Magnet for Miserabilism
You are a healer. You are a fixer. You love to make things good, right and proper. You do not like to see things going wrong. You do not like to witness upset, discord or misery or perhaps more accurately, you do not like to observe those conditions for long, but you need to be in the presence of them initially. That is not because you derive any kind of sadistic delight from seeing people crying, a man bereft of joy, a woman grieving. Not at all. You are not our kind. However, you do feel a need to see these conditions because then it provides you with an opportunity to do something about it. You place a reassuring hand on a shoulder, calmly offer soothing words of comfort or a warm hug in order to show support. You will listen, offer advice and suggestions to alleviate the hurt and empathise with the person who has presented with the problem and the upset. You do all of this and more besides because you are a good person. You also do it because your sense of self-worth is derived from interacting with those who are miserable.
Those who are toiling under fearful concerns, those who are broken, those who have issues, those whose sleep is broken by fretful thoughts and anguished worries. Those who are in pain, those who feel no happiness, those who have been tortured by the vagaries of life. All of them are people who you are drawn to as an empathic and caring individual. Often you are able to sense that something is wrong with a person even if there is no obvious outward sign. I have heard your kind speak of this on many occasions. In that respect you and I are similar. I too can sense the underlying pain in an individual, this is an ability that we share. You however sense it and then wish to alleviate it through the application of your kind ministrations. We sense it and wish to exploit it through the application of our kind seduction and later baleful devaluation. Those who are neither us nor you fail to pick up on this sense of damage, woe or upset. They are not attuned to see or sense this is in other people. They are too concerned with their own lives, scurrying from one place to another. They are not bad people, just pre-occupied people who are trying to find a way through life and are only able to deal with such upset when it is presented to them in an obvious way. In effect this is a good thing for if the general populace wanted to become involved in this competition to acquire the broken then such individuals would become a scarce commodity with far too many hunters. Fortunately, the bulk of the populace of this planet are inward looking and therefore do not seek out these people. This leaves them for your kind and for our kind.
If you get to them first, you will help and seek to provide balance in their lives again, guiding and healing, assisting in surmounting the problem, either by making it go away or finding options which will mitigate the effect of the issue. If we get to them first, we will adopt our copied and well-rehearsed false empathy in order to bind them to us as we understand and probe everything which has caused their underlying damage so that we may pretend to help with it only to then exploit it once devaluation commences.
Of course many of these people are your kind to begin with and thus we are attracted to you all three categories. The first are those people who would not necessarily be regarded as hugely empathic but they have some inner wound which serves our purpose in terms of control and fuel. The second of our targets are your empathic kind as a whole who may not have any such ongoing damage. The third of our targets are those of your kind who have carrying the damage. The empathic individual who has that wound beneath the surface which they try to deal with but it can be re-opened by someone who knows, someone like us.
You are drawn to all three of these categories as well. You will belong to the second or third category but you will still seek out someone from any of the three categories in order to help, fix and heal. To do so allows you to gain self-esteem. Through such action you find definition and purpose in life. Something higher than your job, the running of a home or protecting the environment and so on. This need to define yourself by reason of healing the broken is at the centre of what you are. From a child who is upset because his ice cream fell on the floor through to the distraught wife who has lost her rock of a husband in a tragic car accident. You are attracted to these people and they are attracted to you. You sense the pain and you address it and in so doing you find purpose, definition and fulfilment. Sometimes you may not be aware that this is what you do, just regarding yourself as a “decent” human being. Others of your kind feel connected to others and feel their pain as if it is your own. I know this because those who I have hunted and ensnared have talked of this and they have aided my understanding considerably as well as furnishing me with the relevant knowledge so I can use this to my advantage in seeking my own prey.
You attract the wounded, the broken, the dented, the mis-shaped, the battered and the bruised. From the slightest concern to the mightiest of woes you are both attracted to finding these people and able to draw them to you. You are a magnet for miserabilism.
That is why we are attracted to you and you to us.
And we hate you for it because whilst you provide us with what we want and need, you also serve to remind us of the very thing we do not want to be.
22 thoughts on “Magnet for Miserabilism”
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Who am I then if I’m here not to fix or heal but help and adore??? I know… Freak 🙁
Then get your freak on Maddie.
But how ???
Reach inside and there lies the answer.
So, HG, if our kind and your kind are both drawn to the underlying pain, woundedness and damage in others, wouldn’t it mean that we’re drawn in powerfully by your woundedness, your vulnerability? Not merely by the wild ride of the golden period, and not by the façade of woundedness and vulnerability. What if we’re drawn in by your real, actual damaged parts, the ones you believe no one can see because you’ve relegated them to the darkness of your subconscious where the’re guarded and tormented by a hungry Creature. What if your construct is transparent to us all along, and we see through to the next level where the beast resides, and the level beyond that where your long neglected human feeling self is kept under lock and key, in solitary confinement. What if we see the seductive construct but are unimpressed with it because we know it’s not who you really are. And what if we also recognize the manipulative narcopath in you to be another false self constructed to preserve the imprisoned authentic parts of your self, and it’s that we fall in love with? How much do you hate us when we fall in love with parts of yourself whose existence you chronically deny in order to keep the creature fed at the expense of your abandoned authentic self? How much do you hate in then?
Hello FM, you have posed a series of fascinating questions. It cannot be denied that the seduction and the golden period is what draws many to us but I agree that there are those of your kind, the co-dependents who are drawn to us because sub consciously they need what we are as I detailed in Chained.
Do you sense that we are damaged? I suspect few actually see that because that element is locked away. Might they sub consciously detect it? I would say yes as that is part of the magnetism as well. I think that it must however be subconscious because if you can see the true nature of the construct and what is beyond that then you would realise that the golden period is an illusion and let me ask this question? How many people caught in the golden period thought at that time it was an illusion. I should imagine the answer would be nil. One might learn after the event that it was an illusion and thereafter be able to know that the construct is false and all that comes with that and apply that to the next of our kind that you meet. How though could you fall in love with something that we will not let you see? You may be aware of the creature’s existence but you are never allowed to interact with it and if on the rarest of occasions, how could you love such a craven thing?
Bravissimo, Fata Morgana!!! Bravissimo!
That’s exactly what we see in them despite on their attempts to hide it.
For me personally, Empaths are more challenging to “read” then Narcs. Narcs have more or less predictable pattern of construct. Empaths’ constructs are more complex, enigmatic and fascinating. Empath can really surprise you. I would give a lot for possibility to meet and talk with Mother Teresa.
Glad to learn of these three categories of us.
What is the thing you don’t want to be?
One of the craziest moments was when I realized that accepting his treatment of me would also frustratingly make me the very type of person that he is disgusted by.
Yes it is bizarre and that is something which is both necessary yet infuriating. We are bound to you by the need for fuel yet we despise the fact (when we devalue) that this is the case, that we, someone so brilliant,must be chained to someone as wretched as you. The concern of course is that we are the wretched ones in having to function this way, something we repeatedly push away.
So, as much as you target these types of people, you show great contempt for them as well because all they are is everything you don’t want to be.
It’s a love/hate relationship at it’s finest.
I relate to this intensely, as others have pointed out I seem to have great contempt for empaths and yes, it is much for the same reasons.
You are human just like we are HG. Hate me for reminding you of that. It’s fine. I don’t consider myself an empath. I’m in the 75 percentile. I don’t even know what that means. I can barely take care of myself, but I do care deeply about others. I will listen and offer support but never be able to fix. I do know that it has attracted me to 2 narcs in relationships and others in ordinary life. I think I’ll try to develop a repellant. That picture is creepy.
The very thing you don’t want to be ? Vulnerable?
We remind you of the very thing you don’t want to be ? Would that be Vulnerable?
Amongst other things yes.
Can you say what other things please ? This would be very helpful if you shared this knowledge? Thank you ❤️
Hi Lisa, you remind us of having certain emotions that we do not which we are envious of yet also contemptuous of because they leave you in a position of weakness. You remind us that you can form connections without the need for manipulation on our scale which both intrigues us and has us sneering at your incompetence. It remind us of the fact that you do not need fuel and we do, which causes us to wonder what that must be like and then to conclude that it must be awful not experiencing such power. Those are some of the other things.
Love how you explain this HG, it’s so true. I have always found that people in need tend to gravitate toward me, but more so since my experience with my first N fifteen years ago. I didn’t see him coming but he was one of the lesser of your kind and I don’t think he knew what he was. I smiled when I saw the title of your recent book about the narcissistic hoover – the Black Hole as in the last two years since I started dating again I’ve encountered several of your kind and often felt a magnetic pull which I described to a friend as being like the pull of a black hole. Now I realise what I was sensing – note to self must pay more attention to my gut instincts.
I think also your kind are like a black hole in that no matter how much they consume they are never satiated!
I don’t understand what it is exactly that makes the hatred towards someone who would have your back through thick and thin?… is it the values that are hated? or is it that because you can’t feel, or have never felt love, that you see it as an attempt to control? or is is envy of something you don’t have? I was 6 years with a Psychopath… It just seems counter productive to me.. when if handled a little differently at the end..you could have the most amazing fan club of folk who would do anything for you… he did scorched earth after I found out he was disordered.. he knows i am inheriting possibly quite a lot of mineral rights in North Dakota.. but i cant imagine him ever trying to contact me again.. after what he did… will he bother me again? and why the hate?
Hello Echo, I have answered Lisa along similar lines. There are many different things which power this hatred. It is a mixture of envy although that makes us feel weakened and therefore we replace that envy or jealousy with a high-handed,contemptuous view of what you are. Thus, you remind us of having certain emotions that we do not which we are envious of yet also contemptuous of because they leave you in a position of weakness. You remind us that you can form connections without the need for manipulation on our scale which both intrigues us and has us sneering at your incompetence. It remind us of the fact that you do not need fuel and we do, which causes us to wonder what that must be like and then to conclude that it must be awful not experiencing such power. I understand your point concerning the fan club but I create those in any event and in accordance with the only way that I know how, although I understand that it is intended to try to cause me to take a different route. What’s the position with the mineral rights? What do you intend to do about them?
Its so nice that you write… About us..
So true and exact..
Ross Rossemberg says that if we overcome childhood trauma we would no longer be such a magnet, there is Melania T also with many videos and she goes even further, remain empathic but stop attracting Ns and their kind…
I really dont believe you can stop attracting, But you can leanr how much and how to get involved..
It is true that for me it gives a sense to my life to be able to help someone feel better. There are so many people in sufferement that I cant imagine a life just worrying for my own wellbeing…..
Thanks for writing about us also HG 😘
I have that book Nikita, the human magnet syndrome, I need to read it along with the other I bought that you recommended, What is Love. I am working my way long developmental childhood trauma and feeling better. Getting better, stay better. Heavy readings there ❤️
Wow HG this is an impressive post. I never understood why others did not easily tune into people’s feelings, unless it was really obvious. I can pick up on the slightest hint of a change in someone’s mood. I would have definitely described myself as a superenpath as a child and could feel others pain, maybe even more than they felt it themselves.
I mentioned before that life changes you. I went from superempath to empath to feeling very little. The MN brought out my super empath qualities again which I had thought were deeply buried.
I’ve manage to push them back down again. Being in the middle is a much better and healthier place to be.