20 Times to Gas Light
You are familiar with gas lighting where we twist reality over and over again in order to create doubt. You begin to question yourself, doubt your recollection and feel like you are losing your sanity. It is an insidious tactic and one which we always use in order to destabilise you and maintain our control and the upper hand. We change history, re-write what has happened and we will do so even when faced with what you think is incontrovertible truth and evidence. Our confidence and certainty in the way we approach this, combined with the patronising appearance of caring about your tired and failing mind is especially bewildering. Our aim is to cause you to question your reality so you much more readily accept the false reality that we create and operate in. Here are twenty of our favourite phrases which are used to gas light you.
- “It never happened.”
- “You are lying.”
- “You imagined it.”
- “You haven’t remembered it correctly.”
- “Yes,you did do it because I remember distinctly.”
- “Are you calling me a liar?”
- “If I look for it you had better hope I don’t find it. Oh, what’s this? Just where I said it would be.”
- “I never told you to do that, why would I ever say that?”
- “Your dad wouldn’t do that to you.”
- “You are suffering from delusions, I think we need a doctor for you.”
- “You like to cause an argument out of nothing don’t you?”
- “You twist my words, I did not mean it like that.”
- “You never told me that at all,I would have remembered.”
- “Nobody likes you, they’ve all told me this.”
- “You need help, it is caused by your anger problem.”
- “Why are you inventing things again? You are such an attention seeker.”
- “That never happened.”
- “Dear me, you always make things up, you’ve done it ever since you were a child.”
- “We are just friends, you are reading too much into it.”
- “That couldn’t possibly have hurt you, why are you saying it did?”
22 thoughts on “20 Times to Gas Light”
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Whoa…you almost got me, I struggled deeply with gas lighting for almost a year and a half… You were good. It took me a few years to really let it affect me BUT you, in your rage of put downs, opened my eyes so widely that I realized YOU were the one with the problem, not I. Knowing who I am and knowing the truth about myself really puts things in perspective.
Unfortunately, I may be too strong minded for you. I love you with all of my being but I cannot have you suck the life from my soul… I have too much too do, too much to give and a need to create my perfect balance…
Your gas light just burned out…
Yay! 😀
🙂
Mmmm….glad that I started to read up about this stuff and knew what gas lighting was so I could escape the narc with my sanity intact.
It’s true that the twisting and turning, the topsy turvey, the blatant lies and denial of the truth is astounding. If you don’t know stars happening then you end up in a confusion, a fog, or I became frozen in the onslaught of words.
I’ve been told I have a ‘condition’, I need help, I’m a criminal, I’m a liar, I’m dangerous and dark and so on and so forth. Plus the usual re-writing of history, changing the goal posts. Fortunately I have an excellent memory and verbal recall, so there are details of conversations that I know 100% are true. I should’ve recorded them!
My question is; the narc would never admit that he does this or, indeed that he is a abusive, do narc’s know what they are doing when they gaslight? Or are some truly unaware and believe their own delusions?
Lessers not know it. Mid-Range do not know much of it and then say it so often they end up believing their lies. Greater know what they are doing but will not admit it because they know it has to be done in order to exist.
My personal experiences with major gas lighting started in my life from birth. I remember the first time I ever busted out of the “crazy in my head” that Narc Husband 2 left me with when he walked out of the door after a big gas lighting nut fest! I wrote down the facts. The truth that I knew. This was one of my first personal connections with God as an adult. The light bulbs started coming on! He loves the TRUTH! He is the only person in my whole life that has kept his word. No lie! My faith is stronger now because the truth will always squash a lie! Isn’t that awesome?! I’m a believer! I’m so glad! I love the Teuth! So keep telling it! It validates the reality we already knew! It’s beautiful of you to spell it all out for us just like it was or is!! We are not the crazy ones! Just bewildered, stunned, beaten and confused! These validations are doing humanity a tremendous service! Dignity is a wonderful feeling! Sanity is priceless! Letting them all go feels good. Thanks H.G. 😎
I am so pleased to read this because I realize I was thrown a clear cut gas-lighting scenario a few days ago when JN made contact and I stayed unemotional and did not relentlessly pursue trying to message him to have him see the error of his ways.
He had asked me why I had a particular opinion on a private subject matter. I told him that a year ago he had given this answer which led me to believe this as truth and something he experienced. He denied ever saying it, ever experiencing it and he would have no reason to try it. That is the type of response that would send me reeling into confusion and despair. This time I just replied, “I promise you that you did say this.” Close after that, he said “we’re done” and proceeded to block me on FB.
A close friend thinks he is trying to flush me out and make me text his cell so he can get my number again, because he made a few comments about my being hot-headed. That he’s waiting for the flow of my messaging to not have a bad ending and have closure like I used to.
Now I can sit back, read this, and say, check, this time he tried the gaslighting approach. No analyzing. No worries. No stress.
It’s like the movie, Groundhog Day. I get to see what approach he’ll use next Hoover attempt, which can only be email, since I can’t block that.
Expect the e-mail, he wants to dock with the supertanker and ignite her temper.
I think this was the final discard. I don’t think there will be an email for quite some time. I got the impression though, that there is not a new primary lined up.
He’ll be back fairly soon. He always has in the past.
How about ..”are you about to start your period bc your PMS is out of control and making you crazy.” Got that one ALL of the time.
You must have me confused with that other guy….ummm, NO!
I have one that has ruined me a few times…
During a 2-3 day silent treatment I call N leaving a message explaining that we are through. I break up with him. Silent treatment equals other woman, not acceptable, done. I am devastated.
He finally calls, calm, pleasant, suave….”so honey are we gettng together tomorrow?”. ????. Ignoring my breakup message. Acting so happy and loving towards me. And I am so weakened by ST and seduced by the positive regard that I cannot get the strength to dump him again. If I do dump him he will go into a rage. Feeling like an absolute prisoner.
No contact has its place in this regard. Best defense against gaslighting.
That’s your problem, you can’t let good enough alone you must always rehash the past (2 days ago) let it go.
You are not used to a real man, no wonder your ex??? Use info obtained during fact finding phase.
“You’re too sensitive.” ” it’s just a joke”, “you have no sense of humor”…..😞
PS…. he is a very attractive man. If i could send you pics of us you could see. Why the hell such a beast of a woman???? she was gross!!!! I know he is what he is but it blows my mind!!!
Please help me HG, today i was driving and i spotted his truck. there was a woman behind the wheel but i know it was his truck. I sped up to get a look at her and she was fat and gross. All i saw was chins!!! Fuck me man!!! nasty! I have been drinkin with friends all day and was so temped to text him. I am a very good looking woman, why would he make her his primary??? She is oposite of me! Fuck man she had chins!
The simple answer is to read the recent article I worte “Have You Seen Who He Is With?” Mary, the answer will lie in there for you.
I’ve heard them all!! Smh
Gaslighting…..For me, this was some of the most painful mental abuse I’ve experienced. This type of abuse is really hard to heal from and only distance/no contact and time away from this toxic kind of communication helped me. Thank you for posting these quotes HG, because it is a concept that is hard to explain to others without real examples.
Excellent list HG 😘
I guesd this triggers memorie in eberybody.. Paimful ones.. 4,5 , 17 .. 😖😖😖