Six Speciality Hoovers (And How to Unplug Them)
The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.
- The Proxy Hoover
This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –
- You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
- The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
- The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
- You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
- You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.
The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.
- The Reverse Hoover
This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenage any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.
- The Letterbox Hoover
This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.
To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.
- The Psychic Connection
This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include
- Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
- We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
- We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
- A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
- We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
- Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
- Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.
- The Silent Hoover
This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover. If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.
- The Prove Yourself Hoover
Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.
Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interest in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.
To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon
US https://www.amazon.com/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
CAN https://www.amazon.ca/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
42 thoughts on “Six Speciality Hoovers (And How to Unplug Them)”
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Im wondering if theres such a thing as a negative hoover? Essentially where a person blasts you for hours projecting their own problems onto you and telling you what a horrible awful person you are and that youll never find someone as good as they are. Trying to convince you everything is your fault and attempting to grind you down until you submit and apologize for things you havnt even done while they build up a faulty case as to why they are superior and blameless? No hint of love kindness or willingness to work things out from them.. Just demands that I need to come home and make things right. Curious if this could be a narcissist or just an A-hole. What would they be thinking or trying to accomplish If I finally got fed up with their manipulations and took a break from them but it wasnt no a contact break.
If this behaviour takes place within an ongoing relationship and originates from a narcissist it is devaluation.
If this behaviour occurs outside of the Formal Relationship and originates from a narcissist it is a malign hoover.
This behaviour is likely to be that of a narcissist.
In terms of what would the narcissist be thinking if you took a break from the Formal Relationship but you did not impose no contact you would experience the effects described in the articles ‘How No Contact Feels – Parts One To Three’ because in effect although you have not gone no contact, you have sought to escape from the control of the narcissist and the effect wounds the narcissist resulting in behaviours described in those three articles.
This is exactly what I went through after my escape. I read it and thought I was the one who typed it and forgot.
Hello HG,
I would like your opinion please.
I am almost 3 months No Contact with my ex Somatic, Lesser, Ping Pong Narcissist and everything is OK so far. No hoovers, no nothing. I think he is in the GP with the other woman.
Last night, a couple of his friends (the four of us used to go out sometimes) asked me out for a drink. I spoke once with the them, after my horrible discard and I told them then, that I don’t want to talk about the N. ever again. So, I went for a drink with them and they behaved absolutely perfect. No questions, no manipulations, no awkward moments, nothing. We had a very pleasant evening (I think they were relieved and more genuine than the past) and even if they transfer our conversation to my ex-N there would be no fuel for him. Is it possible to be only that? Do I acquire two new friends? Or do I still believe in fairy tales? Thank you.
It is encouraging that they have respected your wishes. Monitor the position moving forward as they may well still be influenced by your ex.
He tried to Reverse Hoover me, after I demanded he be accountable for his actions towards me. Didn’t know the name until today, but as an ACoN, NM now deceased approx. a month, I guess I was wise to his moves, because I let him go.
All he suceeded in was pissing me off enough to give up, because I know the silent treatment when I see it. My NM tried it on me often enough growing up. It also proved my suspicions of him being a Narc to me were more correct than I could ever imagine.
Reading about the Reverse Hoover just made me laugh, because I had a strong feeling this was the reaction he hoped to inspire in me, but failed to. I refuse to play manipulative games like this.
So three months later, he’s sent a Happy New Year on Facebook (I forgot to block him there, but quickly remedied that) to me, his “crazy” ex, only a few short weeks after he did a smear campaign, then a couple of months later a friend request on social media, the only one I couldn’t block him on. I proceeded to abandon that account and created a new one he doesn’t know of. I have also abandoned all but one mutual friend, to avoid his flying monkeys. I stopped hanging out where he hangs out.
With the recent death of my NM, for the first time I feel free abd relatively safe. I would have to be insane to invite another crazy maker back into my life right now. I’m not that insane, thank you very much.
My relationship only lasted one month, for the most part we were in the golden period, everything was wonderful, there were red flags that I chose to ignore, but he made me happy and I was blinded. A friend told me about narcissisism for some incidents I confided with her so I started reading about it and everything sounded so familiar that I left before he could leave me. At this point I’m one hundred percent sure that he was sleeping with someone else and I just couldn’t forgive him for being unfaithful. He tried hovering me a couple of times but didn’t work, I did respond I might add, but didn’t get to anything other than sexting because I just couldn’t see myself having a friend with benefits type relationship since that was all that he was offering. For some reason one time I was snooping around on his Facebook and found the profile of one of his exgirlfriends and tried to contact her, I don’t know, I guess I just wanted answers and that backfired on my ass, about five minutes later he called me to tell me to stop making lies about him, that I was crazy and I was bothering his future wife, I just went on and on arguing about how I knew he was a narcissist and that he wanted to destroy me telling me about his marriage but all he did was show me the kind of scumbag that he was , that I knew he was not to be trusted and that he hated me because I have the capacity of loving someone and he never will. He told me to never, ever send him another message for the rest of my life, and I haven’t. He sent me a few text messages a couple of months later which I didn’t respond to. He was out of my life. I have had a very hard recovery but I’m proud to say that I’ve had no contact with him since those texts messages back in February…. But I’ve seen his family at the grocery store a couple of times, and the odd thing is that we don’t live nowhere near each other, at least 35 minutes away but I’ve seen them ( never him just his parents) at the grocery store by my house! How does this happen? I mean is not like he knows when I need groceries so I can have an awkward encounter does he? How can something like this happen? Actually more odd is the fact that the first time I saw his parents at this particular store was on his birthday, the day that I wanted to keep myself busy the most so I wouldn’t have to think about him. How could that happen? Anyway, I’m trying to move on. It’s been a couple of months since I got rid of the fake Facebook profile I made and I don’t check his anymore, I’ve changed my number because it helps not knowing if he’s wanted to contact me, rather than having all lines of communication open and knowing for sure that he hasn’t tried. I’m trying really hard to get on with my life, but I’m so worried about my reaction if I was to see him again. I hope this never happens, but how can I be sure, he knows where I live and where I work.
Hello Never Again, the appearance of his parents is probably coincidence but there remains the possibility that they attended on his behalf and they have been keeping a watch on you (he could have made-up any number of reasons why this should be done). He may have a tracker in your car and therefore knows where you are and thus can organise these supposedly coincidental instances, it does happen. In terms of dealing with him should you see him again I suggest you read No Contact and Black Hole. You can minimise the risk of seeing him by staying out of the spheres of influence and being an unattractive proposition to him in terms of prospective fuel so he is far less likely to want to execute a hoover against you. See the articles Spheres of Influence and Hoover Time! Sphere One for more information.
At least I’m clear now 👍😬😁
In the States, we say vacuum (we think of Hoover as the dress-wearing guy what started the FBI) but the “prove yourself” gambit (that’s what it is, a truck) is really about HER (my mother) needing to have the last word…she’ll offer me a fake opportunity to prove my point, to say my piece, and it will end as everything ends, with her having the last word and me wondering why I bother talking to her in the first place.
Did Hoover wear dresses? I never knew that. Does FBI actually mean Feeling Beautiful Inside, I wonder?
Hoover wore dresses
When? Where? I need to know.
In his private life, he didn’t go into the office in drag.
Fascinating.
HG, I’ve been silent Hoovered today. I have an odd lunch break. 11:45 am-1pm. He would always pick me up for lunch or call me at 11:45 am when we were together. I got a a block call at 11:45 and another exactly 20 minutes later. I answered the first call….soft breathing….after 3 “hello’s”. I didn’t answer the second call….I was sure it was him. Why doesn’t he say something? Why call from blocked numbers? I’m strong enough to blow him off without emotion if he catches me on the phone or in person….not sure why he’s playing games….
HG. Your articles are helping me to see through the mask. It all seems so obvious and textbook now!! Thank you for sharing.
Hello MovingOn,thank you for letting me know, it is appreciated.
Sad thing is, had he followed with real contact I would have responded. Thats just too weak to have been serious.
Do you guys ever hoover for amusement? Seems like a sick joke.
For fuel.
Pardon my naivety since I’m only 2 weeks past the mutual (?) discard, as still confused and numb, but when you say fuel is it the same as ego boost?? What exactly do you mean, is it pleasure you get from being able to manipulate and/or does it reinforce your exaggerated or real genius in regard to manipulating a dicile, submissive, nice person? WHY DONT YOU PICK ON SOMEBODY YOUR OWN SIZE?
See the book Fuel. All manner of people are manipulated.
So Tubby expected contact after the app invite? After threatening the police (at discard) and not responding to the letter or card I sent 5 months later? Wow. What planet does he live on, wouldn’t anyone be apprehensive?
Planet Narc.Regular space flights on the hour every hour,lifting you up higher than you’ve ever none.
1,,5,and 6 are big for N3! I guess #1 worked on me once….#6 kept me wound up for a while. He withheld reasons from me and knew it’d drive me nuts to set the record straight…#5 is what he’s doing every few weeks now…..
He never thought I was strong enough to kick his dumb ass to the curb…he was so wrong👏🏽👍🏽😉🍸!!!
I was a little schocked about it. To read it so like this. I would have never imagined those as hoovers.
Thanks again HG. 💝. its great that we can read all this information and learn so much.
I am not confronted with any hoovers at the moment 😃😃☀️ 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. But anyway its soo good to learn and also continue understanding the past
You are most welcome.
OMG I had ALL of these hoovers … All of them… 😓😓
I like how u structure. Based on ur article is possible to create a graph with a full customer journey (both for a MC and a victim).
And analysis of stakeholders could be presented in a graphic/ matrix way ))
I am of the opinion that this is entirely possible.
I can help with matrixes!! 👍🏻
Game on.
The disappearing hoover as well. I’m moving and never coming back unless u give me a reason to. Or I’m going on a risky dangerous trip and I amended my will incase God forbids something happens to me.
Ha-I learned something from these! I had a couple of these happen that I didn’t recognize as Hoovers. So GLAD I ignored them.
He sent me an invite for WhatsApp- which I admittedly felt insulted by as being such a lame way to get in touch.
On his very last email to me- which I did not reply to- he told me he had a dream about me. “Weird” he called it.
I could only believe number 7 on the psychic connection if the jam on your toast was your favorite flavor. That would seal the deal. (Just kidding. That was pretty hilarious!!)
Raspberry.With the pips.
Goody goody gumdrop!
Ha ha
Unplugged all of them !
Am I safe from Henry ? Or is there a 7 & 8 ?
And 9 & 10 ?
Scores Alexis and wait until you see my battery powered hoover which requires no plug!!
Oh I have some annoying hair clips all over my floor HG !! They’ll be sure to clog the motor. Best thing is, they’re hard to see, especially whilst focussed on hoovering appliances
Scoundrel.