The Twenty Cries of Victimhood
We do not think of ourselves as victims, to do so would be weak and we are not weak. You are. We are better than you. We do however feel put upon, hard done by and persecuted and it is you that does these things in order to victimise us. Evidencing our legendary double standards, we do not consider ourselves as victims as this does not accord with our sense of superiority, but we like to portray a victim mentality because doing so serves our purposes. There are many things that we say which evidence this mentality and when you hear them you should know that we are looking for you to respond. We want reassurance, praise, an admission of fault from you, confirmation that we are brilliant, an apology and for you to do what we want you to do. Playing the victim card allows us to gain fuel from sympathy and compassion, assistance when we do not want to do something, absolution from responsibility and preventing you from doing something we do not want you to do. Here are twenty cries of apparent victimhood.
- You make my life so difficult.
- Why are you treating me like this?
- You never try to understand me,
- What about me?
- What am I going to do now?
- How’s that supposed to make me feel?
- You are meant to look after me.
- It’s not my fault.
- I can’t help the way I am.
- Why must you be so difficult with me over this?
- You never listen to me.
- You always make it about you, never about me.
- You never do what I want.
- You don’t love me like you should.
- You never do what I want.
- You never let me speak.
- You always treat me like a fool.
- You are the reason for all of my problems.
- You are trying to ruin my life.
- Why do you do this to me?
Watch out for these comments from our kind because they are the foreshadowing of further manipulation of you.
42 thoughts on “The Twenty Cries of Victimhood”
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I hope you don´t mind if I relink your text and also make a translation to swedish on my blog
Not at all, thank you for asking.
I was wondering if your therapy has to have some sort of outcome in order to stave off the legal ramifications you mention?
Also, you keep saying you didn`t do anything wrong, so how is it that you are able to reconcile (somewhat) being punished when you KNOW you didn`t do anything wrong? I mean, I would consider having to sit and talk to and play games with two quacks a form of punishment.
I mean, wouldn`t it be sweeter to stick to your guns and maintain your innocence while this obviously corrupt and nonsensical judicial system tries to pin its faults and inadequacies on you?
I would think the headlines/fuel/victory would be much sweeter when it is proven they made a terribly error in accusing and trying to punish you.
Wouldn`t playing the martyr be much more fun, rewarding and fuel-ridden?
The terms of engagement do contain certain outcomes and I ensured my stipulations were addressed also. I pointed out yesterday I think that whilst I am confident of ensuring my innocence is preserved the time involved in unnecessary and intrusive regulatory and/or criminal scrutiny will deflect me from other more deserving activities. Accordingly, some sparring with the good doctors, listening to them pontificate and also having to listen to me is a price I am happy to pay. Moreover, I do not regard it as a punishment. In fact, not only will I get something out of it, I am content to play the long game and once again, the end justifies the means.
Dear defective person, doctors win if u win = become less defective.
The funny thing is that in ur perception they loose if you mantain ur level pf defectiveness. 😉
If I become “less defective” how is that a win for me?
Ask urself). Flip it.
HG ? Why stop them from making your work. Why battle ? Its not battle ? Its a team work……. like F&R says
They come wearing false smiles with sugar-coated words of “progress”, “advancement” and “amelioration” yet I know that they would sooner wrench the crown from my head, tear my ermine cloak from my back and cast me down from my throne.
H.G. you sound like a 7 year old about to throw a hissy fit. They are not trying to do that and you know that.
Says who?
Duh…ME! Oh and probably your brother.
Don’t you start joining that cabal as well MLA?!
Oh pish! Carry on!
Ha ha.
By the way Clarece I have your longer post, I need to reflect on the questions posed, hence why it hasn’t appeared yet.
Thanks for the heads up. I knew those questions needed a bit more reflection than if I asked you, are you a Coke or Pepsi person. Lol
In other words what u wanted to say dear defective person, in this article and others: that MN is never in an assertive position, always playing either an aggressor/ victim/ or rescuer.
The Q: the problem is that not only defective persons (MNs/sociopaths/psychopaths) do that but there r huge number of “healthy” persons almost never act assertively.
… so what a conxlusion could we get from ur article?
I think:
1) avoid at any cost manipulators (= people who dont act assertively)
But the issue here:
We all, all ppl on this planet manipulate..
So what to do?
Probably we should measure the “grade” of manipulation coz MNs are the strongest ones.
As for “I can’t help the way I am”…there’s this magical place, called the office of the mental health professional. This place exists BECAUSE you can’t help the way you are all by yourself. I admit I’m on my third mental health professional, after having not been honest with the first two (and not finding anything resembling a cure), I finally decided I had to get honest with myself (if no one else). I’ve told my mother many times that she should see someone as well, but she’s old-fashioned Italian-American (as in the fact that Tony Soprano attended therapy on TV won’t convince her to go in real life).
But these doctors know nothing Cara, I run rings around my two. Wait until you read The Good Doctors it is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Look forward!!!!!
Do Dr. E and Dr. O know you’re penning a book about them?
They do.
Are your doctors M.D.s or PhDs?
Medical doctors.
And they have to have a lot of schooling & specialized training to be able to call themselves medical doctors. I’m sure you educated yourself very well to become outstanding in your field, and I’d never presume to do your job. And yet you’re so sure you’re better than two medical doctors at their job.
Thank you for the compliment. This is a battle of minds and one I will win. I do not have to do their job to succeed, merely stop them doing theirs.
I see.
HG, this is your battle to which you have courageously acknowledged and the Dr’s are holding space and incredible insight of which you are not able to see, unless you choose to; you have also acknowledged this. They do not take the position of being in battle, they hold the capacity to observe you in yours however. They are doing much more than you are able to ascertain.
That’s akin to what my younger brother says but I think he is making them sound cleverer than they actually are.
Can I ask why you treat with them when you don’t want the treatment to accomplish anything?
Inheritance and the avoidance of criminal and regulatory interference. I haven’t done anything wrong, before you ask, but I don’t need the scrutiny when I have other things I have to attend to, so engaging in the treatment is the requirement to achieve two things which I want. I expand on all of this in the book. I do want to accomplish something from the treatment and have been doing, my increased awareness because I know it will serve me well in bolstering my emotional intelligence.
No, I get it. I was told I’d be cut off financially if I didn’t go into a 12 step program & when I stopped drinking I was depressed (ok I’d been depressed all along and medicating with scotch) and so I started with the first guy, a therapist (who eventually fired me for lying); the second one, a frowsy-haired Eastern European woman ultimately fired me for drinking while taking Prozac; so I’m on my third mental health professional, a PhD, a middle eastern guy (and I’m sober three & a half years)…I decided no more lying to myself and no bullshitting a man who has a PhD (would be a waste of both our time).
And I’m an Italian-American living in Brooklyn. The word “criminal” in and of itself doesn’t scare me.
Ha ha brilliant.
Hahahaha both together
Yes. This is a problrm. I read that even for specially trained doctors it s very difficult to detect a MN because 1) MN are clever 2) perceive it as a game where they should “win” (in their understanding of win of course) 3) good actors 4) they do not think they need to change coz they r brilliant as they r.
Probably as MNs never wrre able to feel happiness or love as other ppl feel, so they r not able to understand why and for what they need to change.
My dog eats all his life the food for dogs u know, that one from the dog shops.
He never felt another thing.. so he doesnt see a reason to change.
I agree somewhat with what you say here HG. Psychoanalysis is in need of a great re shaping as it has in many ways fallen into a dogmatic trance.
I am obliged F&R.
“Why are you doing this to me?” is something my mother angrily asked me:
-when I started my menstrual cycle at ten & a half years old (something I didn’t do on purpose & certainly didn’t do to antagonize her)
-when I got fired from a part-time job at age 15 (again, something I didn’t do specifically to antagonize her)
-when I flunked ninth grade math & had to go to summer school (I was the one who had to go to summer school, if anything that was something I did to myself)
-when 19 year old me, at the end of a six week stay in Italy, missed my flight home & called to say I had missed my flight (I was the one who had to hold it together & not flip out and get myself into another flight even as the good people at the All’Italia counter were telling me a possible airline strike might mean there wouldn’t BE any next flight & there she was on the other end of the phone, bitching like somebody had stolen her wallet)
Basically anything that anybody does is a personal attack on her (well, she THINKS it is).
“Why are you doing this to me?” My mother asked me (and angrily)
Hmmm really really hardcore victim sentences
I find all these summaries of the narcissists ways excellent HG . Only you.
Thanks 🌔🌔💋