The Love Triangle
Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.
This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?
– It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;
– We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;
– It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;
– It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;
– It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;
– It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;
– It assists the maintenance of our façade.
Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.
Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.
– The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;
– The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;
– The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;
– You feel that you know us far better than the other person;
– You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.
These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.
You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?
– It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;
– It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.
– The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.
– It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.
Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,
“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”
Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?
You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –
Literature
Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights
Film
Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)
Real Life
Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)
Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy
Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe
Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky
Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)
Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)
I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.
I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.
138 thoughts on “The Love Triangle”
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Fascinating double triangulation (ménage à trois and simple triangualation at the same time!):
1. Georgiana Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire;
2. William Cavendish, Duke of Devonshire;
3. Lady Elisabeth Foster;
4. Charles Grey.
You Englishes know how to do “things”. Lol.
Agreed.
Oh, and recently he’s been trying to involve me again. Except she is the main source now. He doesn’t know that I’m seeing right through him. I know exactly what he’s trying to accomplish. He’s not even being original about it.
I wish I could go “no contact” but alas, that is not an option at the moment.
The good news is, that I really don’t care about him anymore.
While I am sure we are all used to triangulatio to some extent, I would not say I thought it was wonderful or exciting in any way. Exciting in a bad way, perhaps. But nothing I would care to seek out.
Of course when he “came clean” about his infidelity in the first place, there was something wonderful going on between us. Only after I realised he’s a narc, those wonderful weeks until I caught him doing it again made perfect sense.
I think it took me 2 weeks to figure out he wasn’t worth it anymore. At that point, I didn’t even want to live with him anymore. Al though I wasn’t opposed to “starting over”.
Then it dawned on me that he was going to keep seeing her whether I liked it or not. And I showed him the door.
I bet he didnt expect that. Nor dI’d he accept it. Over the next few months I kept getting “declarations of love” and he entrusted me with the “sobstories” about his new relationship.
I was sad only until I found out more about narcs. That’s when everything that happened troughout the relationship and after suddenly made sense.
After that, I can only feel like I’m lucky I got out.
I didn’t like that excitement at all, being a very structured and complex person myself (empathetic aspergers, rare and complex combination) and when he was gone, I could finally thrive like never before.
Hello Kay, thank you for sharing your perspective. Did you seek out the information about narcissists or did somebody point you in the right direction?
I actually came across an article through my newsfeed on Facebook, from a friend who has dealt with a narc in her life. It was purely coincidental and, since I had nothing better to do, I decided to read that article because it was a topic I didn’t know much about yet. I’m inquisitive by nature.
Thank you.
HG this is going to sound ridiculous but is it possible to be triangulated with a country lol . This place is where he went on holiday to alone and yes it was alone as he was cheating with girls in the country , and continually talks about the fact that he wants to go and live there . So can’t them make up his mind about us or him going alone to live there ? This has caused so many problems . Is this real or a triangulation as I doubt he will ever move there ??
Yes you can be triangulated with a place although in your instance it is obviously more a case of you being triangulated with the people in that place.
Morning HG !!!
Thank you for this .. 🙂
I have a question please .( well two actually )
Ex Ncs new fuel source has recently become very active with her public posts on FB .. I have them both blocked btw , but a very close friend of mine showed me them . Anyway..
The content of the posts indicate that they’re clearly aimed at me , very personal and provocative .
Is ex N trying to triangulate me /her both of us ? I’m thinking her with me & a possible extra fuel supply if I react which isn’t going to happen , obviously !!
Apparently they’ve both been quiet with their public posts for quite some time and then Ta da she’s at it again though he isn’t . .
I’d love to know what you think please ?
My second question is . Do you pick up on some of the comments & decide to write about them ? I’m asking because it’s only a few days ago since I asked you about triangulation and voila this appears . 🙂
Either way thanks ever so much for the detailed explanation & the blog, I always read and think .. yeah .. now I know why that happened.!! Another question answered and another tiny piece of the puzzle in place. . thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu .
P.s I’ve just reread my post. It sounds a bit like gobbledygook now but you know what I mean lol .
Made sense to me, thank you for reading.
Good morning So Sad,
Yes the ex N is trying to triangulate you and probably her dependent on the nature of the posts. Incidentally, do you trust your friend who showed them to you? What reason did she give for showing you? Why did you look?
Yes there are occasions where somebody will either ask for me to write about something or I see something in a comment which causes me to consider it a worthwhile topic to write about. In this instance it was purely coincidence that you asked about triangulation. What prompted that article was the fact I was having a discussion with somebody about how love triangles are seen as “hot” by most people and therefore that set me thinking and writing. Before you ask, the person I was talking to was not part of a love triangle.
Thank you as always for replying HG , though I’m a bit confused now ( not that I wasn’t before 🙂 )
It’s his new target that’s posting the comments not ex N . It appears that he’s staying quiet , while she’s come out with guns blazing trying to provoke a reaction from me .
I’m just wondering why this is happening again after months of apparent silence ? She obviously she wants me to see them otherwise she wouldn’t post publicly & the content is too personal to be aimed at anyone else but me ..
Yes I trust my friend very much . We met because she too has been through hell and back with several narcs . She also has never met ex N or his target and didn’t mention it until i asked her recently as she thought I would find them upsetting which I don’t . Whoohoh progress thanks to your blog !!!!. BIG FAT PAT ON THE BACK HG .. I could hug you but there’s not a chance in hell I would come anywhere near you lol , said in the nicest possible way , naturally 🙂
Oh why did I look ? curiosity I suppose & the fact that I want to see the relationship go t*ts up . Oh and no I don’t want him back , I suppose I would like some validation that none of it was of my making , don’t know if I’m making sense again .
Thank you for clarifying the blog posts . I kinda guessed it was a coincidence BUT a very nicely timed one for me . 🙂 🙂
Understood.
The new target will be doing this at his behest following triangulation. You have been smeared. You are the psychotic ex and this is her reaction to his triangulation. He has probably lied to her that you have been trying to contact him so she feels threatened, she works harder to please him (more fuel) and she then trains her guns on your and he gets fuel from this proxy move.
Noted concerning your friend. She is most likely a true supporter.
Good to see your progress and thank you for the kind words. You would love a hug off me and keep in mind, how do you know you haven’t already had one?!
I note the position on looking How did you feel when you read the posts?
Good Morning HG !! 🙂
That fully explains it all, it’s so much clearer in my head now . Thank youuuuu.
From you reply I can safely assume this may go on for quite some time then .
I sometimes think I know the answers but it’s like information overload in my head & I just can’t put my finger on it . Then Ta da your like my own narc oracle with the answers 🙂
How did I feel reading the posts HG ? Oh I’d like to say I felt nothing & I can in so much as I feel nothing for ex N, I don’t ever want to set eyes on him again as long as I live . In truth I hate this woman , not because she’s with him but because of the content of the posts from day one .
She’s done nothing short of calling me a lying whore, she’s attacked every aspect of my character from my MH to my physical appearance , relished the fact that “They will both enjoy trying to destroy me ” & has recently & not for the first time posted pictures of her hand gun which I’m assuming is a threat towards me .
I know in my heart I should feel some pity for her, after all she isn’t aware of whats happening to her such is his control over her but I can’t, not yet anyway ..
Once upon a time I would literally have to walk away from my PC to stop myself posting back , but it doesn’t happen now , I can look & I just think how truly relived I am to be out of all of the drama & chaos .. I am stronger than he would like to think . He will not control me or my emotions anymore although I suppose that fact that I hate his new target even though she’s probably a very nice person is a form of control , but I can live with that 🙂
Thanks again for the blog HG it really has changed my life .. Virtual ((( HUG)) that’s as close as I’m getting to you 🙂 .. HaHa .
So Sad .
You are welcome. Thank you for adding the detail and it is clear to me that you are seizing the power.
All thanks to you . I am where I am now because of this blog & because YOU take the time to reply with clear , concise answers .. That’s what makes this site so unique & why I’m seizing the power ..
High Five to that HG !!! mwahh, xx
Thank you So Sad, that is much appreciated.
Good morning HG !! *
Only me again 🙂
We were talking yesterday about ex N triangulating his new target recently & a thought occurred to me last night ..
If he’s triangulating her for more fuel does this mean he’s feeling his supply taper off & the reason he’s pushing for more ? .. Could it be this be an indication that the Golden period is over now ?
I know this is the million dollar question but because they live in different parts of the world , how do you think he will eventually be able to draw the negative fuel .. ? In fact could the fact that they live apart ( I think ) mean that he’s needing more fuel .. So many questions .
Thank you ..
So Sad .. 🙂
It is not necessarily an indicator that the golden period is tapering off. Triangulation may also be used as a device for the purposes of binding the new primary source to us by using the old primary source to be seen as some kind of threat.
Technology will be sued to draw the negative fuel.
Ohhhh I see.. HG .
I hope you don’t mind but yes another question . 🙂
You say in your reply that it’s used as a means to bind the new primary source . Is there something that triggers this ?
I’m trying to understand why/when triangulation comes into play if you understand .
Fascinating subject . Thank you for explaining it .
It might be the fact that the old primary source keeps making itself known and therefore we will smear that person (he or she is a Crazy One) in order to preserve the façade and at the same time utilise their irritating presence to our advantage. This would be when triangulation happens during seduction.
That was quick ! Thank you . !!!
Okay last question I promise . 🙂
As you’ve porbably guessed all of my questions have been as a result of recent triangulation with me & Narcs new source .
In my case I have remained NC & as far as I’m aware completely invisible for well over a year..
So I’m wondering why he’s felt the need to triangulate her now .? What do you think HG . ?
I’m no threat to either of them ..
Thanks again .
You may not think you are a threat but this may be regarded differently by others.
If it has been over a year he is wanting to draw fuel from you and also to unsettle her and thus draw further fuel from her. You have appeared in his sphere of influence and it is evident that she must be in the devaluation period since he is seeking to triangulate her with you.
Got It !! Thank you for taking the time & having the patience to explain everything over the last few days HG .
I fully understand what’s happening now & I’ll raise my guard a little higher in case he trys a hoover , since he hasn’t tried yet .
I really , really do appreciate every one of your helpful replies .
Have a glass or three of Chablis on me tonight . :0 )
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
So Sad .
You are most welcome. Yes, Chablis is on the agenda for tonight.
Enjoy HG . Shame your a nac, I actually quite like you . So glad we’ll never meet .. Yes it’s a compliment btw . 🙂
Ha ah thank you. Of course you like me, I am eminently likeable.
Modest too !! 🙂
It’s my middle name.
Thank you so Sad, I posted. A similar question yesterday morning regarding triangulation on social media. I think HG is still trying to answer mine.
Btw it is so nice to see you here again.
So Sad, do you think he has instigated her postings and she obviously obliged him as a means of attack towards you ? So if not on his wall , he can feign innocence?
It seems sometimes no matter what we do, their shit still find us…
So Nice to see you back posting Miss _Stress 🙂 How are you ??? I hope you’re still making fantastic progress with your recovery . I’m 17 months NC .. whohohhooo ! It’s A WALK in the park now . 🙂
Judging from HGs reply most certainly yes he has instigated it all through triangulation . From the posts my friend has shown me Ns new target started again a couple of months ago had a slight pause then has regularly been posting since . Like you say were never far away from their shit even though we do our best to keep it that way . !! xx
I really hope your staying around for a while Miss_Stress , you were missed xx
So Sad .
Thank you so sad…17 months is brilliant, I would have been six months, had he not hoovered me in March and I took the bait to seek closure. Otherwise, work, family and life is going along well.
Thank you your kindness So sad, it make me feel good to read your words xx
Your welcome Miss-Stress .
It is genuinely nice to see you posting again 🙂 I did worry for a while because you just vanished , but as there was no way of contacting you I couldn’t find out how you were .
As for the hoover try not to beat yourself up about it , we’ve all been where you were & want closure ..
I’m happy to read that work, family & life are treating you well and hope that this time it may be a little bit easier for you . xx
Take Care .
So Sad x
I went off WordPress for that time, including this blog. I felt it was unfair for me to post and I was not in good state of mind post Hoover. To be totally hi set I felt it was wrong for me to post here after he hoovered because i still loved him and so wanted answers from him. I knew relationship was done, the relationship I thought we had for four years. I just hoped he would admit he was an N and let him know I accept who he is. But, he denied it all and Internittent,y mocked me with narcisisist jokes and I only have Myself to blame for how people treat me because I am so open with everyone. Loose Translation, I am real, he was fake. Fake wins, real is pathetic and a loser. It is true, I am open and have nothing to hide, if asked a question I have no difficulty answering it. Perhaps I apply the same intention to my questioning asking, mind you I nevr Expect others to answers, only if they wish to.
Right now, I became angry at him and since it was the first time in four years , he made me feel rather shameful for song so, citing me a scary monster. Truthfully it felt empowering not quasi argue at him. Only differnce is.I can handle his, he couldn’t handle mine. I had no right you see, according to him.
Thank you So sad, for all the very kind things you have said and for welcoming me back. It means a lot to me.
I wish you much happiness and love and calmness in your life xx
My ex-husband triangulated with social media.. Specially twitter.. And his blog and other sociaö media stuff
Does not hurt as much as with another woman but as destructive
He said to me even before I knew what he was, when you have two women and one man, someone always ends up In tears. I found it an odd statement, we were discussing a mutual friend at the time, who he claimed had a “crush ” on him in the past and was according to him only my friend to get to him. Fact is she hated him. But we all see things as we wish to. My response was and who would that someone In tears be, Me? Or her? I said my choice would be the man In such a scenario. He just replied, it won’t be you, my darling.
I suppose that ideal was not nefarious enough for my tears.
You’re not wrong (as usual ) HG.
I’d always had what I now know to be ‘drama’ in my life. I never instigated it (well maybe as a teen, but who doesn’t then), if been with my husband for many years but about five years ago things just became wonderful, but all too easy, nothing really exciting good or bad ever really happened. It was just comfortable and I’d become bored or this. I longed for something to happen, asked for it, wished for it. Good or bad, I didn’t mind. I even wished my husband would flirt with other women, try to make me jealous. I craved that. But he loved me and still does so much that he would never do that.
But wow ! Did I get what I asked for, even before the MN. I now very happy and not seeking any of that any more. I just think how lucky I am! And of course, I still have a bit of fun, using all the tricks you’ve taught me to wind up the Ns in my life.
It assists the maintenance of our facade ?? Very telling HG
My old time favourite heroine Scarlet Is one of your kind and my favourite actress that portrays her , 2 in one
HG, I am just now noticing what’s REALLY going on in the photo.
What on earth would you do if two sides of an HG triangle ditched you and got involved with each other?! And don’t say that would be totally hot because we know that you are “above” the base cravings (like chick on chick action) of ordinary men.
Then again, most chick on chick action is done to show off for a guy, so you probably WOULD get off on all that fuel!
It would only happen at my direction.
My ex narc no 2 always had two versions of the truth, one when sober and one when drinking…I soon tumbled to it.
Even if Keanu did that, he’d still be my wyld stallyn!
But being serious for one moment this blog has reignited my passion for creative writing. Thanks HG!
How is it that no one has mentioned Brangelina and Team Aniston vs Team Jolie?
I refused to watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith and to this day continue to boycott all AJ films. Was boycotting BP as well but could not bring myself to miss out on the awesomeness of The Big Short.
It’s looking like JA will never have biological children and it kills me that AJ started popping them out the minute she and BP became “official”, which we all know was long after the first spawn was conceived and likely before divorce ink was dry.
Yes yes, I know…totally projecting here. 🙂
Isn’t JA pregnant now?
Yes at the age of 47!
Personally I’m with Miss S on this…someone triangulates me and I’m off. Having said that there is only one instance that I’m aware of and I left destruction in my wake…I do sometimes worry that I have narc tendencies.
That said I can see the appeal from both perspectives, the triangulator and the triangulated…but I’m not convinced of the romanticism when the situation has been deliberately engineered.
My favourite triangulation would be Jack Nicholson, Keanu Reeves and Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give. Jack Nicholson’s character is a classic narc…I love when he tells her “I’ve never lied to you. I have always told you some version of the truth”
I am loathe to admit it but I’d willingly trade places with Diane Keaton there although I think I’d have chosen to waltz off into the sunset with Keanu.
The version of the truth is a device that plays well. I always tell a version, it just happens to be my version which is founded on a different perspective to yours.
I understand your sentiments but what id Keanu said “bogus” and pretended to play a guitar as you headed for the sunset? Might that have ruined the moment?
HG would you say you are self honest?
Yes. No. Sometimes.
Okay. Right. Sure.
I have never triangulated any one, I have been accused, but that was just his projecting again.
I think we all might have some Narcsisistic traits Centauride…just not to the degree of a Disorder or HG.
I am sure HG could of pinpoint narcissistic traits for any given one of us? Simply from his keen observational skills here on the blog. Start with me, HG! If you like?
Guess not then 😏
Good morning MIss S,it serves no purpose to me to analyse the existence of narcissistic traits in the people here.
God morning to you too, HG. Right, of course. It was based on Centaurides query. No, that would not be good form for you to attribute your traits upon others here, I agree.
Quite alright. Primarily it is because it would not serve a purpose to me and as you rightly identify it wouldn’t be good form either. Everybody has such traits and indeed there are some people who post here who recognise they have stronger N traits than others even though they would not be considered a narcissist. I suppose occasional visitors may want to seek confirmation that they are not (as opposed to seeking confirmation that they are) one of our kind and thus would ask about them but I am far more interested in your empathic qualities than the slight sprinkling of narcissistic ones. By all means, if you wish to espouse the N traits you may think you have go ahead. There is merit in such self-examination by reason of being able to know what to look for and apply it to others who come into your life.
I didn’t say I had any, that is a telling comment though. I am however, quite self aware and aware of others. I am adept at discerning deceptions and knowing my own faults. I am aware my faults mostly lay in emotional abandonment issues and too many years under the thumb of criticism and though considered a positive trait , forgiveness and trust usually have opposite effects upon me through others, such as deception or betrayal. I am always examining and trying to better myself. Trying to understand why I react and how I can control my emotional responses. Knowing that because I feel so much, in all ways, at all times …there will always be consquences and potential for hurt. Also knowing the alternative to not feel. Is far worse for me. Hence, why I do not shut down emotionally when harmed.
Thank you for your reply, HG.
Everybody has them, even to the slightest degree. You are welcome.
And some so much more then others, especially those who tout themselves to be purely empaths. I question those who receive no faults within themselves , yet can so easily shine a light on the faults of others. Why I previously asked about self honesty, so many tend to lie to themselves, as much or more then they do to others, about who and what they are.
I don’t deny, nor do I dismiss who and how I am, I am a highly sensitive, emotional, intuitive, co depenedent empathic person born and raised of a narcissistic mother and co dependent father. I acknowledge narcissistic traits, but they are only harmful to my self, not others. Such as those aforementioned in another reply. My life or construct as you deem it, has been built around the reduction of harm and the institution of care. My greatest self harm comes in my need to understand and to be heard and accepted. Accepting and forgiving others is easy for me, doing the same for myself, not so much.
Inam
My apologies HG, on last reply. My keyboard froze up when trying to finish up.
The last sentence, was I am what I am, as you are what you are as we all are as we should be.
What people see of me is just the tip of the Jana Iceberg( no I am not frigid ) so to speak. Often , people do not wish delve deeper then the surface of another.
On. Final note…no pun intended due to song lyrics…
I will let Meridith Brooks aptly sum it up for me…
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way.
Hello Miss S. A volunteer is in order. I’m not a narcissist (wink) or a codependent (wink) though protected and spoiled rotten with no boundaries by a narcissist Father. I was asked to research “narcissism” by quite a few people and came across this site. I have experienced emotional flows (positive or negative is irrelevant) through internal honesty from awesome and captivating people in all walks of life delivering their utmost experiences in this site. With the awareness resurfacing, a higher level of energy such as courage, acceptance and peace are reborn (of course they are always in you). This site provides self development with certainty. Nothing sticks. No hold. It’s infinity. I am perfect. So are you with the rest of the people in this site and the universe whether you’re a narcissist or a codependent. I agree that everyone have narcissictic traits. It’s all an illusion created by the mind projected by feelings, history, childhood experiences and memories of one’s choice to cling onto that isn’t really you. Thank you HG for creating this site, you rock!
I’m obliged.
Yes, Leilani, wonderfully worded. I dint deny I have such traits, and a show said those who say otherwise ahve yet to become aware. I often question why I do or say the things as do, what is my determine motivator. Often I go back to fear, emotional abandonment, self esteem, attention, acceptance. From here I can trace the root of my behaviour. Do I blame my childhood, I place no blame. My mother was a product of her own childhood. I had a an incredibly affectionate and loving father, who compensated for what she lacked In the emotional attachment arena. But, his devotion to her and enabling her behaviour also showed me that despite ones behaviours that exhibit unloving tendencies we are duty bound to stand by those we love through acceptance. No doubt. Why I am In my chosen field, why I have had so many abusive relationships and why I am co dependent. I do try to repair situations, try to fix them, but I also recognize that my well being is important and I leave when change is not possible or conducive. Also why, I am loving, helping, nurturing, loyal, trusting and honest. I never became a narcisisist from my beginnings. But that doesn’t mean I don’t relate to them or try to understand them and recognize we are quite similar in many ways. They are the harm to my hurt. They inflict hurt because they were once harmed, it is cyclical.
Thank you Miss S. Your words are potent and congregated in pursuit of your heart. You hit 3 main arteries. “I try to fix (wanting to figure things out), “I question why I do/say things (self judgment )” and “attachment”. You stated you go back to emotions of fear, abandoment, grief etc. It’s not good or bad though it may feel like it. They are all stories coming from your history, memories, feelings and perception. A habituated pattern one goes back to for comfort. They are nothing but feelings (not you). Once you choose to accept (not fight) when they arise, you will let them (feelings) go by nature and will cause clarity to come up the surface. All the icky yucky stuff will fall off. You will then recognize the law of attraction. Practice makes perfect.
Thank you reply, Leilani. Yes that is where I need better understanding for my own healing and change, that it is what I feel, not who I am. That I can take in energy from others, often to my own detriment. That the past has passed, I am no longer a child. But those feelings that rise up within me at such times, present to the child still within me as fear and abandonment. I have always been I touch with my inner child, the joie de vive….my childhood has many happy memories as well. I do not dwell I the negative alone. I simply cknowledge them for what they were.
I am aware like attracts like, and why do dependent attracts narcissist. I believed that if one can accept another for who and what they are then one can forge a different dynamic to relationship. But, when the other is not aware of whoa s what they are, then this is impossible. I turn, they will not allow you to accept them as such and they I turn reject you. I silent treatments and devaulations and discard. As much as I fear abandonment, I also do not wish to abandon another. Hurt Breeds hurt, so often. Letting go with love, is not easy to do. But, it is also for self love, we must let go.
Have a lovely evening.
Also one of my favorite actores keanu reeves 😃😃
He is also one of my favourite actors, Nikita, and he`s Canadian!
I absolutely loved him in 47 Ronin, and he played a darker role in the Man of Thai Chi, also starring Tiger Chen.
I did not know he was Canadian. That explains it all 😜⭐️⭐️
Another one I find fascinating was the painter Johannes Vermeer triangulating his wife and (allegedly) the young woman he painted for Girl with the Pearl Earring.
Also, the movie Love by Gaspar Noé. He directed Irreversible, which I don`t recommend to the fait of heart at all.
Oh and Match Point with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers too – that`s one hellishly hot love triangle there.
Ok, I need to stop now, and I haven`t even touched on all the love triangles on Coronation Street!!!!!
Ha ha soap operas are just love triangles with the occasional murder thrown in.
You are the Queen of triangulation trio knowledge. Bloodandthunder.
I’ll go with…..sociopath to ruler.
A. Ambitious
B. Persuasive
3rd. Manipulative
See what u want and figure out how to go get it. Lesson one. Brought to you by…. my Father. ❣
P.S. I’m freakin stalking your blog today….ugh! Gotta go out!
Indeed and there is force in what you say, but imagine if you were raised knowing that you were born to rule, that you were indeed a prince amongst men, set higher and apart from all of those around you, ruling by God’s divine right, fed a daily diet of compliance, with people always doing what you want, bowing, kneeling, hand-kissing, never turning their back on you, doing anything you ask without question, who could profitably prosper with such acquiescence? Might being raised in such an environment feed that notion of entitlement, that sense of superiority, the idea that you are omnipotent, impregnable and accountable only to God?
Idk you were raised that way sooooo…..
Now imagine being raised by people who beat, kicked, punched, intimidated, degraded, betrayed, sexually assaulted you, tried to make you take sides, pitted you against your siblings, asked u for advice, criticized you, competed with you, tried to steal your boyfriend, told you that you belong to them and you don’t need a spouse or kids ever because they ruin everything, and because u got a gold mine between your legs, u are lethal and can have whatever you want. Now rise above that and become empathetic. Who would be a better ruler? The privileged or the underdog? The privileged path was the one easily pursued. I know u will take the opposite side of the argument because I was raised by you. You say black, I say white, you say no, I say yes, proving an argument is engaging you. U don’t care what the topic is. U don’t care about anything but you. (The restaurant comes to standstill, as I pound my fist on the table). WTF? Be still inner banshee. There’s some fucking fuel for you.
If I may be so bold as to share some thoughts on the subject of rulers being sociopaths/narcissists.
My theory on the so-called “1 per cent” (those are at the top of the food chain, so to speak) is that these people actually had the courage to do something with their lives. These are people who have managed to avoid impaling themselves on the dull blade of the completely average American dream.
The truth is, the world is lacking leaders and people who know how to be the boss. We live in a day and age where children are given a trophy just for showing up. Hard work is shunned in favour of fairness and equality opportunity.
Our society shuns anything or anyone that is outside the perceived “norm” and that includes narcissists. Think too highly of yourself? You’re a narcissist. Enjoy your own company rather than that of countless mindless sheep? You’re antisocial. Don’t exhibit the expected reaction to world famine and global warming? You’re a heartless sociopath. Want to stand out and be recognized as a unique, talented, brilliant individual rather than a carbon-copy, cloned simpleton? The masses shall smite thee.
You should sing your own praises when you’ve spent your life working your ass off to do something special and to be better than everyone else.
Narcissists enjoy leadership positions because they are granted the dominance and control over others they crave. Self-reliance distinguishes a narcissist from a commoner. Ordinary people are in constant need of guidance and direction; the narcissist provides it because he has a constant confidence in his own skills. While he may be scorned for his methods, he absolutely understands how to deal with people on both a personal and business level. And he loves doing it.
Narcissists are able to command intense love and fear, often at the same time. Narcissists have a massive amount of charisma. They are incredibly charming, witty and intelligent. But they’re also feared because they will do absolutely anything to accomplish their goals. The narcissist brings out the best in others because he drives them to work harder and they do so in an effort to please him.
Narcissists are intensely focused. Their work ethic is second to none. They are the kind of people who know what they want from life and will go to any means necessary to get it.
These attributes are self-evident to a person who worked hard their whole life to achieve success and prosperity, regardless of the motivations of the hard work. Like it or not, self-adulation fuels leadership and attracts followers (as is evidenced by the number of followers, fans, hits, views, likes and comments HG has on his blog).
The narcissist has a coveted and valuable place in society. He is the go-getter; the decision-maker; the trend-setter; the man at the top making the world spin so that those at the bottom can stay firmly planted on solid ground. He makes the tough decisions no one else wants to with cold calculation instead of wishy-washy emotion-fuelled vitriol. He does the work no one else wants to because he has the vision, dedication, intelligence and perseverance to accomplish great things. He gets to the heart of the matter without wearing his heart on his sleeve.
Written as if from my own fingers.
I should also like to point out that love triangle is not to be confused with ménage à trois. 😉
Duly noted.
What about Princess Diana, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles?
And what about King Henry VIII – I bet he was a master triangulator!
Spencer Tracy, Louise Treadwell, Katharine Hepburn
Well, your first one is an excellent one and you might also add into that Dodi Fayed, James Hewitt, Oliver Hoare and possibly even Will Carling the rugby player. There may be even more. Imagine the manipulations and the fuel flowing between them all. Who would you identify as the narcissist in this scenario?
King Henry Viii triangulating virtually everything. Wives, mistresses, courtiers, supporters, opponents, the Pope and so many more. No doubt that he was a sociopath but then I have always taken the view that most rulers are. This causes me to pose this question. Are you a ruler because you are a sociopath or are you a sociopath because you are a ruler? What do you think?
Damn, how could I forget Dodi!!!
Did you watch the Tudors, HG? (Your name constantly reminds me of this series and, as a result, I am watching it all over again from start to finish!) I did and I fell in love with the King Henry as played by Jonathan Rhys-Meyers because he`s hot. From what I`ve read, the real King Henry was not so….
I agree with you that he was a sociopath, but one thing doesn`t fit – the remorse he is said to have felt at the end of his life for how he treated his wives. He was haunted by them.
I have always taken a similar view as well, HG. Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Ayatollah Khomeini, Putin, Obama, the list goes on. I believe they have sociopathic tendencies from the outset and then morph into full-blown sociopaths once they are put into a position of absolute power.
I would go so far as to say that some are just plain psychopaths.
Sociopathy shows up quite early. Of course, one can have the tendencies and not be a full-blown sociopath, but I don`t think it is being in the position of power that makes them so. I believe those traits and tendencies are there from the outset and they are what lead a person to seek such positions of esteem, prestige and power.
Yes indeed I did. The Tudors was hugely enjoyable albeit historically inaccurate but if one put that flaw to one side it was a televisual feats. JRM was pretty good as Hal, save when his accent slipped and suddenly a Tudor monarch became Irish. It is a shame they did not continue the programme with Edward,Mary and Elizabeth et al,as that would have been excellent as well.
He may well have been haunted by them but I suspect his remorse was only expressed because he knew he would need to account to God for his actions and therefore was serving his own purposes by expressing such apparent remorse.
A close friend of mine was In the British army with James Hewitt and he did indeed receive packages from Diana.
Those are excellent examples blood and thunder.
We need more details Miss S, do tell.
I will ask him next time me he calls me. I nevr pressed him for details. Mind he is all about code and honor. I am surprised he said that much.
I messaged him and he called me. It was during the first Gulf war, Saudi Arabia and Iraq, Hewitt was a captain, not a major at the time. He received care package from Diana, all he said he could confirm that it contained a bottle of champagne, he said they were instructed not to write or gossip about it at the time. My friend was a Sargent , tank commander at the time.
See I am quick with the updates.
A love triangle I would find quite deliciously interesting – Prince William, Kate Middleton and Prince Harry. Maybe throw in Pippa for some added debauchery. 😉
Ha ha, good old Prince Hal certainly knows how to make Kate laugh. Pippa would elbow sis out of the way I suspect.
Jude law, sienna miller and the babysitter…
Rude Jude!
This is deeply one of the true meanings of what an “appliance” is to a narcissist. Fallacy and illusions. Chills to one’s awareness. Great post!
*Brad Pitt -for a bit there.
*Professionals in the Corporate world of Finance
(yours truly).
The Professional( Leon) is a fabulous film.
It certainly is.
No women, no kids.
Great article HG, I just lost my entire post previously, thanks WordPress, yet again.
This is timely. So he has recently, in last weeks, moved himself predominantly to one of the social media accounts I am still aware he has/ hides. He shut down two others I found out about as well. I am sure there are more aliases to keep up his collecting.
So, when I found out about the woman who was bragging all,over social media weeks ago and confronted him, and of course he denied and lied. Then blamed me for not trusting him, I lost it in him. Something that has nevr happened with him, I don’t know why. He certainly deserved it many a time. I think mainly because he can’t handle such, he can only serve it up, in double standard fashion. I can handle it, as he raged often and loudly. I have no issue with expression of emotions, but once released and we move on. He is a grudge holder and a punisher.
It is time for his summer silent treatment and I decided to end things before he could put me in another one. So I told him so and accordingly blocked him in most mediums. He could however still call or email me, if he was willing to stop lying and be respectful of me. I have not heard from him in over two weeks. He has however added another previously used appliance to the mix again. This is the one he had a fling with prior to us getting together four years ago this month. She was always a point of contention between us and he the. Claimed they no longer had contact. Which I knew was a lie, as well. The resurrection of her on that account recently, says as much.
My question HG is, what do you in your professional and expert opinion make of this situation. Is he triangulating those two women or is he adding me to the mix? I am sure, as he knows my sleuthing skills and he had not blocked my friends form seeing his accounts, that I would be informed by someone. Do him think he wants me to know he brought them back after I left. He must be hugely wounded by my departure and so desperate he has to dig up those two appliances to fuel him.
Will he make contact again with me, or do you think since he was unable to intiate his usual silent treatment of me, I have horribly wounded his pride and ego and he will stay away for good or for longer then a few months ? Recall he has always come back, says he will nevr leave me as he loves me too much and it hurts his heart to be away from me, if he can successfully engage and dupe one of them again, am I free then ? He might think I know. But he does not know I know of this old/ new victim. Other then the N awareness.
I am looking for any wisdom you can impart to me, on this timely and wonderfully written article on triangulation. I enjoyed the literary and film references, pretty much any Jane Austen novel would suffice.
What about Bridget’s Jones diary..I much preferred Colin Firth.
No answer …is an answer. Just like, silence speaks loudly.
Thank you for the compliment. So your ex N has another appliance and then has brought another one back into the fold and during this you have terminated the relationship but not gone full NC. Is there any reason why you feel it is necessary to allow him to e-mail you or telephone you? Why stipulate the condition precedent that he stops lying when you know that is what he does? How will you necessarily know he is being truthful or not? Are you not inviting more pain through keeping this avenue open and although I have my thoughts as to why you do this, I would be interested to learn as to why you have done this, so perhaps you might expand on that?
I read your message as conveying that he has not brought two women into the picture since you ended matters but rather there is already a triangle between you, him and Other Woman, which you have found about and confronted him about. Thereafter he has added the other person. On that basis :-
1. Clearly you and Other Woman were being triangulated;
2. New woman is being brought in primarily to triangulate with Other Woman;
3. Both are used to triangulate with you, since you are aware of them (and he probably knows that you know) but he is not triangulating you with them (because they probably do not know about you)
4. Yes your almost closing the door to him will have wounded him, hence the reliance on two appliances.
5. He will come back to you because you remain in his sphere of influence by reason of the telephone call/e-mail offer therefore he knows there is a conduit straight to hoovering you.
Yes Bridget Jones was in the list, in between Closer and Titanic ! I think Mr Firth would generally be preferred over Mr Grant, although Hugh played a good part in the film.
To clarify, I nevr told him he can email or call me, it is just that he won’t…but I cannot block email and what is the point of blocking his number, he can call form any phone if he so desire, he dies not desire..I know him.
I will know if he is being truthful, because I know. He knows I know. Facts are on my side there. When does enter with facts, he confesses.
I do not understand your question on what I have done…tell me your thoughts then I can reply to that more readily.
No, I found about about this after the fact. I knew if the first one, I am sure there have been many women during my silent treatment, to collect his fuel.
I am sure they do know about me through social media channels only, not through him telling them, as that would not benefit him, now would it.
So you think he knows I know and it is being used to bring me back or to ensure I do leave him.
I’d itn feel he knows I know, I think he is using them for fuel in,y because he knew they would be so happy to have his company again, he is utterly charming and sweet, in a highly deceptive manner.
I know he is wounded, I think he is wait g to attack me with a discard and is biding his time refuelling to do so.
I nevr offered hi to email or call, I nevr even told him it wasn’t blocked, we’ll email cannot be blocked anyways, just spammed.
The reason I nevr blocked as he wont call me during silences or when feeling wounded, I used to think it was due to shame, I know better now,
Thank you HG for your thorough advice, i truly desired it from you and allies the getting it. It helps out the pieces if the puzzle right for me.
You are welcome.
I am having typing issues again via WordPress. So apologies for the mess of my reply.
He won’t uses their conduits to Hoover. He never has. Are you certain he doesn’t have anything planned? What is the purpose of triangulation, as it doesn’t work with or in me, is it soley for the others and himself and the hope that he can make me jealous or sad?
I am sure each women thinks he only has Interest in them.
I will type other reply here as well, so a mid range cerebral N with victim traits. I agree I think careful designed victim trusts to match my field and to ensure I was accepting for so long of why he was away and the need for solitude and healing. He is highly intelligent man, I nevr deny that. He is also incredibly defensive and reacts at the level of his nine year old self, he even told me once it is the nine year old boy tantruming when he rages at me. That I calm him down so he can feel loved again. I nevr forget this conversation. I think the boy misses the girl and the man is in control. My opinion only.
Your advice to me is always valuable HG, it helps me so very much to reach serenity and clarity.
There is force in what you write. You are welcome.
Triangulation is what made me realize I’d finally had enough – and caused me to end things & go No Contact with him.
Does that happen often, HG? How does your kind know how far to push her limits? Is there a 50/50 chance she’ll leave during this phase? How do you estimate how far to go with this?
We will push and push and then when we sense that you may look to leave we will apply a respite or a preventative hoover. What is the percentage chance of a person leaving during the first devaluation? I would state, based on the experience of those I have ensnared, low, around 10%. They are usually discarded and then hovered back in. The percentage will increase during the following devaluation.
Agree with you.. This one is a difficult to bear with..
I think Natalie Portman is one of the most beautiful actresses alive. Just flawless.
And bright with it.
I should think all of the greats are!
She is Bethany.. Incredibly beautiful.
P.S. The more I read your blog and books, the more of the young girl and young women I was emerges (lower level Narc). I am not sure if this is good or bad.
My children are grown now and I really am happy I can now shed this mothering hat so to speak and be the “land shark” as I was referred to in pre-children days.
Being honest with myself, I believe everyone triangulates in one form or another. I have before many times. But not all of us do it out of malice. The times I have blatantly triangulated, I just did not care if they knew. I did not do it to create friction within the three. Oh well maybe I did but it was so underlying I did not realize what I was doing.
I had children and do to my childhood situations I made a choice to make and be different then my mother. In doing so I had to change who I was.
So, yes, all the above. We live in a world of TRIANGULATION. Some can also refer to it as fence riding. Some of us are just evil with evil intent. IMHO.
Its a great post HG, despite the pain and anguish that triangulation causes. You are the only one who cam explaim all the details of the relationship with N in such a way.
Thanks 😘
Mine didn’t like it much when I told him he was no prize! I’m glad I got that in.
Closer- now that was one of my favorites and very well depicts the illusions and dynamics played out in human relationships. I loved hating Clive Owen immensely as the narcissistic dermatologist who couldn’t let go of Julia Roberts.
The Great Gatsby- another classic in both literature and film, with the most recent remake with DeCaprio being my favorite. My ex/N hoovered me after he saw that saying that the movie reminded him of us, separated for a time but destined to reunite. I told him I was “not Daisy” but he and Jay had at least one thing in comon.
Have not heard from him since!
You got the blow in there Bethany.
Yes Closer is an excellent movie. Clive Owen is an under-rated actor. Actually he appeared in another love triangle film now you mention him. He was an architect and he was having an incestuous affair with his sister (Saskia Reeves) who was married to another architect, Sinclair (played by the brilliant Alan Rickman). Set in London when the London Docklands was being re-developed and Clive’s boss in the film had HIV or AIDS which was reasonably ground-breaking at the time. Close My Eyes is the title. It gets messy.
Yes- he is and he’s hot too! I loved when he roared “because I’m a fucking cave man!” at Julia Roberts in Closer when she asked him why he needed to know the dirty details of her sex with Jude Law…LOL.
Alan Rickman is amazing…another Brit that has quite the tantalizing voice!
Yes that was a great line. On a par with Gary Oldman roaring “Bring me everyone!!” in Leon. Are there any love triangles there I wonder? Leon, Mathilda and the pot plant perhaps? Leon, Mathilda and killing people – for sure.
Ahhh…Gary Oldman!!! Another brilliant fave! I loved him as Dracula- he can bite my neck anytime!
Did you see State of Grace? His performance as the all heart gangster opposite Sean Penn and Ed Harris was amazing. That was actually a great crime film drama.
I havent seen Leon. What year?
No I have not seen State of Grace, I must look that up.
Leon is from 1994. Luc Besson directed. Natalie Portman’s breakthrough role, Leon is a naïve hitman (not an oxymoron believe me) and Oldman a corrupt narcotics cop. Intense performances.
I saw that film years ago, it was brave in subject matter. I so loved Alan Rickman, so sexy and talented.
Head is spinning round and round like the girl from “The Exorcist”. You are so spot on. Rebecca is one of my favorite books. I have not a clue about celebrities (aka legends in their own minds)…triangulation…cheater, spouse, (nanny, poolboy, housekeeper…on and on). Schwarzenegger?
Make sure you don’t start spewing all over the place! Yes Rebecca is a good choice. I don’t know about Arnie, I recall he was the subject of some “wandering hands” allegations a few years ago, but perhaps you know more than I do.
Green pea souplike spew is not on the menu. Idk…i think someone had Arnie’s kid.
Green pea is a terrible colour.
Ah, I see. I must dig deeper when I get chance.
The nanny had Arnies son… His ex ( Maria Shriver) didn’t find out about it until the boy was a teenager… He had been included in all family get togethers and vacations…
Thank you Evan.
I can absolutely understand how a situation like this would be very hot and exciting, depending on how the person being triangulated reacts.
It loses appeal if the person becomes the walking wounded and falls into a state of catatonic depression because “he loves someone else more than me and I’m not good enough.”
And this is where even the purest, gentlest soul can turn into a wicked, feisty defender of “what is rightfully mine…what belongs to me.”
When that adrenaline starts pumping and the light of vengefulness and purpose ignites the coloured iris….
It can be very entertaining to watch as a bystander, especially knowing the eventual outcome for all three members of the triangle – victory for you, dear HG, loss and devastation for the two other sides of the triangle, eventually.
They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and you’re just the right man to put that theory to the ultimate test, dearest.
😉
Thank you B&T. I can tell you that any scorn sent my way has only served to fuel me because of course those seeking to lash out at me were not equipped to do so in the most effective fashion, since they fell into the understandable trap of letting their emotions govern their responses.
I go both ways, blood and thunder, I get weepy and angry at being disrepected. I wonder why he would try to anger me in any way knowing I have so much Intel to detroy him personally and professionally. I am sure, he is banking on me keeping quiet, I would think appeasement would ease that hope for him over angering me. He can have the other appliances, I don’t triangulate well. If a man wants to do that, then I walk away. I have done it numerous times before when attempted on me. I don’t need a man so bad, I have to fight for him. He needed me. So they can have him. He refuses to fight for me..so, ditto.
I applaud you for being able to do that. I admire that.
I often find myself straddling the fence – I love to cause trouble and we shall just leave it at that.
Straddling but not sitting on it.
Thank you blood and thunder for that comment. There was guy I dated once And I didnt know he was in what I call a revolving door relationship, breaking up every three months. I met him through work and obviously I that break it period. All was food till he started getting calls from her, she found out he wa seeing me and crying on the phone to him. He said, I really like you, but she misses me, I am torn. I said, don’t be, you can have her. Goodbye, and that was that. He tried to get back with me two more times. I set him straight each time by saying, what would Mary think…you know you two deserve each other. He finally left me alone.
HG there are other things I`d rather sit on.
I wanted to ask you Miss_stress – is yours a lesser Narc?
I only ask because if he wasn`t, he wouldn`t care what intel you have on him, nor would he particularly care whether or not you keep quiet.
He would counteract your smear campaign with his own and his would be far more detrimental to you than yours is to him.
If he is a lesser and you know you could get away with ruining him, then why don`t you? What stops you from giving him a dose of his own medicine, for lack of better words?
I replied to this post yesterday afternoon and the other blood and thunder. HG has yet to moderate them for answers. Just wanted you to know, I am not ignoring your question.
I agree….that’s what I did when I found out….finally. Packed up his shit….had him served with divorce papers within two weeks. He was flabbergasted.
I am not so strong, I wanted closure from him back in March when he hoovered me after his last silent treatment. It was a mistake, all I got was more lies. I left before he could give me another one. I didn’t deserve him and he didn’t deserve him..in two opposing senses of the phrase.
Narc free redhead, has he tried to contact you since? Element of surprise really is the best way to proceed and wound.
Tbh blood and thunder, I am not sure what he is, HG thought at one point he was victim lesser narc, as he used depression and SAD and introversion as reasons for silent treatments. He doesn’t cover his tracks very well, he is easily wounded and rages on a dime. He is highly intelligent though and quick to make up lies and deflection and projection.
I only found out through research and this blog back IN February during one of his silent treatments. He was a narc, when confronted he denied and claimed he can’t be as he has empathy and cares for my happiness and well being…..not.
HG! I have given much information on him, what would your assessment of classification be now?
You know, he has nothing on me, not a thing to use against me, I was loyal and faithful. Before I left he said this, I am massively appreciative of your loyalty, to me m which said this to me…please don’t fcuk me over. All he can do to me as make me apoear jealous or embittered, which is untrue, hurt and deceived , yes. But, I have proof to back up any denial he claims. So, I am sure he is concerned I might wreck havoc….but not enough to appease me and show me respect when that was all I asked for.
I have thought about it so many times Blood and thunder, believe me, if If I knew the best way to do it, as In the most effective way and not allow my emotions to interfere with doing so( I am highly emotional being) I would. Any tips, I would be obliged for the advice, I am not a revenge seeker, but fact is he would never expect such from me, now would he and bam, Right where it hurts!!! I think it lots, it is putting the thinking Into action that deters me.
I don’t know the full picture of course, but based on some of the details that has arisen, I suspect he is most likely a mid-range cerebral who has some victim traits as well but not enough to move him into that category and thus those traits appear more as victim power plays than being a victim narcissist per se. His extensive use of silent treatments tends to be more the preserve of the cerebral N.