The Five Perceived Pressures of Character Assassination
The character assassination. Close cousin of the smear campaign. Built on a foundation of lies also, hurtful and effective. The smear campaign is outward facing namely it is aimed at third parties in order to affect their way of thinking. A character assassination is directed to and at you. There are three ways of assassinating your character. The first is to say things to you which are unpleasant, demeaning and hateful which accordingly dent and wound your sense of well-being. The second is to do things to you which are denigrating, disrespectful and nasty which cause your sense of self-worth to be eroded, for instance failing to make you something to eat (so as to treat you as non-existent) or to make you engage in some sexual practice you find distasteful (thus causing you to cheapen yourself). Those two methods are obvious and directed. The third method is a particularly insidious and troubling way of affecting your character. We tell you that other people think badly of you, do not like and are saying things about you. They are not of course. We avoid or reduce any risk of you finding this out by saying to you.
“There’s no point asking them of course, they are bound to deny it, but trust me, I have heard them. They didn’t think I could hear.”
Furthermore, whilst increasing your paranoia and making you feel bad, we also seize the opportunity to heighten our own virtue with you by stating,
“Of course I don’t think that of you, but I thought it was only right to let you know what is being said about you.”
Naturally we do think this of you because this falsehood is being generated by us. Accordingly, we are able to avoid any blame ourselves (a key aim of ours) whilst landing several blows against you caused by fictitious remarks from other people and drawing fuel from your confused and upset reaction. There are five methods by which we create a perceived pressure generated by other people against you, as part of this character assassination by proxy.
- Everybody says….
Everybody is talking about you. They are all saying it. That must feel terrible to be the talk of the neighbourhood, the subject of village gossip and the focus of wagging tongues. Just think when you are walking to the corner shop those two neighbours stood on the lawn will smile and wave a cheery hello to you but as soon as you are past they will be talking about you. Yes, everybody says it about you. They will be talking on the telephone about you, gossiping in living rooms and exchanging views in that corner shop so they fall silent as you arrive and resume their conversation once you have left. Oh I know that they will appear pleasant and engaging as ever but believe me this is how two-faced they are about you. I have picked up on this. I have overheard the comments and some have even been mentioned to me. No, I won’t say by who, there is no need. Of course I defended you against what they said. It wasn’t pleasant at all but then being thought of as the local bike, the slut, the whore and harridan isn’t nice is it, but that is what everyone is saying about you.
- They all think…
It is a collective perception of you that has gained traction out there. A body of opinion that is being expressed and shared by many people. They think it at your gym, the think it at choir practice, they think it at the school and the supermarket and the garage. How do I know? Well, let’s just say that fortunately for you I have people who keep an eye out and a listen in for your benefit. No, there’s no need to thank me, I do it to look after you, naturally, but my small network of guardians, if you will, report things back to me from time to time and they have been telling me that they all think you have a problem with your temper. Yes, you have a reputation for being a bit of a volcano, one wrong comment and boom! Off you go. To be honest, I had my suspicions about them thinking this of you even before my network of guardians told me. It is the way they look at you. You probably haven’t picked up on it but there is an apprehension in their eyes, a nervousness in their speech and I saw it as it told me what they were really thinking, that they were afraid you were going to explode and lash out at them. I have seen it many times and I know what they are all thinking about you.
- You do know what opinion they have of you don’t you?
It is not a high opinion I am afraid. I don’t know where it comes from to be honest, I mean, after all, it is not as if they are really in a position to judge is it, but I guess some people forget about that when they are jealous. Yes, that is what is behind their nasty opinions. They take the view that you are a gold-digger, a mercenary who is only after one thing, my money. It is inevitable that they will form this view of course. I am successful, earning well and we have this beautiful house, two cars, frequent holidays and no concerns about our bills. I suppose they must look on enviously at the fact that you don’t work and you spend a lot of time shopping. Every time you pull up on the drive and exit the car with those bags from the boutiques it is no doubt upsetting them. You cannot help the fact you were lucky enough to get with me. I guess it really sticks in their craw the fact that you came from a, well how might I put this, a less well-off background and now here you are living a gilded lifestyle. I suppose they have this opinion of you because they think that you should not belong here. It is just jealousy and I have seen it before with people like this so I know what to look out for. You may just want to keep that in mind when you next deal with them, if you decide to do so at all anymore.
- They won’t be impressed with that.
I mean I put up with it because well we are together aren’t we and that is the nature of a relationship isn’t it, but I know from the way our families think and our friends that they will not be impressed with your behaviour. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with it? Well, no, but I suppose they will say that you are bound to say that aren’t you? They expect high standards I suppose. You have made a rod for your own back in that regard but doing something like that will not have impressed all these people. Oh I am sure they will soon get over it but I thought it only fair to tell you how they will view your behaviour. I can see it troubles you and that’s right because you are reflective in that regard but perhaps you need to think first before you do such things in the future. In fact, it would probably be for the best if you don’t go to those events any more yes? Indeed, I would suggest you keep a low-profile for a while in respect of people as whole and you would be better served by staying at home and keeping out of their line of sight. That way they might just forget about your unimpressive behaviour and you can move on. Don’t worry, you have always got me of course.
- It’s not just me that thinks….
I am only telling you this for your own good because I care about you but you do need to do something about your drinking. Look, I am reasonably relaxed about it, I know how hard you work and you like to unwind with a few glasses of wine. I get it but I am just worried about your health. You are often rather grumpy the next morning as well, you know short-tempered and you’ve been snapping at people, short with them. I know you don’t think you are but trust me, it is not just me that thinks it is causing a problem. A few people have remarked to me about it as well. Nothing major but we don’t want it to get out of hand do we? That’s how you get a reputation after all and you don’t want that do you. It is beyond just a concern though. I think it as well, but as I say I am looking at it more from a health point of view, I know others are concerned about how you are behaving with other people, including a couple of your colleagues so you need to think on because you know what can happen when people start to think things about you, it somehow becomes hard fact and that becomes very difficult to change.
The character assassination by proxy also serves a further purpose. It causes you to cling tighter to us. It is a horrible and uncertain world out there. People you thought liked you are showing that they do not. We are your only friend so you had better do what we want in order to keep us.
28 thoughts on “The Five Perceived Pressures of Character Assassination”
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Interesting. I never experienced it. My N sometimes told his friend (I knew her) that I can’t swim/play bowling and other and he told me that she was going to teach me, but I wasn’t dealing with a slanderous campaign in this form. He used triangulation sometimes saying that his friend thinks same as him about my job for example. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t enough for him indulgent proving that I have less skills than him.
Thank you
WHere is your article, “what am I to him” please?
It is here Violet
https://narcsite.com/2016/11/22/what-am-i-to-him/
Yes. The skirt or short length gauge by fingertips. Everytime we went out he had to approve. He once said that my shorts were too short…after he approved them. Of course I had bad posture that day so it made my fingers go below acceptable levels when he approved rhem. And no one would tell me that I looked like a fat slt…so he said. Learnimg more, HG.
After a few text messages that I wouldn’t answer! He showed up today at work! Said he was in the area and wanted to see how everyone was doing! Of course everyone fell all over him since he is just a wonderful person! Smh! I did the only thing I could think of. Acted like nothing ever happened between us, greeted him just like everyone one else did and continued with my work. Making sure I was always with someone else and would not be caught alone with him! He stayed for awhile and made sure to stop to see me before he left. I said it was nice to see you again take care and I walked away!
Good response given the circumstances
I had a great teacher!! Thank you HG! Xxx
Pleasure
If someone is trying to assassinate your character and you tell the truth about them…are you still assassinating their character…acts openly in front of witnesses done to you by that person.
When you say your Sheila do you mean me or a victim?
HG is not a actor! His name is fictional but he is not!! Going through what most of us have gone through with the N in are lives he knows what we are going through because he has caused it! Not him personally but other N! HG has not one time been disrespectful or belligerent to any of us. He has always answered are questions with truth no matter how hard it might be to read! Calling him names or implying that he is a fake is totally uncalled for! Use his books and knowledge for a understanding of what narcs are all about and why we are drawn to them! Not to lash out at him for what someone else has done to you!!
Thank you Fool Me. I think Lil One means I’m an actor in the sense of that I mimic and fabricate emotions but I appreciate your defence of me and kind words. Lil One likes to try to provoke me I think!
I apologize if I took that out of context! This has been a very emotional day for me as my ex had shown up out of the blue and took me by total surprise!
No need to apologise. I am grateful for the spirited defence. What happened with your ex?
I have not had this character assasination but recently I heard from a lady I know that her husband had told her that his parents would have prefered their son having kids with a prostitue rather tham her. That she is a gold digger who used to have nothing and now lives of his money as this lady never worked and all sorts of other mean things. And exactly like that… The neighbors say..
So now I know this is character assasinatiom and it makes sense what you say HG that it is to make the person cling to the N because some time afterwards the lady asked for a divorce and now her husbamd makes everything to stop for her from leaving with the two kids. 😢.
I did send her through a friend the link to thhis blog but my friend did not provide and I dont know her well enough as to do it.
As the husband charmed my friend, he atill believes that the guy now wants to chamge and save his family. This is why he did not provide the links to this blog. I will find out how the story is goimg and as she is on my facebook I will send her the link to facebook. Just that she knows what she is dealing with because It gives me the impression she doesnt want to run into the hard hassle of working and having kids…
Anyway lets see.
Very illustrative HG. ☀️
Thank you
Both hg and James Bond are actors James Bond does it better I would watch James Bond over hg any day
James Bond isn’t an actor. He is a fictional creation of Ian Fleming.
Well yeah, James Bond is a fictional character. And Pierce Brosnan is my favorite James Bond (I first noticed him when he appeared on a show called Remington Steele).
I thought he was good as Bond as well. One of his first film roles was in the Long Good Friday.
Yup. My mother loves to say “nobody is impressed that you kept eighty of the hundred pounds you lost off, all they see is the 20 you put back on”
This one stung quite a bit, as you know JN is notorious for lashing out at me verbally. I’m curious though on the first way to attack someone’s character through sexually debasing acts or failing to cook a meal for them to have them feel invisible. It would be obviously a power inducing act to coerce or talk someone into a sexual act they have never done albeit degrading to them and as you say it “cheapens” them. Does it really “cheapen” them in your eyes if they are doing something to prove to you they are willing to try something to show their love towards you? Secondly, when you throw the below-the-belt verbal insults using the information about the person’s life you gathered during the golden period, do you really at that time believe those to be negatives about them or do you still admire and appreciate their traits of honesty and making themselves vulnerable to you but are dealing with your own insecurities of jealousy and envy at not being able to match that could ultimately lead to your rejection by them which is the root and driving force behind these manipulations?
The cheapening element was in respect of how the victim feels Clarece. We will regard it in our usual double standard of being delighted you’ve done what we want and despising you for doing it as a sign of weakness.
So depending where you sit on the teeter totter of Delight and Disdain, if you are more delighted with us for submitting to you, we buy some time. If you’re leaning more towards disdain and fully devaluing it’s a rough ride.
A lesser will now hate those attributes and use them against the victim. A greater knows your attributes to remain as good things but still despises you and uses it against you because he has to as part of devaluation
So to follow the usual trajectory path, if malign hoovers begin down the road, you are still despising the person and looking to punish for wounding you? If benign or friendly hoovers begin, the switch flicked on and we are once again appealing with those same attributes that drew you in initially?
Yes