The Dirty Dozen
Number One
Well, I wouldn’t describe her as a bad person. Not bad per se, but I suppose she just was unable to handle my popularity. After all, I cannot help the fact that people are drawn to me can I? Naturally I always reassured her. I suppose being so young she was always going to be insecure but there is only so much that one can do about that I suppose. Terrible thing jealousy. Makes people do things they really ought not to. She hasn’t really ever let go to be frank, no, I know, even after all this time.
Number Two
Sometimes you just get it wrong don’t you? I mean, normally I am so good at reading people but I completely got it wrong with this one. Talk about doing a good job of hiding your true self. She was sweetness and light at first and seemed quite a relaxed person. I think that is why I was drawn to her after the possessiveness of number one but I realise now it was just for show. Such anger and all the time. My god, she could power a city with the furious rage she gave off. I thought at times she would explode. I had to make myself scarce many times to stay out of her line of fire. Still do in fact.
Number Three
Grade A lunatic. The whole nut job routine. Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire. If I thought number two was bad with her foul temper, then number three was even worse. Seemed like a quiet person at first, the ideal antidote to Miss Furious but beneath that sweet smile and butter would not melt façade this was a conniving, scheming, manipulative harridan. I honestly expected she would break my ankles in order to keep me where she could keep an eye on me, you know, just like the film version of Misery. Thank the lord for a fast car and a fast lawyer, that restraining order is worth its weight in gold believe me.
Number Four
Alcoholic. This girl could drink even me under the table and I can handle my drink. Tequila for breakfast, wine for lunch (times two) and vodka before dinner. Like a stick she was, barely ate, but she could put it away. Months after I had her removed from the house (long story short pills plus booze plus psycho do not go well together) I was still finding half-drunk bottles of Stolichnaya and Finlandia hidden around the house. I must admit, I still shudder if I get a whiff of Pernod.
Number Five
Ice maiden. Now I am always one to respect a lady and her body. Yes means yes and no means no, I am totally with all of that, but this one, well, yes meant no and no meant never. Believe me I tried to prise her open, you know, overcome whatever it was that had her coiled tighter than a watch spring and colder than a glacier but even more well-known warmth and hospitable nature floundered when faced with the Queen of Winter. What appeared elegant and serene just became a frozen wasteland. I can usually make anybody melt but not this one and after all, a man has needs doesn’t he? It is not too much to expect some relief is it from time to time?
Number Six
She wanted to be my mother, I kid you not. Seemed like such a caring person at first, warm, considerate and after the other five degenerates I thought to myself, okay, she isn’t your usual hard body but in all honestly, where has that got me so far. Not that she was ugly, far from it, just a little different from my usual tastes. So, I thought that she would make a welcome change but she took it too far. Making me packed lunches even when I told her I was having lunch with clients, putting out my clothes for me to wear in the morning even when I wanted to wear something else, answering for me, re-arranging appointments for me in case I over-tired myself, suggesting I take a mid-afternoon nap and so on. All done with that weird smile she gave me. Fruitcake.
Number Seven
You know me, I am a great listener, always have been. I am always ready to listen to people because I am interested in what they have to say, I put other people first and so I have plenty of patience but this one, good lord, she just would not shut up. From the moment she woke up her mouth started flapping. Even talked in her sleep, which was not really a surprise. Talked while she ate, talked when I was on the ‘phone, talked to me through the bathroom door when I wanted some privacy, talked during sex and I don’t mean dirty talk but discussing whether she ought to buy a new pair of shoes. The day she got a sore throat was a day to rejoice and kick her into touch so she couldn’t protest.
Number Eight
Katarina Chaos as I used to call her. This woman was a walking disaster area. Habitually late which always irritated me, clumsy (my dry cleaning bill soared), always forgetting things (went through four mobile phones in a month) and a magnet for misfortune. If there was a puddle she would always manage to step in it even when it was harder to do so than to avoid it. She would get trapped in the tube’s doors, lifts would always breakdown with her in them, her car would not start and she would ring (on the most recent mobile before she lost that) explaining her latest mishap. Endearing lady, no doubt about it, kind and amusing, but just so disorganised. Put the wrong bins out at collection time, turned up in formal wear on dress down days, it just became embarrassing and whilst I am not rigid about these things I do like to be organised. Amazingly she was a project manager, I know, I nearly choked when she told me that.
Number Nine
Psycho. Always wanted to know where I was. Kept ringing repeatedly and asking me to send her a photograph of where I was to make sure I was where I said I was. Most unnerving. Would turn up without warning and she had that uncanny ability to just sidle up unheard and be at your shoulder. Holy Toledo, it would make me jump. I swear she put a tracker on my car given the number of times she turned up at places even though there was no feasible way she ought to have known where I was. I used to be up and down through the night checking through my blinds and expect her to be stood outside staring through the window with that thousand-yard stare. Very worrying.
Number Ten
Control freak. All her DVDs were in alphabetical order. All the tins in her cupboards had the labels facing the same way. Had to take your shoes off when you entered her house but get this, she made you wear a brand new pair of slippers each time to walk around inside which she then burned afterwards. What a weirdo. Nothing out of place. Always wanted to make decisions for me. No fork ever ventured into the knife section in the drawer. I daresay she ironed the sheets in the bed after we made love and I caught her timing us when we did hit the sack. I should imagine she had a spreadsheet which she compiled on her computer of the orgasm versus number of humps ratio. Wanted me to sit in a particular place whenever I visited and would never let me in the study explaining that it was a “controlled environment” whatever that meant. Mind you when I tipped a rubbish bag through her letter box I think she got the message that things were not working out for us.
Number Eleven
You are amazing. I adore you. I am so lucky that I have you and you listen to me, it is so wonderful to meet, finally, somebody like you. You have no idea what it means to me to be able to talk to you like this and to tell you everything about what has gone in the past. I really do appreciate it. You are so open-minded and tolerant and it puts me at ease, it really does. I know some people would not like to hear about their partner’s previous relationships but I have nothing to hide from you and I know you will not judge me for it, it can only make you and I stronger because I truly appreciate you.
Number Twelve
Number eleven? What a ballbreaker she was. Never listened to me, always commenting about me, even when I tried to explain things to her. Jumped to conclusions, never let me finish what I wanted to say. Oh and so judgemental too which was really hurtful. Slated my other relationships. Yes, they were not perfect, that’s why they ended, but she went overboard in her critical assessment of them and it was obviously done to make me feel small. Still, you are not like that are you? Thank goodness.
And that’s how the dirty dozen unfolds (okay it’s way more but you get the picture).
58 thoughts on “The Dirty Dozen”
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This is how they turn to be after meeting Mr Right guy … right? We enter white and get out black …:)
So… number eleven sounded great! Did you discard her or is she still on your radar?
They are nearly all on my radar.
Read it again…amused me! Love to read Your books and posts 💋
Thank you Maddie, that is most kind.
Tequila.. mmm not that I’m an alcoholic. .never been…hate drunk people but once in a week a few shots and amazing company would do…
How come number 9 is psycho except when the behaviour emanates from you? Drive bys…sneaking ups on…I hope your current number is your last…
@ theflowerandrock, you are quite welcome. When I was here months ago, you had not posted much. But what you had was profound. To return and see the wisdom you impart to others is heart warming. I left blog for personal reasons months ago. As I sought closure from my narcissistic partner and needed to work on subsequent issues.
I realized there can be no closure, only further emotional harm to myself. I have returned to reaffirm and strengthen my resolve to keep him at bay.
I understand what you have said. Have you healed from a past narcissistic relationship, as well? My life has been devoted to the care of others, it is my nature. It can be distressing knowing that for some no amount of Care or compassion can create a change for those who seek no change. We must then let them go with love. I am working through the guilt I feel from such a letting go. Releasing the cruelty that is inflicted for asserting my rights and reclaiming my power.
Brilliant
I like me too B&T! Good luck on your future endeavor! 😉
Actually, a very cute post and an even cuter picture. I liked reading this. 🙂
These are goood !! Love it. It’s so funny how once you’re out of the N’s grip, influence, opinion, etc , stuff like this is actually very funny to read about because you know the N’s used these exact words before you, to you, about you,and after you,
For someone who has written a whole book called Sitting Target about the research you put into someone before selecting them as an Intimate Partner, I find this to be a high percentage of miscalculations and bad judgment. Haha
This is really about the dirty dozen of smear campaigns you can choose from based on the personality of the one you were with.
You’ve called me your little fireball. I’m sure I’d become #2 with you post discard.
Bingo. Why would I ever discard you MLA?
You’d be a fool to!!
I have noticed the thread of the concept and construct of jealousy throughout the posts of HGs in the last few days, which I understand makes sense as it speaks to his professing of a feeling that he predominantly operates within. I know in a few of my personal intimate relationships it has been difficult for those partners to accept my lack of jealousy, in that they had experienced jealousy as a currency of value within a relationship – to them was an actual expression of love. I believe the nature of jealousy to be possessory and related again to ones own belief in self worth. To move through life as a free whole complete being is to be full and weightless at the same time, one to be able to celebrate the other in their own fullness and uniqueness while connecting through empathy to honor at the core we are the same.
Very nice and lots of truth in it. A good balance is necessary and thats its on a healthy level for both people.
Alignment for the greater good is important. There is the me and the you and the we. The we is the ultimate result as it is the we that shapes the world and the future.
Exactly my dear F&R
its the we that shapes all.. ❤️.
I have an extreme day of stress today and will be abscent until the evening but looking forward to read later on.
Nice day ☀️☀️
It is wonderful to read your words and wisdom, flowerandrock. You have add a calming balance to the blog. The Yin, to HG’s Yang, so to speak. It feels quite harmonious to me.
I see a change as well in the tone of blog posts for HG, The Golden Chrysalis.
Thank you for the kind words Miss_stress. There is a lot of chaos involved in that harmony however, don’t be fooled, it takes tremendous work and focus for me to transmute his force. Our respective cultivating of power comes from opposite generators, so to speak, which is why sometimes when he exerts the valiant prowess of his weight, which I welcome, I am reminded of the force it requires to stand back up. I am happy and honored to be here.
Wise words.
Basic law of attraction…we attract what we are…no boundaries equals no boundaries…opposite ends of the spectrum yet still toxic…pure acid destroys just as pure base on the pH scale
I think that we could all help you find her
I think HG and B&T were talking about each other dear. Her being lucky 13! But it was nice that you offered to help find her. Xx
I like you, Fool me.
Hello Fool Me
I appreciate and find value in this message here that you have sent as it provides an opportunity to again lend some perspective in my reasonings for participating here on HGs blog.
Narcissism and empathy in both their historical and cultural states are a topic area to which is important to me and the circles of which I move in. Although it is true that throughout history these aspects of the human being have created a plethora of discourse, it is within the most recent 5 years that this subject area has become heightened into our collective experience as a humanity; specific to creating and re-shaping “new” conversations around these two aspects of our being. HGs blog which animates his “ coming- out” so to speak, in my perspective, lends to a deeper understanding – this is both due to the action of his coming out because of the rarity for a malignant narcissist to do so, and also because he is able to isolate his behaviours, own them, and turn them out to provide crucial information to aid individuals in being able to recognize what is or has happened to them.
In part, as I have mentioned many times, I am here to lend and show support towards HG for what I consider to be a courageous undertaking. I hear HG literally and figuratively in his conviction towards his own reasoning for doing so and at the same time also have an understanding that the moment that action is formed externally around any aspect of our internal psyche, things change; this most certainly includes the act of expression, which can be deemed as one of the most powerful forms of action. I am not saying that it is possible to eradicate all of the behaviours that a Malignant Narcissists has in their construction of self , however, I can share a truth of my own in that I have been privy to witnessing and partially facilitating the re-forming of some of the behaviours that the Malignant Narcissist struggles with, affording him a less compounded suffering in his existence with the relationship he has with himself and others. Quite profound, beautiful and inspiring to observe and both reap from the blooming of such.
I do believe that intimacy causes us to grow- look at our truths- and truths are often painful to look at, so in relation to HG aligning himself with another that is right for both him and her, I support this fully. Do I feel a personal connection with HG that is outside of the constructs of the type of Empath I am, I do, yes – however I wish to be clear that the nature of that is based in an extension of genuine regard towards friendship, to which I wish to form a dialectical discourse around, I have formed many interesting friendships in my life with many different types of individuals and I enjoy to do that. I will also share that I fully respect that HG has been unresponsive to my request and that that is his right to do so.
So, because the collective and individualised conversation created by the archetypal and literal formations of the Evolved Empath (balanced and attuned to her specific aspects and tools) and the Malignant Narcissist (balanced and attuned to his specific aspects and tools) are of importance to me in the manner of being timely and relevant to our humanity, I am here as this forms a big part of my connection with HG. Lending support and casting light with insight forms a connection with participants of the blog – an exchange of mutual learning of which I am involved in.
Having said all of this, I am not here with the neediness to fix HG nor anyone that courageously participates here. I fully respect and adore him for all that he does recognize in himself and that which he may not. I am here to lend some insight and I hope that with my doing so it has created a sense of safety and support to some that participate here.
Sometimes I choose to stand in the middle of some of the conflict and covert interplay that is animated here ** on occasion -which is understandable considering the nature of the experiences and information shared on this blog- in order to be of an anchoring energy and most times simply observe with the recognition and respect that there are many individuals here that are in their own personal and intimate journey of healing and are using this forum that HG has provided to courageously unravel themselves. Also, as of late I have shared the more humorous and playful aspects of my personal self, which are actually big parts of my being. What I am not willing to do is participate in cross-talk, or the perpetuating of wounds, expressions that hold the intent to wound or anything that is counter-productive or disrespectful to any of the amazing individuals that I see as present here. I don’t believe I differ in this way from the majority here. I am here acting in good faith. I am not saying that you are not acting in good faith, I just wanted to share this somewhat lengthy response as sometimes things easily become skewed and cloudy and often communication can clear it up. I enjoy your input Fool Me and think it’s pretty cool that we all have this opportunity to be here together.
The current # is always the one until she’s not…
Wise words.
I understood this is all what is being said from an ex to the next one and so forth..
And then there was lucky number 13.
I`d like to hear about her.
You don`t need Ms Right Now, HG, you need Ms RIght!!!! Do you think she`s out there, HG? Does she exist?
And if she does exist, what does she need to do in order to ensure she doesn`t end up on this list full of charlatans?!
Oh she is out there alright B&T.
I have absolute faith that she is, HG.
If you need help finding her, let me know.
I accept.
When you have the time, perhaps you will consider giving me some details so that I might be of use in this endeavor.
I do so LOVE a challenge!!! 😉
Be delighted to do so.
HG, seems as though your point is getting missed a little here. I got it, though. Totally get it. He’s on number 12 now. I used to be number 12.
As ever people are welcome to interpret what I write in their own way but I am inclined to agree with you Sherry.
We all get it, Sherry. Some of us enjoy playing along.
Ha ha
Awareness is the key to it all, I agree with heart. Great post HG.
So thats whats being sad from the ex…
But sometimes its true. I had no. 10 and was a terrible experience 😖😖😖.
Very interesting HG.
Somewhen a different one will come ☀️☀️💝
Number 11 to my face, at first. To the one(s) who came after or even before and were hoovered back, I’m sure I was Number 6. (And Number 11 as described to Number 12.)
Wow, this is so fantastically cutting and funny. I am number two from the top….maybe number two in list as well 😏 And a little bit of number seven and eleven as well. Variety is the spice of life.
Again, sarcasm at its best.
Made me think of that song, Mambo # 5…
Number six….mummy!!!! Time for bed, dear.
Yes Mambo #5 well put, I am sure I could work up a narcissistic version!
Next blog post. I enjoy when you inject humour into your posts. It adds to the insight.
This is great and is a wonderful opening towards asking the hard questions of self – What is the need for inviting such characters into my life and aligning myself with them in ways that directly affect the shaping of my quality of life? Once you have this awareness you have choice and responsibility no matter the level of denial.
How assertive and helpful commment
When one makes the choice – the enormously HUGE and vulnerable and painful and risky and terrifying and freeing and vulnerable and painful and joyful and valiant in the highest form of accomplishment in choosing to -honestly- self inquire as if their survival and the survival of others depends upon it ( because it does) – they will then begin to ask the questions that expose where one hides in the other – where do I hide myself away in you? – if that is not nauseating of the ultimate calling to be freed then I need to eat more jellybeans. Sorry, I can only stay on the surface for so long as my anchor is strong held and fixed – giving me permission to descend and ascend with no fear.
Wow. You really know how to pick them.
Sure do, I just want know Cara, why do they all turn out to be “wrong ‘uns” ?
Really, you don’t already know that?
Indeed I do. All of them are liars who come with false promises as they kneel and stoop and ingratiate but I know their game. I have them in my eye.
To be really simplistic – I mean if you only see yourself as worthy of this, then this is what you will wish to attract and on the same side of that coin, if you only see yourself as worthy of this, then those whom are not liars and do not tote false promises will still be viewed by you as doing so.
But I am not worthy of this, that is the point.
Keeping it simple – nah, that is just what you have been taught and then further what you have chosen to believe of yourself and others.
you are the worth you give yourself and you are very much worth and many many good things 😍😍. You are worth your dreams!!
I ask myself the same question, only in proper English, just kidding I have inserted many accursed words at times regarding certain men who have darkened my doorway. I think perhaps the answer is similar, they are attracted to your darkness and my light. The void between. Always remain hopeful, the right one is out there. We often find when we are not seeking. The right one is not lit up in neon flashing lights, that screams chose me or love me, they are the calmness that rolls in like the mist from the sea and envelopes us.