War!
I am a seething bundle of conflict and vitriol. I have my fury churning away ready to be ignited at a moment’s criticism. The song once asked, “War, what is it good for?” My answer would be. Absolutely everything. War is the tool by which I reign and by which you are kept doing what I want. Providing me with compliance and fuel. I am on a permanent war footing because I am red of tooth and claw. I must always be ready to defend myself against your uncalled for and unwarranted attacks which you are prone to launching my way. I do not know why you do this but you always want to put me down, blame me or go one better than me. I cannot understand why you behave this way, not after I do so much for you. Yet you always do it, managing to ignite my fury with your words and actions. I have no choice of course. I have to exert my superiority over you and if I was to ever fail to respond to your attack then I would be doomed. In fact, so used have I become to these unnecessary and gratuitous assaults which you launch against me that I will often launch my own pre-emptive strike designed to keep you in your place. I am in control. I am god of the world I have created for us and you must always remember this. I would much rather not have to do this. I would prefer not to lash you with my vicious tongue, roll out a silent treatment or in the case of the less sophisticated of our kind, subject you to a battering from fists and feet, but you bring it on yourself. You should know by now what I like and what I dislike, yet you infuriate me still by saying and doing the wrong things. I know you do it on purpose because you are trying to assert some kind of power and authority over me. I have no idea why you feel the need to do this because you cannot ever outgun me. I have batteries of malevolent missiles to launch your way, megatons of vicious exploding insults to rain down on you and so much firepower that I could annihilate you a hundred times over.
Yet, notwithstanding my superior armaments you still insist on trying to do me down and thus I have no choice but to smash through your boundaries, exert my control and blitzkrieg you into defeat. You should know that someone like me who is in a permanent state of war-readiness cannot be defeated. In fact, I know that you do know this but you still exhibit some perverted delight in trying to prove me wrong. You should have learned by now that I am always right and you should accept this. Yet you keep trying to correct me or even worse show me up in front of others. It is little wonder that in the face of such provocation that I erupt behind closed doors and steamroller you into submission. You then have the audacity to call me for my unreasonable behaviour when you started it. This is why I truly do think that there is something wrong with you. Any nation that decided to embark on a full-scale war with the might of a superpower such as the USA would be deemed crazy, it would be a self-destructive and suicidal act. Yet, in the same way you see the might of my firepower, my array of gleaming guns, miles of ammunition and battalion after battalion of trauma tanks and you still provoke me. My fearsome fighter planes which unleash their manipulative missiles against you and the squadrons of bombers which are always ready to carpet bomb you with malice into total submission are obvious to see and yet you still insist on engaging in war with me. I am the lord of war; it is what I have been created for. I am always ready for the fight, I am on high alert and in the moment of a murmured insult I launch into action. I am highly-trained and designed for combat. You are not and still you engage me, trying to outflank me and outwit me. You launch trumped-up accusations at me but they will fall short of their intended target and then you will be subjected to the full might of my armies as I strike back. Anybody who would goad a superpower such as myself is clearly insane and your repeated attempts to do this put you firmly in this category. It is only the truth I therefore tell when my propaganda broadcasts to your family and friends point out that you are clearly unhinged. You are. Your repeated attempts to topple me bear testament to this insanity on your part.
Everything about me is designed to defeat you. I am the anointed one. I am the king of this kingdom and can never be usurped. This is why I have been created as the total war machine. I have been designed in this way to always triumph, my ever-ready condition a necessary pre-requisite to crushing any rebellion on your part. Why not for once finally submit to my hegemonic control? Why not recognise that you can never win and submit to my good governance? After all, I only have your best interests at heart. You cannot defeat a machine which is always primed for war. An outbreak of peace will do you the world of good won’t it?
48 thoughts on “War!”
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HG:. Have you ever considered that for as well as you believe you have someone figured out that someone might just flip way the hell out because of your abuse and perhaps even do you in?
I agree somebody may well flip out and they have, but they will not do me in. That is not going to happen.
And war it was! I am still working through your archive posts. Although I loved who I thought my narc boyfriend was…Even with all of his bs, and of course what I wished he could be, I knew pretty early on that long term the relationship was doomed. I hung in way longer than I should have because, for one, it is not so easy to get out when they have invaded your space and two, stupid hope he would straighten up and fly right, and three I wanted to understand what the hell made him do what he did. It was like being on a field trip to Mars…Or hell. However, money matters and my business mind overroade the silliness of my heart and I had finally had enough. An issue arose and I blew up and I told him I didn’t even like him anymore and that he was an f%%€ing moron. War! He damned near strangled me to death…But he didn’t kill me…Close. The war played on in the court system. Glad it is over. Now I only miss the man I imagined him to be. I see the relationship for what it was…karmic and a lesson to prepare me for survival and growth. Although I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone, what it taught me is priceless in learning about myself and others like him who I have and continue to encounter in all aspects of life…Business and personal. I am proud to be an empath but I will never let someone treat me disrespectful for one moment again. It is beneath me. I can’t believe how strong I actually am and he just made me stronger. God put him in my path…And took him out of it in a timely manner once the lessons were learned.
Actually, knowing what I now understand, he was a pathetic narcissist. He picked the wrong empath 😎
most of the time, I suppose threefold ones triumph…
but not EVERY time.
So what of the end game? When enough has been destroyed, and enough left behind, that can out the monster within without fear of being labelled or fed from? Does it run, self destruct or still try to rule supreme and feed off notoriety?
There is never enough KB. Therein I drive ever forward.
Mr. Tudor, you just gave the phrase “Bellum se ipsum alet” a new dimension.
Indeed, we occupy you, you feed us.
Why don’t you jump from golden period to golden period instead of putting all that suffering in between? Wouldn’t that make your life a lot happier?
Hello MF, a valid question. The fact is that when we are engaged in the golden period we only want you. We do not look elsewhere. If we ended our formal relationship with you at the end of the golden period we would have nobody else to go to with a new golden period. We need to seduce somebody. Thus we are unable to go from golden period to golden period. When we devalue you, that is when we look for your replacement. The negative fuel you give us and out animosity towards you, provides the power that allows us to find someone else and to seduce them. We also want to gather the negative fuel from you until such time as you begin to fail in that regard and we move to another source instead. The fact is that we are unable to move from golden period to golden period because of our own needs for fuel and the recruitment of the primary source.
” I would much rather not have to do this. I would prefer not to lash you with my vicious tongue, roll out a silent treatment” Really?
Of course not. I would rather it was a golden period of peace.
mmmm….
My Narc used to say to me “surrender to me,” usually while doing the horizontal mambo. But then when I ask him after, what exactly does it mean, he doesn’t answer the question. He would just smile and change the subject. It was difficult for me to “surrender” myself when I wasn’t sure where I stood with him. Sometimes he referred to me as his girlfriend and sometimes not. I refused to live with him and refused any financial help from him because I didn’t want to feel beholden, not just to him, but to anybody. And now I am so glad I never lived with him or accepted his gift of a $3K dining table! Otherwise, that table would have bound me to him!
Thanks for the concern….. I did not write him back because I am only suppose to be the roommate.. Ha ha let his significant other deal with him. He has denied me intimacy while he sleeps with her stirring my jealousy up. Enough is enough I am not married nor his girlfriend. I get scraps while she gets the whole meal
I’m a conscientious observer. 21 guns lay down your arms. Let’s just have fun and enjoy each other. I’m not the one who perpetrated you. I’m. Me. I would stand with you and let it be you and me against the world. Team Tudor. What breaks our commitment to that? Because I bore you now? I’d always have your back. Is it you cannot loyally have mine? I know I didn’t feed the insatiable monster. Let him go. I’ll go to war with u against him. Do you inflict pain on women to prove the fail you like someone women in your life did?I’m not her. I’ll never be her. I’m me, loving u and I’d shank that bitch if I could because of what she did. Why is that not enough for u? Why does that let you down? Please HG, enlighten us….
I like your sentiment ABB. Why am I let down? It has always happened. Perhaps one day it will not. Everywhere I look in the Asylum of the Grotesque I see the shades and their failure. Each and every one. How I have exerted myself to find the one who will not let me down and the search continues. Sometimes, and it is only when they have weakened me and it does not last for long, I wonder whether it is because I let her down and this is my punishment by this cruel and perfidious world, to be reminded each and every time that I let her down. The thought appears and I cast it aside because it is not my fault, it never is, but back comes that thought and it will not let go, so I must keep moving forward, driving forward in order to outrun it.
Sorry, I know this is an old post but “I let her down”. Is this Amanda you are referring to. Was that one of the 3 events that created the monster? I’m asking because my husband had his own “Amanda”. His first real girlfriend when he was 16. He said she was his first love and he would always love her. She had to move away as well. He found her about 6 years ago and had an emotional relationship telling her his feelings towards her and how he would jump at the chance to be with her again. Anyways just trying to analyze how he came to be what he is. Another similarity is his mother is without a doubt one of your group. So I’m sure that is the main events in his life that made him what he is.
No it is not Amanda.
The letting down is one of the three events, yes.
Are you still with your husband? If so, how did you feel about his revelations about his “Amanda” and how did you come to know about how he connected with her again? Did he tell you or did she?
You have only our best interests at heart? We can hear/read/feel otherwise, once we realise the truth. Your current supply and every future one, I hope they find your blog. More importantly, I hope you heal so you dont have to live in this perpetual state of war.
Thank you 1jaded.
“I have batteries of malevolent missiles to launch your way, megatons of vicious exploding insults to rain down on you and so much firepower that I could annihilate you a hundred times over.”
If there are people out there who think this is an exaggeration. I and others can verify it most certainly is not an exaggeration. Even myVictim/somatic N has a large box of armaments under that therapeutic bed. The behavior is ALWAYS the key to their true feelings. I just got hoovered, given silent treatment, no doubt smeared and triangulated (probably with the ex) after attempting to break off. I am sure he has his portable nuke under the bedside commode lol. I need to stay away because he can only hurt me worse if I go rescue him again. I am outsmarted and outmuscled and forget he attacks when I am feeling most sorry and most loving. Let’s hope I can be strong this weekend and stay away from ground zero.
Thank you for that Cat, a neatly put reminder of the danger which is always lurking.
Hello HG…. I’ve been sitting silently in the background here reading away for a couple of months now. But I am compelled to ask this time: Do you actually believe this stuff…? I mean, really, seriously, deep down inside, actually believe in what you wrote here? There is no sarcasm intended, I promise. I’m genuinely curious. Please and thank you.
Hello Flighty One, thank you for reading and saying hello. Do you mean do I believe that was written in War! or in respect of everything that I write?
Hello again HG and thank you for responding. I mean what is written in War! I am finding myself thinking you can’t actually truly ascribe to such a philosophy, and surely must be telling this to yourself to convince yourself that you are right and/or justified in your behaviour.
Largely yes with some flourish in the writing for the sake of driving the point home.
I see. Thank you 🙂
Pleasure.
I have defied you… now you exact your revenge on me…. Life is a bitch aint it????
Karma is a what you just mentioned which I don’t believe it but.. I do believe I you reap what you sow so there you go.. Revenge will always be their first right had tool all times one must be aware and fully prepared before bathe if not hell defeat you and in order to win and be fully prepared we must do this 24/7 this time is about female empowerment not love versus war
If he has cheated on you in the past or to someone else he’ll repeat it with you because these people simple as that …. Don’t change….he will do to you same as others and after you he will co to he cheating….. It’s their nature Tudor confirms it is so …. Necessary… Be careful
Funny you should write about war because i am in a battle myself. You see, I defined my N by going out for five hours last night. I decided I needed to enjoy myself. My N in turn texted me two words; ” That Hurt”. to punish me further, he took another female out and decided to treat her to a night on the town, won’t be back till tomorrow. I defied you and I got your vengeance. Welcome to their world
A neat example there Jessica. You doing out was seen as a criticism. You didn’t want to stay with him. That ignited his fury resulting in the text which was designed to try and draw sympathy from you and cause you to feel guilty. He must not have received any response from you and thus he was denied fuel to heal the wound you caused. He therefore took a secondary source out instead. Fuel obtained and you have been triangulated too.
He manipulated her by going out with someone else taunting her part number du of tactics of narcicist manipulator a and controllers been there it’s all about reaction the less she reacts the more he’ll do it it’s a clear childish strategic useless tool of a manipulator seen it a billion times other than the fuel he’s trying to get revenge is constantly on his mind as well , lik you’ve said what you can’t give me someone else will same thing.. Stupid fuel hahahaaaaaa and the glory of manipulation which is all of controllers favorite choice I’ve been trained by the truly best on this department
Jessica you should write back don’t care and actually not care by deleting your feelings for him
Yeah. I was insane to keep coming back with hope to recover the golden days. I just loved you. I loved us. I loved me when you did. I thought you were worth going to battle for. Fight so we could both win while you were blowing up my life! What a vivid picture of the war! I was born into it! Now I know it’s not my fight! I don’t have to beg you for anything! I don’t belong with you! And you can stay away from me. I was trying to be a peace KEEPER in A WAR ZONE!! I’m supposed to be a peace MAKER! No contact with you is the way to do this! Sorry I kept coming back! It won’t happen again. Peace!
Hahahaaaaaa I understand
Powerful!
Maybe you, but mine cried at McDonalds when they they ran out of fries…
Hilarious. That has started the day with a laugh. No wonder you called him Tubby.
Hahahaaaaaa baby
More monologues in front of the mirror fantastic
I thought I’d read this one before. Some things are worth repeating. 🙂
Hahahaaaaaa please no not to me
Wow just wow HG. Great!!
I love how you write. I just love it. Eternally in love with your writings 😍.
On the other side.. Hope you are really not that angry..
Dont fight, make peace .. Life is nicer in peace and harmony ☀️☀️☀️😘😘
Fm1t