Excuses, Excuses
The fact for so long you had no idea what you were dealing with resulted in you engaging in an anticipated behaviour. This behaviour is one which we regularly rely on in order to keep you in the dark. I have made mention of the various traits which we look for in those who make the most useful victims to us. One of those traits concerns your ability to try to find the good in everyone and everything. This is a typical empathic trait and along with all of the others which you possess causes you to flare up on our radar when we are seeking an excellent primary source. Your desire to see good means that it obscures your ability to see the bad or perhaps more accurately, to accept the bad. This is something we desire because it prevents you from truly recognising what it is that is happening to you once your devaluation has begun. We of course love to operate from a position of plausible deniability, we court ambiguity since we enjoy and need to twist and turn in order to achieve what we want. If you saw everything as stark and clear as I now describe our machinations to you, you would be more inclined to escape us and bring about that unwelcome cessation of our primary source of fuel. It would also make it harder to apply those hoovers when we wish to return you to the fold and have you engage in our cyclical endeavours once again. We present you with the truth of what we are on a repeated basis but although we offer it up in front of you, we never let you see it clearly. We draw a veil across certain elements, apply a smoke screen, obscure some parts and distort others. The reality is there before you. It is evident and plain but because of the way in which we purposefully manipulate you, you are unable to see it. It is akin to us pointing out a ship on the horizon. It is obvious for us to see but when we hand you a telescope to gain a better look at this vessel, the lens has been smeared with something which distorts the view, or we place our finger over part of the lens blocking your view.
The consequence of this distortion is to prevent you from truly seeing what we are. This in turn means that you are unable to form a clear and coherent view of the person which has taken hold of you. This becomes infuriating for others who we have not been able to drag into our façade, but who recognise full well what we are. These observers tell you what you are dealing with. They may be circumspect to begin with, hoping not to offend your sensibilities but over time their increasing exasperation causes them to come out and say it straight. Yet, such candour rarely finds favour with you because you do not like to be told something about someone as wonderful as us (or at least someone who was wonderful). You do not like to think that the golden period has gone. You do not like to be deprived of the idea that what you once had will never come back or even that it did not exist to begin with. Most of the reasons why you think like this is as a consequence of our manipulative behaviour, which further foes to underline that it is not your fault. Even your desire to see the good in people is not your fault either. That is who you are. We know that and we exploit it. It is our fault again but of course in the midst of the battle that we engage in with you, we will never admit that anything is our fault. That will never do.
Thus, your view of us is obscured and because of this you will always issue excuses to explain away our behaviour, our words and our actions. You make these excuses time and time again, to others and to yourselves. You believe these excuses because this is how you think and you have been led towards this train of thought by the schooling you have received at our manipulative hands and mouths. You also utilise these excuses to continue to convince yourself that the unsavoury elements of our behaviour are just an aberration, on occasional blip in respect of an otherwise magnificent person. Your charity is amazing and naturally most welcome for through this blinkered approach you divest us of responsibility for the things we do, something which aligns with one of our many stated aims. You prevent yourself from examining further the reality of what has now ensnared you and the repeated application of these excuses keeps you in situ. We want you to utilise these excuses. We want to hear them. We want them said to us and to others. Your excuses frustrate and alienate those who are against us, your excuses support out manufactured façade and most of all they ensure you deny to yourself that which is directly before you. Here are twenty-five of those such excuses. You will have said them and probably more than once. Understand that each time you utter one you have used a further death knell for your prospects of escaping us.
- He is just tired; it makes him snap.
- He doesn’t mean it, not really.
- You don’t have to pretend with me, I just want you to be yourself.
- He has a lot on his mind at the moment.
- Work is particularly stressful for him.
- He sometimes has a bit too much to drink, but hey, who hasn’t been there?
- I think perhaps I am too harsh on him at times, it is my fault really.
- He is in a bad place but he will come through it.
- He is a complex person; you don’t understand him like I do
- It is just the way he is; I have got used to it.
- I know it seems bad but he does so much that is lovely; this is only a small part of what he is like.
- Nobody knows him properly, that’s why you think bad of him.
- He is a popular guy so he is always going to have women hitting on him.
- He has a temper, I know, but that’s part of what he is and it’s not for us to change him.
- I need to be more supportive and then he will be better.
- He’s not well at the moment but I will help him get through it, you will see.
- You’ve only heard one side of the story; he is not like that at all.
- Yes, well, his family would say that about him to cover up what they did to him.
- All he needs is to be loved and I am the one who is going to do that for him.
- You don’t know what you are saying anymore, it is okay, I do understand.
- It was a one-off, it won’t happen again.
- I know it was wrong but this time he has promised that he won’t do it anymore.
- You don’t understand the way that me and him are together.
- You are just jealous of what we have. Why can’t you be please for us, for my sake?
- I’m sorry, it was my fault.
Sound familiar?
34 thoughts on “Excuses, Excuses”
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I see that you just regurgitate the same things over and over…..cmon!
I love it B…. well said… you go poke that big, hulked over creature in the darkest of corners over there….. go give the HG beast a poke!!!! 😉
Oh cummon HG…. you know I cant but help but enjoy a little “poking” from time to time!!!!!! 😃
I rather think B’s comment was about the nature of the article and its subject matter and was aligned to highlight the repetitive behaviour of our kind.
I don’t sit in the corner by the way!
Hahahaha….. no you proudly display all the creature you are!!!
Doesn’t mean we cant have a good poke every now and then!!! Lmfao
B If you are referring to HG then be prepared to be slaughtered by his fans.
He does repeat but it is to make sure you understand and for new people on the blog.
If this was not your intention with your post, I stand corrected.
The guy i like tells as a joke from time to time that “he is too good to be truth” and that he is on the top, not among average ppl.
For a lady. (He means he is great in sex -that s true btw, handsome smart with successful career)
Looks like narc??
Showing tendencies, more investigation is required.
This is so spot on, H.G. I couldn’t understand myself when I went through this period. I had such good boundaries with colleagues, friends, and family members. But when it came to my Narc, I was constantly making excuses for his behavior, it got exhausting! Never again!
It sounds very very familiar! Smh. I was such a fool!!😪
No more though Fm1t. You sound pretty badass to me.
Yes. No more excuses though, ever.
Hahaha… I am glad you like it Clary!! Yes… I chose this one as it seemed to popular opinion as such that Heath Ledger was favoured and while I too favour him… The picture of Jared Leto Joker that I was using… I loved it for the insanity that picture depicted… It spoke to me on many levels hahahaha
However I do aim to pleas after all therefore thought I would give in to demand!! lmfao
Ok….. Totally in relatable question just pure curiosity are you male or female ? Don’t worry I’m just curious
I’m female. Why do you ask?? What has piqued your curiosity??!
Do you have a blog, CJ? I can’t decide between Jared and Heath. Jared has the advantage bc still alive.
Hahaha…. you are certainly correct their jaded!!
Ahhh no… i dont actually have a blog to be honest!! However perhaps I should consider starting one?? Could keep me quite entertained and focused on something other than woman lmfao!! What do you think Jaded??!! Lol
It doesn’t matter what I think. People do what they want. I’d pop in and read.
Well that’s really kind to hear that you would be interested in what I would have to say!!! Maybe on that note….. ill give it a little bit more serious thought!!!
It is actually something that I have considered many a time as i really do enjoy writing and I write very raw and honest pieces that say everything I’m feeling. My emotion is very clear in what I write …. well I think it is anyhow lol!!! Maybe it would be a good outlet for me??! And i know i would love it if I could help any other person in anyway through something they read of mine. Maybe it’s worth sharing the big wide Internet world what goes on in the life of I… a unique Borderline indeed lmfao!!!
Yes…. i do believe I have uttered a number of statements to this effect on regards to number of ex’s lol.
However I have also heard a number of these statements made in regards to myself………….
Hmm. Lol!!!
Can’t seem to get enough of your writting HG…. it flows so smoothly and is so full of useful information that is so very interesting to read…. in regards to ex’s…. but apparently in regards to myself too!!! And of course…. i do always enjoy your humor!!… and cannot seem to get enough of wit and charm lol!!
Thank you as always HG!!
You are most welcome CJ, do continue to read and contribute.
Will do!!
Cj totally loving the picture I love the joker heath ledger that is he’s hot he’s murdered but I miss him and love him my fav Heath ledger movie the patriot favor scene getting dressed
But deep inside I knew there was something not normal Wrong really deep in within him I just didn’t know what thanks Tudor let the other idiot deal a k a his professional doctors
Yes most of it or 25/100 I thought to myself at the begginning of our pry kbs trying to figure it out totally in denial thinking he was tired and needed more rest because he himself told me he needed to pray more so… I fell in that load of crap as he is c r a p
Of our problems
Omg thank you HG it’s exactly that! Still going through much Trauma the back and forth dance using a third party in full swing, sucking others in to distroy contacts, it never ends! The cruelty is intense the above is great to read he makes excuses after excuses distroying more people minds along the way. It’s so beyond words and highly toxic.
You are welcome Christine.
My educated MD narc played the ‘socially inexperienced’ card. He was always ‘unaware’ that he was hurting my feelings. “I never mean to hurt you “, he would always say, but then he would never change his behavior. And his ex’s always took advantage of him and his money, or cheated on him (poor baby). I patiently waiting for him to ‘grow’ and ‘learn’
But looking back over the last year and reading your posts, I remember small comments, ( at the time meant nothing), where he actually exposed himself. Was he playing a game to see if I would catch on?
I started with him, just to have sex. I didn’t want any more from him. He said ‘I love you’ first, wanted a relationship first, etc….I didn’t trust him during most of our time together, but he was consistent with his ‘love and concern’.
THE very day I told him that I was going to let my walls down and love him the way he loved me -he shut down. Game over. He discovered he didn’t have romantic feelings for me.
He felt that Internet conversations were ‘free’ and not considered cheating. Later, I found out that he had been communication with an ex, and planning a little weekend away. It took him over two months to work her back into his life. the weekend before their trip, he asked me to spend the night, but before I did, it came out about his little trip. I told him ‘no’, and then emailed her husband.
Needless to say….he was pissed! All that work for nothing!
I’m reading your books and postings daily. I take what you say at face value, and your explanation of my narc has been spot on!
Thanks for the hoovering preparation. As much as I would like to say to him, I realize that the biggest punishment is for him to NEVER hear my voice again.
I am a compassionate person, but I have never been a doormat.
I am patient and forgiving, but I do draw a line in the sand.
I don’t want to sleep with him, or yell all my hurtful feelings at him. I want to meet him in a dark alley and beat the ever living shit out of him, leaving him in a bloody mess by my own hand.
Bitter? Its fading and my tears are turning to anger, which helps my skin turn to leather.
Its not a bad thing…..just part of the process.
Let it go girls.
Narrow your eyes, dust yourself off, go read your journals.
Clarity is coming!
HG, I tip my hat to you.
Hello Stacey and thank you for your compliments. You are correct, the most severe punishment is to ignore us, we hate that. I understand your desire to beat him to a pulp and even though that would encompass physical pain, you anger that would surge through you as you doled out such a beating would be fuel. He would lie in a pool of blood, broken and bashed, injuries paining him but inside, inside he would be surging with the fuel provided and through burst lips would no doubt give a crooked smile because he knows he can still prompt an emotional reaction from you. He would also (assuming he knew it was you) use the unwarranted (in his mind) beating to play the victim and bring criminal charges against you. I know that you are unlikely to act on such desires, the content of your posting shows understanding and restraint, but I have commented on this potential scenario to underline how perverse our reaction to such a thing would be (viewed from your perspective) and how we would twist even a hiding to our advantage. Nice hat by the way, thanks for tipping it!
My educated MD narc played the ‘socially inexperienced’ card. He was always ‘unaware’ that he was hurting my feelings. “I never mean to hurt you “, he would always say, but then he would never change his behavior. And his ex’s always took advantage of him and his money, or cheated on him (poor baby). I patiently waiting for him to ‘grow’ and ‘learn’
But looking back over the last year and reading your posts, I remember small comments, ( at the time meant nothing), where he actually exposed himself. Was he playing a game to see if I would catch on?
I started with him, just to have sex. I didn’t want any more from him. He said ‘I love you’ first, wanted a relationship first, etc….I didn’t trust him during most of our time together, but he was consistent with his ‘love and concern’.
THE very day I told him that I was going to let my walls down and love him the way he loved me -he shut down. Game over. He discovered he didn’t have romantic feelings for me.
He felt that Internet conversations were ‘free’ and not considered cheating. Later, I found out that he had been communication with an ex, and planning a little weekend away. It took him over two months to work her back into his life. the weekend before their trip, he asked me to spend the night, but before I did, it came out about his little trip. I told him ‘no’, and then emailed her husband.
Needless to say….he was pissed! All that work for nothing!
I’m reading your books and postings daily. I take what you say at face value, and your explanation of my narc has been spot on!
Thanks for the hoovering preparation. As much as I would like to say to him, I realize that the biggest punishment is for him to NEVER hear my voice again.
I am a compassionate person, but I have never been a doormat.
I am patient and forgiving, but I do draw a line in the sand.
I don’t want to sleep with him, or yell all my hurtful feelings at him. I want to meet him in a dark alley and beat the ever living shit out of him, leaving him in a bloody mess by my own hand.
Bitter? Its fading and my tears are turning to anger, which helps my skin turn to leather.
Its not a bad thing…..just part of the process.
Let it go girls.
Narrow your eyes, dust yourself off, go read your journals.
Clarity is coming!
HG, I tip my hat to you.
My heart did not appear <3
All those sentences are a clear result of the view being obscured, of the other person not having a clue what is going on, the most normal reaction is to negate or live in denial, hence the excuses.
At my vacations I met many old friends, and the first you do is of course life stories. What happened since we last met ? Common denominator is how freightened people are of being alone, hence the denial hence all of the above reasons.
Excellent HG <3, you make everything so real, so applied to life, its so nice to read you
Thank you Nikita.
Your welcome 😘😘😍