Smeared – 5 Reasons Why Smear Campaigns Are So Effective
It is highly likely that you have been on the receiving end of a smear campaign. It is unusual if such a campaign is not used by our kind when dealing with the person who holds the position of primary source of fuel. The benefits of instigating the smear campaign are numerous and indeed in many instances the smear campaign is a necessary device for the maintenance of appearances, fuel and control. Since we are creatures of economy when it comes to the expenditure of our energies we operate those manipulations which are the most rewarding in terms of energy versus effectiveness. Smear campaigns rank high on such a list and this is for the following five reasons.
- Conviction
The smear campaign is rolled out in a convincing fashion. It is done with speed, it is done for the most part without your knowledge and it is effected by us in a manner which suggests that our words are undeniable truth. We are very good at persuading and portraying something as correct and the truth when it is not. We will seize on some element of your behaviour, some aspect of actions on your part or things you have said which are recognised by people. Perhaps you once got drunk at a party and kept falling over (it was a one-off and not helped by the fact you hadn’t eaten beforehand the copious amounts of alcohol we plied you with) but this forms the basis of creating a picture of your abusive alcoholic actions. You may be known for getting over emotional, especially when tired and therefore the picture is painted of you as histrionic. Taking some germ of truth and then applying it out of context, exaggerating and magnifying is a skill we utilise in the creation of the smear campaign.
“Yes, I am afraid I am at my wit’s end with Jenny, her drinking is out of control. I have kept a lid on it so far for your sake, I didn’t know want you upset, but I do not know what to do. You remember that party at Jonathan’s? Yes, that’s right when she could not even sit up, that’s a nightly occurrence now.”
We speak with such conviction and confidence that people do not challenge what we say. People usually accept the truth of what they are told by other people. This is a necessary social device because if it was to the contrary nothing would get done if people were suspicious and question everybody’s motives and comments. We play on this default setting and our confident and superior nature allows us to create a convincing smear campaign and thus guarantee its effectiveness.
- The Façade
Our façade of respectability that we have carefully created whereby we are seen as good, reliable, dependable and kind to the outside world provides us with serious support when doling out a smear campaign. In the similar way by which we point to evidence of your drink problem, temper tantrums and neediness as the basis for a much larger and wider problem, we rely on the existence of the constructed façade to demonstrate that we are not the issue. How can we be? We are seen by your friends, the neighbours and your family as that generous, pleasant and helpful chap who must be a good husband and father. He always says hello, is polite, holds down a good job, is seen out and about in the community and so forth. The creation of the façade is not only important for us to draw fuel; it is a fundamental part of why our smear campaigns are so effective.
- You Don’t Help Yourself
You fall right into our trap with a lot of your behaviour when you discover that you are being smeared. Rather than consider obtaining some independent and impartial evidence which you present in a calm and measured manner, allowing people to reach their own conclusions, you charge around, wild-eyed and upset, declaring repeatedly that
“It is him, not me, can you not see it? You must be blind or stupid if you cannot.”
This will not endear you to anybody. Nobody likes to be criticised. By slating their ability to make a decision you make them defensive and it becomes easier for them to make a decision which favours us. Do they believe the calm individual who has presented as such for the last year or so and who has come to explain you have a problem and we need help to deal with it or do they believed the swivel-eyed, tear-stained, histrionic person who keeps protesting it is not them? It is not a difficult decision to make.
Of course we encourage you to present in such a manner through our steady manipulative treatment of you. Moreover, we know that it mightily offends you to be thought of as something that you are not and in your frazzled and highly-strung state, you will not approach the denial of the smearing in a rationale or constructive fashion. This heightens the effectiveness of what we are doing. To some extent, you are proving our case for us.
- You Are Eroded
Linked to the above is the fact that when the smear campaign starts you will in all likelihood have been subjected to a sustained period of devaluation which has taken its toll on you. You will be exhausted from our tactics of preventing you from sleeping. You are anxious. You are hypervigilant. You cannot think straight owing to fatigue and the gas lighting to which you have been subjected. Your confidence has been whittled away and your ability to think in a critical fashion has been damaged. The combination of all these ailments means that you are ill-equipped to fight the battle with us for the minds and hearts of those observing. We got in first and you will always be fighting an uphill battle with few resources to rely on. You will have been isolated by us from your support networks. At best this means you cannot call on help when you most need it. At worst this results in those people you thought you could rely on, taking our side. This ineffectiveness of your ability to cope – caused by us – results in our campaign becoming more effective.
- Aversion to Conflict
People do not like conflict. People hate it when a couple divorces. It is not so much about feeling sad for the fact that two people they like are splitting up. Instead, it is more about the selfishness which means they have to choose one over the other and they would rather not do so. They want people to get along and when we present to those observing that we have tried to make things work but you have not allowed this to happen, the observers’ inherent desire for people to get along causes them to prejudge you. You become labelled as the troublemaker. People have their own lives to lead and they want everything else to run smoothly around them. If you are preventing this state of affairs from existing, then this will result in those supposedly impartial observers taking our side and not wanting anything to do with you because you have breached the peace. Knowing this to be the case of course will cause you to react even more and it becomes self-fulfilling. Again, this backdrop of the mind-set of others has this impact on the effectiveness of our campaigns.
56 thoughts on “Smeared – 5 Reasons Why Smear Campaigns Are So Effective”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Very true the Empathic Supernova only results in Challenge Fuel. Take HG’s advice No Contact is the only and best thing to do.
HG,
Do you have an article on maybe 25 things we can LEARN from a narcissist?
I have an entire blog, Knowledge Vault, series of books and videos.
HG,
I’m having a tough time right now (this moment actually). Over 60 days of semi no contact- I have not entertained his calls or texts from either him or his lieutenants! However, the new supply called to inform me that he started cheating on her 2 weeks after she moved here. I wanted to tell her “Stupid, he’s been cheating all of the time, you just caught him 2 weeks after you moved here?” She called to apologize to me, but in the midst of all that she began telling me all the “smear sh$&.” To which I replied, “Ahhh, the smear campaign! There’s nothing wrong with me Lynn. Leaving a glass in the sink when I go to bed doesn’t warrant what he did to me.” She also told me she was giving him another chance, been there done that!
I am vacillating between hatred, revenge and tears. What do you recommend?
Should I ever talk to her again?
Thank you, HG.
1. Do not take to her.
2. Semi no contact, is not no contact. You are not entertaining calls and texts, which suggests they are coming through. You are committing no contact suicide.Hence you find yourself vacillating between hatred, revenge and tears.
3. You need to take responsibility for a proper no contact. Organise a consultation, you need my help.
HG, you are right. Time to talk. I will do it when I get home from work.
Good. I will help you.
With the greatest of respect HG, your kind need a large dose of their own medicine to understand the hurt and pain they cause good, happy caring people.
And your comment demonstrates once again the need for my work. Your proposal will achieve what? Nothing.
1. Certain narcissists do not see that they cause hurt and pain. Their narcissism blinds them to it. You will not make them see. The blindness is part of the hard wired defence mechanism.
2. Certain narcissists know they cause hurt and pain, but it is the fault of the victim, not the narcissist. You will not make them see any different. This perspective is part of the hard wired defence mechanism.
3. Certain narcissists know they cause hurt and pain and deem it necessary. You will not make them see any different. This perspective is part of the hard wired defence mechanism.
The application of “own medicine” will only amount to Challenge Fuel.
Go to The Knowledge Vault and obtain The Three Interactions With The Narcissist and The Three Assertions of Control. You need them.
HG, thank you for your advice on the articles to read. I will read these. Again, based on your answer I think applying logic with regards to the narcissist seems to be my downfall. Will try stopping that from here on out. Thank you HG.
Applying flawed logic is the downfall.
Would the exception to this be the Empathic Supernova?
No.
Why not? The empathic supernova is to turn the manipulations against the narcissist in order to cause wounding. No? I’m not suggesting everybody should try to do this.
No, the empathic supernova generally results in Challenge Fuel, rather than wounding. No contact should be applied rather than the ES.
Yes, I agree. NC is preferred, but a supernova is fun, and it could result in wounding, no?
I can’t think straight right now I have “dicks” on my mind.
Already answered your question.
There is no wounding with an empathic supernova? I better re-read that article when my mind is less distracted!
If the empathic supernova results in actions which ignore the narcissist, e.g. not answering a call, it wounds, but more usually it amounts to challenge fuel. See The Three Interactions With the Narcissist and understand it, it is crucial reading.
If you lie, stick to truth as close as possible doing it – golden rule of successful liar. My “smearers” forgot about it. Slip-up.
I don’t know whether he smeared me yet or not, but considering that he managed to stop every guy from talking to me, and keeps triangulating the females, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were rumours about me. How to find out?
Do you need to know?
No, I suppose.
My opinion based on my experience: You are better off not knowing!
It is painful to know you are being smeared, to lose friends etc., but there is no getting ahead if the lies … and to try to stand up to the lies and defend yourself, you may end up looking like the crazy person the Narc paints you out to be.
Walk away , start a new life surrounded by people who are not within the Narc’s reach.
G,
Thank you. It’s hard for me, though, because I work with him and the dept is very small. I am hoping to move after two years after completing my bachelors. until then, I think I am stuck. not sure how to deal with this all. At least, thanks to HG, I understand that the issue is not me. It’s him.
Reblogged this on Cathy Annis.
Wow. This has proved quite helpful. I have divorced a narcissist (i like to call him a pyschopath) in 9.11.15. I was married almost 10 years and we have 4 children. I am not free just bc I’m divorced. Took a lil breath and now he has picked up steam and is hitting me hard and heavy and in feeling pressed on all sides. Again. W his heavy heavy hand of control and the reminder of it everywhere in the divorce decree.. ..i feel so suppressed. I have to talk to myself and be stronger and smart and not let him get to me.
He is representing himself now pro se and hitting my huge e bogus litigation in his continued smear campaign against me. He loves to hit my pocketbook. Im not working, just stay home for 4 kids. 9.8.7.5. For a couple more years. I sold my house in divorce which he thought was his and now I’m living w my mom w my kids. Living only off child support. He can’t stand that im not working. He thinks of he litigates enough and runs up my bills enough, ill go back to work. He still wants more from me. I was only good for sex and money to him. And immense fuel. I was the perfect storm for him. Apparently an easy target. I had no idea. I had no idea a person could be like this. He took all my strengths and used them against me. Devastated me in every way. Then kicks me when I’m down….and then smears. So he’s always the perfect victim .
Thanks for these posts.
You are welcome Tammy.
Given it was three to one in my family I just became like them after all this smearing. Or disassociated. I wish they could feel the kind of distress they cause or have some experience of it.
The closest I saw of that was being taken by surprise by overwhelming forces such as when my brother was attacked in a bar with a pool cue shoved into his mouth. After that he lost his points of reference for arrogance and became a bit softer.
What would you do if you met someone who was equal if not greater to your intelligence, she was beautiful, independent, understood your way of thinking and treated you with respect while you say, worked together. Is it inevitable you would distress her, or would you keep her safe?
Would this person be my primary source or since you mentioned I work with them, a secondary source as a colleague. It has a bearing on my answer Steel.
Spot on. How do I prepare for this?
Suggestions as to how I handle / answer the questions?
Thank you so much.
~ G
See the earlier answer G. Also read the book Smeared as this will help you.
Not sure if I posted the 1st time, this may be a duplicate.
Married in 2001.
Stay at home Mom, 2 Children.
Filed for divorce in January.
You know what I’m going thru.
Getting deposed next month – which as we know is really an attempt to destabilize and shame me; what questions should I expect?
Hello G,
The questions you will be asked will have two aims behind them.
1. To cause you to react so that you provide fuel ; and
2. To subject you to control, so you are reminded that you are being controlled, you will be controlled again and you must submit to that control.
Thus the questions will be personal, your mental state will be attacked, your parenting skills will be questioned, your morality and suitability to look after two children will be attacked, you will be attacked for not working, working part-time or even considering a job, you will be accused of being a drinker, a drug-taker, promiscuous behaviour, you will be subjected to projection. You will be labelled, blamed and lambasted in many different forms all for the purposes of achieving the above two aims.
Omg! 🙁
Thank you for your response, you are spot on – basically a day of questioning intended to destabilize; will be an excruciating experience.
Any suggestions as to how to prepare myself emotionally leading up to and the day of interrogatory?
Any guidance as to how to answer questions while maintaining integrity and not turning into a satisfying narcissistic feeding frenzy?
Any insight is much appreciated.
You are welcome G.
1. Understand it will be difficult;
2. Understand it will not last forever;
3. He wants your fuel. Do not give it him.
4. Do not engage with him at all,do not respond in an emotional fashion, be neutral and business-like, as if you are reading the news;
5. Take somebody for support, rely on your own attorney as well;
6. Avail yourself of breaks if you need them, operate at your pace and not that of anybody else.
I’ve just finished reading Manipulated and Escape… You touch on the “lesser of your brethren,” is there any reading that goes into greater detail? My Narc is most definitely not of your socioeconomic status. In fact, quite the opposite. Do you go into detail about these creatures anywhere? Thank you in advance. Keep it coming!
Thank you BD. Sitting Target has some additional detail and there will be a set which are fifty percent complete dedicated to each type of narcissist
Thanks HG. What are your thoughts on narcissm and addiction? What happens to the process when someone’s thinking is altered? Does this worsen the abuse, or would a true narcissist not allow himself (or herself) to be controlled by something?
With lessers it worsens the abuse, with greaters there is more chance of an occasional snapshot of truth behind the mask. It depends on the level of intoxication.
I should add that I have done some research on the subject, but it was from a clinical standpoint. There seems to be a correlation between narcissism and substance abuse. Okay, wonderful, but what I’m looking for is how that might affect the narcissists’ behavior. Would that detract from the focus on fuel?
I know that it occurs because we have no sense of accountability and we don’t do vanilla, so doing something in moderation is less likely and abusing something to excess is more likely.
It’s what I now call ‘a self fulfilling prophecy’. I could not have played it worse if I had tried.
Care to expand on why that was Mandy?
😭😭… Hugs
G never blatantly trashed his ex to me. It was always very subtle. I have been taught to believe that if a man aggressively smears his ex, a.) he’s not truly over her and b.) it’s only a matter of time before he does the same to you. And boy did this ever work to make me pity him even more- such a loving father who couldn’t even bring himself to trash the woman who destroyed their family!
Are you also subtle in your smears, HG, or does it all depend on what you (correctly I’m sure) judge to be the most effective method for the target in question?
Hi Cody, it is tailored in respect of the relevant recipients. I prefer to operate in that murky world of plausibility. I base it on something that had been witnessed and apply some exaggeration and magnification. People are natural gossips as well and all it takes is a few well-placed verbal hand grenades to go off and set off a chain reaction. People often do the work for me. There is also the impact of the embellishment that those gossiping add to the smear, Chinese whispers if you will. A ridiculous and earth-shattering assertion will lack credibility. A more suggestive and plausible smear combined with the points made in the article will prove far more effective.
Oh my mother and her use of my drinking problem to smear me. She tells everybody how I have a problem (but forgets that I’ve been sober three & a half years, or else she doesn’t see that as worth mentioning); and there WAS an incident (in July 2012) when I was hospitalized for/almost died of alcohol poisoning, but my mother NEVER mentions how during that incident, while she didn’t know where I was, she went to her local branch of my bank & got her good friend the bank manager to help her/let her move money out of my name…because “what if you were dead somewhere, I needed access to the money” she said…I never saw that money again & don’t expect to (she beat me fair & square that time, but I won’t let her do it again).
Cara
Seriously? I mean really really like you are telling it?? If yes.. I am soo sorry. 🌷🌷🌷 you have been subject to intense abuse 🌷🌷🌷. I hope you are on the good way to healing.. Despite the enormous pain that she caused you.. Look to forgive 💝
Seriously. Like I’m telling it.
Cara, congrats on your sobriety. After, dealing with these types is hard to not use alcohol or prescriptions to cope with the damaged they’ve done. Eventually, alcohol or other substantial doesn’t work and we become better people by dealing with self and life problems sober. The narc told everyone wine was my savior.
That’s not nice at all..
Why didnt you get her done for fraud? She surely doesnt have police and judges on her side? Out of interest Cara are you or any other siblings suffering from any form of mental illness (sorry HG I dont know any other way to put it). NPD, sociopaths, PTSD? Just curious.
Very good as always. Very illustrative.
I myself have not had to face a serious SC but somebody near to me did and was destroying her. Reading gives me a certain relief although the story is buried in the past, reading gave me relief.. Like ” yes so it was”….
Your information is so useful. Lifechanging.
I think about you this moment and 💓💓💓💓😃 with inspiration.. Lots of it.