Why the Narcissist Downgrades
“HG, I am decent-looking, have a good job, I am intelligent, caring, fun and interesting, I dress well, I am a dab hand at cooking and nobody has ever complained about my bedroom skills and he has left me for THAT! Why?!”
It is a refrain I have often heard.
Why, when the narcissist could have you, did he go and choose somebody who is clearly inferior to you in so many different ways?
What is so good about her or him?
Where have you gone wrong?
Why on earth has he chosen her over you?
Why has the narcissist downgraded?
This gives you the answer and it will not only help you understand, it will make you feel a whole lot better too.
39 thoughts on “Why the Narcissist Downgrades”
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Just goes to show how desperate a narcissist can be
Hahahaaaa!!! Read it again! Made me laugh, especially the “jealous because you’re fat.” Thanks, I think I needed to read it again.
She lives in his neighborhood and I assume he was peddling around on his faggy bike and he spotted her bending over picking weeds in her yard and he was like… “Yeah! There’s a desperate woman that may allow me to pretend she’s a man!” Thanks H G!
Hello HG….I am not new to this kind of abuse but new to the realization of what it actually is, hence the name EpiphanySmiles . 😊 I have so many questions and going through so much emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. I have been, to what I now know as “discarded”. I have been reading up and listening to a lot of you tube videos on narcissism and came across “interview with a master narcissist” and it blew me away to actually hear honesty and truth from an actual narcissist! I believe I was involved with a covert narcissist and I am also realizing the depths of my codependency so as I’ve learned this is the “perfect storm” concoction for the both of us. Is your take any different on a covert narcissist or is the bottom line the same ? It’s all about the “fuel” ?
Hello Epiphany Smiles and welcome on board, you will certainly receive the answers to your questions here and you are evidently gaining insight already. I don’t use the term cover narcissist. Not that there is anything wrong with such a description but I opt for others which I feel are more representative of the differing shades of narcissism which exist. The Mid-Range is close to a covert narcissist.
The bottom line is the same for us all, as you state, it is fuel.
My N is not on FB at all and has not been since he tried to hoover me in March. I know he hooked up with the chin beast shorty after. I believe he wont be spashing this one around for all to see. He is desperate and deathly afraid of being alone so any hole in a port will do for now.
Thanks again for this article H G.
This happened with narc #2 she was the complete antithesis of me. I remember feeling surprised and thinking that perhaps I was not really his type as he had gone back to his ex. But I didn’t feel bad for long as my friends proclaimed she looked like a transexual or a witch but best of all my son said “God she is one ugly bitch mum, you’re way better”. What was funnier was my son told him that too. After that I didn’t care.
You promised you wouldn’t use my pic if I sent it….boo. Your phrases made me laugh. Panic pick…two finger salute…I lost the plot. So funny…and yet so not funny…but always informative.
Would you bang her?
Bang who?
Fiona.
Would a greater get that desperate?
No.
Fiona as in the green lady? Princess Fiona? Ah, that is where i have seen her…. narc ended up with someone who looked like her, minus the green. She prides herself on being “thick” but her thighs are large and through clothing, you could see dimpled with cellulite and lack of exercise. Uneducated. Penniless. A 17 year old child with no future but to hope she lands some man. And him boasting about her being his Boss. She is gone… but wow… I may not be young, but I am good looking, have decent income, smart, educated, articulate, creative and thoroughly rejected by him and most of who I am and how I live put down and belittled. What a bizarre thing to witness. Narc has been with many attractive women and he ends up with an uneducated Fiona like child? rotfl …. yeah, that pretty much speaks to how dead he is inside. And she and he are no longer… gee, wonder what happened there….I had to get help with this from someone because of the deeper pain in this for me. The person said, “Narc will do anyone.” So his rejection of me was even false. If you have no true standards, and are using anyone, then every reason he used to reject me was a lie. LIke him.
Love reading anything you post. So helpful in understanding why things went the way they did
Thank you for letting me know Used and Abused.
So true, such amazing insight HG .
I have to admit when I saw her I felt a whole lot better about myself. It was like WOW is that IT ?? !! Is that the best you can do ? .Calling her ” Skanky” would actually be a complement , bitchy but true.
Thanks for this, another box ticked .
Wow. This makes total sense!!!
I have heard exes putting the next one down like an ugly bug and other exes not carimg And being objective.. At the end physical beauty is subjective and things like social classes, jobs status dont bring hapiness or better said dont bring fuel..
I wonder now is : how to apply value to a a person? Like when you go to see Polo .. For me all were so beautiful I never saw the difference..but there was a scheme to value them.. and Slaves were valued on the muscle mass
I see it useless to compare. All have plus an minuses and nobody is under the other.
Was fun to read 😘😘
Well stated, Nikita. I agree. I never judged who he was with or replaced me with. I only questioned why he chose me. There was only one that upset me, but it wasn’t for how she looked. It was for who she was, the One he lied to me about for years in our relationship. It was that broken trust that hurt me, nevr what she or anyone looks like. Fact is. They all looked the same pretty much, except me. He went against type with me. Ask would ask why, he had no answer for me. Guess, HG summed it up..Fuel doesn’t not discriminate in such things. It just is. If we provide. It it flows continuously. Then it is worthy.
I certainly don’t lord myself over another, I do not think I am better then anyone. My self esteem is not that soaring. I know who I am and as Alexis said, what my worth is. That is all that matters to me.
As you said, we all have pluses and minuses another who we are.
Yes we all have and at the end love is about feelikg that connection and not anything physical. I relember an interview they made to one of the too models in my country Carolina Cruz google her if you want. She is totally beIuriful succesful and all what you want and then the interviewer asked her I guess you have mever neen betrayed being one of the most beautiful womem of tjis country.. And she amswered yes lany times betryed and even left. … So in the mid term its just the heart
Yes, it doesn’t matter what One ooks like hurt can befall anyone, I will google she Nikita.
Oh HG!
I did enjoy reading this…You’re blogs are brilliant!
…however…I’m truely glad to finally be over this narcassiatic crap…being indifferent and unaffected is definitely the way to go 😊
Good luck to the poor souls who he ensnare. ..
Thank you Castiel, good of you to drop by.
I was triangulated with a vacuum cleaner( a Dyson). He told me he found my replacement and gushed over it high and low. It struck me as an odd joke because it should have been light-hearted, but felt deeply painful. Went n/c not long after. He has no social media or any friends.
Thank you HG! This was one thing I could just not get my head wrapped around!! Now it makes perfect sense!! Xxx
Pleasure.
Question about #3, please. (The Middle Finger Triangulation) If disparaging, yet truthful words were said to you by us about your newest traded-down, dented appliance – would that make you less likely to idealize her in your mind? Or make it harder to go through the idealization process and keep your interest on her?
I have a feeling fuel is fuel, and our snide comments might even make your less glittery choice better for you.
No. Your words are born out of spite and jealousy. The new source is supreme. You’re the failure. We will draw fuel from your nasty comments.
This may be pure coincidence because I know it’s all about the fuel for narcs, but several people have pointed out how similar I look to G’s ex-wife. We could not be more different regarding “success” in life (not only does she have a job but she is a high powered executive), but I am pretty sure she must at least be a super-empath. (I think her field is marketing and even though “high powered” and “empath” don’t usually go together, most employed empaths I know who go into business wind up in HR or marketing.) Based on my research, G does seem to have a physical type. I guess where we live has so many empaths for him to choose from that he has to narrow them down somehow!
The “what’s she got better than me” game.
Yes why did he ??
Haha love this HG !
Mine triangulated me with someone of a similar standard and to be honest I think he was lucky with both of us because it’s been all down hill from there !!
I can’t be sure but I think the girl he triangulated me with also discarded him, he had definitely been devaluing her. And she went awAy, although not completely NC like me. He was way, way out of his league with both of us.
Since then he’s had to grab any low hanging fruit he can and he does. I know I heard one guy say the girl he was seeing would, ‘put him off his dinner’ bit nasty that.
It’s helpful to know though, that it’s abou fuel. I thought he would have gained his fuel from the comments he got from others about who he was with. But I guess as you point out HG it’s more about the fuel from the individual concerned.
I know my worth, it’s validated regularly by others and I never let him get that far into the devaluation to affect that.
Amen, Alexis. You know your worth. The issue arises when we don’t know such a thing and we allow it to weighed and scaled and calculated by another. Such things never balance In Our favour.
Yes, we should never forget or undervalue our self worth. After all an N has no worth, they just pretend that they do. Xxx HG xxX love you loads xxx
Agreed, Alexis. I never understood those who willingly give away such things, offer themselves up and thusly decrease their value. We must value ourselves, or others will continue to devalue us as well. Such an N’s.
P.S. He had a fantasy of a romantic meeting in Paris. What a funny one that is. He lost the grand prize picking the wrong curtain. I know it and he knows it. But most important, I KNOW IT.
How about that she looks like his ex-wife who looks like his sister. Riddle me this HG.
I am the total opposite of his past females. Blondes with crazy eyes, Usually light eyes.
typical hoover and provocation..made me laugh. 😀
The triangulation trick is a killer!!
Lol yeah mine got with a girl completely opposite of me last time and she got him hooked on drugs. He had her call me and tell me I was ugly and old..LMAO she’s ten years younger than me but she looks ten years older. Of course he dumped her and came back to me when he needed to clean up. Now I’ve been discarded again…but guess who is back on his facebook page…lol