Prayer
“I will pray for you because I know that you seek redemption at my loving hand. It is understandable. You are a lost soul. I know, hush, you need not speak for restoration hangs from my lips. Listen and allow my words to grant you the salvation that you are so desperate for. I know what you are. I know because I am everywhere, I am everyone and I am everything. I understand what has happened to you. I know how you have been let down. I know how disappointment followed you like an unshakeable shadow, no matter how you applied yourself. Oh I know beneath the sin you are a good person. Your acts and your words are like beams of white light that have punctured through the dark firmament that has wrapped itself around you, cloaking you in the venom that was placed over you so long ago. Others think that they know you, but they do not. They think that this person who moves through life, never seeking to offend or hurt, never wanting to wound or injure, a person who wishes to bring calm, bring healing and bring solace to this world, they think that this person becomes weighed down by the misery, the chaos and the injustice which rises like some ever encroaching tide. They think that it is this which causes those pure tears to trickle down that unblemished skin. They think that it is all of those things which coil like rusty chains about you, dragging you down, hauling you into the quagmire of human misery and dejection. They are mistaken. You can readily with those outrageous slings and arrows. You are made of stern stuff. The insults only spur you on to succeed. The recalcitrance is but a signal to you to keep trying. The rejections just symptomatic of those you wish to help not understanding their own pain. Yes, it is trying, but you are able to rise above all of this. The woes of this world are not designed to weigh heavy on one such as you. I know this. The others do not. I understand that you were sent to bring light and love to the unloved, the broken, the hurt and the despairing. No matter how poisonous the world you will breathe your purity out, ever giving and ever resourceful until you have pushed aside those toxic clouds, dissipated the polluted fogs and brought restorative blue skies and dazzling sunshine. You are someone who is able to right the wrongs of this world. I recognise all of this.
I also know that it is not these external troubles which mean that I must pray for you. It is the burden that lies deep within you. Few know of it do they? Just you and perhaps him oh and them as well but they do not want to talk about it do they? They did not back then. They did not listen and you must be heard, isn’t that right? I listen to you. The difference is though I actually hear you. I hear that silent tortured scream which emanates from you regularly. That howling wilderness that exists inside someone who appears to be so wholesome. The rest of them are too eager to avail themselves of your goodness so that they fail to notice the wounds which are riddled throughout you. The weeping sores, the festering wounds all caused by him so long ago. None of them recognise these things but I do. I am trained to do so. I am attuned to scent your agony which you mask so well but it is that pain which acts like a siren’s call to me because I am the only one that can save you. Those fools that mill about you, all they wish to do is take from you and you allow that to happen because you regard that as your role. It is admirable in the extreme. The extent of your serenity when they might sorely test you is quite the thing to behold. Yet, there is no solace for you is there? Where is your tranquillity, your place of sanctuary? That has always been denied to you has it not? Well, no longer, for I have been sent in order to redeem you. I am the bottomless receptacle into which you must pour yourself. Alleviate yourself of the leaden weight of despair and with such excellent proclamation, cast it into me. I shall absorb it all. Everything that has plagued you, pained you and seared through you with terrible agony can now be poured into me. I am your saviour. All I ask is that you allow your every emotion to be exhibited and exposed and in return I will be the one that finally cures you of those entrenched woes. Nobody understands what you have endured, but I do. I did not see what happened to you but I know what happened to you. It is etched across you, in the way you smile, the way you move, the way you love. Only I can recognise this and in turn that is why it is only me that can be your salvation. Nobody else can achieve that for you. You do not even know it but that is why you are drawn to me in this manner, with such intensity. You think that you know what I am. You do not. You will come to think that you must repair me and make me good once again. But it is you that must be mended. There is something very wrong with you, something that happened so long ago that often you forget what it is, but it will not forget you. I am the redeemer. I am your salvation. Kneel before me and with my anointed hand, let me place it on your wretched head and in so doing I shall cleanse you. You have found me now and you shall never be parted from me, for now it is only I that can save you.”
73 thoughts on “Prayer”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
I think the follow up went to spam. That is okay. Just meant it wasn’t meant to be read.
HG,
I agree that you have helped many people. You have used your knowledge, skills and abilities to enlighten many. This is a kind and loving act. We don’t know you personally and don’t know what you’re really like. You are an enigma. A contradiction. One minute your comments are sweet and loving, next minute you post things that trip people’s fears. I know to incite ones you use words. You gain fuel. Your heart is not effected at all. So if you on one hand tell the secrets of a Narcissist to help and on the other hand continue to practice what you write, are you ever really to be trusted? I’ll answer for you. NO.
I can see the dumpster might have been better said as receptacle. They do provide emotional trash. You “trashed” them and they give back the mess that was created. What do people do with messes? They clean them up and throw them in the receptacle. The people that you discard are like trash to you. They get left behind on the street in your wake. Then you come back and hoover up “the trash” and try to use every last drop. Example.
Toothpaste tube. At first flows out great. As you get to middle its a little harder to squeeze out. Down to bottom u start to roll it up….now some would throw it away here. Others will cut the tube open, put part in the trash and then continue to clean out every last drop then throw it in the trash.
You are receiving fuel from squeezing the tube (person), from cutting it, from throwing half away and then sucking everything out of a person and throwing them completely in the trash. So I used dumpster because it takes a lot of Toothpaste tubes to fill a dumpster. Big receptacle needs Big filling. Hopefully that shows you where I was going. Let’s have a lighter note, My forever Narc once told me that his wife was just a cum dumpster…found out later he stole that from comedian Amy Schumer. How narclike.
If I weren’t one of 13,163 people following your blog, I’d swear that you wrote this especially for me. I’m still digesting this one as I am not a lost soul, rather my soul is lost. There might be more to come, but as all that you write, this is breathtakingly beautiful and I wanted you to know.
Thank you 1Jaded, I appreciate you telling me that and I await your further observations.
I don’t always expect a reply or need one, but I don’t even see the last comment I made one this, which was some time ago. I see the first one, but not the second one. I am new to this blogging thing so not quite sure how it works. Does it need to be approved first or is it a pick and choose kind of thing? Either way the question and comment was legit. Not only am I trying to get a better understanding of how a narcissist mind operates, as I have been dealing with them my entire life, but most importantly I am trying to get a better understanding of myself. There is no possible way for me to understand anyone’s way of thinking when I don’t even understand my own. There is a difference between knowing and understanding.
Your comment is in moderation still.
Ahhh… gotcha. Thank you very much.
80% of my comments are in moderation…I kind of take it as a compliment now.
HG, I agree that you are an instrument of God’s, as we all are, to the people in our lives. Since the beginning of time, God has used people (good or bad) to bless or chastise. Because of free will, we always have a choice — to either be a blessing to others or a curse. To your victims, you are perhaps the latter. To us here on this blog, I think you are a blessing. There is always something to learn from each experience, no matter how painful. Pain is what tells us that something is not right and ought to be paid attention to.
Is it really so that you can eat from all the trees in the garden but that one? If you eat it your eyes are bound to be open and you can be like God. Decide for yourself, go ahead, bite that fruit, God’s holding something back from you, oh he said you would positively die if you eat from it? Haha, no no no u will positively not die. Yes go on, share with your husband. I think that is the God you are an instrument of. The rebellious angel that made himself a God. Because you know God is a title don’t you? There are many gods. I think we all know which one uses u as an instrument. As far as made in his image, yes Adam and Eve were. They were made perfect. They took self rule by eating from the tree. They fell from perfection because they sinned. Did you know the word sin means to miss the mark? The mark of what? Perfection. Where would they be if they never sinned? Remember the penalty for eating from the tree was death. They had children after they sinned. We inherited Imperfection sin and death from them because after they willingly disobeyed they lost perfection, lost their lives. However, what a perfect man lost could be regained by another perfect man who was sent to earth to redeem mankind from sin and death. Could another perfect man follow God’s laws and remain obedient to God and his right to rule? It was only fair to Adam and Eve’s children to have a chance to live. Maybe some of their children would not disobey God. Death holds us hostage, Jesus gave up his perfect life and proved obedient to God even until death. So he paid the ransom for us and bought back the opportunity for us to live forever. That’s what Adam and Eve gave up. But live forever where?
So… God, this omnipotent, all-knowing creator of all things, makes up some arbitrary rule, then creates a being that convinces us to “sin” by breaking said rule. Every justification I’ve seen to explain why this is fair (or to explain much of anything in the bible) ultimately resorts to word salad when put to critical thought and questioning.
We are then devalued, cast out of paradise and doomed to spend our lives suffering. Yet still we put him above all things, try our best to please him in word and action every day in the hopes of getting back to that golden period we once lost.
Or we can see it for what it is- a construct of smoke and mirrors designed to keep us in line. Keeping that energy, time, money, devotion directed exactly where we’re told to.
Yes, B&T has the right of it. I see the resemblance.
Hi Lilly,
Here are some thoughts. God created an angelic spirit creature who became haughty and wanted glory for himself. The title Satan in hebrew means resistor. The title Devil means slanderer. This Angelic spirit creature had free will to choose to be obedient to his creator or not. He chose not to. He thus became Satan because he resisted God’s rulership, and became a devil in the sense that he slandered God by telling Adam and Eve that God was holding something good back from them which was a lie. So satan created himself. God does not hold back from providing good. They had one rule. Dont eat from the one tree. Not a hard rule, look at the abundance they had. We are not doomed. Jesus bought back what Adam lost. Maybe some would been able to uphold gods right to tell them what to do and what not to do. Psalms 37:10, 11 and 29 in part says the wicked will be cut off and the meek shall inherit the earth and reside forever upon it. We were made to live forever, yet we grow old and die. Why? Because Adam and Eve stripped us of the chance. But seeing this injustice, God redeemed mankind by ransoming his son to buy back what was lost. In this case perfect life in a perfect world. God is love says the scriptures. If he is love then the question is raised, why does he permit suffering? (James 1:13) This again involves the question does God, the creator of mankind have the right to rule or set laws and principles to guide mankind or can mankind just follow their own laws and principles and govern themselves? God has allowed man to rule themselves for 1000s of years. Where has it gotten us? Satan is the ruler of this world (Revelation 12:9, 12) He tempted Jesus by saying bow down to me and do one act of worship to me and I will give you all the kingdoms of this world (Matthew 4:8-10). How could Satan offer Jesus something that did not belong to him? Think of the lords prayer or the our father as it is sometimes called. Jesus is praying to God and asking for his kingdom or government to come where? On earth, as it is in heaven. So God’s Kingdom or government is in heaven, established, he’s asking for it to be reestablished on earth, like it was in the beginning. God’s Kingdom is a government that will rule over mankind (Daniel 2:44) It will bring with it many blessings. The suffering will be gone. (Revelation 21:3, 4) Good government does good things for the people. God will step in.
As far as organized religion is concerned, I agree with you, it is a snare and a racket. Mainstream religion has divided people not United them. There are so many different branches within branches of false religion that it confuses people. So the best place to learn and understand God’s purpose for the earth and the future of mankind is by studying the bible for yourself. We are intelligent people and we can see what the Bible says. Things being a mystery or unknown don’t coincidence with what the Bible teaches. Why would God give us a book that is impossible to understand? He wouldn’t. The scriptures also tell us that in our time period there would be many false prophets misleading people. Do u think Satan wants us to know and rely upon God? No. He is on a mission to take down as many people as possible because he knows his time is short. God’s Kingdom will come and crush Satan and his rulership. So we have a choice. God’s government or Satan’s?
HG don’t kill me for taking the pulpit. I have to defend the truth. It’s my duty as a theologian.
Hello Lilly! Thank you for sharing your understanding and point of view. I wonder who taught you the Bible? Or who interpreted it’s meanings to you? My guess is a church seeped in traditions, rituals and man made rules with hypocrisy from the leaders.. Religion? Not a fan! I don’t think there is a complaint about Churches that I don’t understand! Much of the Narc abuse I suffered was under the care of many many churches and their leaders as I searched for Jesus Christ in all of this! He let me KNOW when I was very young that no matter what, GOD, is NOT people! Narcissism is a HUGE problem in the churches! I can understand why you see and feel the way you do! Personally I chose to just keep searching for the Author of the Bible and I still am! He said I would FIND HIM if I sought after Him with my whole heart.. He’s more real to me than any person I know! The worse the world gets, the more I read here, when I turn on the idiot box or see a newspaper about another disaster or crime in a church or even suffer the consequences of my own stupidity THAT BOOK becomes MORE REAL , valid true and proved!! That Book is the one with ALL the answers to every problem, question and complaint! People have misinterpreted it to me and manipulated me through my faith just as bad as any Narc!! Satan is real. He is THE Narcissist that all the others narcs get there program from. From world leaders down to the idiot laying next to us. This place just validates my Bible even more! We ALL are deceived by The Narc himself. In my own life I have found The Bible is alive, its active, it’s relevant, and constantly updated, it’s true and solid! It keeps being proven to me over and over! The Word of God honestly is our only hope and ya don’t need a priest or a pastor to tell you what it means. We need the Author Himself He is NOT a Narcissist by any stretch. He is Love. He is Truth. He is good. That book has unfolded the entire everything that ever is or was or is going to be! Not because I say so! I just don’t know how to convey in this little blog how more REAL it’s getting every day!! There is a war going on with a definite “us”
and “them” situation if you haven’t noticed.! The tactics and mindsets that H.G. Is sharing here are the SAME in our governments and world powers and authoritative institutions. The same in every false prophet or church leader. We are ALL fuel to this BEAST!! He is the god of this world and its systems. Christ is our escape. Even if I never achieve victory in the areas of my life here, I know he was with me in all the torture chambers of my life! Maybe just so I can look at so many others sufferings and totally relate! If anyone should Hate God or accuse Him of giving them a bum wrap, or blame Him for so much human suffering at the hands of so many people it would be me and I think no one would blame me! But I don’t blame God. He wanted a family. Not a bunch of robot zombies like the Narc.. He wants people to come to him because they want to. Boundaries and consequences is a central theme throughout the Bible starting in the garden. These guidelines keep us safe! I could have saved myself a world of hurt had I just heeded the warnings that I DID know’ My over-riding the things I knew are my biggest, troubles, pains, sicknesses, heartbreaks and consequences. I will not stand here and blame Adam, God or the serpent for tricking me! I CHOSE so much of my own destruction that there is no one else to blame! My Bible is the only way OUT of all these troubles.. If I had a choice between a blissfully ignorant charmed life on this planet with all the comforts and perks found therein but no Bible. or this life of pain, torture and torment with my Bible and the disvoveries of its authenticity and the True nature of the Author I choose Him. I trust Him no matter what! He has a plan for me in all of this and it ain’t over yet! Thanks Lilly for your point of view and giving me an opportunity to put down mine. It’s a strange forum for a Christian girl to find herself.. ❤️
Little blog!? Heather, how could you?!
Yeah, the religion I was born into was highly organized. I would be considered an apostate. Thanks for letting that be posted. I expected a reply along those lines but I was curious to see how it would play out with a bunch of empaths.
For the original blog post, my first reaction was to tear up and think, “f*ck you.” I don’t know why. Maybe because if one of your kind said that to me I know that his promise of sanctuary and safety that’s so foreign to me would be just another lie. And that just twists all those knives that much more.
This is spot on so many levels. I had a conversation similar to this with someone who told me they would pray for my soul.
I told her I would pray for hers as well. When she said “I’m not the one who needs saving, you are” my response was simply, “You need saving more than I do. Remember God made me in his image….”
That was enough to completely mess with her already fragile mind.
You are an instrument of God, absolutely HG. You do His work each and every day. I thank Him for you always.
HG what would you do if someone was able to mirror you in a way? They are a lot like you, but some how different. They are able to see through you, yet you are not aware of it. They already know the trick you are about to pull out of your hat and they know how to humor it as if they didn’t see it coming. They study you closely in pure silent giving them the power to know your next move before you even know it yourself. You think you know them very well as you did your homework beforehand. You think you have gained their trust just enough to get in their head and use what you think you know to your advantage. While you are so focused on feeding off the fuel being delivered you fail to recognize that you are being used for the same fuel. There is so much about this person you do not know. They have only given you a part of them that they want you to have. The darkness within them they do not share.
If they see through me B, I would know that, I have enough awareness and understanding to pick up on something like that. It is not the case that someone would outflank me in this fashion. It might be done against the lesser or mid-range of our kind, but not me. I would ensure that the person I have targeted is entirely apt for the task. I would not have chosen somebody who might behave in this manner and if by some miracle they did somehow escape my detection at the outset then I would certainly know if they were attempting to outflank me. I have not got where I am today without honing and perfecting my technique and staying several steps ahead.
Very interesting HG.
Fair enogh…
I would say you know who you are and have a great understanding of yourself, but in reality you have no idea who you are and the the only thing you understand is the personality disorder that was diagnosed to you. Someone told you who you were based on theories of mental health professionals. There are no laboratory, blood or genetic tests that are used to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder. You have studied “your kind” and the personalities of your targets and molded yourself into this narcissistic being. I mean no disrespect as I do not know your story. I am not judging as I too was diagnosed with a “brain disorder” that cannot be confirmed by laboratory, blood or genetic tests. There is no cure, but treatment can help. I have had this my whole life but was not diagnosed until I was an adult. As a child I didn’t know that my brain operates differently from others. I thought it was normal as I do not know any other way. I can remember getting so frustrated that no one understood me and that they assumed everything I was thinking when they were always completely wrong. I often wonder how different my life would have been if I had known my condition and got treatment back then. I probably would have been molded into my condition and for what it is instead of molding myself into who I am supposed to be and who I am today. I have done a lot of research on my condition. I focus on the good it brings me and I’m learning to manage the not so good it brings. You have acknowledged your condition and you understand it. That’s what confuses me. I thought narcs couldn’t be cured mainly because they will never admit that they suffer from this condition. Use your knowledge to find yourself… that would be the perfect accomplishment 🙂
Thank you B for your observations. I was created as what I am a long time ago. I did not mould myself into a narcissistic being, that was done for me. My study of my kind and my targets has enabled me to improve my effectiveness and gain a better understanding of what I am. I became what I am a long time ago and have been polishing the raw material ever since.
Thank you HG for clarifying. I am happy to hear that you want to have a better understanding of yourself. You are truely special and unique. I pray that with your study and intelligence you can and most importantly want to break free from the darkness you were placed in and fill your void with the much needed REAL love that you were robbed of. I really do hope that someday you are able to know what that feels like. Thank you for all you share. I am getting a better understanding everyday.
HG (Holy Ghost, batman)
Firstly, if you are praying for others that makes you not God because you can’t pray to yourself. Secondly, you are admitting you are an empty dumpster waiting for emotional trash to fill you. Despite theses two things I like you. This fact thus makes me a sitting target. Hey great name for a book title. I of course have a question because you write in generalities thus making for more fuel I suppose. Keep them talking and all that….I digress. Question. Are there signs or signals of deep seated damage that you zero in on? I read sitting target so don’t tell me to read it. It can’t possibly be as simple as sheep like behavior can it? I think of the countless women I have met and known and I see some of them as easy targets, but what about the stronger ones. The ones that have confidence, the ones that challenge you? Do you avoid those types because they will know what is what and will call you out or do you just find it easier to pick the same easily led ones? What is more alluring, knocking off 10 sheep or one wolf in sheep’s clothing? I’ll await your reply when you get back from the synagogue, mosque, church, compound or incantation circle. Peace be with you, sister Anna Belle Black.
I am an instrument of God.
I am not a dumpster. Nor do my victims provide emotional trash. I do have a void however which needs to be filled with emotion.
No I do not avoid the apparently stronger ones if I gauge that there is great fuel to obtain and often I have found that this a veneer of strength in order to mask some serious damage which lies underneath. The strong types very rarely “call me out” because so few know what we are. They may be sassy, intelligent, independent and so on, but they still fall for our kind.
Someone who is easily led or someone who is independent? It does not matter. It is the fuel they will give me which matters. Often the strong ones pour out more fuel as they are affected to a greater degree by the bewildering devaluation. After all, you have to have a mind to lose it haven’t you? So empty heads ultimately are not overly attractive.
let me fill that void. ..
We are now two HG!!! It will sure get filled up.. Maybe even overflow
😎 It’s interesting to me that you clarified yourself in not being a dumpster nor do we provide emotional trash! My heart of compassion when out to you for a second. Why? Because I have felt like a trash can for Narcissists emotional garbage! I’ve heard myself say it a million times. Just a trash receptacle for toxic waste. I’ve been sick for 3 more days. I’m supposed to be packing to go on an all paid for vacation by my Dad tomorrow and I can’t even get out of bed. These are the results of taking it for so long.. H.G? 😎 You need another “stimulating” hobby outside of this place! Something that doesn’t end like this for someone else. Just an idea..
That’s it. Nailed it on the head. I couldn’t explain it any better myself. You took the words right out of my mouth… speachless.
I think I am going to be sick.who the hell like do you think you are… I have fought with ptsd which I never thought that I would allow anyone to put me throught. Fuck you
This is so breathtakingly beautiful. It is so sad that there is no real desire to give genuine unconditional love. Makes me want to weep!
There is Centauride
People, don’t you see that HG is talking about himself? That he is the one that can “save” you? Everyone run the opposite direction!
I didnt.. I got it like u did
Very scary HG!
This is the narcissist praying. Right? I think….
@karina: I read it the same way and what I felt wasn’t beauty, but envy. The narcissists dark envy of the empath, and how they tries to rationalize why they are entitled to suck our souls. But maybe I got the post all wrong and it’s meant to express all (fake) beauty and love;-)
I read this as being said by the Narcissist to the Empath. The Narcissist understands the Empath’s needs and vulnerabilities before they do. The Narcissisit can mirror them and feed and protect them during the golden period.. That is how I see it. The Narc is being worshipped and during the golden period is a god of sorts. Powerful.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:
And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment
Hebrews 9
Who are we to dispute this? Choose to believe or not, in the end no one will leave the court room. We’re going to find out in the end whose who and what’s what. We are accountable and have been warned through out history. There will be consequences I believe.
Omg
Dear Linkin Park,
Why do you continue to play “Leave Out All The Rest” on repeat. I’m strong on the surface, not all the way through, I’ve never been perfect, but neither have you. Can you come and save me from my self? Create a world for us where we are cured? Why can’t we leave out all the rest and just be us? Me and You, our complete selves? Trust is so hard. Know thy self said my dead relative. That awareness is the first step in transformation. Trust yourself then you can trust me. I won’t hurt you. You don’t have to hurt me first before I do it to you. No agenda. It is not going to happen. We will be strong together, Us vs. The World. It really does exist. I have it right now. I live it. It makes me very uncomfortable, yes. To have stability…but I am trying to leave out all the rest. Looking ahead, not behind. They can chase us, but they can’t catch us…we are stronger and faster and wiser now. HG how I long for you to trust yourself and let go. I would hold you and protect you and keep you safe. I would not use your fears against you like they did. Just let me love you, not the illusion. But you (real name). You are all of the qualities you possess. They are not mirrored. You can’t display what is not in you. You have to pull it from within. All the great actors do. U think your pulling it from others. How many people on this blog felt real feelings? They didn’t pull those feelings from others, they felt them from inside. U are not empty, you’re over full. Perspective HG.
Brought to you by,
Recovered Hipacrite. 💙😗
Interesting thoughts ABB.
left me breathless ♥♥♥♥ magnificent!!
I am Truly at a loss for words here. All I can say is, beautifully written. How lovely to be have someone care so much to wish to heal another of wounds they are so unaware of. I can relate to your words, I have wished for such a prayer myself. Your words made me weep with intense emotion. Is this an empath to the Narcissist? It sounds like the reverse when I read it. It could be me,or any or many of us feelings the weight of such an earthly purgatory.
Sorry. I simply don’t know what else to say here, HG.
Yup !! You actually have answered my prayers! Not intentionally I know but you eroded me of everything inside and allowed me to regrow. Grow strong and straight, before I was weak and wonky.
you’ve made me complete with self esteem and financially, significantly better off.
I didn’t realise I was praying but my prayers were inadvertently answered.
Yes, Alexis, as did CN by letting his mask slip. Me knowing what he is and me leaving him. The unasked prayer.
I have a question regarding what happened while I was having sex with my Narc ex-girlfriend. She is French (I can’t speak or understand French) and speaks perfect English. But the entire time during sex she would speak French in a whispering tone. At the time I thought she was saying sexy things but since I discovered she is a Narc (and subsequently went through a whole load of pain until I escaped) I have been wondering what she’d said during sex. Now I’ve since learned about Narcs I’m inclined to think that her words were verbally putting a curse on me, or saying terrible things about me knowing that I could not understand French. Have you encountered this before? Is this a Narc trait or just peculiar to my ex?
Hello Magia, it depends on when this took place. Was it during the seduction or during devaluation? She may well have been complimenting you in order to make you feel good and thus provide her with more fuel, this is most likely during the seduction phase and having her writhe with you as she whispered in French to you would have indeed been seductive.
If this was happening during the devaluation it may have been the case that she was belittling you or even listing the ingredients of the meal she was going to make. I would point out however that unless she saw confusion on your part at what she was doing, if she knew you did not understand her, there would be little point in belittling you in this manner because you would not respond as she wanted and this would deprive her of the fuel that she wanted. She could of course been amusing herself as she did this.
These are beautiful words. I read 3 times as I was fascinated 😍. At First i thought it was God speaking but one sentence makes me think not.
True love is the answer, the one that will not judge, the one that will take the pain as own .. TL will soothe all.. No matter what, where, how serious.. It can bear all, it will tear down any barrier 😍😍❤️❤️🌔😘
I read it twice. Nikita, tbh, I thought my ex was writing again…except, he would never offer to heal me, he said I was perfect just the way I am. I knew better on what I need to work on for myself. From a Narcisisists prespective, I know this is further their abuse and control. But, imagine from the prespective of a man who genunely cared for you and your well being…oh what I wouldn’t give to hear and have that. Let me pause, and burst my own bubble now. I usually got told by men, just get over it. Yes, I think too only true and genuine love would make such an offer.
Hi PM
How are U doing? Adapting well from the vacations to work? I still have the blue ocean in my head.
I loved this post.. For me its a love story to come true ❤️
Return to work is good. I only had to take three days off to get a week away….two weeks off, In October. The blue ocean sounds heavenly. Love is the ideal, we strive for.
Where might you go in October?
Away from here.
Yes love is all ❤️❤️❤️
Self love, happiness. Serenity and the love of another, to give and to receive such love. A mutually balanced love is a beautiful thing. A relationship based on Give and take. Not one side giving and the other side taking. Or giving for the falseness of receiving only. True love must be based in genuine feelings and emotions. Unlike, the relationships we have all had with Narcissists. Such love is always possible.
I believe in that love also PM.. With all my heart❤️❤️❤️.. Where giving just comes like light.
What do you mean by giving from the falseness of receiving only?? I dont entirely understand..
If you believe in that love that you will find it Nikita. I was referring to Narcissists, as HG always tells us. They falsely represent love to us( that they nevr loved us) in order to have their needs met, ie fuel from our love, support and compassion for them. Ours is genuine. Theirs is not. It is false towards us in order to take from us. Sadly, some of us give love with no need for return, the Narcissist does not need to be false with everyone to have his needs met. He only has been conditioned to think he must be that way. He fails to see that the truth has value and reward.
Hope that makes sense, when I explain often it makes it worse …real versus fake love. You, myself, many, love for the sake of loving. With no expectations. Others love with motive and intention of taking from another. True love, gives the same to the other. you will find your true love Nikita, he is out there for you. Because you keep the hope.
I believe I already found true love ❤️❤️❤️ I know its out there… Just wait ❤️❤️❤️
Yes I did understamd what you mean. I more think its their type of love vs our type of love but I umderstamd this modifies when the N is not so deep in the spec and want to go through and let go of all the pain from childhood..they feel again like LO explains in her blog.
Can you love their way, though? Can you love using the other person to fill your needs and tell them you love them, knowing you feel nothing for them, but you tell them so they stay with you and give you what you need. You love genuinely, Nikita with genuine emotions. To settle for less is to short yourself for the sake of another. Which is in essence co dependent love. But it isn’t self love. If receiving praise and compliments and gifts equate to love for another, then. The trade off is equal….you get material things for them and they get love and devotion from you. Fact is. Neither of us are in Narcissistic relationships any more because we do not love that way. It is fact. People just love differently. When we match that level of love for another. Then yes. We have found true love. I am happy you found it Nikita, after so long under the guise of Narcissistic love. That you had the strength to release and to remove yourself to find true love. It shows others here that is possible to find such. That the draw of a Narcissist will not always be the rule. ❤️ that ego love can be triumphed over by soul love. Maybe even one day for you HG? All things are possible, when we want them. I want to be loved, but for myself. I know I must choose him, not have him choose me. That has been my barrier.
Hi J ( canI also call you J?) No I can cant love like that, I was just saying that its their way of loving and for them its real… We call it fake but for them is real.. Dont know if I explain myself.
Yes when you stay in a relationship that makes you suffer, its pure Codependency.
I also agree with you that all things are possible.
Have a nice rest of the night.
Yes, Nikita, I like J..you can definitely call me J. Yes, I understand, what you say. I know they know no other way then that. As we know no other way. I accept their way. If he would have understood why he had to be this way. If we could have discussed it. Rationalized it together so it could work for us both. I do see that point as well. But, I just read Hgs last article where he says it is one way, their way, we have no rights in Relationship. I want rights and a say. It is difficult. To think In All this and question it all again. We did right to leave. It doesn’t mean we don’t or didn’t love them. That guilt burdens me at times. One of the curses of being an over thinker. Do you still think about it. Or have you moved on from that thinking? I move in then for some reason return to it. I am still No contact, I resisted Hoover. So thinking hasn’t swayed me again. Thankfully. You too Nikita. I missed many blog posts in last week. I am trying to catch up. HG was probably pleased, he had to questions posed by me for the last while 😊 Thank you for discussing this with me, Nikita. I appreciate it and you.
Sweet dreams when they reach you xx
You claim to be omnipresent. You are a liar. Where were you that night she cried your name? Nowhere to be found. At least you weren’t by her side. Where were you though?
I hope your selection for protection was a suitable alternative.
You allowed him to lay hand on the base of her neck and squeeze and utter those vile words.
She lost her loving soul that night because of you, not him. She wailed plantively and begged for your comforting presence, but you were off. At best case, you were saving countries, on the other end you were answering a lothario’s prayer for a quick lay. You didn’t return despite her pleas. You were just too busy.
If anything positive arose, it was me. She finally closed her tear filled eyes. When she opened them, I appeared and she was happy to relinquish control to me, not you. I promised to protect her. Unlike you, I kept that promise.
May the breath from your prayer return to your lungs in the form of sulfuric acid.
May your palm sear as it touches my forehead, not hers. You can only wish to touch her. You will never have that chance again.
((((Jaded1)))))
Sometimes, those who should not be left alone, have been. As a result, they learn to protect and defend themselves. A fortress, an army to stave off intruders. The question of why is always valid. We all need a protecteur , regardless of inner form or externally. If we do not look out for ourselves, then who will? Trusting in the protection of self is vital. Sadly, often at the loss and neglect of the protection of others. They bear the fault, not you or others.
Hi J . I moved away from that thinking pretty fast applying the logic.. Anyway I had already cried an olypic pool of tears with him and had left 3 times and 3 times hoover.. and thanks God he left and could not manipulate me anymore so I very soon started seeing all tje manipulations and sometimes was speechless on what a master manipulater he was.. I saw it pretty soon so no thinking at all because if I think I get cold creepy shivers down my spine.. After reading the blog of Lucky Otter where I educated myself more I for nothing in the world am going to miss somebody that manipulates the whole world
I need to read more on her blog too, she is awesome. Thank you Nikita. Yes, we do not need someone like that and they are not missable.
Thank you for your kindness, Poetic Me, and your perspective. We do what we can to survive. So true. The fortress is sky high with a peephole. Bricks come down and go up constantly. This blog is what I’d call a godsend if I wasn’t agnostic. Thank you again.
I like your imagery and analogy, Jaded1. We are forever building and destroying walls to survive. I am glad you found this place, an oasis of knowledge and it is helping you understand and heal. We all need something to hold onto, A lifeline.
Have a wonderful weekend xx
I hope you are having a good weekend as well. 🙂
Peaceful and quiet….no drama. Perfect. Xx
made me breathless. .. I so wish ….dear G.
what was that HG? Holy cow! Is that what you are referring to? A Holy Cow? Because that is what i thought when I read that one.
So first off I do not pray, non-believer here and the closest thing to prayer is a praying mantis in my world.
So now what?
Praying mantis comment made me laugh, Steeviann, sense of humour is a blessing.