Lonely
I like it when you are lonely. That is my favourite place for you. When we first meet if you make mention of feeling lonely, or send a self-pitying tweet decrying your loneliness then I am straight on to you. You may as well have taken a knife to your chest, slit it open and shouted, “Come and get me.” Those in a state of loneliness are massively susceptible to my overtures when I decide to engulf you in my bombardment of flattery and zealous appreciation. Those who have tired of their single status and wallowing in solitary confinement seize on this interest of mine. The red flags may be fluttering but you never see them or if you do, you think “how pretty”.
I may make you feel wanted and special but all I am doing is moving you. I am transporting you from loneliness in the real world to isolated splendour in my false reality. Once I have positioned you there I shall busy myself cutting you off from family, friends and acquaintances. You will readily go along with my fabricated denigrations of people you once held dear and who you saw regularly. You want more of the sugar that I am pouring on you. To do that you need to spend more time with me and thus less with anyone else. It is hardly a sacrifice though is it? Any dissenting voices are marginalised by cleverly constructed smear campaigns against these people (watch out – that campaign will be used against you in the not too distant future). You are an eager co-conspirator happy to discard these people (how can you be so callous?) with the repeated promise and reward of more of my intoxicating attention.
Once all those ties have been cut you are mine. You are dependent on me for everything. You have nobody to turn to and thus your focus will always be on me. As you try harder to please me, the realisation of your isolation becomes all the more apparent. You can feel the tendrils of loneliness wrapping around you once again. I know you will feel this and I know you will do all the more to cling onto me, your life raft, your beacon of hope in the wilderness. Anything to avoid being left alone. I am afraid it is too late. Your isolation was sealed the moment you listened to me. You are so alone nobody can hear you scream.
22 thoughts on “Lonely”
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I don’t understand when others profess to feelings of loneliness essential how they allow themselves to feel that way. I appreciate being alone since that means I don’t have to be responsible in any way for anyone else’s happiness. When someone tells me they feel lonely (a love interest not a friend) it is a huge turn off.
The ex could not stand being bored or not having me around. At night if I was at my own house and busy watching a movie or doing anything other than taking his call or responding to a text he would start an argument.
One time I replied to a rude comment he made via text after I didn’t answer the phone or text “you have a woman who is at home at midnight on a Friday painting my nails and I never am bothered if I don’t hear from you so why are you mad?” His response was “maybe because nothing ever bothers you!”.
I couldn’t understand how that was a bad thing lol.
When I met my ex, my real partner (of over 25 years on/off/on since teens) had passed away too soon. And after a few years with the narc, that exact phrase “no one can hear me scream” often sprung to mind… I think though, that he made a mistake with me. I’m stronger than he will even countenance. I think if we know who we are, what we enjoy and why, what do we not like and why, then we are not so open to being changed or influenced by anyone without much consideration, even if we are lonely. If our views and opinions are so easily influenced by another person they are probably not our views at all. Easier said than done though, to know yourself 🙂
Lonliness is simply another feeling – like joy, sadness,,grief…it is painful but perspective can shift to alone rather than lonely. As survivors, we heal ourselves in a way that enables us to find much strength and purpose in our alone periods. ️️Healing from abuse requires a deep change in one’s relationship to him/herself. There is no better way to develop a strong relationship with oneself than by spending tine alone in introspection and self care. Over time, one begins to truly love this person that no longer relies on external forces for validation and purpose. The self awareness one experiences brings true understanding of ones own likes, preferences, creativity, resilience and shadow. we learn to push beyond intermittent lonliness when we allow ourself to feel it, embrace it and give it what it needs: our own love and attention.
You got it ☀️☀️
Hello Nikita…I am so glad to see you back here…I hope you have had the space and time needed to find your strength again…I believe solitude is incredibly important for us to reflect and build our spirit and resilience back up particularly when there are people who try to destroy this within us…They will never win! ❤
Hi Castiel. Nice to see you are back !
I dont think somebody is out to destroy me on purpose… I pray to God this is never the case… Im okay thanks. Hope you are doing well also.
Nice to see you around.
Hi Nikita… It’s not a nice feeling knowing when someone is deliberately trying to isolate you and destroy all you are and represent. Regrettably I have been on the receiving end… but…something has started to change within me. I actually am feeling stronger. I do believe that this has much to do with HG’s blog…his no nonsense, tell it like it is…in your face reality check of knowing and being entangled with a narcissist…particularly the highly psychopathic ones! But also…reading everyone’s responses here…I contribute little but I take it all in…I thank you and all for what you write…
I have noticed that I have started ‘clearing out’ stuff…deleting narc sites from fb, not obsessing and more than anything not actually wanting to know anymore…I have felt saturated and overwhelmed…but I am feeling that less…This is a massive shift…I am starting to breathe again. It’s freeing 😊…
Take good care x
True feeling lonely is not good. Solitude is necessary.
I want to scream………. but because of something else.
Deep breath and away you go!
🙂
I find screaming is a tremendously useful way to get out my frustrations.
I like to scream until I almost pass out from the head rush! It’s a form of therapy, really!
Scream, girl! I wanna see if I can hear you over here!
Hmmm it was not exactly that but lets forget about it.
Hi Nikita- I am relieved to see that you are OK. I hope you were doing something that brought you some peace and rest. ..or whatever you needed. ❤️
Bethany!!!! Hello.
Yes Im okay. I sometimes need time on my own 😃. And you?? All good??
Yes Nikita! All well on my end! Thank you! Way to take whatever you need- sounds quite healthy!
WIth the years you learn to listen to your body and sould and do how they say 🙂 . they say sickness comes when you dont listen to them or because you did not listem to them.. What do you think about it?
Oh goodness yes! The most profound painful repercussions have come to me from ignoring my inner voice.,this happened because I did not trust my intuition or my own wisdom. Many of us , as little ones, were not taught to value this voice…especially if we were parented by Narcissists. But we do learn, don’t we Nikita?
Well in my case it had nothing to do with being parent by an N or not but just not taking the time to listen. too unsettled trying to do as much as I could, but with the years you calm down and start listening.
Contrary to most of the people here, my experience and its also the opinion of my brothers, we had a good father. He had his mistakes but he tried his best. We 3 are thankful for the parents we had.
True probably self trust was not exactly enhanced in my childhood education but its important I learned it now. Exactly we learn Bethany.
Ohhhhhhhhh now you sound like my mother. She, too, likes when all others have been cut off, cut out of my life so that she’s the only one left.
Story of my life. Always the battle between my mom and man competition over me and both trying smear campaigns to isolate me.
Loneliness is extremely debilitating.