The Eight Exploitations of Empathy
You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them
1. Trust
You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.
2. Honesty
Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.
3. Decency
You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.
4. Equality
You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.
5. Fidelity
To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.
6. Tenacity
You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.
7. Healing
You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.
8. Loving
Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.
35 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy”
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This article is me! I was lucky – my narc was a fairly low level narcissist, but he did everything in this article to get into my head & I did/felt all of the things described until I couldn’t take it any more & went no contact. I have learned some hard lessons about unconditional love & trust. I still value these things but will be more discerning in future.
Hello Fran Race, thanks for adding your observations.
Reblogged this on NarcMagNet69x96.
How can you say that the Narc never gets hurt in return? There are “things” that matter to him… He has a mental fit if there is a dingy on his Porsche. He gets angry with people in public if they get in his way. He gets upset with his Father when he is insulted and ridiculed by him. He “cried” when I dumped him… Although I know it is only because he didn’t have another girl to clutch onto, so they were tears of panic. i can bet that he had to take his valliums that week. HA! Sorry, but I am being very careful in my revengeful plots. So far, every shot that I have aimed at him has been successful. Now I fantasize about my son sucker punching him in the face. I hope he breaks his nose and makes it more distorted than it already is. ( He has a big nose that he complains about). I also fantasize about keying his fancy cars and his boats. Of course I won’t do it if there is a chance of me getting caught. I have seen my XNarc plot such things against people. Too bad, so sad if he gets a taste of his own poisonous medicine. My dear XNarc didn’t know that when he was abusing me, I was processing it and coming to terms with it. Now that I am clear as to what he did to me, I have taken off my velvet gloves to expose my iron fists!!! He will lose at his own game. Wait until I tell his Director Of Operations that he calls her a ” cash cow”. I wonder how she will feel about THAT? If she quits, he is skewed!!! Ha ha… Right now she is a puppet on his string Etc etc… I just want to see him cast into hell where he belongs!!!!! God cast Lucifer out of heaven… I am not inventing ” Justice” and I do not care if the trend these days is to be nice to your oppressor. I have compassion and I forgive him for being so pathetic, but that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t go to hell. He is a danger to society, like prisoners are. HE IS EVIL, NOT ME. I am not to blame for defending myself against him. He blamed me every time he hurt me calling me ” too sensitive” etc. Don’t call me ” too harsh” now, because I will spit on your face… I INTEND TO GIVE EVERY OUNCE OF CRAP BACK TO HIM. And no, I will not get “locked up” because I am not stupid. HE IS THE STUPID FOOL- NOT ME. He should have neverrrrr abused me. He barked up the wrong tree when he met me!!! I pity him.
Don’t be a pettycriminal. Your sinking below the narc. I want mine to feel pain. But the only thing I want is for him never to See me. Never see me happy or sad. In peace and freedom I feel vindicated. He has broke laws…bled me dry. I’m now starting over. No contact for weeks. His son got caught up the last time he showed up and let himself in my home. I was not home and police were involved. Police just think I’m crazy. I felt sorry for him. Now no contact seems to be the only way not to fuel him. I kept silent so my family wouldn’t want to punch him. They aren’t petty criminals so why involve them. Best of luck. I’m in therapy and its hard.
Yes, indeed…you nailed every single attribute of we Empaths, and that is why you target us.
Fortunately, some of us learned early on how to sniff your kind out – and walk away quickly when you’re near! Nothing personal, of course…nothing wrong with self-preservation, no?
😉
Absolutely not Sepultra, it does indeed work both ways.
Yes! Better at discernment… seeing reality as it is… and thinking like a Narc, so to be better prepared and protect my Empathic self. Yes, grateful for having found this blog! Geez- and I cant believe I shared here that The Narc had low testosterone and I full-heartedly believed it- even at that point! LMAO!! Appreciate everyone’s patience and support. “So Sad” and “T”, you acknowledged my struggle and were encouraging! Anyone who liked my replies and let me know I was being heard. Very helpful. HG scared the shit out of me initially… and that was instrumental in moving me thru my ambivalence with “no contact”. I’ve come a long way in only last few months- the rose-colored glasses have come off. Im finding, not a bad way to view the world… WHAT A PROCESS! Thanks everyone
Thank you for your kind comments Lynn.
Wonderful description of us Empaths, HG! All the qualities that make us beautiful, good wife material, good mother material, loyal employee/business partner material, true friend material will be exploited by N’s of all stripes……from lovers, friends, employers, and family members.
These qualities can be used to describe every woman on this blog.
Don’t ever change, ladies….just get better at discernment…..these are qualities to be proud of.
Can’t leave out the fellows on this T, some of us males are also on the Empath team. Not all malignant N’s are male, a fair share are female – I know – I was practically bled dry by one. A hearty Thank You to HG for this litany of the blessings we provide to others – I’m going to tape it to my wall.
You are welcome Non Draco, always interesting to have a male empath’s perspective.
Hi Non!! Welcome! Agreed female N’s are the worst!!! I’ve had some as “friends”……never doing that again! Lol
Perfectly Said. I AGREE!
Thank you, AMA! Welcome! Don’t let him steal you light, Beautiful ❤️
10. Self Doubt – you bank on this
Not always there to begin with Bethany but we certainly bring it to the fore in due course.
Ohh spot on 😟
I stand corrected. That makes more sense.
Closely related: low self-esteem.
I am an Empath but I became a Narc while I had to defend myself from the Narc… I gave it all back to him tenfold- devalued him when he began devaluing me… I discarded him in front of many people at a party… Hahahaha he went into a panic for weeks because he was embarrassed at the party AND worse than that, he didn’t have another Empath lined up to clutch onto… After two weeks of pathetic panic, he finally found an empathetic meek girl as his ” consolation prize” … I was a beautiful trophy that he lost and everyone knows it… His friends want me Hahaha The joke ended up on him. I am back to being the kind Empath that I truly was and now I only feel pity for him… Perhaps someday, he will be healed from his sick mental disorder. I will keep him out n my prayers. I am not mad at him because I got Justice… Now I feel only compassion IF thought of him crosses my mind… I do not care to think about him, but rather am living my life, my dreams, MY MY MY happiness.
That’s not very empathic of you AMA! Poor fellow. Tell me, how did you go about devaluing him?
I devalued him by attacking everything that was important and vital to him. i targeted his pride and ego. He is a multimillionaire who takes great pride in his possessions, his reputation, his cars, houses, friends, things. He pretends that he has the best of everything. He is a BIG SHOW OFF. And a people pleaser, so I basically let him and his friends know how inferior he is to my X-husband- his house is smaller, his cars and vacations are not as good… I emphasized how everything that he gave to me paled in comparison to what my husband gave to me. I made comments to his friends and pointed it all out to them in front of him. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS RED FACE. Ha ha! I emphasized how my husband still loves me ( My asinine Narc has seen me and my husband hug on occasions and during the “golden period” he spent time with me and my x-husband at my son’s college football games). Now after 4 years of manipulation and horrible mind-games, I got so off-balance and sick… BUT THANK GOD I found my sanity and I ABRUPTLY LEFT HIM… Thank God I have a strong family that backed me up. Now, I told him that my son is my guardian who promises to kick his ass for emotionally abusing me. (my son is 6’5 , my Narcissist boyfriend is 5’11). He is seriously worried now. HA! …I think I will have my son kick his ass in front of his new girlfriend- make him look like a sissy. Hahaha My X Narc has no children. He has had nothing but one bad relationship after another, which he blames on all the women. I will be friending his x-girlfriends soon. I am NOT DONE with my revenge, yet… And I don’t care if revenge is “bad”. Too bad, so sad for him, but there are a legion of angels in heaven who make evil people pay the consequences of their own actions. I have lived my entire lifetime praying to angels, painting angels, visiting cathedrals in Italy, devoted to angels… Those angels are on my side. I have always had angels with me. Have you ever heard the prayer of Saint Patrick’s Breastplate? I say that every morning ( little did my X Narc know)….. ohhhh i went from being an Angelic Empath to being a FIERCE ANGELIC WOMAN OF JUSTICE… HE NEVER SAW IT COMING!!! I shocked the hell out of him. I am a thin, quiet, respectful, loyal, moral, loving, caring woman. I raised an amazing son. I took care of my elderly sick father with patience and grace. My Narc is a giant fool like Goliath, while I am David. Hahahahaha I AM SO GLAD TO BE TAKING HIM DOWN. I am saving other women. Maybe he will be saved too, by learning a valuable lesson. Or maybe he will just bring himself to hell. I really don’t care what he does, as long as he doesn’t take anymore innocent women down with him. I want him to take back all of the evil shit that he gave to me and I want him to eat it-choke on it. I SERIOUSLY ALMOST DIED FROM HIS ABUSE. I have never experienced depression or anxiety and I ended up so sick from his abuse- my family was extremely worried. My X Narc drinks, has emergency valliums in a bottle, he has depression and anxiety, he smokes pot every night, has high blood pressure, etc. I don’t drink, I have never done drugs, I have never been anxious or depressed, I was a virgin when I got married and stayed married for 17 years. My X Narc is the only other man that I ever brought home. My relationships are wonderful (family friends neighbors)…So, Tell me, HG have you ever met an Empath girlfriend turn Narcissistic on you? I became one to the highest degree- I am worse than he will ever be. I hope you never date a woman like me, HG. I am the sweetest, kindest, most loving person on the planet… Like God, I am all loving… and like God, my wrath intends to wipe out evil!!! My X Narc never guessed that the tables would turn on him. I did it in such an insidious manner (I learned from him). HE MET HIS MATCH WHEN HE MET ME… He thought he was abusing a helpless little girl. He didn’t know that I am nice but I am not stupid. I am an angel… an avenging angel!!!! Have Mercy on him? No! Have Pity on him? YES!!! Do NOT mess with a child of God. Have you ever looked at the statues of the Blessed Mother? She is an empath standing on a snake with her bare feet- victorious over evil !!! Narcissists don’t win in the end!!! Sorry HG, your time will come!
That isn’t turning narcissistic,it is meeting abuse with abuse. I understand your motivation and understand your desire, it leaps from the screen laden with fuel. I have had people try to strike back but all it has done is fuel me because they went about it the wrong way. There are those who have sought to “administer my time” and all they did was fuel me further. It is clear what has happened to you has sparked a visceral desire for revenge and you evidently obtain succour from God in this quest. All I would point out is that there is a lot of fuel there and you also risk being locked up!
You are AMA indeed full of hatred and rage.
I was brought up Catholic and I got taught that revenge and hatred are having a Godless soul. In addition you are sure you want to introduce your son already into violence.. And a minor? He will grow up thinking that he can kick everybodies ass when he feels they go his way.. Are you sure this is what you want for your kid? To bring him imto your hatred and evil revenge.
You will just end up hurting yourself more..
I hope you can calm down and have time to reflect on if really all this hatred will bring you something positive.
Good luck 🌷
That cant be empath, narc , empath…
Supernova seems to me to be more nuanced than hatred and revenge. I see Supernova as more about anger and justice. Supernova looks to me like Rainbow Rock (not Grey Rock). It keeps the narcissist guessing and off-balance, but it is not spiteful.
HI AMA
Sorry to say but humiliation of someone in public is a form of abuse. 😮☹️😱.
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR. He abused me first, so now he will take it back. He does this to women. I have neverrrrr done this to anyone. I am just giving HIM back what is HIS!
Tell that to the policeman who walks into a person’s place of business and arrests them in public! I have seen this done to a “respectable” woman of four children, because she was stealing cash everyday from the business. THAT IS JUSTICE, not abuse!
Hi.
Hope you are feeling better!
I see the policeman story different than you. He is paid to arrest people who violate the law, but in a partnership you dont apply justice. You sent boundaries and if not respected you leave. You cant say abusing back is justice. Abusing back is just the same abuse you were given. Sorry to be so frank but its in all the literature I have read.
There is no book telling stay in an abusive relationship and abuse back your partner. Nevertheless for the policeman there is a contract bound.
Good luck with reflecting 🌷🌷🌷
Reblogged this on Sir's little darling and commented:
…Because we are Perfect little targets.
Thank you.
THis is a nice posting about us 🙂
8 yes. to our core values !! Despite the sufferement we dont let go go them never ever. Love is the strongest force of the universe. Like this we die. I just have a note to number 7. This one changes through time, even more when you discover a theory like the one from Ross Rossemberg who teaches you from where your lack of boundaries come and how to learn to settle them again. If you are an empath/codependant you have much more tenacity than just the empath.
Nevertheless a recovered codependant is on its way to learn to settle boundaries where it is convenient.
I belive or at least it is for me a journey to walk and see where the boundaries should be set. I dont believe or at least its not for me that from one day to the other you dont have boundaries and then zap you have the tightest and safest boundaries….
Having worked on boundaries has made me a better person, and be able to see better when the love I give is turning against me and taking my forces to be able to continue loving and now I know its not fixing but be part of the own fixing of someone while I fix also myself with selflove and boundaries. Because you can only give what you have inside.
And I am looking very much forward to be part of fixing ( jumping heart)