You Are The One
I really do think the world of you, you know. I have not met anybody like you. No don’t shake your head. I know you are modest but you should accept a compliment when it is given, heaven knows you deserve it. I have to admit I have had a few relationships, but you know, we have all been there haven’t we? I used to think I knew what love was. I used to think that the person I was with was what I wanted, the answer to my prayers and that special someone. All of that was not the case. In fact, it is quite apparent to me that they were really just practice runs to allow me to perfect my love in readiness for your arrival. I know it may seem strange but I feel like that I have always known you and moreover that somehow that I always knew we would be together. I used to tell myself in previous relationships that this was it, this was the one, but something would go wrong. I guess I was not a very good judge of characters back then. I kept picking the wrong ones. Goodness me I could tell you some tales. I have hooked up with some real fruit loops in my time. I seem to attract them. I think it is because when I want to be with someone I give my absolute all to that person. I see no point in holding back, do you? It has to be everything or it is worth nothing. I can see you nodding, I thought you would agree. You and I are on the same wave length. I can sense it. I have an aptitude for it. A sixth sense. I have to admit I have not always been blessed with it and it has taken some time to fine tune it, I guess that is why I had to go through the rollercoaster ride with some of my exs. Still, although they did not treat me well, no it is okay, you don’t need to know about all of that. I want to talk about you and me, that is far more important. Yes, they did not treat me well at all but that’s for another story I do not want to spoil tonight talking about their jealous rages and violent tempers. Thank goodness you are not like that. No it is fine you do not have to persuade me of that being the case. I know you are not like them. I can tell you are a far better person. Do you know how I know? It is in the way that you move. Yes, it is. You move with a grace I have not seen before. That tells me that you are self-assured but not in a flamboyant manner. You know who you are and you move around with a grace and a presence which brings reassurance. I will let you into a little secret. Before I spoke to you I used to watch you. Not in a stalker kind of way, more as in an interested observer kind of way. I saw how people reacted to you, with warmth and delight whenever you spoke to them and I thought to myself when I saw how their faces lit up and how their eyes widened in pleasure that you were probably the kind of person who spends more time looking after other people than you do spend looking after yourself. I am right aren’t I? It is not good trying to hide and look at the floor I can see I am right. I usually am about people. It is something of a gift but one I am now able to use to avoid the people who would hurt me and believe me there have been a few of them and instead find someone who will respect and love me in the same way that I will love and respect them.
It is all about finding that mutuality isn’t it? I bet you and I have much in common. Well, I know from our last date we share similar tastes in music and travel destinations and that just proves my point. I should imagine that if we discussed politics, although I don’t intend to tonight, there will be plenty of time to do that in the future, we would have similar views. You see that I have been able to work out, after all the mishaps and the people that have let me down, who is right for me and who I am right for. I am a straight-forward kind of fellow. I will put you on a pedestal and worship you, yes I will, because somebody like you, someone so special and caring deserves that. Oh I know you modern independent ladies are all about equality and believe me I am one hundred percent behind that but I do know that once upon a time you used to pretend to be a princess and that never leaves you. How do I know that? I have a sister you see and I saw how she played and made-up games based around being a fairy or a princess, good characters who wanted that happy ever after. I know it has never left her and so by the same token I know that someone like you, a good and decent and honest people still has that desire to be treated properly and every once in a while reminded of that fact. I can tell by your smile that you agree with me and I am glad of that because I know how well I will treat you. I have much to give to you and you deserve to be treated right. You see, I sense, like me you have been hurt in the past. I can see it in your eyes. You are hoping that nothing spoils what we have because it is showing such promise isn’t it? Yes, I thought you would agree. I can tell by the slightly guarded manner you have, but don’t be concerned, that is no bad thing given the way that some people behave, but I am not like them. You have no need to be concerned about me. I will only ever look after you and have your best interests at heart. That is why you and I have been brought together, two people who just want to love and be loved. It is not much to ask is it? That is why when I first met you I realised that you are the one.
You rise from your chair to go to the bathroom and I sit back in my chair and smile. I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.
54 thoughts on “You Are The One”
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Mhhhh….Mc N’ Cheese, but sometimes it works :/
This time it was over a month
Freedom..the ex narc hoovered today..I used the opportunity to ask him how to discard the new Narc. He wouldn’t help me! 😈😂
Ha ha how selfish of him x
I am in the process of ending a fairly new relationship with someone I believe to be a mid range N. I attract these types although once I became aware of them due to my ex husband I recognize them quicker each time.
The one after my ex husband I believe to actually be a Psychopath. The current one I broke things off due to recognizing the love bombing (gifts, travel plans and offers of monetary assistance way to quickly) although I’ve never dealt with a Prince Charming N before which this one is. He’s currently trying to stop me from dissappearing via text such as trying to prove to me how we are meant to be and I can’t let what we have go just because I have been hurt before and of course he is “nothing like them”.
It is good to know Reversed that you have honed your ability to identify the relevant behaviours in order to protect yourself and see our kind coming.
It is although I’m currently at the point where even though I don’t fully always naturally trust my my instincts may be right I still follow them (“act as if until you become”). I’d rather be wrong than sorry.
This came about after reflecting back to all the relationships I had, remembering red flags I had but ignored and realizing not ONCE would I have ever been wrong if I had listened to my gut instinct.
FYI due to signing up for WordPress all comments left under the username “Reversed” belong to me.
Thank you for the clarification.
Reversed, my ex narc was just like one you’re in the process of ending things with. I didn’t listen to my instincts and was cruelly discarded 4 yrs later when I’d obviously stopped giving the fuel he wanted and when he’d managed to secure his next fuel supply who he married 12 weeks post my discard.
Good luck with everything hope you escape soon and he leaves you alone x
The name change is due to me signing up for WordPress. If only I could get my avatar/pic to show.
I ended it with him last week (only took me 1 week lol).
Today he sent an email with multiple questions most of which were deflected to me ending it having “issues”/being an N. (Example of vulnerabilities being used against me or trying to).
I refused to explain myself and told him via text reply that to avoid any miscommunication I will not be responding anymore other than to send back the laptop he insisted on sending me.
He’s a new type of Narc I’m not used to “Prince charming” type. We dated about 15 years ago and recently through social media he tried to make a come back which I shortly allowed after months of not taking him seriously. We hadn’t even seen each other as I kept putting it off and he hit me with the “I love you” a couple weeks ago (via text lol). This was also accompanied by him mentioning marriage, planning future trips and multiple offers to assist me financially.
Something didn’t sit right with myself or more close friends that knew him previously and even though he tried to spoil me which I have reserves about asking/receiving help I followed my instincts and ended it.
He knew my past Narc relationships and tried to call ME one and that is when I cut off all communication. He couldn’t accept the fact I was wanting to walk away and throw away whatever “special/meant to be” we supposedly had in his mind through his words. Once that failed the personal attacks and turning it around ensued but I cut it short quickly.
Luckily I feel no emotional attachment to him therefore once I return his laptop he will be “out of sight out of mind”.
Good for you 😊
I had doubts in the beginning all very similar to your Prince Charming narc, telling me he loved me within weeks, wanting us to move in together, wanting to get married within months saying I was the one he’d never felt this for anyone before. I resisted the charm then he hit me with the it’s not working you obviously don’t love me as much as I love you. I knew you’d break my heart, I’ve been hurt before thought you were different but you’ve broke it. That was because I’d asked to slow things down a little. When he realised I’d said ok if that’s how you feel a few days later it was I’m sorry I’m a mess,
It’s my fault can we try again as I love you. Things were good for a while, then the far off places for holidays started( never happened though). Then it was lets get a dog 3 weeks later it’s back to its not working blah blah. I say ok he then realised he had the dog and then accuses me of leaving him to take care of her how could I do that to her, how could I make her suffer. Why wouldn’t I just make things work for her. Idiot that I am accepted the apology again.
Then comes the I want us to get married, I was still not keen ( still not got my divorce through) then bang he announces he has a secondment .. In India !! I say it won’t work, he says it will if you want it to, you could come stay we could explore. Then 7 moths later he discards with its not working etc etc and next he’s married to an Indian business women and so the cycle begins again.
It must be exhausting.
Well looks like they’re at the got a dog stage !!
“You rise from your chair to go to the bathroom and I sit back in my chair and smile. I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.” yes every time apart from one…guess who G? x
Oh I know
Absolutely spot-on!
Well shit
He is the best 😍
Brilliant…. much as I now detest my narc… that post made me ROFL… it’s such an accurate description of a groom
😂
Pleasure Cass. Does ROFL mean Ruptured Our Fuel Lines?
EXCELLENT! 😂
I’d say
Rid of F#%^*ng Liar 😜😜😜
And Freedom has returned in full effect!
Why thank you HG, As you know I hate to disappoint 😝
Hope you’ve missed me HG 😊
But of course.
OH MY GOODNESS you are the best HG.
Thank you
Exactly casa a vaptuos captuous you know when you haven’t ironed your shirt kind yes wrinkled groom many dissapintment A long list of disappointments too many to count accorded by the devil himself
I like this very much HG ..
So this is date number two ? & you’re already planting the seed about your crazy exes, . The dates already been stalked, social media scrutinised , identified as a good fuel source & up onto that pedestal she goes …. Let the battle commence . I’m ready 🙂
http://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-2422001-stock-footage-simple-red-flag-animation.html
Thank you So Sad. Do you now feel equipped?
No Thank you HG . 🙂
Yes I do in as much as I can be.
In honesty I’ve had to keep reading & then read again , so much to take in & make sence of but I’m finally getting there thanks to you & the blog ..
I’d buy you a drink if I knew you weren’t so dangerous , said in the nicest possible way you understand x
Ha ha, you can buy me a drink anytime So Sad, I will be the perfect gentleman.
Hahah.. I’ve no doubt about that whatsoever HG . ..
Too perfect in fact 🙂
And that will be the red flag HG 😊
So Sad. On the first pbone convo, N2 said his brother was dead to him and he didn’t get along with his other one. Who does that on the first phone convo after date 1?? Red flag bc N1 called his family dead to him. Red flag number 2. On our second date he told me about his crazy ex. I later saw with my own eyes that he was at her place. She lives on a main road…I was driving past and saw his unique vehicle. He tried to insinuate that i was checking up. Ummm no, F*ck that merde. Angryface.
Absolutely jaded ,
We know them as big fat Red flags now , but how easy would it be for us & others to interpret them as them opening up to us , making us feel special , sharing a secret . I think that’s why even though they are flying at full mast we couldn’t see them until now . x
Yes! He went on and on about how I was his world. Man, I must have been starving for affection at the time.
You are spot on with the “starving for affection” statement. Next time it is best to stay hungry.
Worked, HG, worked. You had me until the pedestal. If I excuse myself to go to the bathroom after hearing that, it is because I am looking for a window to escape. From an apt pupil learning from your excellent lessons, you may want to change that line…or put bars on your bathroom window. So not criticism.
I know I know, me too you HG. Let’s play mind games it will keep us both sharp and it prevents Alzheimer’s . Longevity is everything in psychological warfare. Battles and wars, battles and wars. In the end it’s not about who has pieces left on the chessboard it’s who’s at the table and who’s on the floor ❤️.
Hi J
At the end its who feels in peace and learned the lesson life brought Across.
Who would be on the table and who on the floor?? What takes that somebody ends up on floor??
nikitalondon, I think you are referring to my post. I have lived in a war zone most of my life born to two of these disordered creatures. You can’t win with narcissists. You CAN injure them, they will not change, you use more energy taking a swing at someone and missing than if you actually connect. I’ve done both, gotta tell you hurting anyone doesn’t sit well with me because I have a conscience, but sometimes it is a reflex and survival.
I’d rather fight the battle for my life then surender and disappear. If someone really needs to have the delusion of world domination, let them have it.
I almost lost my life being erased and loving him anyway. When I came through a catastrophic illness with cognitive damage I was in the belly of a beast again, not just because they hunt empaths in distress but because it’s what I had known. Again as a result of relations with a narcissist I am fighting literally for my life again, for my children to have a mother and someday a grandmother for their babies. I fight for the choice I made to be a mother, I owe it to my children to be ALIVE and not spiritually sick. I owe it to them to not harm their narc dad, to not try to destroy him, to teach them everything I can learn about the wound that made him what he is and encourage them to educate themselves so they don’t replay this over and over, they way I did for so long. Sure I get angry because of the battle I am in for my life. It’s is terrible that the person that caused this cares more about “keeping” me than keeping me alive. Of course I discarded him.
These people do engulf them selves in their own hatred and toxicity, I do believe in karma and I’ve seen them implode, it’s not fun, they have good people that care for them, I don’t want to see those people hurt. If it’s me that ends up on the floor because I choose saving my life over trying to exact revenge on them, I have peace.
Narcissist are like sharks if the stop moving and feeding they die, there is no peace in that. If they stop what they are doing, that still time would mean time to think about the carnage and not in a “King of pain way” that is not peace. My father was made still in the end of his life and he was trapped with the pain he had caused, it was devastating to see, he made some peace and left me peace before me died.
I choose peace. When thrown into a war zone, to survive one must fight for peace.
I think this is a healing place. Something good can come out of even the darkest of situations, all I have to do is look and my beautiful children to see that, all 3 are empaths with an edge, capable of so much good and fighters too.
Mine just hooked me in simply saying he “is a hopeless romantic” and I wasn’t like any of the girls he had been used to being around and that is why he wanted to “keep this going.” Then I’d just get bombed with daily compliments.
It’s not so much a speech I have that I know so well I can say it backwards…I mostly listen on the first & second dates. Men LOVE to talk about themselves and when someone listens to them a little bit, they think they’ve struck gold.
I remember this one from the past and its absolutely beautiful and wonderful.
You are my Pablo Neruda HG. Even if you say these words more than one time, they are still beautiful and touching. They take me to a dream to of finding such a person to love. It does not make me think of a perfect love but it makes me think of a love that comes from the heart.
Even if you have told it over and over again maybe one day comes the last one 😍.
In my country when someone shows concern for trYing and trying and not finding the right one, then they say
“You have to kiss many frogs before you find the prince”
Maybe the right one is out there waiting to hear once more these words to be told for the last time ❤️
He never said any of this or mentioned any of his exes if he ever had one but made me feel just like that I don’t know if it’s the same as saying it is it Tudor?
I fell for it. To the slaughterhouse, away!!!
“Who broke my heart?
You did you did
Bow to the target,
Blame cupid, cupid
You think you’re smart
Stupid, stupid
Right from the start
When you knew we would part
Shoot that poison arrow though to my heart
Shoot that poison arrow ”
I do believe in mutuality, it is paramount to a successful relationship of any nature.
Every time I read these types of written declarations, I can hear his voice speaking them, which is far too similar to your voice…but, NO. I won’t reply to him. I stand strong in My resolve.
Excellent writing as always HG.
My narc trotted that speech out to me.. And yes it worked on me to. Just as I expect it’s worked on his current toy, sorry wife.
Long time Freedom. !!!! Are you better now? Hope you are doing good. Did your ex come back from India?
Hi nikitalondon,
I’m getting there bit by bit. I’ve not been posting as much as I’ve been looking after mum as she hasn’t been well. No my ex is still in India with his new wife as far as I know. I still have very low days but I keep reading the posts and make myself believe it wasn’t my fault.
Hope you’re well, narc free( except for HG 😊) and are loving life x
Glad to hear! All the best for your mami. Yes I am happy and love life ☀️☀️❤️
Sounds exactly like my ex!!! Smh
Sadly, mine too…..