5 Reasons We Discard You




The seduction is mesmerising and as part of its allure we of course tell you why we chose you with a thousand different sensual sentences. Some may seem over-the-top; others make sense to you but either way you are given the basis of understanding why we have been drawn to you. We do not tell you the real reasons why we chose you but we do provide you with some.

The devaluation is tortuous, horrific and unpleasant. You are unable to ascertain why we have suddenly knocked you from your pedestal. It is bewildering and confusing and only serves to add to your pain. You may have some reasons hurled at you but they will not make any sense to you and this is by design, to keep you confused and where we want you. Reasons are given, they just do not make sense.

Then comes the discard and more often than not you are left sprawled in the dust, exhausted, bereft and shattered with no explanation given as to why you have been thrown to one side as we stroll off into the sunset walking away nonchalantly. Why has it ended so suddenly? What did you do wrong? Why have we not told you why this has happened? The pain of being rejected is magnified by the failure to provide you with any explanation. Naturally, this refusal to explain is part of our design. We feel no need to explain because we can do as we want. We feel no need to give reasons because in our eyes you deserve no reasons because you have failed us. We offer no information for you to consider and process because certainly amongst the lesser of our kind they do not know themselves why is has ended, but it had to. This is the way it has to be.  There are however reasons why you are discarded. These are those reasons.


  1. You Have Wised Up

You have worked out, usually as a consequence of some external assistance that we must provoke you and make you react in an emotional fashion. You may not entirely understand why this dynamic occurs, you may not realise why it is so important to us, but you know that we want to make you react and you have stopped doing so. You have learned to respond in a neutral fashion and thus deprive us of our fuel. We apply our machinations in a harsher fashion, increasing the pressure to cause you to react as we feed on our secondary sources in the meanwhile but your resistance is substantial. You have not walked away, perhaps you are unable for financial reasons, children or the inconvenience of seeking a new home, but you have turned off the tap and we realise that it is not going to be turned back on anytime soon. We do not want to be in this weakened state and we do not wish to apply the energy we need to finding or embedding a new primary source to be used up on trying to squeeze fuel from you. Thus you are dropped.


  1. The New Source Is in Place

We began our devaluation of you as we sought a replacement for you. This explains the repeated affairs and now we have settled on your replacement as a primary source of fuel. He or she has been seduced and embedded into our supply chain. We are confident that they are functioning well, pouring forth delicious positive fuel in significant quantities and in a reliable manner, far better than you ever did. We have been fuelled by your negative fuel but there is no longer any need to keep you in play now that we have our new bright and shiny plaything. On to the scrap heap you go. We will come back later for a hoover of course, but for now it is adios.


  1. You’re Broken

Although it may seem during devaluation that we are trying to destroy you, that is actually not the case. Yes, we are driving you downwards through our repeated application of horrible manipulations but we do not want to finish you off. Just like somebody’s head we are holding under water, we will let you surface spluttering and gasping for air, by way of a respite period before plunging you into the icy water once again and holding you under. In and out, up and down, push and pull. We will have you bouncing along the bottom but not destroyed. Sometimes we go too far and the avalanche of abuse takes its toll on you resulting in you becoming broken. You are left numb, barely functioning or even hospitalised as a consequence of a break down. You provide us with no reaction any longer. Unlike the first instance above, this is not by choice, but as a consequence of our behaviour breaking you. Knowing now that you will not provide us with any fuel, we show our callous nature by taking no interest in your broken state but instead we shift our focus to embedding the new prospect that we have been cultivating and drop you.


  1. Major Exposure

You may have us worked out but your shock and horror at this, along with your desire to actually try to help and change us, means you continue you to spill out fuel towards us. You have the knowledge but you are not using it effectively, so we see no reason to go elsewhere. You may be trying to tell other people about our terrible behaviours but we have got in first, launched the smear campaign and maintained the façade. It is business as usual. Occasionally however you might just outflank us and manage to tell other people what we are like before we can do anything about it. These people see some incontrovertible evidence that you have obtained (admittedly usually obtained when dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind) and take your side. News spreads and those people we thought we could rely on either turn their backs on us or worse take your side. The façade is crumbling. The fuel has stopped and the energy required to change people’s minds (with no guarantee of success) is too great. We have been exposed in a major fashion. Rather than face the music and allow ourselves to be destroyed we drop you like a stone, saddle up and ride out of town in order to find a new place which hasn’t heard about who we are.


  1. Wounding with Intent

You’ve brought your A game on this occasion. Not only do you know what we are, the revelations that you have been provided with have caused you to now understand how you can hurt us. You know to turn off the tap but you know how to obtain the ultimate revenge against us and your emotion-free criticisms are launched at us. These criticisms wound us repeatedly, burning and hurting us and with no way of getting fuel from you, we are being beaten. You have been well schooled by somebody and applying those learned lessons you are starting to attack the very pillars of our existence. We are under a serious attack and fighting back is not an option. We need to flee and quickly. We don’t want you any longer, we know we cannot succeed at this moment in time and therefore we need to beat a retreat and promptly. You don’t want to let us off the hook because you want answers and you want to punish us for what we have done to you. You are not going to end our connection. We are not going to hang around however and we will discard you as we beat that retreat so we can recover, replenish and then look to strike back at a later date when your guard may be down.


145 thoughts on “5 Reasons We Discard You”

  1. HG…….as arrogant as this blog is……….thank you for being willing to add to make it public. Number 5 is of particular interest to me. No. 5 wounding with intent. The cyclical nature of things eventually got to the point where I stated..…” you just want someone- -anyone to be with at night.” I tried and offered grace for the entire truth regarding infidelities- -the eventual ending was- -” I will call you at 8″ I reached out at 9 and stated are we going to talk tonight? The answer I got was “this is too much……I can’t give you what you want or need.” I then said enough is enough and sent her a screen shot of narc’s in relationship. I have been blocked and radio silence. I also told her I cannot deal with this hot and cold then being slammed. Her idea of “work” in a relationship is going to church where she is held in high esteem since she provide the dance scenes for Christmas and Easter. Her Ex reached out to me on FB and her response was not one of sorrow for putting me in this position yet she went to his house blasted him and blasted me for believing his story. She then told me “he” played me like a fiddle. Final text no conversation was “he” didn’t play me like a fiddle I was worked by someone I care about. Side note she also threatened self harm the one time I had enough of her behavior early on. Thoughts?

    1. It is not arrogant, merely correct and thank you for your appreciation.

      With regard to your personal situation, if you are wanting me to comment on the observations you have made this is a time consuming matter and therefore if best addressed through consultation.

  2. Pingback: Has The Narcissist Disengaged Or Is It A Silent Treatment? ⋆ NarcTopia | NarcTopia
  3. I’ve read through almost all of your blog now and you have perfectly described how my wife has treated me for the last 4 years. I am gobsmacked.
    I was love bombed to perfection. Then I was devalued to perfection.
    Discarded several times.
    I was discarded for the last time at the weekend.(She had already moved out earlier this year). We have been ‘dating’ each other for the last 3 months to save our marriage, at least I thought we were. Then, one minute she’s holding my hand on the sofa and we have just kissed and the next she walks out saying she has no feelings for me other than those of a friend. Then she was gone. I’ve not heard from her since.

  4. When I fled the long term marriage it was because he went bsc and threatened my life. I was so in love with the illusion of a wonderful but seemingly crazy relationship. After leaving and being away for over a year, unfortunately I still love his illusion of what was and how I failed and that’s why the relationship went down hill. All I could ask for several month was “why?”. I never found any counseling that came close to giving me even a sliver of understanding such as this site! It is harsh to read from the narc’s perspective, however, it’s a pleasant slap into reality of why written for anyone to understand. It may be harsh but for me it is oh so very therapeutic. Thank You! I’m beginning to understand in less than 24 hours what I couldn’t find in over a year!

    1. Corkie Marie,
      Continue reading HG’s books-they taught me so much. Consultations are the best-he is able to spell out all you need to continue on your journey! All the best and keep coming back it WORKS!

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