By the By
By making you love us, admire us and adore us. By praising our brilliance, marvelling at our superiority and hailing our god-like magnificence. By craving us and worshipping us. By shining your spotlights on us. By seeking your sympathy. By playing the victim. By lying. By lying. By lying again. By issuing excuses. By using you, exploiting you and draining you. By taking your money and your possessions. By isolating you and scaring you. By having you run around for us, jump for us and pander to us. By comparing you to others, by making you anxious and by making you walk on eggshells. By promising the world, jam tomorrow and showing you heaven. By changing the rules that never applied in the first place. By raising the bar and moving the goal posts. By putting you down, mocking you and insulting you. By making you take the blame and by making you feel guilty. By making you scream, cry and sob. By wounding you and hurting you. By confusing and bewildering you. By pushing you and pulling you and pushing you and pulling you. By lifting you up and casting you down. By binding you to us and by sucking you into our world. By false promises and empty apologies. By using him and by adding her. By saying nothing, by saying nothing and by still saying nothing. By lifting you up, by slamming you down, by saying yes and by making you say no, no no. By never listening, by seeing only what we want to see, by doing what we want, by going where we choose and by doing as we please. By some distance, by yourself, by the narcissistic book. By vanishing, by disappearing, by disapproving, by snarling and by sneering. By smiling, by touching, by whispering and by caressing. By promising, by offering, by suggesting and by supplying. By delivering, by forgetting, by letting you down and by walking away. By being the best, by being like nothing else, by giving you your dreams and by shattering them to. By stealth, by slices, by insidious application. By charm, by magnetism and by honey-covered words with sugar-coated smiles. By a nod of the head, by a raise of the eyebrow, by a clench of the fist, by a swing of the foot. By nothing at all, by everything and more, by the first golden light and by the unceasing night. By silence, by shouting, by screaming and by sobbing. By laughing, by teasing, by holding and by shaking. By the illusion, by the fabrication, by the disbelief, by the horror. By the treachery, by the rage, by the isolation and by the smothering. By love-bombing, by triangulating, by gas lighting and by never stopping. By going, by returning, by hoovering and by departing. By not letting go, by giving nothing, by taking everything and by binding you tight.
By existing.
But never bye bye.
41 thoughts on “By the By”
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HG, will my ex (I believe he’s a greater) Hoover me again even if I’ve been NC for 10 months? The last time we spoke I told him I knew what he was and ripped him a new a**hole? He moved in with his new supply last August and I can only imagine the devaluation that she is going through.
Yes he will subject to there being a Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being met. I would need more detail on your dynamic and circumstances but I would point out the fact that if he is a greater this increases the risk and if the new IPPS is being devalued the also increases the risk. You ought to ensure your NC is as watertight as possible.
I’m still trying to figure out if my ex is one of your kind. I read things and nod along in utter dismay bc it’s exactly how you describe. I’ve been discarded twice in two completely different ways. He doesn’t have lieutenants as he doesn’t have friends. Not one that I met in 18 months, but he was charming around my friends. His family had cut him off. He of course has a sob story for this involving his mothers death that he’s been using for 10 years. I need him to be one of your kind, just for my own sanity, but it can’t be proven. I know he’s not a lesser, and he’s not a greater. A mid range seems to be more fitting as the silent treatment is one of his favorite techniques. Also withholding affection for months at a time. How do I know if he really is? How do I confirm this in my mind?
You are a very creative writer🌞… I’ll buy me some bi bye 😉
Very beautifully written HG. I was actually misty eyed for a split second. I thought I was about to be triggered into that awful abyss… but it slid away. No tears. No pain. It was only a harmless memory.
Hello Di and thank you. Seems to me that you have seized the power.
OMG reading all this brought me pretty bad memories of an episode in the beginning that I had totally forgotten.. 😢. I should have left then in a middle of the golden period but I had no clue this could also be abuse ( something he did in a Fossil shop infront of a friend of mine) and 50 shades of gray was booming so I just ignored..
I feel angry at myself for being so blind. I know I should not say it but I feel angry at myself this second.
I feel happy when I think that I I do hold up to bye bye 😃😃😃
Its a very good but painful list HG 😍
I am so thankful to have always known to keep out of the sphere of my exs existences (excluding the unfortunate reality of working with one) and thereby not having to deal with future hoovers from them.
Wise moves Sheila.
I sent The lieutenant a friendly IM after he friended me and was largely ignored. This involved the opportunity earn a few bucks off a work referral from me..,this guy loves money more than anything, I found it odd.
Why friend me in the first place then?
How long ago is it since he friended you TT?
Maybe a month? This wasn’t chump change either, he could have made a quick and easy £500. All I needed was his referral code to plug in the system. I told him id get paid regardless, but why not let him benefit also. A few days later I got “hi” in response so I gave him a brief update (various achievements, weight loss, doing well!) and said it was good to hear from him. I said to send the information if interested and the company will cut a check. No response. It makes no sense.This is a guy that would push his own mother into traffic to make a pound.
What do you think HG?
There is something in the offing. Keep your eyes peeled and your defences high.
I guess it depends. I have never been contacted directly and probably won’t be. Ill always be the devil. ha.
There it is. In a nutshell. Bam.
A concentrated burst of the narcissistic experience.
Pffft. Redundant. Isn’t it always? Fts.
I know right? Last 3 years of my life spent in a fog. Boom!
Hey HG …if it’s true they grieve nothing and care for no one…why would Tubby have been so fixated on his grandmother’s passing? The lady had croaked a decade earlier (and spent the decade before that demented) yet he was almost haunted by her memory. Same with childhood acquaintances or anyone he knew briefly; he appeared deeply affected and continued to mourn even decades later…it was almost creepy. I thought narcs don’t mourn….How is this even possible ?
Triangulation. You are triangulated with the dead person so you provide sympathy which equates to fuel. The answer to your question appears within your own question by the use of the word “appeared”.
So you are saying I remain black because of triangulation? Wow I truly am an object. I guess so was Grandma.
But 15 months is a long time …what has changed, HG? No new baddie? He is too low functioning to let people go that long.
He did move to a tony area recently (mum bought the place) and changed his phone number. This new information is oddly public, however….
Everybody is an object. 15 months isn’t a long time, I will use many events from my past for the purposes of triangulation. The events themselves do not bother me in the slightest (the ones that does I don’t use) but they provoke the required reactions in the third part of the triangle.
Ideas and Discoveries…I have that edition. I’m in moderation, it appears. Okay. Bye if that’s how you are having it. Despite it, you have helped so much and I thank you. Cheers, HG.
By all of these actions, the reoccurring message I got was never good enough, never smart enough, never pretty enough, never sexy enough, never casual enough, yet never caring enough, never fun enough, never worthwhile in investing time in, never worth telling the truth to, never forgiving enough, never willing to allow for space….until I’m ready to say buh bye. Then you want back inside me.
You’ve got it Clarece.
Ehhh….paper airplane aimed at your head reading “Booooo” and thumbs down!
You missed. Although your comment made me laugh.
I’m dizzy, where do I get off? 🙃 Fabulous writing, H.G.!
I’m afraid you can’t, don’t you recall, it was in the contract you didn’t sign but you are still bound by. Thank you for the compliment Evan.
Genuine poetry HG!
Thank you Seanstoirm, most kind.
Wow !! I feel like I’ve just been on a fast spin in a washing machine !
An apt description Alexis.
That’s not always true. Mine discarded me a year ago and I have never been hoovered.
There is time yet Immc. Have you done anything to prevent a hoover?
Trust me, if he wanted to communicate with me, he could find a way.
Outside of blocking him on Face Book, no I haven’t done anything to prevent a hoover.
Do you intend to?
If he hasn’t tried again I’d be inclined to take it as a good sign Imme – it means he doesn’t think he’d be successful and you’re too strong 🙂 But HG is usually right. Mine tried and I cut him off everytime. I always met him with a poker face too, very little emotion. He’s now on a prolonged absence and won’t so much as answer a text. So it could be you’ve not responded in the way he expects, wants or needs you to.
Brilliantly written and very creative!
Thank you.