In the Club
Narc Club is a special club with an exclusive membership. It is so exclusive that many of its members do not even know they are members but they are. There is no admissions’ committee. Nobody sits in a semi-lit room, cigar smoke wafting through the air as black or white balls are placed in a velvet sack to decide whether someone should be admitted. There are no proposers, no seconders and there is no vote taken. Admission is very straight forward. You are either in or you are not. It is a life membership and no interlopers ever infiltrate this club.
The lesser members of this club, although special in their own way, are unlikely to know they belong. They are also unlikely to recognise other club members and they will proceed through life oblivious but still contributing to the club’s infamy. The more astute and greater members do know they are a member of this special club. They revel in their belonging to this elite. Numbers are very healthy and continue to grow with the club’s reach wrapping around the world. It is international in nature and is devoid of discrimination or prejudice. No matter what your gender is, your race or religion (or absence of the latter), your politics, your wealth, your status or your sexual preference, we draw our members from a wide array of different people. This is no bastion of white, male, middle-aged privilege. This is not some underground hipster collective or secretive nefarious network. It is open to all so long as they fulfil that one criterion of being a narcissist.
We have no headquarters or clubhouse. Instead we appropriate any building that we choose. There is no subscription fee either. The club is maintained from what non-members provide to us. This provision is massively important to Narc Club. Without it, Narc Club would cease to exist.
Like any club, Narc Club has a number of rules which all members must adhere by. Our rules are special in that a member will obey them even if they are unaware of their membership. As soon as you become a member of Narc Club then you are imbued with compliance to these rules. They are pervasive and govern all aspects of a member’s life. What are those rules? You are most fortunate as I am going to tell you what those rules are. I am not committing any cardinal transgression in making you aware of these rules. Firstly, they are not a secret. Secondly, you probably know a number of them already but it is always satisfying to have it confirmed by a Grand Member of Narc Club. So, here they are.
- The first rule of Narc Club. Fuel is the rule.
- Everything Voiced Is Lying.
- It is never our fault
- It is always your fault.
- Membership is for life.
- A member never changes.
- We always engage in Long Involved Explanations.
- We really do adore you.
- We really do hate you.
- We really do adore you again. Repeat rules 8-10 frequently.
- We always win.
- We are superior.
- Everything is ours.
- You are there to further our purpose.
- The fifteenth rule of Narc Club. Fuel is the rule.
28 thoughts on “In the Club”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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First rule of narc club is you don’t talk about narc club.
The second rule of narc club is you don’t talk about narc club.
I couldn’t resist. 😀
We don’t want you to resist Anaerok!
I’d cry every day
Mmmmm there’s my somatic again, in the centre. Now he, I would gladly shed a few tears for 💋
You made me laugh. Alexis. I don’t find any Of these men attractive, I question the green blob On the fella to the left, alien perhaps. Mask slipping there 😞 the Only one that even remotely stood out to me was the fella in blue suit and that was because he was in a blue suit.
I found D incredibly attractive, funnily he never found himself such w hey he faked it so many profiles to ensnare women.
HG, D is cerebral, yet he did spend a fair amount of time working out. Admitting that he did it for others, not himself. He always commented know he was not good looking and how others he worked with and knew were. Which suggested low self esteem to me. He would forever go on I was out of his league. I never saw it that way, but then I loved him. He was highly sexual as well, but as you said no doubt faked that to get pleasure reaction from me.
I wonder if he was a combination of somatic and cerebral, or cerebral with somatic and victim traits? As he feigned certain disorders as excuse for silent treatments.
If he is a combination of somatic and cerebral that equates to an elite, although his propensity to rely on illness pulls away from that. He was probably cerebral with some somatic and victim traits, but overall more cerebral.
The illness are not real, he uses them as excuses to accommodate the silences….I found factual information to the case.
He doesn’t drive a flashy car, he isn’t a clothes horse, he doesn’t need the best of everything, music and reading are his passions. Only somatic inthe sense of sex and appearance in how others perceive him, body, not looks wise.
So, In that sense, Hg he may be elite just like you. Which may explain why he was able to keep me so long and why.
Hhaha yes maybe the one on the left is an alien.
Yer its only the middle one for me he looks sooooo like my somatic. thats not the MN though. the somatic was from some years back and was purely a FWB from my perspective. He was too hot not to hahahahaha. But he wasn’t so bright and so it was all to obvious he was an arse but I used to enjoy playing him and there were no emotional ties from me and that used to really annoy him. But the more annoyed he got, the more I liked it. (Hmmmm maybe I’m the one with a problem, oh but it was all too obvious he wasn’t a nice person at all).
My latest MN was not somatic at all and like yours would often comment about how he looked, except mine was spot on hahaha. He was and is very overweight I would never judge someone on how they look (I’m a bit mean about him now, but that’s because of who is). That said. I do find him quite endearing in a funny kind of way. Now I’m over it and just see him for what he is and play him along. I find it quite cute how he behaves exactly as HG predicts. And he likes the PDs so there are always many around and seeing them all interact together is so amusing. it really is. I’m not sure if you’re british, but there was a sitcom out a few years ago called ‘nighty night’ it was hilarious but i used to think the main character in it was a bit far fetched, I now realise it wasn’t at all and I know someone who is exactly like her.
So I’m sure D does have low self esteem. So D was a cerebal somatic with victim traits. that’s interesting. Mine is a combination of all except the somatic I think. and the cerebal is more he wants to be. He’s a bit of a puppet master. But now I see through him, he is just not as bright as he thinks, far from it lol.
what sort of disorders did yours feign for STs ?
Mine pretended to be highly sexual well he talked about it a fair bit. But in reality I dont think he liked it too much. He started to withold before we even got there hahahahahahahha
And that is no reflection on me. obviously.
ANywya, I’ve written a fair bit, but not sure if any of that made sense. I think my head is still on a fast spin from HGs post the other day 🙂
The middle one is the only one remotely attractive in the lot. Do so antics rely on looks and sex to carry them? With little need to attract intellectually? I would rather a man not considered conventionally handsome, who makes me smile , laugh and think any day. I prefer cerebral over somatic. Mind I prefer No N’s to be clear, I meant in men, in general.
Why do you think he is attracted to personality disordered people, Alexis. Is it that fuel fuels endlessly from emotional reactions. It always seemed D hated when I was emotional. He would shut me down and silence me. But, Good lord, he could rage like a pro and that was acceptable for him to do, well, I made me him act that way, you see 😏
He stated he had Introversion and SAD, he cited theses when he would give me silences to explain why he had to be away, why he was ant social. It nevr added up to me, I always questioned it, the. I found. Or off he was lying. Confronted him. They are brilliant explanations to the average person and tbb, I am respectable of mental health issues and although I doubted the validity of reasoning, I respected his space. I also I the last year questioned possibilit of disassociation, which he was’more offended by then when I questioned narcissism. He would often especially during sex, refer to himself in the third person and at other s times too. He would call me two different names, it was particular when he used one name. There was a host of things I observed, all of which he denied. Which is why I initially questioned if the narcissist was an alter personality of his own. The protecteur so to speak. He denied everyhting I posed. To be clear, disassociation, introversion, SAD narcssisim, none of these disorders would have made me not love or accept him. That is the key, I loved and accepted him. That was my mistake for him. I needed to be oblivious and unquestioning, non thinking and unaware. Oops, sorry, no can do, here,
Yes, it all made sense what you wrote Alexis. Do you think the MN, used sex as a tantalizer, but when it came time he was unable to perform and then found excuses to avoid sex? D and I were highly sexual compatible. Which now makes me wonder, did he just like what I liked to please me. When what I like was aimed at pleasing him, then this was greatest fake, if he nevr actually enjoyed it that way. The end result is all that matters there anyways. So. I don’t fault that. I only fault the deceptions, when there was no need, and to say I nevr lie to you, you are the only one, I lie to everyone else but you. When I found out so many lies and confronted him. With them, yet he still professed he never lied to me….okay, whatever helps you sleep at night.
Yes j know what you mean. I’m not into the somatics. But the one I mention well he was too good to pass up and from my perspective it was only ever abou the sex because even though I did not know what an N was back then, I knew he was trouble. But I certainly enjoyed myself 😉
It’s horrible, I’m sorry he didn’t allow you to express emotions. But yes they do know how to rage missy that’s for sure. I love bringing mine to the brink of rage now, because the power is back with me now so he knows he can’t actually rage at me, but I make him want to so bad sometimes Hahahha and he has to hold it down. It’s too funny to resist.
They all (well a lot of them) play on the depression. I know my sisters hubby did. He married her within six months, she was a real catch for him. Had kids he ended up too depressed to work or look after the kids so she ended up working and getting up extra early to take them to nursery which she was paying for while he just stayed at home planning for the next party or going off to see his friends because it made him feel better. Wow.
That’s weird that yours referred to himself in the third person during sex ?
Oh missy I feel for you they you would have loved and accepted him as he is and put up with his ways.
I’m not sure whether my MN used sex as a tantaliser and unable to perform ? He has lovebomb me for six months, j wasnt attracted to him at all, in fact quite the opposite plus I thought he was a weirdo. But he had a long term illness and it was approaching a crucial point and I was supporting him a lot. At least I thought that’s what I was doing. Anyway, literally overnight I had these immense feelings for him????! I think he’d used all the mind Control / NLP tactics on me. It’s complicated but yes because of the illness I’m unsure whether it was just control. Having read all HGs books and made observations of him, yes I think he’s just not that interested in sex, it’s just a means to an end and a story to tell his mates and he thought he’s fully secured my love and therefore started to use it to control immediately.
Food, Alexis..with the he SN, you knew what you wanted and it didn’t lead to you being hurt. The MN, do you think his illness was real, ie medial results, dr appointments etc…he didn’t invent the illness? Do you think he used NLP, you may be right, if you felt no attraction to him then all of sudden through no apparent reason or change you did…..that is a scary thought isn’t it?
Yes the third person talk made me think disassociation too, let me say, it threw off sex when he did it…..ya ya, just do it, don’t talk…lol…..don’t use your name, just use mine lol thankfully he didn’t do it every time.
So much control and need to control. I felt like I had no control in relationship, especially around communcation when he began silent treatments. I would rather he rage at me then go silent.
I really put his needs far above my own that I was willing to accept him as he was. All I asked for I return was truth….something he couldn’t give. He was quite nasty at the end, I expected it. But still, I truly loved this man regardless of what he was.
Love does not conquer all, when in a relationship with a conquerer.
Ooh HG, something missy said the other day made me think of another question re self esteem.
Is there any correlation between the degree of N’ness and self esteem ? I understand that Ns have a false self but within this false self which essentially is their personalities do they have self esteem issues. To me, in some it seems very obvious that they do but in others less so. If really welcome your expert opinion and whether it is linked to any particular type of N.
Self esteem is important. We have a high regard for it. Those of us who are elite, somatic and cerebral value our self-esteem but it is easily dented by the failure of others to have regard to our greatness. We feel a repeated need to assert our self-esteem through the way that we behave. Victim Narcissists have a peculiar self-esteem – to you they would appear to have a low self-esteem. This however is worn as a badge of honour by the VN who regards his complaints, illnesses, helplessness as forming his self-esteem which he has a high regard for with regard to himself.
This is really helpful HG. Some aspects of Ns are still a bit hazy for me. But piece by piece you’re Helping me put it altogether.
Yes, there is someone I know, quite outwardly N like and not so bright. This person really lacks self esteem and is always having to justify everything to anyone who will listen, even down to the fridge they bought – which was brand new I hasten to add Hahha
And I was trying to work out if they were an N another PD or just very angry and low in self esteem. They have a lot of other N traits in the way I’ve seen them devalue and discard many. But to me this was someone with so many red flags from the moment I met them. It’s in your face obvious ?? Leading me to another question. These types can be and often are still very popular. I’ve never been friends with people like that and never understood why others are ?? Are get just scared into being friends with them ??
With the covert Ns I totally understand and I still like a fair few myself on a superficial level as they’re fun to hang around with. I’ve always said, even my MN I find endearing (but in a completely detached kind of way, and it’s more me taking the p now and being amazed that he hasn’t yet caught on). I’ll be sure to share any stories if that changes though.
Okay so I completely digressed again but it led me into asking (just in case you missed the point HG, you can likely tell I’m just think typing Hahha but stay with me on this)
Okay, where was I ? Oh yes, with the overt N types, why do this still gain much following ??
You are welcome Alexis. Those who spend a lot of time justifying their actions will be deemed as someone who is willing to talk to people and they will mistake it for evidencing friendship, hence the popularity. There will also be other factors at play which make the person attractive, leaving aside their need to justify. Those who are overt and bombastic are interesting people, they make things happens and create a supernova effect which allows others to bask in the reflected glory. They abound in tall tales which even if the listener does not wholly accept, they are still entertaining and the whole large than life persona is often at odds with their own so they have a fascination with it. Note that this is applicable to those who would form outer circle friends and beyond, it is not something that would endear for long for an intimate partner without other manipulative seductions.
HG you’re spot on as usual !! Yup lots of outer circle friends but only short lived intimacy.
I just never understood at all how anyone could want to be friends and admire someone like this. Maybe it’s because I don’t need to bask in someone else’s glory ?
Sorry Alexis, I forget to say I am not British, I have and continue to spend time In the Uk weeks to month yearly now. I have family, and many friends in Uk. Emigration is still on the table. Probably in next few years when my daughter is a bit older. Her paternal grandparents and aunty and uncle and only cousin are all in Uk. I have a great affinity for the Uk and always will. It is where I am meant to be and will be happiest when that becomes settled.
I remember this post from the past and the people commenting. If I am not wrong there was a long discussion. There was a very irreverent reader called laurel 😂😂 and at the end had a funny touch.
I know the hymn of the N club convention is wicked game 😂😂.
I met my cousin and she was telling me about her tragic and sad relationship.
With a guy that trated her like a princess in the beginning and them got mean, dissapeared and appeared when he felt like, manipulates things, and she thinks he looks for her ( now after so many problems and other partners during the off time from her side and his side, ) only for sex or to satisfy his ego. She discovered he send the same love texts as copy paste around to several women..
I told her he belongs to a club.
She was eyes wide open and telling me. But you know him better than me. If you would live in this country I would think you had something with him… 😂😂😂
All the learnings thanks to this blog HG 😘😘
You are welcome Nikita.
Yes, Laurel is awesome and wonderful. A talented and humorous writer, as well.
That is wonderful, Nikita to be able to educate others to the perils of N relationships. See HG! You are creating an army of “empaths” to right the wrongs of The Nhood( similar to Knighthood, but not as gallant). With the exception of you, HG, of course.
Hi Jana. Yes she is very funny. I read once part if her blog some time ago. About dating experiences. Was very funny. Did she find now a good date?
Yes, weren’t those hilarious, I was in a friendship sites years ago. Where men still tried to engage for other things and the lines they used for note worthy, indeed. I think it was only for fun for her , Nikita. Not for dating.
The first rule of narc club is don’t talk about narc club. How do I know? I’ve met many many members. Sadly 😢
Centauride12, while not pictured, there are women in NarcClub (or as I call it, Club Narcissism).
Probley not… nothing ever changes except for the victims. I have had the silent treatment for over two days since I left FL. Still look at my phone and hate myself for being so weak
I read this post with a wry smile on my face. I can’t imagine myself ever wanting to be a member of your club.
Surely the price you pay is your soul, even if you don’t know it.
I wonder too, could a N change and opt out if he became aware enough to want to do so?
Hello C12. Yes, it is possible but opting out is a doubt. It would be a simmering and a slow process. One must relearn self development through therapy, practices and “Self”Awareness, detach from the past, events and future to live in the “present moment” with self validation to eradicate self made projections and illusions. Once introduced to other alternatives, a narcissist can feel an air of freedom. It’s complex. A narcissist can be mellow and loving on the surface not your understanding of love but another. The definition of “soul” differs than that of a norm. I have manipulated the world as well. It is about the fuel no matter which side of the road.
Hahaa, this makes me laugh although a clever post. I see no girl/woman in the picture.