The Six Statements of Oneupmanship
We operate by virtue of our perceived superiority to all around us. We also require the spotlight of attention to be on us at all times. As a consequence of this we have a repeated need to assert that we are better than you, we are elevated above you and we should be afforded such preferential treatment accordingly. As ever we rely on our oral pronouncements to reinforce our status and below are six frequently used statements that we use to achieve this along with what motivates us to us them.
- You’re not ill, I once had a real fever, this is nothing by comparison
We do not like you to be ill. This means you expect us to look after you and we do not do that. We are not equipped with sympathy and empathy and therefore we feel need to help you. Furthermore, if you are ill you are not running around after us and that irritates us. Worst of all however is that you are not giving us fuel and instead you are expecting to be the centre of attention. In order to disrupt this annoying situation we will belittle whatever ailment you are suffering from and remind you of how ill or injured we once were. If you have a broken leg, ours was broken in two places. If you have a cold, we had flu. If you have stomach ache we had gastro-enteritis. Do not expect us to play nursemaid.
- I have one like that but mine is better
It does not matter if we are talking about a music system, mobile telephone, pair of trousers or a house we are irritated by you showing off that you have something new. This means that people are asking you about it and giving you praise and admiration. Even if people are providing jealous looks at your latest car we want those jealous looks coming our way. We need to throw an immediate spanner in the works and cause you some consternation by demeaning whatever it is you are showing off, this will draw fuel from you and gives us a chance to turn the spotlight back onto us as we talk about our brilliant new motorbike.
- Nothing you do is good enough
I am brilliant you are not and you need to reminded of that fact on repeated occasions so I can reinforce my superior status and lord it over you. No matter how hard you try, no matter how successful you may and that you receive plaudits from lots of other people we will tell you that what you do is not good enough. This is because we fear that you might just outshine us and take our supposed right to all the attention away from us and that will weaken us. We always have to prevent this happening and by doing you down in this method we upset you, draw fuel and keep ourselves as top dog.
- You do know people only like me because of you
I am the sun around which everything else revolves. I am magnetic, charming and a joy to be around. With my perfect looks, brilliant humour, massive intellect and plethora of achievements there is no reason why anybody would not want to be with me. You on the other hand are wretched and pathetic but because I am such a decent and kind person I allow you to trail in my wake. This means you can benefit from my radiance and my reflected glory, so people appear to like you. Don’t get carried away and think you can steal their admiration and affection for yourself, that is not allowed, hence I need to remind you who is the real star of the show.
- You Are Nothing Without Me
In a similar vein to the above, you are only allowed to function because of my generosity. Such is my power that I can shunt you to one side and remove friendships, family, money and job from you as I snatch your sanity and tear apart your self-esteem. You should watch out because if you do not do what I want this is what is going to happen to you. You need me because otherwise you are utterly unremarkable and it is through my largesse and grace and favour that I allow you to exist to the extent that you do. Show me now how grateful you are as you blink back the tears caused by this cutting remark.
- I Bet You Wish You Were Me
It does no harm to remind you of the gulf between us and what better way than to engender some jealousy and envy in you. You should want to be like me because I am glorious and brilliant. See how everyone likes me? See how doors always open to me? See how I get my way repeatedly? Look at my success, the friends I have, the invitations I receive and all the fawning, kneeling, hand-kissing worshippers that flock to my court. You would like that too wouldn’t you? Problem is, although you wish you were like me, you aren’t and nor can you ever be, so just be thankful I allow you to grace my presence. Time for you to bow I think.
21 thoughts on “The Six Statements of Oneupmanship”
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“4. You do know people only like me because of you.”—–Is THAT what you really meant to say?
I honesty think I am going to be ill. True self centerness and such pathtic self worth. As I bust my ass and make relationships worth while while you can not…. My workdays at at least 13 to 16 hrs daily while you do what you do. Go make your own life… Oops I guess you can’t
Thanks HG.
Hello HG. I want to Thank you again for your fascinating writings on the narcissists among us. I also really have wanted to ask you if you think it possible that a low grade to mid range narcissist would resent my good health since his just hit a very scary bump? #1 on the list finally gave me the chance. It is really weird and seems like he is wishing I had cancer too. If you’ve answered this somewhere else I haven’t come across it yet but really want to know your thoughts if you can refer me to the right paper. Thanks.
You are welcome and thank you. Yes it is entirely possible that your good health will be resented. The fact you are healthy and he is not is a manifestation of just how cruel and unfair this world is. Why should a brilliant person like him be struck down with poor health when an inferior person like you enjoys rude health? How is that fair? It should be the other way around surely? You had best order a nurse’s outfit because that is what will be expected of you.
I’m to the point that if they are not this flamboyantly extravagant about their lives- it’s not entertaining. And When I describe their life as reality their deflation is palpable. Once he signed a petition to try to switch the Comcast service to a different company and he described it as joining the mob and eradicating the scoundrels by riding them out of town.
It’s like a fantasy land
For sure HG, you have!
“You are nothing without me”…that’s my mother’s mantra & she’s been chanting it since I came out of her body.
I understand the point of number 6 when the narcissist is actually charismatic or talented, but the dozens of low quality loons with imaginary celebrity syndrome that flood social media are just hilarious. I recently got angry texts from a narc girl saying ”you are like the many who are jealous of my success” while she lives in a communist farm and her facebook posts get one like (from her best friend). Do you have a post about different types of narcissists?
I haven’t written a post specifically on the different types. Many of the posts address the differing responses and behaviours of lesser, mid-range and greater narcissists. In terms of the four cadres these are detailed more in Sitting Target. I am working on four separate publications which address each of the four cadres.
That is funny. Ha, you have just described my ex.
Although of course I have described him better than anyone else could have done!
My ex too has that syndrome. It is a true epidemic among narcissists. I sent them to the island of lost things to prevent the disease from spreading.
Im on my way to shopping but because I like you so much ❤️❤️ I stop read and comment..
Lately you have been posting about the real malignancy. Well two or 3 posts-The Ns that have an ego so big that it does not fit anywhere.. The highly manipulative, the ones that fake every feeling, the experts at reading people, the ones who lie about achievements, cant loose in a game and look at their best pictures often.
They are now scary for me. They truly have no feelings at all.
Very good post to create awareness. I hope everybody reads this and get light for understanding because with somebody so highly manipulative its very difficult to see it.
😘😘
Thank you Nikita and now I know I have the power to interrupt a lady from shopping. That’s real power!
Exactly . Imagine I went for summer clothes… But commenting and reading was prio 😃😃
HG Tudor says: „..now I know I have the power to interrupt a lady from shopping. That’s real power! „
Ultra or not, i think you’re delusional 🛍!
Interestingly, I have always thought that of you.
Never underestimate the power of shoppeng! 🛍💥🛍💥🔫
jordyguin,
“Now I know I have the power to interrupt a lady from shopping. That’s real power!”
I think it was a joke…
…and a good one too!!
WhoCares says: ” jordyguin,
“Now I know I have the power to interrupt a lady from shopping. That’s real power!”
I think it was a joke…
…and a good one too!! ”
And what makes you think that i didn’t get it? ;))