Closer Than You Realise
The predatory lion will watch from the grass at the wildebeest gathered at the edge of the river of the watering hole. He is waiting for his moment to strike, to pick off one of the herd which has foolishly strayed from the protection of the herd. Once that beast has ventured into the range of the waiting lion its fate has been sealed. Much like the empathic individual who has recklessly wandered back into the sphere of influence of the waiting narcissist who is ready to perform a Hoover, the wildebeest is just moments away from being captured and meeting a grisly fate. The narcissist and the hunting lion share several similarities. We are predators, kings of our environments and noble. We have the edge on the lion however. He may be able to sit unnoticed amidst the dried out grassland, his coat blending in with the sun-scorched yellows, ochres and browns, but once he makes his move and breaks cover, his intended target has a chance. It may only be a slim window of opportunity to escape this savage beast but there is an opportunity nevertheless. I am sure the proud feline would welcome being able to stroll right into that pack of waiting wildebeest, mingle with them, move about them and then strike without any of the creatures noticing that one of their number has been taken down. He can wander freely around as he takes his prey and never break cover. That is where we hold the advantage over the lion. We are able to move amongst our prey, unnoticed and even welcomed as we study and observe, choosing our moment to strike again and again and again.
With such a spectacular cloaking ability we are able to choose the choicest environments in order to ensnare an empath, super-empath or co-dependent. Just like the wildebeest that congregate at a watering hole, providing a target-rich environment for the lion, we seek out those places where we know that we will find plenty of empathic individuals and thus our quest for prime, potent fuel meets with victory. Accordingly as an empathic individual you will be well aware of the places where there are many of your kind. Those environments which require those who care, protect and nurture are prime locations for us to infiltrate and gorge on the victims that mill around us. Charities, hospitals, schools, animal rescue shelters, homeless shelters and domestic violence refuges are just some examples of the places where we will worm our way in. We have little difficulty in doing this. As you know, we are masters of mimicry with our unrivalled ability to take on the traits and abilities of others. Although empathy is an alien feeling to us we are easily able to exhibit the ways of the empath. We spend so much time amongst your kind that we know what to say, how to look and what to do so that we pass unchallenged amongst your ranks. Moreover, the thrusting dynamism that we bring, our charismatic leadership and motivational skills are highly prized in such caring places. The hard-hearted captain of industry may see finance, law, accountancy, technology and the like as ‘sexier’ environments in which to prosper but all of the above places I have mentioned where one finds a higher proportion of empathic individuals than usual have their rewards. The executives of charities are well remunerated, the leaders of hospital trusts invariably have flittering CVs and various honours attached to their names. These sectors need thrusting individuals alongside the care givers in order to ensure that the organisation is effective. This suits us perfectly. Our driven natures, our sense of entitlement and grandiose behaviour is just what is required for those top roles. Couple this with our chameleon like ability to feign that we care and that we are empathic means we ease into the charitable and caring sectors with unchallenged ease.
These environments not only provide us with plenty of succulent empaths to feast on but they present us with opportunities for easy wins. We can dazzle and shine, using our ambition to progress where others are more concerned about the delivery of care as opposed to clambering up the career ladder. These organisations need a dynamic hand on the tiller (us) combined with the delivery of caring services (you). The fact that there are empaths on tap for us to hunt down is serendipity indeed. Thus, next time you look around the management at your hospital or you are sat in a meeting with a committee of trustees for your charity there is every chance that one of our kind is sat there, lurking in the grassland, sliding a forked-tongue across those sharp, sharp teeth.Cl
81 thoughts on “Closer Than You Realise”
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Swoon…..
Of course, vampires do not (and have never) existed, only cannibals…..or vampire BATS that go ‘Boo Moo Boo Moo’ after drinking from cows……
Ah, I have vivid dreams at the time of an approaching and concurrent Full Moon….. wear-on-wolf……
HG
I don’t believe you need to go back and visit that childhood. I can’t and I fought every inch of therapy because I new I could not. My doors opened threw the eyes of everyone here and I could feel what they felt without going back.
That childhood pain we had, tips the emotional scale to anything anyone has or will experience. You take an innocent heart, unprotected and shredded it everyday for years. Why would we ever want to experience that again.
Somehow when my basement opened I could feel my childhood pain but it was not near as bad as I felt it would be. Oh it was not easy or pleasant and at times pretty bad. However I was not reliving the same level of pain as I did in my childhood. I could regularly slowly what I wanted to remember for healing and awareness. I never had to tap into the rest. At least for now!
I do hope HG that you are finding awareness and keeping a tiny corner or your brain open. It’s hard to see you in the blog and then read what you write. it’s the golden time and the discarded time all in one place. . I wonder if your just working everyone over with your reptile smile on the other side of this monitor. I hope your internalizing everything.
Thank you SII. No I am not working everyone over. I am conveying understanding and also seeking to understand and sharing that also. I don’t want to go back.
Miss-stress said that well. I blame both my parents but not until a year ago did I realize how much my father played in the picture.
My mom was bruital and my dad watched nor did he step in. At the time he looked very weak to me because I was the one that stood up to her, so I thought. This meant I took the beating while my father watched but I never gave either of them the satisfaction of a single tear. That is a small child’s view. Love, beating, control, weakness. Up until a year ago, I never cried. That was my control as a kid and the tears just stopped. I now see that had my dad stepped in the fury would have been even worse. He may have had no chose, to a manly, man, that must have felt horrible.
If I come across a weak man today, I have to deal with, it will ignite a fury in me, I can’t control, at times. I now see this as the child in me trying to wiggle out, in which needs attention.
An empath would look extremely weak to you HG, enough that it would mirror one of your parents. I would imagine this fury would be with you all the time.
Empaths are not weak, by the way. Some are the strongest I have ever met.
Thank you SII…I cried far too much as child, still do. I am sure my mother revelled in it, I am certain my father felt even more shame and guilt from it. I cried to release emotion. With no motives.
I don’t feel weak either. I no doubt appear weak.
Funny what you said SII, I have an aversion to cowardly men, who will not stand up for their partners….makes perfect sense, thank you.
I think HG regarding your father, he did the same as my father did, appeased your mother and her behaviour to keep ” peace ” for himself. My dad was always dutiful to my mum, he knew she was in the wrong but, he never contradicted her, corrected her or challenged her behaviour. Instead he enabled it. She felt he needed to administer punishment and she would have dad to it, not her self. Yet, he was the loving supportive parent. I always felt worse for him to give the punishment then for me to receive it.
HG do you blame your dad or just your mum ? I never blamed my dad, but I did develop his co dependent behaviours, I knew my mum was wrong, but I also knew as a child she was ill. So, as a result, I internalized all behaviours. To make it my fault. Whereas you became akin to your mothers behaviours.
Do you think you will ever be able to look fully at your childhood and understand it?
I blame them both.
As to your last question, I don’t know. More is starting to be pieced together as the work continues but to do this means going back there and to many events which are best locked away. This repeated insistence on taking me to the last place I want to go is not something I want to do, not when I have an effective methodology available to me which is tried and tested.
Thank you for your answer. Regarding my own personal situation, you made no comment, feel free to express what you think regarding that. I would be most appreciative.
This was the point I was trying to convey. You were placed in a position to defend yourself because you were told you were strong enough to do it. I was told the same. This leaves you feeling very powerful and not because you are, which child is at 3. You have to because you have now realized in your tiny life no one else will help you. How does a child do this with no survival skills. They close off all parts to the brain that allows them to feel any emotion. As a child you can not be in survival mode as an emotionally wrecked child. Just like a doctor can not let his emotions get in the way of a critical decision. Emotions get in the way and you need to survive the abuse on your own. So the emotions get tapped out. Your left what I call superman/superwoman of survival minus emotions to hinder your fight to stay alive.
Tudor My mom is one of your kind and if she would’ve been professional musician she would’ve done this this would be her personal hymn hahahaaaaaa https://youtu.be/5WwmQEm_MW4
Ps. I do like your voice ;). You should do more radio and podcasts. As I have told you privately, I like hearing this information come to life. Good luck in all of your endeavors.
Thank you, I shall be doing.
I see where you are coming from HG. Still, you are chained, and I am not. Most of our kind are free, happy, and content. We love and we feel. You are chained to your disorder. I know that your method works for you. But I don’t see it as a way of life. As a healthy way of functioning. For you or for anyone. Just because something works, doesn’t mean you should be doing it.
Also, just because you have unlimited amounts of fuel, does not make you better than a lesser or mid range. I don’t see any merit of an elite N, as yourself, looking down upon others of your kind. And it certainly does not make you better than our kind. Not in my eyes. Little secret? We are far above you. And I hope one day, you can find a path that works for you. Without having to hurt others. That will be your freedom from being chained. If you want it. Only if you want it.
Nobody can change you. Only you can do that for yourself. In whatever way you deem possible. Doesn’t matter how you were born. You can learn to do differently. It won’t be easy but you can. Up to you.
Deep down you are insecure. You won’t agree, but you are. If you weren’t insecure, then you could reach down inside of yourself to find your confidence. You wouldn’t need outside fuel to achieve that. I don’t care how much of it you have at one time. You wouldn’t need to extract it from innocent victims.
In my eyes, you are all cluster B’s. It isn’t something to be proud of. It is something to try and work through to get to a better place. You deserve it HG. Hugs (virtual of course).
I see how you can’t come to our side though. You weren’t made that way. I am happy to hear that you are open to alternatives to your fuel. What those alternatives are, I have no idea. I’m sure the good doctors are helping you with it. But I can do some research on that, if you would like? Let me know.
You don’t seem all bad or all good. You are still human, just like us. There are many shades of gray. I’m glad you are willing to look into that.
We have PMed (or rather I messaged you, you messaged me, I responded, and then you disappeared), lol. I was able to answer all my questions though, through research and self reflection. So it’s all good. No hard feelings. Anyway, no big deal.
What I did see through our brief interactions, is that there is a man that wants to give his knowledge. And at the same time, needs to manipulate to gain fuel. In this case, broken promises.
It’s all good. Just pointing out the facts. I enjoy your writings regardless. It helps me :). You have helped me to not take what people do or say to me personally. Because, it isn’t personal. And it isn’t my fault. None of it. So freeing. That was a major thing my ex N hooked me with. No longer though. I see things clearly, and I thank you for that.
Learning about your kind is amazing and also learning about myself is helping and has helped as well.
In time, I will feel ready to move on from this phase. But right now, I find that learning about your kind (and the relationships between N and empath) in my spare time, comforting, fascinating, and most of all, healing. I wouldn’t put my time and effort into this response if I didn’t find what you are doing helpful. Even if it is only a by product. And I do hope, in time, that you will find that alternative road to yourself. I wish you all the best.
Thank you HG. xx
HG
I do understand this. I will be honest you made the biggest change when you changed your name here. Mini and I am talking cm steps are all you can take. You will not even no your taking them. This blog has given you and many of us things to think about and I no you think.
I didn’t think as a BPD I needed to change. I also was so unaware of how much of a shell I lived in.
So I will give you my short history and no that your already making changes.
I am in my 50’s. Raised by a lower narc stay at home mom. Abused in every form you can imagine. I don’t trust, I don’t feel, I don’t care much and I never new why people where so upset at some of my blunt personality traits. I ended up a huge empath that does not serve me well at all. I was arrested at 18. Married at 23 raised 2 kids which are very successful. I had to go back to college and earn my early childhood development degree because I new nothing of which was normal. I stayed married 28 years to a wonderful man that truly loved me but I just could no longer give anything of myself and wanted more for him and he deserved so much more.
I have been in therapy since the age of 18 on and off but mostly because no one new what I was. 10 years ago I found a doctor that is willing to still hang in there as every week. he was pounding the thoughts of a women stronger then a brick so utterly unable to feel a thing that not even the questions he asked made any sense.
Fast forward 8 more years. I don’t give up. I find and interact with my very first narc. Then a year later I found HD Tudor that could finally allowed me to see the light on what happened to me.
The doors where opened and every single day is a small trivial change. I no was the way I was born to be so no every single thing is slowly being changed.
Your there HD but this one time you don’t no it nor will you even acknowledge your change. I will tell you tho that this slow process is one your not going to see coming and what serves you well will no longer work. It can’t because you will have become the greatest of all the narcs. The one that beat it all. I need that fuel so I just sucked it back.
Thank you for sharing your experience SII.
This post is beautifully descriptive HG. You really are a master wordsmith and the David Attenborough of Narcissism. It’s vital for us empaths to be aware that your kind are such chameleons, you can easily pass off as one of our flock.
I see my ex N as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A mental health crisis team support worker. No need for him to rise up the ranks as he was comfortable financially and he had the perfect role for devouring the juiciest fuel. It was ideal for the maintenance of the decent and caring person façade. He was surrounded by empath colleagues to seduce and blind with his charm. And plenty of vulnerable women in the depths of despair to rescue and usher into his fold. The Intel gathering was immediate and effortless. Standard questions in assessment included, “What was your childhood like?” and “Have you ever suffered any physical, emotional or sexual abuse?”….
Makes me shudder at the thought…
So warm and fluffy. But oh my, what big teeth he had!
Thank you Rainbow. He embedded himself in a prime hunting ground.
Hi HG
Here I go again picking your brain. Today I am curious about the word forgiveness and what it means to you, I am not looking for a right or wrong answer. It’s something I am dealing with and wondering what you do with the word.
I have been told that I need to move threw my anger which is fury as you describe. Once I have let go of anger forgiveness comes and the constant unsettlement I am in will find peace. I call this that constant itch.
My journey this month has not been easy, painful and slow.
I no that just a few months ago if you had asked me if I could forgive my mom it would ignite fury that Was really hard for me to control. What an absolute vile thing to ask of me when I hate that women so much.
Surprisingly I am finding myself letting go of all the “stuff” I am holding and the fury is lessening. I do find glimpse of peace in my day now that I have never had before.
Here is a simple sum.
1. Is forgiveness a word you exercise.
2. Do you feel you were your mothers prime fuel growing up. You were the oldest and she set her eyes on you from day 1.
3. Do you feel your dad may have been isolated in some way from his kids so he was unaware of the damage being done.
4. If disassociation does not apply to you, do you feel you had to grow up invincibly. This meaning that no matter how vile your mom could be toward you you processed this within yourself as negative fuel. Therefore as a child you learned that bullying won’t crush you. Infact you will be a bright enough person to turn it to fuel? You would never give your mother the satisfaction of trying to verbally distroy you so you turn it to needed fuel. This is actually all about control. This would clarify actually why your never bothered by the empaths negative remarks to you. As a child you had to survive in a way you had to become superman to save yourself.
5. This question is about hovering. You have mentioned more then once that you actually don’t give us much thought when we are discarded. I am having a hard time understanding this when you try so hard to draw us back into you for a worse licking. This just tells me that the length at which you go leaves me to believe we are also always on your mind. Not because you care but it’s a game you can’t let go. Are we still always in your thoughts?
I understand it’s not for the normal reasons like fond memories but none the less we are still in your thoughts?
Hello SII,
1. I exercise a form of forgiveness. I grant it in order to achieve what I want but it is not real. I never forgive people for their transgressions. They are always logged and available to recall.
2. I wasn’t the eldest of the children. I think my father was the prime source of fuel. I think that I probably rivalled him for a period of time but then I learned. I was certainly part of the triangulation that involved my father.
3. As far as I can recall he was not isolated from the others, just me. He chose that isolation.
4. There was a period of disassociation which I have written about and will allow it to see the light of day in due course but then that changed because I found I no longer needed to do it. There is force in what you suggest concerning the origins of negative fuel, that makes sense.
5. You need to appreciate that the course of hoovering is over a period of time. You are discarded. Purely for illustrative purposes,he following month after discard you may be in our thoughts because you keep trying to contact us but we want you pushed out of our mind. You are old, stale, broken and a traitor. I have someone new, better, shiny and more deserving. By month two you have retreated from contacting me. You are deleted as far as I am concerned. I have the new prime source. This remains perhaps for months three, four, five and perhaps longer. You may then do something which causes you to appear in a sphere of influence and consideration is given to a hoover, most likely a benign follow-up to gain some hoover fuel but to remain with your replacement. Or we may just happen to think of you and the same applies. Later the new appliance begins to founder and this prompts the thought of hoover fuel and thus there is a hoover to try to seduce you back in to the formal relationship. This may then be sustained as we endeavour to “win you back” in readiness for installing you and discarding what was your replacement. Different considerations apply where you have escaped us rather than having been discarded.
HG
Thank you for those answers. Two more, first one I really want your thoughts on. There mine and I wonder if you share them,
Do you feel that because you were the eldest of your natural siblings, your father was not aware of what was raising his kids. When he may have realized it he had no way to fix it. This making him weak and defenseless in his mind and unable to protect you, he had to keep you at arms distance. He could not live with himself.
If we have initiated no contact and successful for several months. Giving you no indication you exist then you still think of us when your instigating a Hoover?
I am watching a pattern that while you describe we are not a thought then why are you trying so hard at a Hoover. ( I am not talking about you in general this is narcs)
I have put thought into this. What does happen in age to the narc. They may bald, gain weight, loose there appeal. Some may be retired and lost there life identity. They probably need to hit the social media more because the real world has washed you up.
Your Facebook probably is full of people that you don’t even no that just excepted a friendship. There people stolen from your other people’s Facebook. Your phone dies. All your backup appliances are dead! You have this itch you can’t control.
You must then just have 1 or 2 people you can play your game on. At this point there is nothing more for you.
Does this narc never give up and are we a constant thought because we got away and you lost the game?
Hello SII, you are welcome.
1. He had a comparison though. He could compare the way his first wife raised their son (my half-brother) and the way I was being raised. He was either blinded to it by her (but I do not accept that) or he chose not to defend me because as he kept saying “you had it about you to do it yourself”. He did not lack the function. He protected the others.
2. As mentioned before, you may stay out of our 5 spheres of influence but then just randomnly appear in the 6th which may be the catalyst for a hoover. The appearance in the sphere comes first and then the hoover. We do not just decide to hoover without thinking about you.
3. Some narcs age badly, others do not.I know where I will be. If the ‘phone dies there are other ways of achieving contact with social media – PC. tablet, other phones, laptop etc. There are other fuel sources that can be tapped into and they need not all be through electronic means (admittedly this widens the net and allows greater effectiveness) but the bets fuel is still the one where we are physically proximate.
4. You are not a constant thought because you got away. It all depends on whether you enter the sphere through something you do (1-5) or appear in our mind (6) and that is what activates the hoover.
1. That infuriates me that as a young child you “had it about you to defend” yourself? That is a complete cop out. I believe your mother maneuvered you to be isolated just for her, but he put blinders on. He was already a parent. It comes across putting more pressure on the child as if you could exercise your voice at the time to negotiate different parenting tactics. You had to do as you were told with absolutely no control over that then. Talk about projecting blame. You really did get it from both of them.
Someone is paying attention ( as usual ) and you haven’t had the quarter of it yet.
Your father created a false reality for you that if you were unable to cope with your mother’s treatment, the power was really inside of you all that time and shame on you for not figuring it out. Again at an age when a child needs their parents guidance and protection the most. Reprehensible.
I’m interested in the different considerations when one has escaped!
I recall this blog post from the Spring. It is a wonderful analogy and contains vivid mental imagery relating to how the Narcissist / predator stalks and devours his prey/ empaths/ co dependents.
“Beware the Beast man, for he is the Devil’s pawn”….
Do most narcissist know what they are? I was on the phone with mine and I know that he has been to therapy a few times in his life so I asked him about it last night and asked him if he had ever been diagnosed with anything….he said social anxiety and something else he couldn’t remember. Then he said I’m not a narcissist or anything, I’m not crazy. I thought it was interesting he said that. He has no idea I’ve been reading these books and we’ve never discussed narcissist.
Greaters do. Mid-range and Lessers do not. Someone has suggested NPD to him or he has read something which has alerted him to this potential diagnosis and he is not accepting of it by suggesting that someone who is a narcissist is crazy. This is evidenced by him mentioning it in the call with you. A Greater would assert “I am not a narcissist, but you are.” The Greater would not make reference to an N being seen as crazy as this would be a self-criticism.
Took me a while to steal myself away from that succulent jugular vein in the photo you used so I could comment.
I love the lion/predator comparison you made – it`s absolutely perfect. I have stated before that the world needs your kind in order to weed out those who do not have the desire, skill, talent or drive to be on top. Everyone knows you can`t make a difference if you`re pathetically grasping at the lower rungs of the ladder. You have to be on top, not only for the power and prestige, but in order to get important things accomplished.
I guess my question, HG, is: The further you delve into your treatment, do you find yourself wanting to change or, are you still as happy with yourself and the way you are as you always have been?
The truth is, as I have written before, the world is lacking leaders and people who know how to be the boss.
Narcissists enjoy leadership positions because they are granted the dominance and control over others they crave. Self-reliance distinguishes a narcissist from a commoner. Ordinary people are in constant need of guidance and direction; the narcissist provides it because he has a constant confidence in his own skills. While he may be scorned for his methods, he absolutely understands how to deal with people on both a personal and business level. And he loves doing it.
Narcissists are able to command intense love and fear, often at the same time. Narcissists have a massive amount of charisma. They are incredibly charming, witty and intelligent. But they’re also feared because they will do absolutely anything to accomplish their goals. The narcissist brings out the best in others because he drives them to work harder and they do so in an effort to please him.
Narcissists are intensely focused. Their work ethic is second to none. They are the kind of people who know what they want from life and will go to any means necessary to get it. This is a far cry from the liberal empaths whose great philosophical meanderings on the meaning and purpose of life leave them stranded and destined to fail.
These attributes are self-evident to a person who worked hard their whole life to achieve success and prosperity, regardless of the motivations of the hard work. Like it or not, self-adulation fuels leadership and attracts followers (as is evidenced by the number of followers, fans, hits, views, likes and comments HG has on his blog).
You may claim to be disgusted and repulsed by his behaviour, attitudes and confessions, but you keep coming back for more. You want more of him. Can`t get enough of him.
You love him (not that anyone could blame you for it). You love the narcissist. You appreciate him (you tell him so often), you want to be near him and you want him to lavish his attention and praise on you. While you fight the so-called demon terrorizing you at home, you flock to HG who is a bigger, better version of anything you`ll ever know, to get the validation and attention you crave. Because you know, if he pays you any attention at all, you must be something, or someone, very special.
The narcissist has a coveted and valuable place in society. He is the go-getter; the decision-maker; the trend-setter; the man at the top making the world spin so that those at the bottom can stay firmly planted on solid ground. He makes the tough decisions no one else wants to with cold calculation instead of wishy-washy emotion-fuelled vitriol. He does the work no one else wants to because he has the vision, dedication, intelligence and perseverance to accomplish great things. He gets to the heart of the matter without wearing his heart on his sleeve.
I am not at the stage of wanting to change. I have had my awareness considerably increased and I know much that I did not do so already. There is a clear indication that change can be achieved but so far my methods are my methods are my methods and they work. I face a conundrum. What I do is effective for me. I am an effective unit. It is suggested there is an alternative but so far I see no necessity to do this. Of course, my stance is being addressed by those around me. They are encouraging me to make that leap of faith to move to “the other side” by suggesting that once I get there I will see that it is not the catastrophe I consider it to be. Of course, that assumes that I trust what they tell me. Dr O has been conniving. She has suggested that a pioneer such as myself would surely wish to embrace such an opportunity, to go where others fear to tread and surely that is something that I would want to do. She of course is playing to my nature to be that leader, that mould-breaker and I have to admit, it was a clever comment to make. Reject it and it is suggested I am less than what I am. Do it and I expose myself to risk. For now we are facing one another off but the work continues.
I understand completely.
I know in my case, I rejected the idea of “going toward the light” because of exactly what you mentioned above – trust. I didn’t trust that those who wanted me to change wanted it for me – I believed then and still believe now, they wanted it for themselves.
They wanted their suffering to stop, but feigned that it was ultimately for my benefit. My answer was always, “I can’t help that people get hurt by the things I say and do. That’s their problem, not mine. Look at how successful I am in my life. I am not suffering at all as a result of who and what I am. I want for nothing and am quite content with the way things are. If anything, the people complaining about how I have hurt them ought to go to therapy so they can learn to develop thicker skin.”
Dr O’s tactic was indeed quite clever. Either way you’ll face criticism. Because, being the pioneer you are, if you DO decide to change, then you’re admitting that your methods, no matter how well they worked for you, were wrong.
I think Dr O has forgotten that pioneers are well-known for laughing in the face of their adversaries, remaining true to themselves and their convictions and staying the course no matter what obstacles are put in front of them.
No one got ahead without risk. It is worth it. You can always go back but you do not move ahead staying right where you are. I hope you do choose to step out and be stronger then anyone else that you know, to take control of your mind. You think you have it now? Do you wake up thinking I want to be looked at like a spineless evil man, no I think not. You would not have this blog if you did. I believe perhaps you are trying in a crazy sort of way.
If you do decide to try it the empath way. Let me know, and I am sure along with all the other women here, I would love to shake your hand. Perhaps kiss your cheek.
With more of the recent exchanges and seeing your growth, I strongly agree with Dr. O. I believe in you. Start as the pioneer, and maybe get pleasantly surprised!
Shane: I gotta be going on.
Joey: Why, Shane?
Shane: A man has to be what he is, Joey. Can’t break the mould. I tried it and it didn’t work for me.
Joey: We want you, Shane.
Shane: Joey, there’s no living with… with a killing. There’s no going back from one. Right or wrong, it’s a brand. A brand sticks. There’s no going back. Now you run on home to your mother, and tell her… tell her everything’s all right. And there aren’t any more guns in the valley.
It is true HG has. Following seeking his theraputic like answers and kin diagnosis, he’s become a surrogate for so many, that is the need of the codependent like trait, and that is their way of getting a fix avoiding shame because it’s not their narc they beg to, I know I’m guilty of it as well. Seriously let’s not give so much credit to the narcissist, don’t confuse them with a confident healthy person, everything you just described about a narcissist is the illusion, not the reality. Yes they might have talent and might have some success however they are a complete mess and muck everything up, leaving responsibility and accountability to..gasp..the co-dee and her cousins, the narc is the bright neon sign and turns black and into nothingness without its wires feeding him life force. How do you know if HG is one man and not a collective of doctors using only one as his voice, or if HG is in a mental hospital, or a mammas rich boy on house arrest with no job and forced to therapy, one thing he keeps driving is the narcissist cannot be trusted. No we don’t need the darkness, but the darkness needs us, the light, for the light is life, darkness is death. Power is in truth , I wish more victims would see themselves as the warriors they are, there is a battle and we have swords ..HG and others are here to steal them, take back your sword,your light and your power.
Well said, you have a good head on your shoulders TCC and are grounded in reality. I agree. Xoxo
Thank you Petals, I appreciate that so very much!
By the time the sun rises where I am, HG will have passed the 900,000 mark. Get started on your party planning, HG! Million by the end of summer for sure.
Yes 900 000 should be breached shortly. I will hazard a guess that the million mark will be hit by August 16th.
Great . Million hits 😃😃😃
The picture along with the post captivated me HG. Manifestation comes to mind.
P.S. I was in Africa last year and watched the lioness walk among the wildebeest. Oh they knew she was there.
You scare me, HG, with this description of the truth of your kind. Now everyone I look at I ask myself if they are one.
shivers up my spine.
He called to say I was mean and not nice and awful and mean and mean and mean and mean. I said to not call again and that I was persuring other interests that are healthy and he said I would not know a healthy relationship if it hit me in the head. (I am sure he was just visualizing hitting me in the head himself.) 9 minutes phone call with him hanging up on me. I am so lucky!!!!
HG and all the bloggers here, listen up!
Free at last! Free at last!- MLK
How was your manner and tone when you spoke to him?
calm at first and placated him but then it escalated when I told him not to call me anymore after he said “I will talk to you later”
The predatory lion will watch as the prey (you say wildebeest, I say gazelles) gather. We both know the lion is in search of the “limping” or weak gazelle, the easy prey/easy meal. He will devour that one first.
You see yourself as the predatory lion (in any and every situation) and take great pride in how close you can get to your prey/how much sustenance you get before being found out (at which point, the entire heard runs from you).
I’m a lioness in that I was born from one…her star sign is Leo, she has a distinctive mane of hair & talons, she growls when hungry, she’s most assuredly a predator. She doesn’t see me as a lioness though…she seems to think she birthed a limping gazelle, and so she wants to take me down like it’s the Serengeti. Of course the only thing this does is remind me I’m a lioness & encourage me to remind HER I’m a lioness. Not by taking her down, but by finding my own goddamn gazelle to rip into.
And every once in awhile the rest of the world comes along and suggests it’s a BAD THING to be a predatory lion. And I feel like I should try to pretend to be other than a predatory lion. It works in small doses, but it won’t last a continuous life.
Your third paragraph is very interesting. This harks back to when people say to me, “You know what you do is wrong so why do you keep doing it.” The question might be posed to you Cara – “Take her down, be the lioness and fight back, why go after the gazelles instead?” but you don’t and I understand you.
He is not a lion, as they hide in the grass to sneak up their prey. He is out in the open. He does not hide at all. This is what makes them so dangerous.
I now look around a room with ten or more people (I read somewhere that 1 in 10 is a narc) and wonder which one is the killer of souls.
Lioness would prefer the Gnu due to it feeding more of the pride.
Steeviann are you ok???
Hope so.
This article reminds me of a statements by experts on sociopathy who distinguish between predatory and fear based aggression. Using cats as an example as you do but not as eloquently-the cat going after the mouse is calm, in control. Not angry. Predatory. Hair is not on end, no hissing or spitting. Different state of mind. In control.
Human “intraspecies”predators, “we are on their schedule”. Their timetable. Not ours. And they blend in quite well.
I am fine. Thank you. What a great group of people on here. We do need the support of each other. Again my heart is warmed that you ask of my well being. Know I appreciate this.
I am disappointed that it can’t be different with him.
I am addicted to him and it is just time and no contact to get over it. The “normal” (whatever that is) nice man that wants to be in my life told me last night that it is choices and if I keep in contact with him he will remove himself from the situation. So I am at a crossroad.
Again the counter starts again today………Day 1
Stevian logic logic… Its something you have to hammer in your head everyday.
Wow very eloquently described. People who machinate things… Machinate to bother someone…
Hi HG, knowing everything that you know about NPD, how it happens , why it happens and how it is then used by the individual. Do you believe that it is possible to change and manage this behaviour if someone wanted to ? You know it is not logical and you are very intelligent and yet this still controls you ? Can you not allow the narcissistic shield to come down and just see things more realistically ? Surely the more somebody understands why they do what they do then there is every reason to just stop doing it or at least channel it differently ?
This is something that is being worked on. The difficulty I have is that I have a long-established methodology which serves me brilliantly well, it delivers what I need and of course I do not care about what it does to other people because I have not been afforded remorse or guilt. This is where people often assume that because one has insight this means that change must follow. I understand but I do not feel in certain instances therefore I do not have any visceral compulsion to alter. I have to make a conscious decision to do something differently. I am a creature of logic and I already have an effective methodology. Therefore logic tells me, why shift from that since it works? Why utilise time and energy (which I need to carry out my successful methodology) on something which may not be effective, may expose me to risk and may ultimately cause me problems? In such a scenario, applying logic means keep doing what I am doing. It is good for me. Not good for others, but that is not something which affects me. So, when you suggest it is not logical, actually it is to me. The challenge which is ongoing is to not need to apply this highly effective methodology. Therein lies the endeavour.
HG, I appreciate you taking the time to explain all of that. However the question I would ask is , has it served you well ? You think it has but you may not realise that it has also caused you loss of many things that you do not realise. Also that you were always enough just as you, to have achieved anything without using the disorder to do it. You are also a victim of the disorder you are also chained to it, Breaking old habits and the biggest thing of all is trying to trust another method. I wonder does this blog, while providing you with fuel, ever influence you in any small way that you could alter your methodology even slightly, as an experiment to see the results. Wouldnt you be much greater if you beat this rather than just being the predictable that is ruled by this disorder forever. This disorder needs to be outed on a mass scale not only for the sufferers but for the victims. The more awareness there is of this for young people the better. You could be the person to do that, which would make you much more special than a good narc, it would seem there are millions of them roaming around. You have always been enough and more without the disorder you never needed it, the disorder is fooling the sufferer as much as the victim.
Yes it has served me well. I am still here. I achieve and I shine. That’s the thing though Lisa, I was never enough just as me, it took more than me and I alone wasn’t enough. That was drummed into me again and again and again. This blog does demonstrate to me that there is a considerable body of people who do want to see a change in my methodology and that they also believe this can be achieved. I must confess that your suggestion of being some kind of messiah concerning the raising of awareness and the outing that is deemed necessary does appeal to me. I understand what you are saying, it is difficult when I know what works and always has done and always will do and I am being encouraged to do something else and I am naturally wary of the agenda behind such suggestions. It is something that is being worked on as part of my ongoing treatment.
HG, to change or to stop will make you feel wary as it will feel like a manipulation and no one manipulates the great manipulater ha ha . But in reality the disorder is smoke and mirrors , it can be chanelled in a much more interesting way. Everything that you have achieved you would have achieved anyway and so much more . I’m seeing number one on the best sellers list , beating the smoke and mirrors , which you say takes less energy , that’s a trick you play in your mind . What you do is exhausting . Maybe not to you but it is without you realising it . The doctors don’t win we don’t win , there’s only one winner and that’s you. If you want to carry on being a narc and really it would seem that’s pretty common . But I’m seeing Number one on the best seller list and a shift in thinking for many young people . Or a game playing narc . I don’t hero worship you, I’m greatful for the insight . But you have a chance to be so much more than a narc with a career . If you stay a narc , everyone that said you were not enough win . You just have to believe in yourself .
Thank you Lisa, I appreciate your observations. You have given me something to reflect on.
Is remorse, compassion, guilt something truly miswired out of your brain from birth? Or was it programmed and conditioned out as a product of your environment growing up? Whereby you can be retaught? That is, if you’re interested in trying.
No I do not think they were “miswired” from my brain at birth. I never recall however expressing remorse. I knew to say sorry when it suited my purposes but I never felt sorry. I remember once discussing this with my sister when we were young. She said she always felt the need to say sorry and how afterwards she always felt better for doing so. I asked her what she meant by “feeling better” and she said it made her happy that she had said sorry. I did not feel the same way. I just knew saying sorry enabled me to get what I wanted. I was taught that being compassionate and guilty was for the weak and the slow, that those who were never meant to lead and to shine felt these things because they were inferior. I sometimes wondered if I had once felt guilt but I realise it was only shame. I hate that feeling. Why would I want to feel guilty? Is it not a good thing to be unburdened by such an emotion?
You were taught that being compassionate or feeling guilt by your parent on your young, spongelike brain at its most impressionable absorbing everything going on in the world around you. This was to make you fall in line and not question her authority. It also served her needs to avoid feeling guilty.
Nobody likes feeling guilty, about anything. So you’re not isolated there. It is an unpleasant emotion. Usually temporary though. But it helps to create a moral compass. One would tend to “feel better” if they resolve a conflict with someone which generated the guilt. Then it dissipates. Prolonged guilt happens when there are unresolved feelings over an extended period of time.
Many of us probably wish we weren’t burdened by feeling every single emotion tenfold. But then that is why you seek us out because it is missing in your core.
HG, you think and feel that it serves you well. I get that and thank you for explaining your views on all this.
But in the end, when there is knowledge and escape, the victim always wins. He or she gains new clarity, insight, and strength. It is life changing. Sure, we feel hooked and addicted for a while. We were abused emotionally (some physically too).
However, over time, we start to just not care. Indifference. I for one, am almost at that point. I know all the manipulations, and it didn’t effect me anymore.
I know why he is doing what he is doing (thank you for that) and I am almost free. Also, I can spot these Manipulations in others. So I will never fall prey to it again. Once I see them happening, I’m out. I don’t feel one ounce of guilt about it. It’s not me, it’s them.
I find this topic fascinating (now that I have danced with many of your kind) and I do want to help others. But you must know HG, the small or big gains of fuel that you hunt for each and every day, fades fast. That is why you have to search for more and more. It is never ending. For us, we can be at peace, happy, and content, without the N in our lives. We are not tied to your kind forever. Not at all. Plus, we learn and grow from it.
Wouldn’t you want to make a conscious decision to come to our side? Find all that you need, without having to be chained to Fuel?
There are alternatives ways for you. I’m glad you are working on this with the good doctors. You are brilliant and charming. You deserve so much more. Break free. 💞
Hello Petals, I am pleased that you have found the explanations useful. The fuel gained naturally evaporates over the passage of time but fortunately the fuel lines are many and they pump ferociously so I have no concerns in that regard. I am at the top of my game, I need not apply more and more effort to extract that fuel. Others of my kind, the lesser able and those whose power and skill sets are not as honed may find themselves engaged in a situation of diminishing returns. That is their look out. In fact, I am amused by their failings as it leaves more for me.
It is clear that you see contentment on the near horizon for you and good for you. You are one who has escaped our grasp and as you write you will be at peace through having done so.
I cannot come to your side. I am not of your kind. Whether there is somewhere else for me, away from the fuel lines, that remains to be seen and is part of the ongoing work.
How do you see those alternatives manifesting? I am interested to know. Thank you for your kind sentiments, they are appreciated.
So you can never have these emotions you speak of?
I say not, others suggest they are somewhere buried deep inside of me and need to be coaxed out. I disagree. I never had them to begin with and nor do I need them.
HG , it’s interesting that Dr O is baiting you in that way . However I find it much more interesting that the Dr thinks there’s any point . Therefore they believe it is just a split from the emotions , not that they were never there . If they thought they were never there , I don’t think they would be laying down that challenge for you , do you agree ?
She wasn’t as direct as that, I paraphrased for the sake of brevity so it wasn’t a case of her baiting me but I know what she is trying to do, I know her game.
Yes I agree with your observation.
HG, Oh my god, I can’t tell you how much your response of I know her game, meaning Dr O, made me laugh. It really is hilarious how the battle goes on. I’m sure your doctors are all now on heavy doses of Valium just to get through the sessions ha ha . For us on the other side as you call us , it’s just so infuriating that you can not see your own value , with absolutely no games required. But I think you will battle it to the death lol. I’ve now decided that I won’t just be satisfied with the best seller on the New York Times list , I wanted a movie made of it and I want Jonathan R Meyers to play the part of you 😬
Ha ha that amused me Lisa. I am pleased you are setting such high standards. JRM would be a good choice so long as he can deepen his voice and keep the Irish accent under control otherwise he won’t sound like me. I would choose Christian Bale – outstanding actor and very, very good with different voices.
Do you want them, just for a moment? A taste perhaps?
Why? They serve no purpose and from what I have seen only hinder and make others ultimately miserable despite the protestations to the contrary.
Do so you would have to change alot in the background so that your logic changes and does not requiere you to apply the methodology??
What is needed that you dont feel like needing that methodology?
That is indeed the question Nikita.
Its in Gods and your hands ❤️🙏🏻
That was the problem your educational background wrong on sorry . Remorse and guilt are two different things. You developed Shane because of what you were taught about it so you didn’t wanted to embarrass someone else or yourself with that kind of behavior because you did t wanted to be a social outcast therefore develope shame/ substitutor for remorse . Saying sorry is a firm if ammendment if Error if there was ever genuinely done it’s also s way of forgiveness and reconciliation with the wrongdoing wrongdoer and wrong done survivor it is necessary one confused guilt with remorse two different things. One cannot be considered aimed by guilt but it is necessary to have remorse because we need not a lack of covcurnce its life is not about carrying a dirty birds in like he Catholics oh my fault my fault for my dead rest fault it’s about being human abs feeling normal feelings . Is the best way for personal inner construction on recovery in every firm that’s what this is about to out in simple words…. Healing which from love and all love comes from God so there you have it there you go is so simple yet so tasteful and it filed you fills you you with everlasting peace if comes from above Anen that’s nuggets of wisdom for the day . It’s important not to get confused with these two for it is bad for our healing and positive functioning healthy progress in life in self knowledge and self development which is what you’re doing. You’re doing a life course change very radical and applauding like I’ve never seen. Most of your kind don’t chose to cuando for whatever they resin might be but you’re doing it and I’m very proud of you you give the rest if us hope that there is testing for the ones we love who are like you although video believe in complete healing. Keep up the good work Tudor cheers 👍
I developed a 1953 Western? Now I know why I am what I am. It all makes sense now. Thank you!
An openness of conscience getting in touch with his emotions the root of his problem abs go beyond. It will be painful but worth it been there done that feel so much better .a real redemption is necessary to not need the methodology which is unnecessary metal mold
He just fucking rang this very second, he hung up before I answered so I called back and it went to voicemail, as I knew it would. So as I see it, he dialed my number, not to talk but to show up on my phone and make me think of him. What a little spineless guy.
OH shit there he is.
Not only did he want you to “think” of him, he was testing to see if you would call him back = fuel. Please block him on every device you can. Erase him. Cut off the fuel. Can you feel the fuel leave you when you send it to him? When you become aware of the drain as it is happening you will have gained awareness and be able to STOP before you hit send.
I wish you the very best.
yes! 9 minute phone conversation took 1 hour of my life with me being aggravated.
Very good article. Its impressive yes how they move without being at all detected. During my vacations with the knowledge I have now I could qualify stories as NPD and still people have no idea.
I met my childhood very best friends and of course 4 women together we talked about alot of people 😜.
One of the girls was telling me that this other girl Paola- got divorced from a guy who was flat and showed no emotions, ruined birthdays and special ocassions, was self centered and dissapeared from time to time in like. I am going to buy a cigarretes and did not return for days….
It was pretty obvious what is the guy..
He continues to have alot of women and nobody know amything. I did instigate the discussiom around him to see if somebody would suspect somethimg.. Nothing..
It was all ” normal” just a strange guy..
So very good posting HG..
The education on the subject in LA is still very small.