Being Mobile
I love my mobile phone (or to our transatlantic cousins, I love my cell phone). Technology is so useful to me and my kind and you will notice it is a theme I will often return to. Today I want to give centre stage to my phone. It is such a brilliant weapon in keeping you on your toes and in a heightened state of confusion.
You will see it repeatedly stuck to my hand as I text away, surf the internet and I will often take calls when I am with you. Naturally, I do this to keep you wondering who I am engaging with and also to show they are more important than you. Other times I will keep the ‘phone about my person, away from your prying eyes. I know you want to look at it and see who has been contacting me so I keep it away from you to increase your frustration. I also don’t want you looking at it and knowing precisely what I have been doing. I will turn it off and claim I could not get a signal so that would aggravate you. I will also say that it is not working and then feign amazement when a call arrives. Other times I have run out of credit (even though I am a contract) so I could not call you. You ask why I did not text. I explain that the texts were not sending for some reason. Other times I pretend to lose it so that’s why I was out of contact although I suddenly find it again soon after. You tell me it just rang and rang (I turned off voicemail and put it on silent) or you managed to leave a message but I explain the voicemail function is not working. It really does provide me with a myriad of methods to infuriate, confuse and unnerve you. My favourite tactic of all however, which really gets to you, is to change my number and not tell you. I usually save that for when I am doling out the silent treatment to you.
27 thoughts on “Being Mobile”
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A little bit off topic but how about when they suddenly can;t find their keys and ar supposed to be picking you up for dinner? First date: met dude on a dating site and the above was supposed to transpire. He even took pics of his license plate and sent them to me so I could send them to a friend to prove how trustworthy this guy was. 15 min before he’s supposed to get me, he says he can’t find his keys and then says, “I’m sorry Monie”. So, I text back an, “ok…..” wondering if he was looking for them still or what or was he coming to get me since I was ready, or not? Then it hit me that he was probably on the dating site. So I log on as he hadn’t replied to my text and sure enough, the little active light was on for him. I figured he must’ve met someone on there that day and found them more interesting or whatever (this was a couple of years before I discovered the truth behind why I was slowly going insane–narcs all over my life!). So, I calmly told him that if he was talking to someone else, that was totally fine, but he could’ve been an adult about it since he was playing with the big kids on an 18+ dating site and I hope the one he’s chatting up turns out to be a man but he doesn’t find this out til “her” clothes come off. 😉 I wasn’t really upset but i was looking forward to dinner in the harbor and since I’d just moved back home to CA after being gone for 4 1/2 yrs, I was excited about it. What kind of game is this anyway? So, so lame.
Please allow me to share a funny story. Although it was painful at the time. About a year ago my ex Narc came back to me after a 3 months separation. He had an expensive new phone and I asked him where he got it. He said that his “employer” provided it. Long story short, turns out that he acquired a sugar momma in Florifa and had become engaged… all within 3 months! She had provided the phone for him. He commanded me to not use that phone ever! When I asked him why, he said that the phone was being monitored by his employer. Turns out she was monitoring all the calls and texts. Meanwhile we play the triangle game where he doesn’t tell me about the other woman and he doesn’t tell the other woman about me. Very convenient since she lives 1500 miles away. I spent all summer with him. And guess what? He asks me to marry him (While still engage to her ,)The crap hit the fan when photos of us hit Facebook. She pitched a fit publicly on Facebook and created all kind of drama … I really believed it was over between him and the other woman… That is until she upped the ante so to speak. She was so desperate to hang on to him, she started throwing more money at him. An offer he could not refuse. I was soon discarded because I asked too many questions. The End,😭
Yeah.. i remember when devaluation started (on the 3d month of relationship) his phone vibrated non-stop and even in late evening hours (like 12 am or 1 am).
Now i know HOW he enjoyed that i suffered from it. I talk to him openely but he didnt do anything to change.
I remember that evening we went to a restaurant and i calmly expressed what was disturbing me. He just manteined silence or comnented silly things while even at that evening the phone was on the table vibrating non-stop…
=》 i suffered coz i loved him =》 he enjoyed…
He told me he loved me. But he doesnt know what live means: when u r inlove u r ready to do whatever to reduce pain of ur beloved one
Indeed Yo, whereas we look to increase the pain of the supposedly beloved.
I am exactly this way with my phone, including the up and changing numbers without warning because I simply don’t want to communicate with a particular person any longer.
It’s funny to me how angry people get when I take a call while I’m with them or return a text or reply to an email. My job is quite demanding and phone calls, emails and texts won’t wait. It’s just the way it is – I am always working.
Phone always laying face down, or in his pocket, even going to the loo with him… even on Xmas effing day! Always knew when he was up to no good when there were lots of frequent long toilet trips with phone in tow…!
HahahA That made me laugh out loud Miss Sunshine .. I spent an entire weeks holiday with it disappearing to the toilet complaining of a ” stomach bug”, funnily enough he wasn’t ill enough to forget his phone .
Makes me wonder why he just didn’t let me go away on my own like I said I wanted to . A few weeks later I discarded in favour of the woman he’d been messaging while we were on holiday .. !! ..
Wow. Miss Sunshine
Wow Miss Sunshine …It’s finally sinking in what I’ve been entangled with. .this is a 64 year old man too ..twists everything round if you start to confront him ! ..Master at playing mind games to the point I’m thinking maybe it’s me and I’m judging him too harshly , as soon as I start to back away he comes full on to hook me back in ..then ignores my messages for hour on end with some lame excuse about he left his glasseson at home or his battery ran out etc etc ..I think I’m going bloody mad 🙁 ..I know he’s messaging other women (gut instinct ) ..
Not knowing your age, I’m going ro ask if you ever had a pager. The time was just before cell phones and really the only ones who used them in my world were doctors and drug dealers. He was neither, as far as I knew, but the thing kept going off. Yay technology.
No I didn’t have a pager. I recall at one place I worked we had a tannoy which was unusual for an office.
I had to look tannoy up so thank you for expanding my knowledge. Yes it does seem unusual for a normal office setting.
I am like you. All the time with my phone besides me. I wake up to my coffee and phone and morning silence.
When we are so busy, the phone allows us to be in contact with ❤️ And 💓💓.
Thanks for posting. Always so good to read you. 😍
Buen dia ☀️☀️
Urgh..the narc and his phone. There is no better gadget than the mobile phone to use for the game haha. And not to mention apps like Snapchat! lol. I know it allllll too well 😉
Absolutely.
Thank you HG for welcoming me. This reply is on the “Being Mobile” post. I like the post. This is spot on.. in every detailed ways and yes, I’ve done this many times as well but does that make me a Narc or am I just in demand? Narcs and co-dependants have somewhat the same needs but on the flip side of the coins. Your thoughts? I will lead the dance and you will follow as I will string you along and manipulate the situation to make you think what love is to you to give you hope that I can change for you but I won’t because I can’t. . I’m still in control for I am love and not you.
Read Chained Leilani for more on the narcissist-codependent dynamic. Your similar behaviour may be an indicator of a particular narcissistic trait although you are not a narcissist.
Ok HG, will do and maybe just maybe I will understand as to why I thrive on short term relationships or longer as long as I’m getting my needs met keeping them on their toes every moment and that includes fun and games. My awareness is most certainly kept golden as every experience only happens to the mind and body but why, why do I only thrive on the honeymoon stage and bored sets in, mind says needs are not satisfying so I slowly withdraw, get turn off, and seek elsewhere prior to buh-bye? Thank you for info.
Pleasure.
Yes, the excuse of having no Wi-Fi connection always amuses me. Who isn’t paying for a data package to compensate for no Wi-Fi availability in this day and age? Lol
At one portion of last year’s monstrosity of a 4th of July holiday weekend when JN was coming over to talk after standing me up 2 days prior at an expensive prepaid hotel for the holiday, I received texts from him all day up until about an hour before he was to show up. Got stood up again…in 2 days. I was blowing his phone up like I never had before. Throughout the entire night, every hour on the hour, especially when I figured out it was deliberate and he didn’t get in an accident.
I tapered off around noon the next day. At 6:00 pm that evening, I get a text saying “Hope you had a great evening! I lost my phone and had to get a loaner today and just finished programming it. I didn’t get any calls or voice messages from last night after 6:00 pm.” WTF bs is that? So many holes in that story. I think that was the defining moment I realized with this outrageous pathological lying, that I was dealing with someone way more sadistic than I could have ever fathomed. This wasn’t someone just young and immature and scared of his feelings like I was hearing from some people. He invited me up for that weekend. Made plans with me, then baled as I was packed and driving up.
In the mean time, before that ridiculous text, I shipped a nice care package going to his parent’s house where he was staying at the time scheduled to arrive UPS the next day. Filled with all the things he likes to play with in the bedroom in that sick twisted head of his…
I can feel the simmering anger from here Clarece. He was pumping you hard for that fuel on that occasion, not only as you (understandably) text bombed him through the night but when he composed the “Hope you had a great evening! I lost my phone and had to get a loaner today and just finished programming it. I didn’t get any calls or voice messages from last night after 6:00 pm.” message – I can picture his face as he composed that and then he will have paused, savouring the effect he knew it would have before his finger jabbed “send”.
Oh really? I wonder how his smug face looked then 3 days prior after texting me for 2 hours straight about what “fun” was going to happen in the hotel later that day, then whammo… “you told me you had to see a therapist about what we do? That’s some serious stuff. I can’t have you come up knowing this.” My fault. Builds me up, then pushed me off Mt. Everest. He knew I started seeing the therapist over something completely different that happened early on with us (which I later learned formed complete trauma bonding and me always seeking his approval).
Makes me want to start blowing his phone up all over again just because…F*ck him. Simmering close to a boil now HG!
I PM’d a few texts from last year. I’m now trying to figure out if the whole week leading up and thru the holiday was what you define as a malign Hoover? I was ignorant of all of this at the time. So my confusion and anxiety at his behavior was beyond comprehension.
First, Clarece, how awful! I hope you’ve stayed far away from him. HG – you allude to him as savouring the effect it would have… and I understand it’s for fuel but wouldn’t a narc have the slightest bit of self awareness that would make him (or her) care about being seen as an absolute liar and a**hole to do this sort of nonsense? Or is the resulting fuel just too good?
Clarece, and all others her who’ve experienced such horrible treatment, I’m sending good vibes your way for only lovely nice genuine men (or women) in your future 💛
Fair point Dream of Me. It depends on the type of narcissist. Some would be mindful of the façade, others see nothing wrong with such behaviour because through their perspective they have done nothing wrong, are entitled to do as they wish and since it is always the fault of someone else the narcissist just cannot be an arsehole.
Wow, Dream of Me! This took my breath away going back to that place in time.
I sometimes forget that it’s comforting when an outsider looking in, agrees that it was crappy behavior. It gives a bit of validation that I didn’t hallucinate this.
As HG advised, JN continually hoovered several times.
My iPhone, my iPad…if it starts with i, (as in “me, myself, and I) I love it. Never changed my number, but I have blocked people (blocked this one’s number so he can’t call me), blocked that one from texting me, without any warning.