everything. If not in action at least with the thoughts.
Everything is about fuel. Sex is a powerful conduit to allow the collection of that fuel. Sex is a weapon and a particularly effective one.
According to him in a philosophical way all we do is for sex. Like dress up nicely to attract somebody to later on have sex, marry for sex, brush our teeth that they dont rot and keep nice to get a partner to eventually have sex…, and so on… So like final station is having somebody to have sex with.
I dont think he was talking about fuel. This and sex was another subject.
I can see the look on your face with no guilt reflected in your eyes. I can hear your voice with no remorse.
Disgusting. End of.
When I was 23, I loved a man called Vinnie. Well, I loved him as only a survivor of childhood rape can, as only the child of a narcissistic borderline personality can, as only someone with serious trust issues (and rampant alcoholism) can. When he didn’t love me back, there was a self-directed rage as I discarded him for his friends (three of them in rapid succession) who DID see me as the sex object he didn’t (he thought of me more as a younger sister) & I made sure he knew how his friends used me sexually. I WANTED him to know what he was missing.
Cara, you have endured so much. That was such a young age to be exposed to so much, especially sexually. Especially when I read your comments on your interactions with your mom, I always just want to give you a hug! My wish for you is that you find that unconditional love from some source in your life since it did not come from her. You are most deserving!!!
I loved Vinnie so much I once told him the truth about how my maternal grandfather raped me. He never repeated that, it was something I told him in confidence that he never repeated (and at the time, I didn’t just tell everybody things in confidence) and he never repeated it or used it against me and I never thanked him for that.
Ohhh Cara sorry to hear. I did not know about that. Blessing for you.
Cara, I have 1 precious daughter I was blessed with after 5 years of struggling with infertility and 1 miscarriage. She is my everything. If she came to me when she is older and shared with me something so delicate and personal as you just did with me here, what I would tell her is this, “Sweet girl, if it still means that much to you now as it did then, it is NEVER too late to pass along that thank you. You never know what may come back, but nothing bad ever comes from telling someone thank you for a kindness they bestowed.”
Cara,
I’m sure Vinnie loved you too(how could he not? You’re a total sweetheart!). He probably just couldn’t risk telling you because of his childhood…he’d rather push you away than take that risk of you abandoning him…..he knew he couldn’t survive that…. Hurting people–HURT PEOPLE! As much as they don’t want to…..bless his heart….
You two hurt each other….by trying to avoid getting hurt….❤️
So HG, what you are saying is that attention is fuel? Just like some people that are just starved throughout there whole lives for attention from someone anyone they will do what ever it takes to get attention .
Emotional attention, yes.
Dear God, I am so happy I never had sex with him. Not even a BJ. A handjob and that was it. Sorry TMI, but to be honest, I held out for a year until he realized I was never going to actually put.out even though I kept stating that is all I really wanted…I swung back and forth between I in love, I just want sex, no, wait friends. Yes. I did discard him, and pulled him back several times, til finally he decided we would be “casual friends”. This is what I wanted. No narc rage, no nasty discard. Just quiet–and my chance to finally go No Contact while he is busy with the others. This article was very interesting… Indeed. It makes sense why he cheats on his wife and every woman he has been with. H.G you make the narc I was involved with look like a chump.
Thanks for your post Witches Brew, your last sentence was most welcome.